Chapter 31
I’ve spent the day avoiding Niko at all costs.
Not only has our kiss been playing on loop in my brain ever since it happened, but the awkward moment with the bracelet sits at the forefront of my mind too.
Add in the job offer in Denver, and I’m basically a mess.
The thing is, I don’t regret that kiss and I don’t think I want to take that job.
And the reality of it all scares the shit out of me.
After I woke up in Sophia’s bedroom, I ran to my apartment, changed, then met Hunter for breakfast. I then proceeded to show up unannounced at Lincoln and Ellie’s place where I swept my best friend away for a girls’ day. We hit up the bookstore, went to lunch, and got our nails done.
I’m well aware that I’m acting like a child, and Ellie tells me as much as we’re leaving the nail salon.
“You going to come over and hide from Niko all night, or are you gonna suck it up and head home now?”
I open the passenger door and climb in. I’m pretending I don’t hear her as I buckle my seat belt and wait for her to start driving. Unfortunately, my best friend doesn’t appear eager to go home because she has yet to start the car.
When I turn my head to ask her why we haven’t left yet, she’s completely turned in her seat, one leg folded under her.
“As much as I love you, Sadie…Lincoln and I rarely get a day off. And I’m not in the habit of enabling this type of behavior.”
My jaw drops and I gasp dramatically. “And what type of behavior would that be, Ellie?”
Ellie’s eyes narrow at me, her brows drawn tight—pure don’t-give-me-that energy radiating off her.
“Fine!” I relent. “Things have been…I don’t know—different between Niko and me ever since…” My words trail off because I just realized I never told Ellie what happened. She has no idea Niko and I kissed, and no idea that I think about it every single day.
“Ever since…” Ellie leans forward, waiting in anticipation for me to complete my thought.
I throw my hands in the air. “We kissed, okay? Things have been different ever since I climbed into Niko’s lap and he kissed me like I’ve never been kissed before.”
My best friend’s expression mixes between surprise and humor. Her eyes are wide, she’s a tad slack-jawed, and her brows are lifted. It’s like she was just hit with a plot twist she wasn’t ready for.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I say, while pointing a finger at her.
Ellie shakes her head slightly before laughing. “I’m sorry. I just was not expecting you to say that.”
Her words hang between us, but I’m not sure what to say so I shrug my shoulders and stay quiet.
“I’m confused. If the kiss was amazing, why are you avoiding him?”
I ask myself that question every day. But then the self-doubt creeps back in, and I’m back to where I started. Not wanting to dive into all of my baggage, I choose a different strategy.
“Um, you’re the one who urged me to take things slow. Kissing is not slow!” My voice raises more than I intend, but I’m still mad at myself for going there.
Ellie laughs.
Is she really laughing at me right now?
“Clearly you didn’t listen. Considering you moved in with him.”
I know she’s just poking fun at me but I’m not amused. “What else was I supposed to do? Niko needed help. You wanted to move in with Lincoln. I literally had no choice.”
Ellie regards me for a second, her face going from amused to sympathetic in the blink of an eye. “Sadie.”
I shake my head and lift my hand. “Just forget it, Ellie.”
She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “No. I’m not going to forget it. I know I put you in a difficult position, but I never meant to force you to move out. I was willing to help with the rent until you found a place of your own. If you’re uncomfortable at Niko’s, come stay with us.”
The thought of leaving Niko and Sophia’s hits like a punch to the gut.
Ellie’s offer should have been comforting but instead has my stomach twisting into knots.
Leaving Sophia, leaving him, has me feeling like I’m falling off a cliff.
My heart thuds against my ribs as if trying to tell her it’s a bad idea.
The idea of distance makes me feel sick but it confirms one thing.
I don’t want to take that job in Denver.
Not wanting Ellie to know just how terrible the idea of leaving them sounds to me, I choose to go the practical route. “Thanks, Ellie. But with Niko’s schedule, getting home so late and traveling, it just makes sense for me to stay there.”
Ellie nods. “Well, the offer stands. If after the season you need a place to stay, let me know.”
“Thanks.” Suddenly a new sense of dread fills me. I have no idea what I’m going to do after the season. This nanny gig was to help him during the playoffs. Will he need help during the summer? What about when school starts and preseason begins?
With so many unanswered questions, I decide it’s time to act like an adult.
“Can you take me home, please?”
Ellie smiles and then finally starts her car.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to say to Niko, but there are too many unknowns right now for me to stay quiet.
I need to know what’s next for me. I moved away from home as soon as I could, going to school across the country at age eighteen.
Ever since then, I’ve been trying to find my place.
I’m not sure when it happened, but my heart is telling me it’s time to slow down. Find where I belong.
I’m finally ready to plant some roots.
The closer we get to Niko’s house, the clearer it becomes. I think I want my roots intertwined with his, no matter how scary that thought may be. And I don’t know what to do with that information.
Niko’s car is in the garage when I get home but the house is empty. Maybe they went for a walk on the property. It’s a beautiful May afternoon so I decide to wait for them on the back patio.
I lie back on one of the lounge chairs and close my eyes.
The sun is warm on my cheeks and it brings a smile to my face.
It’s far enough into spring now that the weather is getting warmer and plants are in bloom.
I take a deep breath. The smell of fresh lilacs hits and my eyes snap open, looking for the source of the smell.
Just as I spot the lilac bushes lining the back of the houses, an engine roars in the distance. I put my hand over my eyes to block the sun. An ATV comes into view and my pulse begins to quicken.
Sophia is sitting in front of Niko, a purple helmet hiding her face from view.
If I had to guess, her smile is as wide as mine right now.
She holds the handles as she steers the four-wheeler, Niko’s hands resting just next to hers on the outside.
