Chapter 2
CHAPTER TWO
ALEX OPENS THE DOOR TO the Health Science Department, gesturing for me to enter first. As I cross the threshold, a shrill screech emerges from the cart skidding behind me on the polished linoleum tiles.
The cart Rita so generously bestowed upon me.
The one that’s probably a relic from when the university was founded seventy years ago.
“That sounds like a cat dying in an alley,” Alex says, examining the wonky wheel. He’s not wrong. We trek down the dimly lit hall, the only natural lighting coming from the glass door behind us.
By the time we reach the internal office window, a second wheel has joined in the harsh chorus, the ominous solo now a haunting duet.
The coordinator peers at me over her glasses. “I was wondering who was making that racket.”
Alex steps up behind me and flashes her a smile that could melt the panties off a nun. “Hi, Rita.”
She giggles like a preteen even though she’s got to be pushing sixty. “Looks like you’ve been enjoying the outdoors, Alex.”
I suppress my eye roll. Stealthily, I glance to my right. His sleeves are rolled up just below his elbows, revealing perfectly sun-kissed forearms.
“And, June,” Rita says sweetly. I bring my focus back to her. “It looks like you haven’t left the library.”
Thanks, Rita. Love you, too.
“Yes, well, that’s where the air conditioning is.”
“About that …” Her face twists in a wince. “You’re in the HS-2 building. AC’s broken there.”
Broken?
I take a measured breath and brace my hands on the counter. “It’s ninety-seven degrees outside.”
She ducks under the desk—in her abundantly air-conditioned office—and produces a fan the size of a Coke can. “They issued one of these for each room in the meantime.”
My nose wrinkles as I reach for the puny device. “It’s so—”
“Small?” She crosses her arms over the window ledge. “June, you of all people should know it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion in the ocean.”
“Why should I know that?”
Alex leans down to my level, his breath caressing the shell of my ear. “I think she’s saying you have a small dick, but you know how to use it.”
Irritation claws up my neck. Before I can stop myself, I bump him with my hip.
Way to go, June. You’re officially ten years old again.
Alex rolls his lips to hide his smirk.
“We’ve all missed you around here,” Rita says, nudging the fan toward him. I reach for it, but he beats me to it, tucking it securely under his arm. “How was this year’s medical mission?”
“Peru was beautiful. We got a lot of kids vaccinated.”
Something unfurls in my chest. His first medical mission was during his sophomore year of college. Back when he still lived next door. Before things changed. Before I opened my stupid mouth and—
“Well, we’re glad to have you back.” Rita’s voice cuts through my thoughts. She adjusts her glasses, then looks over both shoulders. “Did you two hear about Nicole?”
Alex and I exchange a questioning glance.
“No,” I say. “What about her?”
With a long sigh, Rita says, “I’ll let Dr. Padilla fill you in. Speaking of …” She scoots her swivel chair out of sight, and the door to the office swings open. “She wants to see you right away. Said it’s urgent.”
“Me?” I ask.
“Both of you.”
My stomach bottoms out. I was only stopping by to get my keys, and now, not only does my department chair want to see me, she wants to see me and Alex? Together?
“After you,” Alex says, completely unfazed.
But I’m frozen. “What do you think she wants?”
“Isn’t it obvious? She heard you spilled all your naughty toys in front of the incoming first years.” He clicks his tongue. “Not good, January. Not good.” He brushes past me and heads into the office.
I attempt to follow him, but my legs are cemented to the floor.
That can’t be it.
Can it?
Of all the ways to lose my tenure.
My fingers quiver as I do a quick Google search of the campus hashtag to see if any videos have been posted to social media in the past twenty minutes.
To my relief, nothing has been uploaded in the last week.
Of course Alex was fucking with me. That’s the only mode he has.
And after all these years, it’s still active.
I square my shoulders and march into the office. I will not be ruffled.
“Took you long enough,” Alex says, idly scrolling on his phone as he leans against the wall. “You get lost?”
I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.
We navigate the maze of internal hallways until we reach the Chair’s open door.
“Alex, June.” Dr. Padilla glances at us over her monitor, then removes her glasses.
She rises from her desk and smooths down her burgundy pantsuit.
“Please take a seat.” Once Alex and I are situated, she returns to her executive chair.
“We’ve had a bit of a staffing change,” she says, brushing her dark bangs out of her eyes.
“Due to budget cuts, part-time faculty have been downsized across the campus. We had to let Nicole go.”
