Chapter thirty-seven
Awoman was brought into the apothecary, nearly lifeless.
Peter moved the tinctures and our tools out of the way while raising his brows for help.
I jumped onto my feet from behind the desk and helped place the rest of the dried herbs from the table onto the shelves in the back of the apothecary.
“Place her here.”
Peter pointed at the men who carried the woman to the large wooden table.
He twisted the lever at one of the metal legs to lower the side, and I followed the same process.
With all four corners of the table lowered, we were able to evaluate the woman better.
She was writhing in pain.
Her light brown hair stuck to her skin.
She was burning up.
Flashbacks of one of my last moments in the apothecary in Prustan crossed my mind and without permission, my fingers began to tremble.
“Girl!”
Peter waved his hand in my face, and I snapped my attention to him.
“Get me the poppy, and quickly!”
I focused on my steps as I reached the shelves, careful not to rush or break anything this time.
Grabbing some poppy, I brought them to Peter just as the men who brought her here left the apothecary.
He placed the herb in the boiling water, while I wiped some of the wetness on her forehead off.
Her eyes were closed.
She looked young—about my age.
Because I had to know, I pried her inflamed mouth open.
I saw the same dark-colored tongue, I froze.
“This can only help her stay calm, silent one, but I’m afraid that it’s up to her whether she lives or dies.”
I slid my eyes to him.
“What do you mean?”
He froze and stared at me.
The apothecary went still and quiet.
“You—you can speak?”
Peter knitted his brows.
I didn’t answer the question because it was redundant.
“Uh…yes, yes.
The medicine can only calm her.
There is nothing that will cure this illness.
She will either survive it or not. It’s entirely up to her body if she will survive.”
“You mean that there is nothing we can do?”
The question weighed on me more than I realized.
Peter pursed his lips.
“No, I’m afraid not.
I’ve seen this sickness around for many years.
I’ve seen some survive, but most don’t.
The illness needs to run its course. It will either take a life or it won’t. We can only try to make her as comfortable as we can.”
My lips parted, and I glanced back at the near-lifeless woman.
My chest crushed at the sight of her and remembering how I had suffered from believing it was my fault in Prustan, the lack of medicine to keep that woman alive.
Nothing I could have done would have changed her fate.
I sat on a chair near the table and watched the woman. No relief flowed through me.
That didn’t make me feel better.
I placed my face into my hands and took a deep breath.
It was still painful to see a young life go.
Maybe I wasn’t cut from a healer’s cloth.
I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“A good healer is one that cares, silent one,”
Peter murmured.
After hours of standing by, washing her body’s sweat, I made myself a comfortable place to lie down and rest.
I placed a blanket down on the green rugs and blew out some of the candle lights.
Peter had gone home since it was well into the night, but I didn’t want to return to my quarters just yet.
I didn’t want this woman to be alone.
My last thoughts of the night were of Aris.
It felt like he was gone much longer than five days.
The day he left on his short hunting trip, he gave me a kiss on my cheek in his chamber, and it burned with a hundred sensations for the rest of the day.
That was the only intimate contact he’d given me since the day we lay on the blanket under the orchard a week ago.
I didn’t know if what I felt was normal, but my mind was completely infatuated with him. Wondering what he was doing now, what he was thinking, what he was feeling. If he felt the same way I did about him. If he also thought of me as much as I thought of him.
I was going crazy.
The next morning, Peter walked in the apothecary with a warm mug of tea.
“I’m glad that you trusted me enough to speak yesterday and that we can converse a bit more now.”
His eyes were soft as he smiled.
“How is she doing?”
I accepted the tea from him and said.
“She’s doing better.
Her fever broke, and she’s not in much discomfort.”
Peter walked over to our patient and laid the back of his hand on her forehead.
“Good, good.
That’s a great sign.
I’ll take over today.
The kitchen needs you this afternoon, and I’ll send word if anything changes.”
The rest of the day flew by before I stopped by at the apothecary to find the woman sitting up, talking to Peter.
My heart fluttered.
Peter was in the middle of the conversation while he brought a cup to her mouth.
I gave Peter a quick smile and wave before I left for my quarters.
