Chapter 9 #2
He moved closer, and I still didn’t move. “Can I touch you?” he asked quietly, eyes pleading with me.
“Yes,” I whispered, heart kicking my ribs like it wanted to break free.
He pulled his hands from his pockets slowly, closing the gap between us.
When his hands touched my waist, every nerve in my body came alive.
His arms wrapped around me, pulling me close to his chest. He let out a breath, as if touching me was the one thing he needed.
My cheek rested against his chest, and I could hear his heart beating as hard as mine.
For a moment, it didn’t feel like we were broken.
We were just Zani and Dev… in our own bubble away from everything that could destroy us.
When I wrapped my arms around him, he dropped his head to my shoulder, holding me tighter.
Neither of us moved or made a sound. I didn’t realize how much I needed him to hold me.
How much I’d missed being in his arms until now.
This used to be my safety and my calm. I could forget the world and fall into him.
But right now, we were in an emotional war. For me, how long I could stay away from the man I loved, and for him, if he could be patient enough for me to come back to him on my own. I wanted to pull away, but I knew he didn’t want to let me go. But if I wanted to stay strong, I had to.
I pulled away slowly, taking a step back, and looked up at him. His hand rose, gently touching my face. I closed my eyes at his tender touch.
“You don’t even know how much I miss you,” he whispered.
His hand moved, and my eyes fluttered open.
I gave him an hour… but now I want more time.
“Come on,” he said, gently grabbing my hand. “I got one more thing for you.”
He led me back into the kitchen and opened the microwave. It was food from Obsidian Yard. I stood there, smiling, but my heart hurt. How could a man be so intentional, love me the way he did, be attentive and soft with me, spoil me, but still be capable of deceiving me?
“I know we don’t have enough time to sit down,” he said, glancing at his watch. “I don’t want to waste my last twenty minutes tryna do too much. I can take you home.”
It hurt him to say it. I could tell by how stiff his body was. But it hurt me, too, because I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to. If I wanted him to take me seriously, I had to stand on everything I said.
“Thank you for dinner… and the house,” I said, smiling softly.
“Whatever you need, Dev.”
He grabbed my hand, but I stalled, gripping his hand tighter.
I opened my mouth to say something but stopped.
Now wasn’t the time to fold, no matter how much I wanted to tell him I wanted more of him.
I knew he could feel what I wanted to say, just by the way he was looking at me, but he wasn’t taking advantage of it.
“Come on, baby. I have to take you home,” he said, raising my hand to his lips.
He led me back through the house, and I took it all in one more time. I could tell that he’d studied me. Down to the finishes, the flooring, even the lighting. He really did design this house specifically for me.
Outside, he helped me into his truck, placing my food on my lap. His eyes lingered on me for a second, then he closed the door. The ride to my place was so quiet. Neither of us wanted to say the wrong thing to ruin the progress we were making. We didn’t even look at each other.
When he pulled up in front of my building, he glanced at me, then got out to open my door. As he walked around to the passenger side, I knew I was about to do something I might regret, but if my gut feeling was right, he wouldn’t take it any further.
The door swung open, and he grabbed my hand to help me out. My heart thudded as he walked me to the door. Everything slowed down as I climbed the steps. Before I lost the nerve, I turned around, closed the gap between us, and pressed my lips against his.
At first, his body went still, trying to register what was happening. Like he was deciding if he should stop me. But when he realized I wasn’t pulling away, he pulled me closer. His hands stayed around my waist, holding me tight.
Letting go was torture, but I knew I had to. When I did, he stared down at me, heart beating just as fast as mine.
“I love you,” he said, stepping away slowly and shoving his hands in his pockets.
“I love you, too,” I said softly. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
He watched me walk into my building. Even as I stood, waiting for the elevator, he was still standing there watching me. When I stepped onto the elevator and the door closed, I exhaled, finally feeling like I was able to breathe.
As much as I knew I needed to stay away from him, I missed him already. And that scared me more than anything. When I got inside, I took off all my clothes and fell into bed. No matter how much space I put between us, it only took one look at him to pull me right back in.
The control I thought I had was nonexistent when it came to Azani. We had ten months to get on the same page, and for the first time since finding out the truth, I felt like we had a real chance. And that scared me just as much as losing him did.