My sharp gasp fills the room. “But she’s been here five years. The students love her!”
Dr. Padilla tightens her lips. “I’m afraid this decision was purely financial. Despite the outstanding feedback she receives every semester, she only teaches one class, and unfortunately it costs more to employ a part-time lecturer than to assign it to someone else already under contract.”
My stomach sinks. This gives them incentive to deny my tenure. If it gets approved, not only will I get a raise—I’ll be untouchable. Why would they grant it when they could easily hire a new probationary instructor and make them suffer six years like they did me?
No. Damage control. “Do you need me to cover the class? It’s no problem, I’m happy to help.”
“I wish it was that easy,” Dr. Padilla says, looking between us. “But you’re at capacity, June. All of our faculty are. That’s why I’ve asked you both in here.”
My throat goes dry.
She slides a Perspectives on Human Sexuality textbook across the oak desk. “We need you to cover the class, Alex.”
I snap my gaze to him. Alex doesn’t teach sex. He’s a numbers guy—disease outbreaks, incidence rates, prevalence maps.
With a slow blink, he says, “I’m sorry, what?”
“I know it’s a big ask,” she says, nudging the book closer, “but we’re in a bit of a jam. Nicole’s class is a full house—forty-five students. I’m afraid this is our only option.”
He frowns at the thick hardcover, then brings his focus back to Dr. Padilla. “I’m already teaching epidemiology and biostatistics this semester.”
She grimaces. “You’ll be teaching those in addition to the human sexuality class. Your contract allows up to three classes.”
There goes his cakewalk.
“But I’ve never taught this class before.” He tilts forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “The semester starts next week. I don’t even have a syllabus.”
Dr. Padilla straightens in her chair. “That’s why June’s here.”
Me?
She smiles, looking between us. “She’ll be your mentor.”
Oh, god. I spent the last few years avoiding Alex just to be assigned as his mentor? For sex?
His jaw ticks, his hands clenching into fists. Looks like he’s just as thrilled as I am.
“I know it’s not ideal,” she continues, “but you’re in good hands, Alex. June’s a great teacher. The students love her.” My cheeks warm at the compliment. Dr. Padilla waits for Alex to acknowledge the statement, and when he doesn’t, she taps her pen on the wooden desk. “Is there a problem?”
Alex huffs a long sigh. “No. No problem.”
“Good.” She brings her focus to me. “June, as I’m sure you’re aware, this is your last semester before your tenure review.”
My skin prickles. She wants to talk about this now? With Alex here?
I squirm in the seat, but before I can protest, she says, “In order to ensure you’re approved, we need to make sure all the requirements are in place. We can’t give them any reason to deny you.”
Well, at least she’s being proactive.
So am I—I’ve gone through the requirements more times than I can count, and I’m right on track.
“I’ve got all my supporting documentation, my narrative statement, my evaluations …” I tick the items off on my fingers. “And in the last year, I’ve had three articles published.”
Check, check, and check.
She slips her glasses back on and scans her computer screen. “Yes, I have those on file. Excellent start.”
Excellent start? My eye twitches. Does she have any idea how hard it is to get published at all these days, let alone three times in a year?
But fine. She wants more? I’ve got more. “I’m the faculty adviser for the undergraduate Health Science Student Association. They hosted four fundraisers this year.”
She crosses her legs and leans back in her chair. “I think it would really wow the committee if you did something bigger than the department.”
I swallow my scream. I’ve just laid all my cards down. I’ve got nothing left. Actually, that’s not true. I have one last ace up my sleeve. At least I had one.
“Nicole and I were planning to put on a campus-wide event this semester. It was going to be a festival, but with a safe sex theme. A Sextival, if you will.”
But Nicole is gone, so there goes that.
When I bring my gaze back to Dr. Padilla, her eyes are practically glowing. “Sextival.” She begins typing furiously. “What a fabulous idea.”
I arch an eyebrow. “But I can’t do it without Nicole.”
“Alex can help you,” she says, still tapping away on the keys.
She has got to be shitting me. I haven’t spoken to Alex Cardoso in well over a decade, and now, not only am I his personal mentor, but we have to coordinate an event together? Today keeps getting better and better.
A barely audible rumble comes from Alex. Was that a growl?
Apparently the feeling is mutual.
With a final click of her mouse, Dr. Padilla takes off her glasses and turns back to both of us. “I have a feeling you two will be a dream team.”
A dream team? This is a fucking nightmare.
