Chapter 31
Candace
Sharing the white marble vanity inside this gorgeous suite with Nat seems so natural.
We’ve gotten ready a few times at my house, and it's now a comfort I’ve grown to love and look forward to.
Having another woman here with me, chatting about makeup and fashion and all the things we have in common, reminds me there’s a friendship side to our relationship, something I didn’t have with my ex.
Even if her routine differs vastly from mine, we have this flow and a natural chemistry.
Each of us grabs a brush or a lip liner, occasionally bumping elbows or reaching for the other’s blush palette.
“The show starts in about an hour. How much longer do you need to finish your hair?” I ask, looking over at her unbrushed hair.
“I’m not doing anything fancy, probably throwing it up in a clip.” I’ve been curling my hair for the better part of forty minutes. It’ll no doubt go flat by the time we get there. Meanwhile, Nat will look like a supermodel who spent the day with a glam team.
“What? Why are you staring?” she teases, catching me admiring her.
“Just a little jealous. You casually throw on a perfect winged liner, put your hair in a messy bun, and throw on some ripped jeans, and you’re stunning, like runway-worthy. I have to put in hours of work to look semi-presentable.”
“Don’t be jealous that I’m a slob. It took years to grow my hair out just so I could throw it up and forget about it.
You’re the one who stands out in a crowd.
You’re twenty times hotter than I am. Now let’s get moving before I lock us both in here for the night,” she warns, seductively eyeing me up and down.
Grabbing my clutch, I take one more look in the mirror, mostly satisfied with my scandalous outfit, and we head out.
Okay, I'm exaggerating. This look is only scandalous for me, a snug black dress that barely hits my knees paired with a black leather jacket I borrowed from Nat.
The kitten heels I borrowed from Court take me right back to my twenties again, sneaking into clubs.
“Stop over-analyzing, you look great,” Nat scolds from behind me as she puts on her own pink jacket covered in silver studs. She looks like the lead singer of the band, even though this band is all men, I think.
“The singer is the one who named his daughter Apple, right?” I ask nervously as we brave the winter air, making our way to the small concert hall.
“Yeah, his name’s Chris, and I think he’s probably known more for his band,” she jokes.
Our seats are perfect, far in the back corner, not that it matters much because this place is twice the size of the venue where we saw The Postal Service.
Fans swarm to their seats while the band sets up.
Apparently, this isn’t just Coldplay we’re experiencing, as Nat calls it.
There’s a bunch of musicians I'll be seeing for the first time. To be honest, every night is an experience with her. I never thought I’d be the type to join thousands of people, all wanting to listen to live music together.
The lights dim, everyone screams, and my heart leaps out of my throat.
Nights like this will always be my favorite date night.
Something about the melody and lyrics hitting so close to home reassures me I’m not the first person to be in a new blossoming relationship.
Goosebumps cover my arms as a familiar song begins, and I allow the bass to consume me.
Nat’s hand finds mine, and our fingers dance.
Bright lights, the electric sound, and a raspy voice welcoming us, remind me of our first concert together.
It’s as if my soul comes back to life. It’s nothing short of remarkable to have this feeling.
Gentle lips caress my neck and leave a trail down to my collarbone. Here in this room, we’re free to kiss and touch, completely be ourselves. No wandering eyes or nosey neighbors, and not only does Nat know it, she takes full advantage.
“Are you having fun?” she whispers in between songs as if it’s just the two of us in this crowded room.
Leaning in, I do the one thing my body is screaming for me to do: melt into her.
Our lips touch, electrifying every cell in my body.
Every time is like the first time with her, fireworks and cartoon hearts hover over me each time our lips touch.
With our mouths open wide, we allow our tongues to tease and taste one another, following the beat of the music in front of us.
She tastes incredible, her strawberry lip gloss transfers to my lips, and it’s a welcome flavor.
There’s no hunger or raw passion behind this.
It’s gentle, but beyond that, it’s the most sensual kiss of my life.
She’s everything I want and more. There’s no me without her, and I can’t imagine not being here with her.
“You know, we don’t have to stay for the full thing.”
“What else do you have in mind?” I’m more than willing to let my hair down and go with my gut, following Nat anywhere she leads.
“Come with me.” She grabs my hands, leading me to the top of the amphitheater, towards the ladies’ room.
Surprisingly, it’s empty here. I guess the love of music is deeper than the need to take a bathroom break.
Shoving me into the large stall, she pins me against the door.
Public sex, heck, public displays of affection in general aren’t something I’ve ever been interested in.
Seems like I’ll be making a delicious exception tonight for my girl.
“I’ll never get enough of you.” A devious smile forms on her gorgeous face. “Spread your legs for me, beautiful.”
