Chapter 44
Candace
“Mom, chill. Everything’s going to be fine.” Kate reassures, patting my arm as I practice my speech repeatedly.
“Yeah, Mom, just go in there and show them who’s boss.” Madison hypes me up with a whole new confidence about her.
The meeting started ten minutes ago. I've spent the last nine pacing the hallway, talking myself out of this. Last night went amazingly, we ran through all the outcomes, and I stayed up all night psyching myself up for what I’m about to do.
I was so wired this morning that I forgot to brush my teeth and left the house anyway, not caring at all.
“What am I saying again?” I ask, in between my aggressive nail-biting.
“You’re making a grand gesture, telling Nat and everyone else that you love her,” Madi says firmly, gripping my hand tight.
“Yeah, tell her you wanna kiss her and love her and make hundreds of babies with her,” Kate says, making kissing noises to her sister. “Wait, how do two girls make a baby together?”
“Later, Kate. It’s time to go to class, girls.” I kiss them both, sending my little romance cheerleaders on their way.
As if I wasn’t sweating enough, the door squeaked like it had been made hundreds of years ago, drawing everyone’s eyes to me.
“Candace,” Betty growls. “You know the rules: any later than ten minutes and you have to go home.” Her face scrunches with fury as she aggressively points to the door.
“Fuck you and your stupid rules.” I roar, throwing my bag onto the table.
“I beg your…”
“I’m speaking now, Betty. Sit down and shut up.
I went my whole life living for everyone else.
Killing myself to meet their bullshit expectations, and it was still never enough.
I gave up everything I had, all the things that made me Candace, and it still wasn’t enough.
I stripped myself bare. It’s about damn time I start living for myself.
” Catching Betty by surprise has only fueled my confidence, giving me the boost I needed to keep going.
Nat’s eyes are glued to me, her hand grips her phone tightly as puts together what I’m doing. The other women’s jaws are practically on the floor, except for Betty, whose fingernails are tapping on the table, waiting for me to finish so she can reprimand me.
“Not that it is any of your business, but along my journey of finding happiness, I fell in love with someone I never expected, and now she’s the one person I can’t live without.
She’s my best friend, lover, and favorite person in the entire world.
Not only is she funny as hell, witty, and knows more about music than you do about your bank accounts.
She’s incredibly caring and selfless. She saw the best in me when I couldn’t even look in the mirror.
I’m so tired of staying silent, too afraid of failing again if I don’t tell her how I feel, I’ll be eaten alive with regret. ”
My hand shakes as I fumble through this last part, but one look at her softens my nerves and reminds me why I’m here.
“Natalie Reynolds, I love you more than I can even comprehend. You make the good days brighter, and you hold me through the bad ones. I love the way your scent stays on my pillow after you’ve left.
To fall asleep, I hold my pillow up against my cheek, sniffing your laundry soap that makes you smell spicy.
You push me to be better when I’m too stubborn to listen, and you call me out when I’m stuck in my head.
My future isn’t mine if you’re not in it, so let me lay down any dignity I have left and ask you to come back to me.
Be mine, my partner, girlfriend, lover, whatever you wanna call it, just be with me because I can’t live one more second without you. ”
“Wait a minute,” Betty stops me, hands planted firmly on the table, standing back up. “You mean to tell me you stopped our meeting to announce you’re suddenly gay and have fallen in love with the substitute English teacher? How disgraceful,” she scoffs, grabbing her purse to leave.
Nat sits up quickly, throwing daggers at Betty. “The only disgraceful thing about this is the time she squirted on my massive dildo.”
“Stand down, Nat,” I warn, pointing to her chair.
“Yes, ma’am.” She salutes, sitting back down.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Betty. So I’ll be taking my purse and calendar and wishing you all the best of luck because, I quit.
This place will suck your soul away if you’re not careful.
Hopefully, you all take this as a sign to look inwards and live more authentically so you don’t miss out on the best parts of life.
Any further questions?” I ask cheerfully, looking around at all the stunned faces.
Sweet Denise shyly raises her hand. “So if you’re with a woman, what happens when you’re both on your periods?” She whispers under her breath.
“Oh, we abstract fingerpaint on our stomachs.” Nat blurts out, pushing herself away from the table.
“Nat, let’s go,” I say, shouldering my bag and leading us out.
The women are silent, which is a first. We leave the room quickly before anyone asks what a dildo is. Once we’re in the hall, alone, the adrenaline slips away, and I recall everything I just said.
“Holy shit!” Nat yells, pulling my face towards hers. “Where did that come from?” Are you drunk or something?”
“I can assure you I’m very much sober, and all too aware of the scene I just made.” My voice cracks as I come down from the high of my public love declaration.
“Baby, that performance will go down in PTA history.” She smiles wide as she kisses the top of my head, and in no time at all, the ache in my chest goes away.
Natalie
“So, all that in there was for little old me?” I ask, jumping up and down, unable to contain the ball of energy bouncing around inside me.
“I meant every word, even the swearing.” She winks.
That was one hell of an award-winning performance.
When she waltzed in there, guns blazing, I never expected that.
She said everything I’ve been hoping for, and the way she carried herself was so hot.
Pride, along with some leftover vodka, was seeping out of my pores.
She was incredible, you guys should’ve seen it.
So freaking powerful, like she owned the place.
Don’t get me started on how badass it was when she finally told those pharmaceutical junkies to fuck off.
She’s definitely getting some tonight, mark my words.
“I’ve literally never been so proud. You almost got me to shed a tear.
” I grab her petite hand and kiss it. “Candace, I’ve been in love with you pretty much since our first outing.
I talked myself out of making a move for so long because there was no way a straight lady from the suburbs would be into me.
I’m so wildly obsessed with you and will spend every waking minute worshiping you just to prove it. ”
Her beaming smile is full of love and so much happiness. Seeing her like this has been my dream for so long.
“So, do we run off into the sunset together now? If so, might I suggest stopping at Taco Bell first because I’m starving.” My teeth chatter together, awaiting her answer.
“I’ve actually never been to a Taco Bell, but I can’t think of a better place to celebrate.” She giggles, making my heart melt.
“Never been to Taco Bell. Figures. Let’s go, your royal highness, time to introduce you to the Nacho Cheese Chalupa.”
We make a pit stop at my apartment, under the guise of grabbing a to-go bag. I’m grabbing that, and more, because my plan is never to sleep in this dump again. There is, however, something more important she needs to see that’s long overdue.
“Don’t worry,” I say, walking ahead to the front door. “No, three ways are happening tonight. Megan’s at work.”
“Oh my gosh, she told you?” She slaps her hand across her face.
I laugh at the thought of her coming clean. “Not quite. I woke up to that man going down on his wife while Megan was showering. I said I had the flu and made them leave. It was way too graphic before coffee.”
“The things you learn when you leave the burbs,” she says curiously, following behind.
My keys are barely in the hole when she leans in, kissing my neck, temporarily derailing my plans. We barely make it to my room before we’re shedding our clothes, tossing them across my apartment without a care in the world.
She tumbles on my bed after tripping over a pair of boots, and I crawl towards her, hungry for a taste.
“Feel like trying something new?” I tease, trailing my fingers up her thighs.
“Do your worst,” she says, eyes full of lust.