My mind wandered to where Aris was right now, and if he was enjoying himself on his hunt.
Falling on my cot, I fell asleep with the thought that I wanted to make a difference in this world.
I wanted to help.
I heard a noise coming through my room.
My ears twitched, grasping for any more sounds or movement.
It was late in the night and dark outside.
My heart raced violently, thundering against my ribs, telling me something was very wrong.
My throat felt as if it were closing in.
No light in the room.
Eyes wide open, they began to adjust to the darkness.
Someone was here.
No, not again.
Someone was here for revenge for the Strokan warriors.
My hands threw my blankets to the side of me.
Flashes of the moments the Strokan warriors captured me a couple months ago burned in my memory.
I sat up, trying to find air, but I couldn’t.
My entire being was as tense as stale burnt bread.
It took everything I had to continue forcing myself to breathe.
My throat strained, and my heart pounded. I could feel it in every part of my body.
I was ready.
I trained for this, I reminded myself.
I pulled my legs from beneath me and crouched low on my bed.
Who was here who was here—
“Solei.”
I recognized it instantly—
“I’m so sorry.
I shouldn’t have come.
I don’t know what I was thinking.
I should have known how’d you react.”
Aris’ silhouette shook his head as he sat on my bed.
I grabbed his arm to calm myself down from the panic attack.
I didn’t want to wake Sebry or any of the other girls, but the sounds that were coming from my throat were uncontrollable.
“I was just so excited to see you,”
he whispered as he scooped me into his arms, comforting me.
He ran his hand through my hair.
His breath was warm on my neck and smelled of citrus.
Was he even real? Was I dreaming of him? How was he possibly here—in my room? He wasn’t supposed to return from his annual hunting trip until tomorrow morning.
“It’s been five days.
I didn’t want to wait another minute once I arrived.
I kept tossing and turning all night wondering when I’d see you again, and then I remembered I could see you anytime I wanted.”
He gave a breathy laugh.
It was so good to see him.
“How did you know to find me here?”
I whispered once my heart calmed.
“I always know where you are, quiet one.”
Aris laughed quietly again.
I couldn’t help but giggle with him.
A moment later, I realized we were in a room full of sleeping servants.
My eyes widened.
I needed to get him out of here.
Immediately.
“Follow me.”
I grabbed his hand, slipped my shoes on, and led him off my bed.
“I need to get you into your own chamber but most importantly a comfier bed,”
he said dryly as he followed me reluctantly out of my chambers.
I shook my head, smiling.
“I need to get you back to your bed.
This is bad, Aris.”
“Will you stay with me?”
He wrapped an arm over my shoulders.
He was walking straight and seemed coherent, but I was curious how much wine he’d consumed—if any.
“No, Aris.
That’s absurd that you’d even ask.
I can’t.
You know that.”
“Why not?”
“Because that will confirm the rumors.”
“And?”
“And they’ll hate me even more,”
I retorted.
I thought of the servants’ energy lately but also Sebry’s.
Her genuine concern just a few days prior flashed through my mind.
“I’m afraid for you, girl.
Many women are already jealous of your position here, even as an unpaid worker.
No one has gotten to work with him so close in his quarters, and now you’ve been seen riding with the lord.
This isn’t good for you.”
Not to mention Maeri had been acting strange around me recently.
She knew something, but that wasn’t it.
I made a point that tomorrow I was going to check in on her.
“Why?”
Aris interrupted my thoughts.
“Because I have a sneaky suspicion they all want you.”
A corner of my mouth twitched and knew I was only feeding his ego.
“Do you want me?”
Aris turned his head to me.
“That doesn’t matter.”
I brought us around the corner of the kitchen, and I couldn’t help the heat that rose to my cheeks.
“It’s the only thing that matters.
What do you mean?”
He frowned and looked at me quizzically.
My heart fluttered, but I refused to respond.
It was dangerous.
I wanted him.
But how could I allow him full access to my body and heart if there was no room in his heart for love?
He released me and took my hand as we walked up the staircase.
We walked in silence together until we approached his large double doors.
“Get some sleep, Aris.
I’ll be back in the morning,”
I stated as I slipped my hand out of his.
