The Quiet Sun

Chapter thirty-nine

This whole day seemed to be a dream to me.

Nothing felt tangible or real.

I couldn’t understand how and why he treated me this way.

I wondered more than before, if he felt the same way about me as I did toward him.

I was willing to release my vows for him.

I didn’t care about a vow that kept me from fully expressing my love and my being with Aris.

I didn’t care about the vow I made when I was afraid of experiencing something that could be beautiful.

It was fading slowly, every day. The fear no longer held strong, growing weaker with each smile Aris gave me.

Dusk was approaching as I folded the dress on top of the chest.

I fed the fire more wood and placed a large cauldron on top to heat the water.

With a cloth, I grabbed the cauldron and headed to his washroom around the corner.

I poured the boiling water into the white marbled bath that had clean water from earlier. I placed lavender petals into the bath and inhaled the sweet scent. Slipping out of my night dress, I dared myself to take a bath knowing that Aris would be back later. I would have it washed and scrubbed as if it were never used by me.

Wrapping my hair up, I stepped in, and the warm waters engulfed my body.

I let out a deep exhale.

This was exactly what I needed.

Imagining every worry of mine floating away from my body.

“Enjoying yourself?”

My eyes flung open, my arms covered my chest in the water.

Blood rushed to my face as I faced Aris.

He let out a low chuckle as if he knew I didn’t intend for him to find me here.

“Don’t let me stop you.”

His face said it all.

He took off his long black coat and hung it over a short pillar.

My heart pounded.

I felt so vulnerable, but I liked feeling this way around him.

I wanted him to see me.

And everything that I was. But there was a part of me that hesitated in this new territory I was risking everything for.

Aris approached me, and for the first time, he seemed as if he were questioning whether he should or not.

I read the nervousness on his face.

I’d be damned.

It was a sight to see.

I loosened my embrace over my chest, a silent invitation for him to continue.

What am I doing? I was literally asking for it.

My sister and mother would call me a whore.

Everyone here in Siniya would do the same.

But all of it didn’t matter because I wanted him.

He approached, crouching near the stone bath, and all my thoughts and doubts disappeared as he stared into my eyes.

“Is it warm enough?”

He dipped his fingers into the waters, testing.

“It’s getting warmer.”

“How is that even possible?”

he asked with amusement.

“Because you’re here,”

I said, my whole body flushing a deeper red.

“Ah, I tend to do that to women.”

Aris smirked.

Stupid, arrogant emperor.

Without hesitation, I splashed his face with bath water, but he grabbed my hand.

I was playing with fire again.

He turned my hand, palming it and raising it to his lips.

My skin melted from the heat of his lips. He traced his mouth along my inner wrist to my forearm, and my breasts tightened in response just above the water line.

He laced his other hand through the back of my head as his lips and tongue reached my collarbone, tasting every inch of it.

He pulled my head to his, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

The cold air hit the top of my body, and I drew myself even closer.

He traced the side of my neck, and I breathed in his scent. His arm reached into the waters and wrapped around my bare waist, bringing me to him as his lips finally slanted over mine.

I must have let out a sound because his kiss became hungry and deeper, our tongues dancing with each other.

His hand beneath the water explored my body and with it my skin relished in its touch.

My hands pulled at his tunic until it was over his head.

Aris’ lips found mine, smiling smugly, as if he knew exactly what I wanted.

I could have sworn he was blushing with me.

His hand traced up my waist just below my breast.

It pebbled at his touch, and he must have sensed it because he obliged and explored it—

He swore into my mouth.

The waters bounced off us with our movement.

Our breathing deepening, I tugged on his lip for more.

My body had completely taken over my mind and soul, as if by primal instinct it knew exactly what it wanted and how.

With my hands wrapped around his neck and lifting off the bath to rise, his body followed mine.

We stood both in each other’s arms, me in the bath dripping wet, and him outside of it, dry with only his tunic off.

This wasn’t fair.

I gave a slow smirk.

My hands drifted from his neck to his strong pecs, his stomach and to his trousers.

My fingers danced along the rim until they hitched just enough for me to pull them down.

“You’re going into dangerous territory,”

he warned me.

I smiled, not having any words to describe this was exactly what I wanted and only he could give it to me.

I pulled Aris into the bath, and he obliged me.

We took a moment to feel each other, to fully see each other, bare as we stood together.

“You’re perfect,”

he whispered as his hands drifted to my hips.

I blushed a shade deeper and dipped my head just in time to notice what I’d been curious about this entire time.

And I couldn’t believe it—that was what could be inside me.

How is that even possible? My mouth went dry.

My insides spiraled, and heat pulsated between my legs.

My body knew what it wanted.

I heard Aris chuckle as he grabbed my backside and hoisted me up.