I do as I’m told, thankful I didn’t wear nylons and can easily move around in this dress.
All thoughts leave my brain as I watch her drop to her knees in this dirty bathroom and worship me.
Using the bar attached to the stall for support, I grip tight, needing to maintain balance as she licks and sucks, never giving me time to relax into her.
I’m already wet with need, but once her tongue begins circling my clit, I can feel my arousal dripping down my leg.
“This soaking wet pussy is mine, baby.” She looks up through thick lashes, and it’s almost enough to make me implode right there. “Be a good girl and ride me.”
Instinctively, my body gives in, hips bucking and riding her face like she asks.
The pressure from her tongue against my throbbing clit has my orgasm building.
One last flick and my vision blackens until I literally see stars.
Screaming her name, I forget we’re in public, as she continues lapping me up, completely oblivious to our indecency.
I’m a tad embarrassed by how quickly I finish with her.
Is it always like this? I guess Court was right, miracles can happen when you’re with someone who actually knows what they’re doing.
After she was back on her feet and had adjusted my dress to hide the mess I made, she grabbed my hair, yanking my face close to hers. “I love watching you come like that, completely free and at my mercy. I love everything about you, Candace,” she whispers, making my world come to a screeching halt.
Her confession abruptly stops my racing heart.
Hearing the L-word tonight was not something I was expecting, especially not after oral sex in a place that reeks of old tampons and floor cleaner.
My thoughts run wild as she continues her assault on my neck and earlobe.
I'm positive she’s waiting for the obvious response, but the one I’m supposed to give isn’t coming out.
“Try to relax.” Her dark eyes stare into my soul, allowing me to finally take a breath. “I’m not waiting around for a response like some middle-aged stalker in a chat room. There was just no way I could not tell you where I’m at.”
I must look so ridiculous right now, frozen in time, and I have so much I actually want to say.
Taking my hand, she escorts us towards the exit of the concert hall, back to the hotel.
The lights outside aren’t as sparkly as they were when we arrived.
The city's former noises are now muted, and the bubbly atmosphere has changed.
Why didn't you say anything, Candace, not even a thank you?
“You’re mad?” I ask, hesitant to hear the truth, but it’s got to happen, eventually. It took the entire walk back to build up the courage to start the conversation. She slowly unzips and throws off her leather jacket, nonchalant as ever, as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.
“I’m not mad.” She turns around, surprised by my question.
“I told you this was for me. I couldn’t keep it in any longer.
There’s no timeline for telling someone you love them, but I needed you to know.
You can take as long as you need. Do I hope to hear it from you?
Yeah, of course I do. I’m in love with you and can’t wait for whatever the next step is, but I’ve said it all along, I’m willing to wait. ”
“I’m sorry, I think I just need a minute.” And with that, I run to the bathroom like the coward my dad accuses me of being. Stripping off my clothes, I hop into a freezing cold shower, not waiting for the temperature to heat up. So much for building up all that courage I did nothing with.
I care deeply for Nat. She’s like a wrecking ball, though, and has completely changed the trajectory of my life.
I’m staying out late and leaving the girls with a sitter or Court.
My shoe collection has grown from subtle flats to bold statement pieces with higher heels than I can manage.
Within the last three months, my body has hung out of a moving vehicle and consumed enough secondhand smoke that I might have a lung disease.
I’m nervous about how much I’m liking this new side of me, but deep inside, what I’m truly worried about is this being nothing more than a midlife crisis.
The girls are so attached to her, and every day I’m becoming just as attached.
What if in five years she decides she actually doesn’t want this life and would rather travel to hostels with girls who have their nipples pierced?
What if, at the same time, I don’t recognize myself because I jumped so far into the deep end, without questioning if I could swim.
The hopeless romantic in me shuts the logical side up and gives a different perspective.
What if in five years I’m the happiest I’ve ever been?
Nat and I could grow old together, raising the girls and deepening our relationship as the years went on.
She could be my lover and best friend all wrapped up in one beautiful package that would make the most perfect life.
I’ve never been happier than I am with her, never been more confident or more scared either.
Maybe we could have it all? The good with the bad, the fun with the scary, and the dark with the light.
Once the burn in my legs is too much to bear, after violently exfoliating them, I turn the water off.
There’s a soft robe waiting for me on the sink, a sweet gesture from Nat that I was too distracted to even notice.
Breathing heavily under the comforter is the most adorable girl with hair covering the sides of her face, only exposing her little nose.
Some nights she snores, and it’s the cutest thing ever, a little secret I’ll never share with her.
Her sleep noises are my personal sound machine.
Brushing her hair out of her face, exposing her long lashes and perfect button nose, I lean down to whisper. “I think I’m falling in love with you, too.”