“Where are you going?”
He grabbed my arm, pulling me in close.
“I’m going to bed.”
“Perfect.
Let’s do it together.”
My heart stopped.
I replayed what Sebry told me months ago.
He had never invited anyone to his chambers before—in this type of way.
Not completely sure what he was implying, I swallowed audibly.
“Goodnight.”
His head lowered to mine, too close for me to remember what I was trying to do.
He tilted his head, his lips inches from mine.
Hesitating, he leaned further and brushed his lips against mine.
Warm and soft, and citrus-tasting. I welcomed him. It felt so good to. I couldn’t resist.
His kiss was deep and slow.
Butterflies fluttered through my stomach and legs.
“Solei,”
he beckoned me greedily.
My name on his lips nudged me further into his body.
I opened my mouth slightly, his tongue teasing me.
“Stay with me.”
I felt lightheaded as his words touched the core of my being.
I stopped thinking clearly the moment he lowered his head inches from mine.
It would take every cell of my body to leave his presence.
I couldn’t do it. My body and soul wanted him. And he wanted me. To stay with him. Not Camilla. Not any of the other servants or ladies here. He wanted me to stay with him.
Though my brain tried to resist, I nodded slightly, agreeing to his request.
Aris opened the double doors and led me in, closing them behind us.
It was dark and warm inside with only the fire in the furnace crackling and dancing against the wood.
He was right when he said he had been tossing and turning all night; the bed sheets were rumpled.
“Come,”
he said as he crawled in his bed.
He had taken off his shirt but left short trousers on.
Thank Erus.
I walked slowly, fingers playing with my short night dress, contemplating listening to my brain and running away with some dignity.
I had made this bed every morning for months and never imagined I would be crawling into it alongside him.
And I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t do it once more.
I straightened out the bed sheets and continued to do so even when I heard Aris laugh at me.
“You’re unbelievable,”
he mumbled with a smile.
“You’re unbelievable!”
I palmed at his sheets.
“What are you doing in bed, attacking the sheets like an animal?”
He let out a full belly laugh, and with his eyes sparkling through the dark, it almost took my breath away.
“Don’t be afraid.
I don’t bite…hard.”
His wink and grin were full of teasing, causing my toes to curl at the sight.
After I straightened the last quilt, I finally crawled into the left side.
His bed was large and plushy, causing me to sink deep.
It was the finest bed I had ever lain on.
Something in my stomach fluttered. I turned my head, facing him. Aris was looking straight ahead into the empty darkness. I wondered what he was thinking about because it seemed faraway and lonely.
I surprised myself when I decided to slither deeper into the covers until I found his body.
I wrapped my leg around his.
Laying my head on his warm bare chest, I could feel his smile on my head.
It was the most perfect place to lay my head, as if this part of his body had been created and molded just for me.
“You have no idea how much I needed this.”
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer.
“How much I needed you here.”
I nodded in agreement.
If only he could hear the thoughts in my head, he would realize I felt the same way.
I must have drifted off into deep slumber because I woke up to him holding me from behind, mumbling something I couldn’t understand.
It was pitch-black outside, meaning it was still night.
The fire was glowing strong and warm.
I twisted slightly in his arms to see his face. He was asleep, his head so close to mine, and saying words that sounded like forgive me, and don’t leave.
I reached a hand to his cheek, stroking it gently.
“I won’t,”
I whispered softly.
He stirred for a moment as my gentle words woke him from his partial slumber and opened his eyes slightly from the movement.
Our eyes locked, and he gave me a smile, tugging me closer to his body.
“My quiet sun.”
My heart warmed.
I closed my eyes knowing I was completely and utterly safe in his arms, and sleep overcame me once again.
Sharp morning light woke me, causing me to flutter my eyes open.
Aris was behind me, holding me in his arms, his leg now wrapped around mine.
I’d never shared such an intimate space with a man before, sharing his bed, spending the entire night together—our bodies intertwined.
I suppose I did, in the storm with him. But this was different. It wasn’t for survival. My heart skipped a beat as I realized where I was and who I was in bed with. If the servants found out, they would shun me forever. I was sure of it.