With a swift motion, he brought us both down into the water where I straddled him with my legs around his waist.

I could feel his strength behind me.

He placed his hand behind my head and pulled me forward until our lips connected again. It felt like home. My lips and body loved this, craved it deep in my bones.

I had never felt the sensation between my legs become this immensely strong.

I couldn’t handle it.

“Solei,”

he whispered.

I nearly whimpered at my name on his tongue.

Aris pulled my hair behind me until it exposed my neck to his lips and tongue.

Once he had his feast, he let go of my hair and my neck and leaned into the back of the stone bath, staring and worshipping my body with his eyes as dark as the night sky.

I swallowed, waiting for the shame, that I should feel dirty, like a whore.

But I didn’t.

And it surprised me.

Nothing in my soul told me this was anything but pure and good.

He studied my eyes, with his hands on my hips.

My legs were still wrapped around his waist.

“What are you thinking about?”

I asked softly.

The waters brushed against my waistline.

His throat moved as he contemplated his answer.

“That I am completely and utterly at your mercy.”

My heart stopped beating as his words washed over my being.

His vulnerability touched a space in my heart and warmed it.

I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone had seen this side of Aris before.

“I will cherish every moment of it,”

I whispered.

Aris smiled at me.

“It isn’t just a moment.”

He lifted his hand and played with my damp hair in front of my chest.

“Well, whatever it is, you’re safe with me.”

I raised my hand and placed it on his cheek.

I realized it was the truth.

His eyes lowered on my body and back to my eyes, full of thoughts.

“You clearly disobeyed me.”

His eyes filled with stars of amusement.

“How so?”

My voice rose a pitch higher.

“You’re naked.”

“And?”

I smiled, but suddenly self-conscious.

“I wanted that dress on you when I came back.”

My jaw dropped.

“I will not be needing your assistance, if that is what you’re going to imply.

I can handle that myself.”

Aris chuckled, and his core moved beneath me.

“You insult me.

Do you question my expertise in dress handling?”

“I definitely do.

And you would be nothing but a distraction, so stay out of it.”

“Fair enough.

I ordered dinner to be sent to my chambers.

I heard the servants come in while we were…”

“You heard them?”

“Of course.”

Of course.

I hear and see all things, obviously, was what he didn’t say.

My breathing quickened, and I wondered if any of them heard or saw what the two of us were doing.

Aris read my face.

“Don’t worry.

We were quiet enough.”

His eyes grew a shade darker, and my sex pulsed beneath me as he said the next few words.

“I will never allow a soul to see what is mine.”

Our eyes locked with each other, and I embraced the fact that I was his, causing my toes to curl in the waters.

“Shall we eat then?” he asked.

Aris and I left the stone bath and met the biting cold air.

He grabbed a large towel, covering me from behind, gently placing a kiss on my neck before he let go.

He changed away from my peripheral vision and left me in the privy chamber alone.

I detangled the ends of my hair with my fingers enough that it was mostly dried in wavy auburn curls.

I slid on the light green slip that came with the dress and then stepped into the lacy green gown that fitted my body like a glove.

It felt like silky butter on my skin.

The sun had set, and the glow from Aris’ chambers implied the fire was still burning strong.

Looking one last time in his large, clear mirror, I saw a redheaded woman, hair now at her hips.

Freckles all over her face and body with a hue of pinkness.

She was allowing herself to be happy, and nothing could end this joy that felt new but also eternal.

That felt so safe and true.

A tinge of guilt prickled at me, and a gray wave flowed through my mind, reminding me of the last three weeks.

I shook my head and released any tension in my muscles.

I stared at my reflection.

I didn’t think I could ever feel at peace about my family’s deaths, but I could live and live well.

Walking out of the privy, I stepped into Aris’ chamber where he was feeding the fire.

He looked up smiling and noticed the dress.

“Beautiful.

I knew it would fit you perfectly.”

I didn’t even want to know how he knew what my measurements were.

We both took a seat at the table near the back window, where two sets of plates lay.

The platters were filled with duck, potatoes, greens, and different types of breads and butters.

I realized I hadn’t eaten like this since…since I had been captured.

And before then, I still didn’t eat this well.

I made an observation.

“There are two plates.”

“Yes, there are two of us.”

He raised an eyebrow.

I lifted my eyes to his, picking up my fork and knife.

“Do they know?”

He swallowed some food before he replied.

“I’m not sure what they know or don’t, but I’m assuming they know I’m not alone.”

“Right.

And they also know I haven’t been in my room the last couple days.”

“Right.”

I snickered.

“I’ll make up a story of where I’ve been.”

“Why?”

I nearly choked on the food I just swallowed.

“Because then—then they will suspect.”