“One last thing.” Dr. Padilla rests her elbows on the desk, steepling her fingers. “Since you’ll be working so closely together, we thought it would make things easier if the two of you moved into the same office. That way, you won’t need to reserve any extra conference rooms to collaborate.”
What is this, an episode of Black Mirror? What’s she going to say next, there’s only one chair? Should I just sit directly on his lap? Why doesn’t he move into my spare bedroom while we’re at it? Then we can carpool, too.
Dr. Padilla slides two keys across the desk, looking between us as if she can sense our annoyance. “You two are going to make magic. I can feel it.”
I’m glad she can. Because all I feel is dread.
She lifts her eyebrows. When we still don’t respond, she crosses her arms and shoots me a pointed look. “I hate to break it to you, but if you don’t pull this off, you’re going to have a tough time in your tenure review. The president is looking for reasons to deny people.”
At those words, I snap into action like a marionette.
“We won’t let you down.” I nudge Alex’s foot with mine and he manages a slight nod.
We collect our keys, and after we leave the department office, we shrivel like two deflating balloons.
How are we going to get through an entire semester? In the same office, no less.
Though I don’t have any choice but to make it work. If this fails, there goes my tenure. Not to mention six years of grunt work.
I clear my throat. “I was thinking—”
“Just give me a copy of your syllabus,” he says, continuing on through the quad. He hasn’t even glanced at me since leaving the department office. “I’ve got it from here.”
Ex-fucking-scuse me?
He may think he’s got it, but if he botches this, he doesn’t have anything on the line. He finished his degree; they can’t revoke it. Unlike me, whose tenure is now tethered to his success.
Or failure.
“I don’t think so,” I say with an incredulous scoff. “I’m your boss.”
He stops cold, lifting a hand. “First of all, August, you are not my boss. If anything, you’re a glorified babysitter.
And I don’t need one. I’m perfectly capable of handling this myself.
” He begins power-walking through the quad, muttering under his breath, and I have to hustle to keep up, the wobbly cart teetering behind me.
Dear lord, please don’t let this bin fall again.
“Um, I absolutely am your boss, and I’m going to micromanage the shit out of you. My tenure depends on it.”
“How hard can it be to teach sex?”
“Oh, you think it’s easy?”
I’m used to being dismissed by other faculty, especially the business bros, but it stings coming from Alex.
“I mean …” He shrugs, still soldiering on. “It’s sex.”
I roll my eyes. “It’s not just sex, Alex. It’s not a how-to class. There’s a lot to cover.”
“I’ll be fine.” He reaches the HS-2 building and yanks the door open, but this time, he lets it fall behind him.
Ass.
He’s halfway down the hall by the time I get through the doorway with my cart. “Look, you heard her. If you fuck up, it affects both of us.”
Ignoring me, he thrusts the key into the lock of our new office and swings open the door, then drops his messenger bag on the desk. He flips open the textbook, and it lands on a display of the male reproductive system.
“Oh look,” he says sardonically. “It’s a giant dick. Never seen one of those before.”
“Can’t say I’m surprised.”
He glares at me and slams the book shut.
Looks like I struck a nerve. Good.
“Tell you what. You want to pretend you know it all? Take my midterm. Get a hundred percent—” I smile, leaning against the desk. “Actually, you know what? Get seventy. Seventy percent, and I’ll walk away. You teach your class, and I’ll teach mine.”
“Great.” He drops into the chair and rifles through his bag until he finds a pen, then holds out his hand. “Let me have it.”
Oh, I’ll let him have it, all right.
I pop the lid off the box and scour through my formerly organized files, now in complete disarray. After a few minutes, I locate the seven-page exam and extend it to him. “Oh, and Alex?” I say sweetly.
He lifts his eyebrows in response.
“It’s not multiple choice.”
Alex flips through page after page of short answer questions, fill-in-the-blanks, and intricate diagrams. My students don’t get to guess their way through my tests. I want to know if they really learned the material.
The smugness vanishes from his face. “Seriously, what kinds of questions are these? Do you have an eighty percent failure rate? How the hell am I supposed to just know what the Cowper’s gland does?”
“These are human sexuality questions. And most of my students pass with flying colors.” I lean down and pat him on the shoulder. “I’m that good.”
He scrubs his hand over his face, and when he looks up at me, there’s something unmistakable in his eyes.
Defeat.
“All right, April.” He relinquishes the test with a resigned sigh. “Where do we start?”
“With less than a week before the semester begins? I’m going to call in the whole brigade.”