“I never want you to leave,”
he said, his voice low and thick.
I twisted my body to face him.
His eyes were clear and vulnerable.
Yet I felt something dark lingering deep in his eyes.
A sadness that I couldn’t quite grasp.
I never wanted to leave him, either.
I wanted to be here, in his arms every night and every morning, lying together, our bodies woven with one another’s, never letting each other go.
If I broke my vow for him, how would I feel after? Would it be the right decision? I knew the answer, yet I refused to admit it to myself.
I wanted nothing more than to be with him for the rest of my life.
In my heart, I knew that was what he also meant.
But I didn’t respond to what he confessed.
He leaned down and brushed a kiss under my eye, then the tip of my nose, and under my other eye.
Warm pools flowed in my stomach.
He pulled back, eyes locking with mine.
“Your freckles are perfect.
I want to kiss every single one.”
I melted.
But I knew this morning couldn’t last forever.
“I have to go, or else they’ll be suspicious,”
I whispered, glancing at the door.
“The morning light is already midway.
They have most likely already noticed you’ve been gone.”
He brushed my neck with his lips as he pulled me closer.
He was right.
“You should just stay here with me.”
He kissed my neck again. My jaw.
“I—I shouldn’t.”
“You should.”
“I have chores to do.”
I breathed more quickly, my body heating without my permission.
Damn you, Solei.
“Isn’t it in this very room you’re in, if I recall clearly?”
He smiled as he kissed my cheeks.
“Aris,”
I whispered.
He pulled me closer in response, and I could feel something strong between his legs.
All I wanted to do was touch it and feel it, a primal act within my core.
“I’ll be back.”
Aris pulled his body away from mine, leaving me exposed to the cold air that swept into the space.
“Where are you going?”
I regretted that I told him I had to go.
“I have something for you.”
My heart leaped.
Aris got up from the bed and walked to the other side of his chambers.
I could see something bulging from his black shorts, and my insides spiraled.
He grabbed some papers from the desk near his back window and walked back towards me.
What was he giving to me? I sat up as he approached my side of the bed and handed me a large beige paper.
What was—
My heart stilled.
I read its contents, and my eyes filled with wonder and tears.
My trembling hand went to my mouth.
They were freedom papers.
“You’re a free woman of the Strokan Empire as of yesterday.”
I couldn’t believe it.
“How?”
My throat was hoarse from the tears I forced down.
“I found a way to claim you as a citizen—I’ve been trying to legitimize it for months.
Along with your friends’ freedom.
I still have more to go, but we’ll get there.”
I shook my head, bewildered.
I had no words to describe the overwhelming feeling that grew in my chest.
“I won’t allow slaves here because that’s what working for free is.
Freedom to do what you want is not a privilege; it’s a right.
And you were never a slave to me.
I needed to make sure you and everyone else knew that.”
He became blurry as he sat at the edge of the bed, explaining it to me.
I felt my chest tightening, full of relief.
Tears rolled freely down my cheeks on to the paper.
I had never before been so taken care of in my life. Aris had gone out of his way to get these for me. I thought after learning about Stroka that it would almost be impossible to gain my freedom or that it would takes years and years of work. My hand shook as I laid the papers down to the side.
“I can’t believe it.”
“You deserve nothing less.
I’m sorry it took me so long,”
he murmured.
“Strokan laws can be such a pain.”
“This is everything to me, Aris.
You don’t have to apologize.”
He gathered me close, and in that moment, I looked up to see his face.
His eyes were distant again.
“What is it?” I asked.
“You will leave me, won’t you?”
My throat closed, and I shook my head.
Our eyes locked with each other, and I could see the fear in his eyes.
“I won’t, Aris.
I couldn’t.
I will stay.”
“I want you to choose me.
Not because you must, to survive, but because you truly want me.”
“I choose you, every day.
I want all of you, everything you’ll give to me.”
I reached my hand up to his face, fingers tracing his worry lines.
He lowered his head inches from mine, breathing in each other’s air, our words, our feelings.
I leaned in further, crushing my lips to his, and he welcomed it openly.
Everything I said, I meant.
I wasn’t afraid to admit it to him or to myself anymore.
I belonged to him.