Chapter 10
—VIVIAN HEATHROW
This was the fifth year my family had spent the summer with the Stone family. My father, Victor Silverman, and Alfred Stone were best friends. The sun had finally set, but everybody was still lively, dancing, drinking, and singing off-key.
The music played loudly from the radio near the deck, but it didn’t block out the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.
“I’m so in love with you….” Al Green’s voice carried over everyone else’s. I swayed back and forth, pretending I was listening to the music when really, I was waiting to see if Alonzo would show up. He’d been gone since earlier today because we got into an argument.
Alonzo was my first kiss. He was my first love—my first everything.
I walked back to the cooler to grab another Coke, then in the distance, I heard an engine rumbling, and I knew it was him. So, I waited. Stuck in place, just waiting to see his face. When he rounded the corner, his eyes met mine almost immediately—like he’d been waiting for me too.
He looked less angry than he did earlier. His skin was smooth, and he was darker from being in the sun all day. The copper-colored shirt he wore had the first few buttons open. The gold chain I bought him lay on his chest, shining even in the darkness.
Alonzo was the air that I breathed, even though we were both promised to other people. That was one thing I constantly reminded Alonzo of, but he didn’t care. He wanted to find a way for us to be together.
I knew my father would never agree to it. He already had so much money tied up with the Heathrows. The arrangement was made when I was ten, and my intended, Reagan, was twelve.
He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t step fully into the yard. He just tilted his head slightly, like he always did when he wanted me to follow him. And I did. The further I walked toward him, the quieter my surroundings got.
The music faded, and the crashing of the waves got louder.
Someone called my name as I passed by, but I ignored them.
All I wanted was to be alone with Alonzo.
We’d done this since we were sixteen and seventeen.
Slipping away, thinking nobody would notice.
But they had. They just led us to believe we were sneaky enough to pull it off.
When I made it around the house, Alonzo stood there waiting for me. When our eyes met, he walked to me slowly, pressed my back against the house, and kissed me like our families weren’t just around the corner.
“Lonni,” I gasped, pulling away. “What are you doing?”
“Kissing you,” he said, low and deep against my lips. “I don’t care no more, Vivi… I don’t want to hide us. I love you.”
Then, his lips were back on mine, and this time, I didn’t fight it. I let him kiss me, wrap his arms around me, and hold me close. When he finally pulled back, he smiled at me like my head wasn’t spinning. My heart raced from the thought of getting caught. We shouldn’t have done that here.
“Come with me. Somewhere we can be alone,” he said.
I should have said no. I should have turned around and gone back to my family. He should have gone with me. Play the part, pretend for them, and get prepared to be married off to people we didn’t love.
But my twenty-year-old heart didn’t see it that way. And he didn’t either at twenty-one. So, I grabbed his hand, climbed into his Mustang, and we drove off. We didn’t come back until the sun was rising that morning. Slipped back into our parents’ houses like nothing ever happened.
We were both left with a memory of our love that we never got a chance to hold that night. One that would haunt us forever.
Fifty-some odd years later, that night still lingers on my mind. How in love we were. How reckless Alonzo was and how hard he fought for us to be together. But it didn’t work. We were forced into marriages and lives we didn’t choose for ourselves. Now, my granddaughter was facing the same fate.
I had so many regrets in life, but this may have been my biggest one. Betraying her heart when I could have told the truth. Keeping her from experiencing a pain that I knew too well. Love and life snatched from you will change you in ways you never thought possible.
Alonzo was back in the States, and I asked me to meet me. As a woman of my mature age, you would think butterflies would be a thing of the past. But not when it came to Alonzo. That never died, and I was sure that I’d go to my deathbed, still loving that man.
Teeny’s was an old bar that Alonzo still owned.
He bought this place back in ’72. It held so many memories for us.
Some I wish I could forget. I sat at the bar, swirling my Scotch around in my glass, waiting.
He wasn’t late; I was early. I needed a minute to remind myself that I was married, and we were here to talk about our grandchildren. Our story ended in ’76.
When the door swung open, I didn’t need to look up; I knew it was Lonni. I sipped my drink once more, and his smooth voice carried straight to my ears.
“Still beautiful as ever, Vivi…”
I closed my eyes for a second because there were some things time didn’t have the decency to take away.