“You are a free woman, Solei.

You can do as you please, and you have your own chambers now.

You don’t need to answer to anybody.”

He spoke with liquid calm.

It gave me shivers.

“Right.”

That bit of information went over my head.

I was a free woman.

When would that register in my mind? And in my life? But I didn’t want them to give me trouble for this.

They would call me a whore and confirm my inner thoughts of myself. They would tell me what a fool I was, that I was young and didn’t know what I was doing. And worst of all, he would leave me for someone else.

“If they give you any trouble, I will end it,”

he said as a matter of fact.

I finished swallowing my food and realized just how protective he was.

I never had anyone protect me the way he had.

But I also didn’t wish harm on others, even if they caused harm to me.

And if that made me weak, then so be it.

“Regardless of your new chambers, I want you to know you have a bed here with me.”

“A bed here with you?”

“That is what I said.”

I placed my fork down.

My stomach felt queasy.

“I won’t be your whore.”

My voice cracked.

“I…I would never forgive myself.

I would never.”

He lifted his eyes to meet mine.

They looked like burning coals.

He swallowed the rest of his food like it had turned inedible in his mouth.

He placed his utensils down.

“You are not my whore.

And you never will be.”

“It seems like I am—or I could be.”

I couldn’t look at him anymore.

He stood abruptly.

His anger thundered over to me.

He stepped away from the table, trembling.

“You are like no one I have ever been with, and I won’t have you questioning it.

I thought I made that clear.

I thought I made it clear what you are to me—what you mean to me.”

“Well, you didn’t… I feel like maybe this is all too good to be true.

Like it might slip away.

You might slip from me.”

My eyes stung, and I shook my head.

“This might not be as real to you as it is to me.”

His face reddened as he regarded me with blazing eyes.

“How could you say that?”

“I don’t know what I am to you.

My mind is consumed with wondering if you’ll grow bored of me like you did with Camilla.”

“Camilla! Camilla, Camilla.”

He shook his arms and head, looking up at the ceiling.

He glanced back at me.

“You’re right.

She was like those other women I grew bored of—who never meant anything to me.

They knew that, too.

I thought that was it for me, in my life. I never thought it could get better than that. That I could feel something deeper than something so temporary. Until I met you and I got to understand and know you. You have become everything to me, Solei. The thought of you not knowing this makes me sick.”

Aris shook his head, looking away.

“Maybe they were everything to you too, at one time,”

I said quietly.

“They weren’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know what I feel.”

“And what is that, exactly?”

I bit my lower lip and met his gaze.

“Something I’ve never felt before.

With anyone—ever.

I feel new.

I feel…alive. Like I finally woke the moment I met you, and everything made sense in the world. I tried to stay away from you, but there was this feeling that I couldn’t just brush off. And—and these thoughts in my head that wouldn’t just shut the fuck up. You became everything inside of me, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions. They all led to you.”

I was trembling.

Not because he was shouting but because of the words he spoke.

“How am I supposed to survive in this world where it feels like I can’t even breathe when I’m without you?”

He paced back and forth.

“And when I am with you, I can’t think of anything else but you!”

I didn’t say a word as he continued.

“And I’m afraid, for the first time in my life.

I’m—I’m afraid.

Of what it might be like to not have you.”

He looked at me with his glimmering eyes.

He pointed his hand to his chest.

“I need you, Solei.

More than I need water to drink or air to breathe.”

As my throat tightened, I walked across the distance and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He welcomed me, trembling.

“I need you too, Aris.”

His face was warm against my neck as we held and breathed into each other.

For several minutes we stood in each other’s arms.

And I didn’t think I’d ever felt so safe until that moment.

I had never felt so seen in my life until him.

I lifted my face in time for him to grab my head and pulled me in for a kiss.

It wasn’t gentle.

It was hard and fierce, hungry and passionate.

I matched his pace. My hands and nails were all over his body, his back, his shoulders, and twined in his hair as he hoisted me up onto his hips. My dress in ruffles almost swallowed his arms entirely.

He smiled between our kisses.

“Now I want this off of you.”

I couldn’t contain my laugh as I rolled my eyes.

“So demanding! First, you want it on, then you want it off.”

“I know what I want when I want it.”

He didn’t allow his lips to part from mine.

“Stupid, arrogant emperor.”

It was his turn to laugh as he placed me on the window ledge.

His hand went to my neck as he pulled me back in for a kiss, placing his body between my legs.

My mouth opened, welcoming his sweeping tongue.

My insides burned. I felt the need in his hands as he gripped my hips with hunger. His warm calloused hands moved, raising my dress past my knees.

He hesitated for a moment and parted from our wet lips as he lifted his arms and closed the brown curtain behind me.

Our eyes locked.