He is wearing a helmet too, a visor blocking his face.
They come to a stop just at the bottom of the patio. I stand and walk toward the stairs to meet them. Niko lifts Sophia off the ATV, and instead of rushing up to me like she usually does when she sees me, she hangs back and waits for her dad.
Huh. I wonder what that’s all about.
Niko removes his helmet first. His blond hair is a mess after their ride, and I’m itching to run my fingers through it to smooth it out. Next, he takes Sophia’s helmet off. He places them both on the seat of the four-wheeler then grabs Sophia’s hand.
Anxiety courses through my body as I take in the little girl walking up the steps, holding her dad’s hand. Her cheeks are blotchy and her eyes are red around the edges as if she’s been crying.
I look at Niko, concern washing over me.
She’s okay, he mouths silently.
His reassurance does little to make me feel better, but I put a smile on my face and squat down in front of Sophia.
“Hey, Sunshine. Did you have a fun day with your dad?”
Her lips curve at the edges, the tiniest of smiles playing on her lips. She leans in and hugs her dad’s leg but nods. “We had a picnic at the pond.”
I exaggerate my words to show how excited I am. “Oh my goodness! That sounds like so much fun! I didn’t even know you had a pond. Are there fish in there?”
My eyes glance up to Niko to see that he’s smiling now too. I look back at Sophia and the full-toothed smile she wears has me breathing easier.
“Yes! Sometimes we go fishing and I catch bluegill and bass!”
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly kids can bounce back from things. I’m happy that whatever had Sophia crying earlier is in the past. Her excitement over fish that I know nothing about has me laughing.
“Maybe we can go sometime.”
Sophia’s eyes light up. “Okay!”
Niko’s hand finds the top of Sophia’s head. “Sophia, can you go inside so I can talk to Sadie real quick? You can have a few minutes on your tablet if you’d like.”
Without a word, Sophia bounds into the house, clearly happy for the extra screen time her father is giving her. Me on the other hand, well, I’m nervous as hell. Yes, I did want to talk to Niko, but the fact that he wants to talk to me alone makes me feel uneasy.
“Is everything okay?”
Niko gestures to the lounge chair I was just resting in. I take a seat on the edge and he does the same on the chair next to mine. He stretches his legs out next to mine, his foot knocking against my leg in the process.
“Sophia told me what happened yesterday.”
Damn it. I wanted to be the one who told Niko what happened. I’m the adult. It’s my responsibility to keep him informed on what’s going on. But he got home late last night. And then there was the whole avoiding him thing today.
“I’m sorry. I messed up. I should’ve told you first thing this morning. It was wrong of me to—”
Niko reaches out and places his hand on my leg. “Hey. Stop. You did nothing wrong. Honestly, I’m glad Sophia felt safe enough to tell me what happened. A month ago she would’ve hidden her feelings from me. I have you to thank for her being open these days.”
The last thing he says shocks me. “Me?”
He removes his hand from my leg and I die a little inside. He chuckles and shakes his head at me. “You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”
I open my mouth to respond but no words come out. Honestly, I have a hard time believing him when he says it. When I finally find some words, they come out stuttered. “I—uh—I…I don’t know.”
Great. Real smooth, Sadie.
Embarrassed, I look down and focus on my hands in my lap. Niko reaches over again, this time lifting my chin with his forefinger.
“You are amazing, Sadie. We are so lucky to have you.”
His words hang between us, and I want to say something. Anything that won’t give away how much I’m trying not to feel more than I should. But my words fail me. Again.
Niko releases my chin and clasps his hands in front of him, his elbows resting on his thighs. “Speaking of having you…”
Thoughts of me straddling Niko flash through my mind.
“I was wondering what your plans were after the season.”
Oh. Having me as a nanny. Not having me.
I do my best to hide my disappointment but am grateful he brought this up. “Oh. Um, well, actually I was thinking about what comes next for me.”
Niko’s brow quirks up. “And?”
A ding chimes on my phone, stopping me before I can respond. I’m shocked to see a text from my youngest sister. We aren’t close but of all my siblings, she’s the only one who sometimes reaches out. The rest don’t care to check in at all. Getting a text from Willow is still unusual.
I hold a finger up to Niko. “One second. I need to check this.”
“Of course.” He leans back onto his hands and turns his attention to his property, giving me space to check my phone.
I swipe my phone open and am shocked when I see a picture of her holding up her hand to the camera, a giant diamond ring glittering in the sun.
Willow
Hey Sadie. I know it’s been a while but I’M ENGAGED! Our families are throwing us an engagement party this weekend. I know it’s last minute and you’re out in Denver, but we’d love to see you. I’ll send you the details below. Please think about it and let me know. Xoxo.
It’s just like her, and my family, to wait until the last minute to tell me something.
There’s no way they just planned this party.
I’m sure it’s been in the works for weeks.
I guarantee they don’t think I’ll even show up but wanted to save face by throwing out an invite.
Hell, they don’t even know I’ve moved to Green Bay because they don’t care to keep up with my life.
I’ve long since stopped putting in the effort to keep them updated.
Why would I when, every time I fill them in, they tell me I’m wasting my time being a yoga instructor?
I’m not surprised by this text but it doesn’t mean it still doesn’t sting.
The thought of attending this party and seeing my family sends me into a tailspin.
I’m pretty sure I haven’t even spoken to my parents since Christmas.
They only check in on holidays. Last year they even forgot my birthday.
But this is my baby sister we’re talking about.
Of all my siblings, she’s the one I took care of the most. She still holds a piece of my heart from all those years ago.
My breathing becomes shaky and I hold my hand to my chest, trying to focus on my breathing.
What the heck am I going to do?