But if I was going to get through this conversation, I needed to put my own feelings aside.
I turned to him, and Lonni was still very much himself.
Smooth, quiet, controlled power, and handsome. That would never change.
“How are you, Alonzo? It’s been some time. Come… have a drink with me.”
This was the way I had to handle him. Fifty years later, I still felt like that same young girl with a dream that I’d run off with my Prince Charming. He sat beside me, pushing his stool closer on purpose. The bartender poured him a glass and refilled mine, then disappeared to the back.
We sat in silence, sipping slowly, trying to get reacquainted with each other’s energy.
His energy always overpowered mine. As strong and assertive as I was, there was something about him that always made me lower my guard.
I could be vulnerable without judgment. Ask for help and receive it without feeling like I’d owe him something later.
“Devyn is still not speaking to me, Lonni. She won’t even take my calls,” I said quietly, staring straight ahead.
“Hm,” he hummed, leaning closer to me. “She gets it from you. She’s a lot like you, Viv.” He laughed low in his chest, sipping his drink.
“I’m serious, Lonni. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me.” My chest tightened, thinking about going to my grave without fixing this.
He turned his body toward me, but I stayed facing forward. Looking him in the eye would be too much.
“Look at me, Vivian,” he said, touching my arm. “Turn around and face me. You’re not going to ask me to fly across the ocean to be here for you, and I can’t even look you in the eyes.”
I closed my eyes, sighed, then turned around slowly to face him. “Is that better?” I asked, straightening my posture.
“Best view I’ve seen in a long time,” he said lowly, leaning closer. “More freckles, too. Stop trying to cover them up.”
I shook my head and laughed. “I hate them… and you know it.” I avoided the intensity in his eyes and closed mine. “I just want my girl back, Lonni. I miss her.”
He grabbed my hand, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. We sat there and allowed ourselves to have this moment. I hadn’t been alone with Alonzo in years, and in that moment, I remembered why.
I was too comfortable in his presence. My heart knew him and recognized him. Not in a ‘this is the past’ way, rather in a ‘this is still ours, even if it’s not’ way. But I still let him hold my hand—didn’t even attempt to pull away.
“What did you expect? She feels betrayed. I told you when she went to college you should have told her. When she met Syncere, I told you again. You didn’t listen to me. You thought your way was the only way, so I stayed out of it.”
I sighed again, knowing what I did was wrong. If I had done what I was supposed to do, she wouldn’t have had to endure losing Syncere and Sevyn. She may not have been happy, but she would have been spared the knowledge of what that loss felt like.
“How do I get her back?” I whispered, voice cracking because I finally felt safe enough to release.
“Give her time. Let her come to you, because, eventually, she will. And when she does, tell her about us. Tell her what we lost,” he said, grabbing my other hand. “Give her the whole truth. You owe her that much. It’s the same truth I owe Azani.”
“But what if she doesn’t come to me?”
“She will,” he said quickly. “She loves you, Vivi. She’s just hurting. Take a moment to think about how you would feel. You can’t control or force healing. It has to come naturally. You know this.”
Silent tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared back at Alonzo.
He reached up, wiping my cheeks gently. I was so tired of being the strong one.
Always holding my family together, always being the one to make sacrifices, and never having anywhere to lay my fears.
Alonzo would have never let this be my life.
“I know,” I said, smiling softly. “Patience has never been my strong suit.”
He chuckled, then brought my hands to his lips to kiss. “Never, but if you do this right, you’ll have her back. Y’all can have your little lunch dates she bragged about. Everything’s going to be okay. I know it is.”
I knew I couldn’t sit here much longer with Alonzo.
It wouldn’t be appropriate. Even this meeting was inappropriate.
But at this point, I was desperate. I’d go where I was loved fully and unconditionally, not where I was only loved enough.
I glanced at the clock on the wall, and I knew our time was up.
When I looked at him, he knew it too. He grabbed my hands tighter as if he couldn’t let go, but he had to, and so did I.
“Is my time up, Vivi?” he asked, holding my eyes with his.
“It is,” I whispered. “Thank you for coming.”
“Whatever you need, you know you can call me, right?”
“Yes,” I choked. “I know.”