“I won’t risk my men seeing a sacred moment between me and my woman,”

he said, and my breath hitched.

His woman.

His hands resumed as his lips met my neck once more, licking and biting.

I breathed his scent in.

I would never forget this moment, I told myself, as time slowed.

His lips were warm and soft. The crackling fire blurred in the background when suddenly my dress was loose on my body. His lips never faltered as his hands stripped the dress from my body and left me in my slip. Grabbing my bare thighs, his hands felt and explored, as did mine.

Aris traced warm kisses down the slip of my dress as he spread my legs with his knee.

My breath quickened as he pressed soft and gentle kisses against my open thighs.

I didn’t know what to do but just allow and just be.

I didn’t have the space in my mind to feel self-conscious or to question whether this was normal or not because it just felt so good.

His hands gripped my thighs, his lips brushing higher and higher.

My trembling hands held me up on the window ledge, and he raised my dress until I was completely exposed.

Aris pulled my hips closer to his mouth, causing my body to heat.

Eyes closed, body trembling, the rest was a blur.

It was his groan at how I tasted that created an eruption in my body that was uncontrollable, and nothing in this world had ever compared to it.

Aris gripped my quivering thighs even firmer as the sounds of my voice and his name filled the entire chamber.

I couldn’t control the sensations that vibrated throughout my entire existence at that moment.

It was like time had stopped, and I forgot how to breathe.

What was that?

I trembled.

My entire body and soul trembled.

Aris lifted his head from between my legs and carried my body in his arms as he brought me to his large bed.

He had the most glorious smile on his face.

Like he had accomplished something greater than in the battlefields.

“It’s time to sleep.”

My lips parted.

“Please don’t do this again.”

“Do what?”

He seemed surprised, his brows raised slightly.

“You pull away every time, and I don’t want you to.

Not this time.

Not ever.”

His face relaxed into understanding.

He stood near where I lay as he explained.

“For the first time in my life, I don’t want to mess this up.

There’s no need to rush into something you’re not ready for.

And I feel like I might not be able to control myself. I can’t—"

“I don’t need nor want you to control yourself.

I want all of you—of course, only if you’ll have all of me.”

Heat rushed into my face as I laid out my heart’s desire.

His eyes met mine.

“I do want all of you, Solei.

Every part of you.”

“Then take me.”

One moment Aris’ eyes were as dark as the night sky, twinkling in the firelight, and the next, they were as clear as day.

Not in the literal sense, but in a way that I saw all of him and everything in between.

The man between emperor, warrior, and lover.

The man who attacked and protected. The man who people feared but also loved and worshipped. The man who didn’t let anyone in but couldn’t stay away from the captive from the Western Sea Islands. The man who saw beyond what everyone else saw in a captive, in a witch, in a mute. Aris, who saw through and through Solei, for who she was and still, after it all, accepted her, held her, and wanted every part of her.

Aris inched closer to the bed, until his hands reached the hem of my slip, and he crawled above me.

His legs entwined with mine, his warm calloused hands grazing underneath my slip until it was over my head and off my body.

He left just for a moment to undress himself before his lips met mine, soft and assuring.

My heart pounded against my ribcage.

His hands brushed along my side and reached my backside, spreading me apart.

I pulled him closer and closer until every part of him was on mine. I felt his lips turn into a smile like he knew my body needed his.

I felt him hesitate at my entrance, his bare chest heaving, his eyes lifted to mine, showing the question he didn’t let out.

My body trembled beneath his.

“I’m yours, Aris.”

That was my answer for him to finally let go and move gently inside me.

We breathed deeply into each other’s mouths.

I let out a sharp inhale as I felt something painfully tear the moment he slid deeper, and it wasn’t the vow that I shred into pieces.

It wasn’t even the lining that kept my virginity intact.

It was the tear that my soul had kept so tightly around the belief that life couldn’t get this beautiful for me.

And so, I poured myself into him, allowing it to be just as magical as it felt, meeting his every move, his every rhythm, his every thrust and sweet kisses.

His hands and mouth explored my chest and neck.

Caressing me, holding me, worshipping every part of me as he whispered my name in my ear as his hips moved faster and harder.

We trembled with each other as he moved inside me again and again, feeling, seeing, knowing every part of our bodies as they molded and created synchronicity.

The rest of the night felt like it never actually happened.

I kept realizing I wasn’t in fact in a dream state and that I had actually lost my virginity, the vow I swore I’d never break, to Aris.

This was real.

He was real. I was really here.

But how could something so real feel so abstract? I realized it wasn’t as physical as I thought it would be or how Maeri described it.

Because it felt like our souls were merging into one when our bodies moved in nature’s rhythm.

There was nothing physical about it.

It was nothing like Maeri had described.