Chapter 13
Candace
Fun fact: I’ve never missed anyone like I miss Nat.
Her presence was everywhere on Saturday.
The boombox never got put away, and the girls spent most of Sunday running through their CDs, discussing which album she’d like and which she’d think was trash.
My silk pillowcases smelled like her, even though she used my body wash.
How is it that she could be here less than forty-eight hours and leave such an impact?
Are we so broken that we’d take any kind of attention?
The sharp light shining from my phone screen burns my eyes after staring at it for far too long.
Trying to think of something clever to text Nat is harder than I thought.
Not only do I not have a catchy fact or one-liner, I also don't have a good apology for throwing her out over the weekend. Of course, I didn’t sleep more than an hour, plenty of time to run through our interactions and everything I did wrong.
An author could make a pretty penny publishing a book filled with all the things I’ve ruined recently.
“Nat said there’s a new Taking Back Sunday album coming soon. Maybe we can go with her to buy it.” The girls go back and forth during our morning drive to school.
She’s infiltrated all of us, although it’s fast, she feels like the missing puzzle piece in our sad, new life.
The confusing part is, she’s just a friend.
My sister will stay days on end, and when she leaves the house, it is never in disarray, and neither are we.
Thoughts of her in the shower creep in like they’ve done most of the weekend, leaving me no choice but to shake them off and blame my perimenopause hormones.
Betty’s outside waving at all the parents, like it’s her full-time job. “Good morning, Candace. How great to see you all dressed and on time.” I don’t miss her subtle jab at my parenting, as I sweetly smile and wave back at her.
“Nat!” Kate yells, jumping out of the car before I’ve parked. My heart leaps out of my chest when I see the woman my daughters are chasing, and I want to be just like them and run to her.
She’s in a long black silk skirt that would touch the floor if it weren’t for her platform boots.
Her dark hair is piled high in a ponytail, and she wears a white band shirt with a name I don’t recognize.
Obviously, my excited pre-teens do, because they’re pointing to it with so much vigor you’d think they were the lead singers.
Her makeup is heavy today, with a dark winged liner and cherry red lipstick.
She’s stunning, and without realizing it, I stare at her longer than I should, not paying attention to the cars around me.
“Candace!” Betty shrieks, and I lose my train of thought. “You’re holding up the line. You’re supposed to drop off your girls and then drive away. My goodness, did you also lose brain cells in the divorce?”
The reason I zoned out this morning, strolls into our office, an iced coffee in hand.
It’s obviously not the first time I’ve seen her, however, it is the first time I’m truly seeing her.
Those juicy red lips pucker as she takes a sip of coffee, and my body trembles, imagining them against mine.
What is going on with me? Is this a woman’s midlife crisis?
Instead of buying a candy red sports car and purging my savings in Vegas, I’m fantasizing about a younger woman.
Betty starts us off, reminding us of the rentals needing to be picked up and who’s in charge of chaperoning. Her words go in one ear and out the other, while I attempt to pull my attention away from Natalie. She’s alternating between texting and scrolling through photos on her digital camera.
“I made you brownies,” I whisper. This is so stupid. I feel like I’m a high school student all over again, trying to get the attention of the much cooler, more popular boy, but this time, I want the attention of a girl.
“Did you get permission from your mom first?” she snaps without looking away from her phone.
“Ladies, sorry to interrupt.” Betty slams her fist against the table like she’s suddenly a judge. “Do you two need a minute alone, or can I carry on?”
“Nobody’s listening to you anyway. We’ve heard this speech like a thousand times,” Natalie deadpans.
“It amazes me you haven't been fired yet, young lady. The amount of disrespect is astonishing.” Betty’s freshly manicured nails dig into the wooden table.
I can’t hold back my smile as Nat turns her attention to Betty. “It amazes me that someone married you after seeing what a bridge troll you are. Did you hide this part of your personality with all the makeup you sell?”
Betty’s dark eyes glare in my direction when I laugh under my breath at Nat’s comments.
“So.” Nat faces me, giving Betty the cold shoulder. “You have something for me?”
Heat rises from my chest up my throat as all the women stare at us, and we’re no longer in our own bubble. “Um, I…”
“Go outside, both of you,” Betty interrupts, arms crossed, looking like a tyrant.
“Okay.” I grab my Tupperware in one hand and reach for Nat with the other.
Normally, I’d apologize profusely and spend the rest of the hour silently going over how to behave correctly.
Today, there’s a fire brewing inside of me, and I couldn’t care less about setting up for homecoming.
I’ll get it done beautifully, but in the meantime, I’m skipping this meeting for a private one with Nat.
“Look at you being the rebel, that’s gonna cost you later.” She effortlessly leans against the wall behind us.
“I don’t care about them.” My head is moving as fast as my heart, which is beating out of my chest. The words are on my tongue but aren’t forming, and I’m just waiting to say something stupid.
She eyes me suspiciously while I pull out the chocolate brownies. “Are these apology brownies or pity brownies for breaking up our friendship?”
“Apology brownies,” I hurry out before she can continue. “I’m not breaking up anything, I’m so sorry. I never should’ve let you leave like that. It’s just that I never recovered from my parents’ unexpected visit, and then everything with Mrs. Henderson.”
Her eyes never leave mine as I trail off, going through every detail of the weekend.
How poorly I slept, my brain never settled, even after taking a pill and counting hundreds of sheep.
I spilled the girls cereal, stubbed my toe while putting shoes on.
Everything that could go wrong did. It was the universe punishing me.
Gentle hands caress my own, calming down my erratic thoughts. "Everyone needs to seriously remove themselves from your ass, and you could use some thicker skin. But if you keep making me treats, I’ll have no reason to stay away from your crazy house.”
There’s no point in hiding the ridiculous grin slowly spreading across my face. “So, I was thinking. Maybe, if you wanted to, you could come over early, and we could get ready for the dance together.”
“On one condition.”
“Anything,” I blurt out, desperate for her to accept my apology.
“I get to spy on you in the shower this time.” My arm tingles when she gives it one last squeeze before turning around and heading to the parking lot, skipping the rest of the meeting. What just happened? More than that, what’s been happening?
Standing alone in the school hallway leaves me with a big decision. Go back in and endure the wrath of Betty and her minions, or turn away and go home. Despite being the president, I give myself a free pass and head to get a honey vanilla latte and see what’s new at my favorite boutiques.