Chapter 44
MAGGIE
Late afternoon sunlight spilled across the grounds of the estate, not a cloud in the sky as we sat down for the rehearsal dinner. My parents had honored their promise to keep it more intimate this time, with only about forty people seated at the long tables set up on the lawn.
Under a pergola decorated with dozens of long strings of lights, we were surrounded by so many flowers that the air was scented like summertime in a meadow, and in the greater scheme of things, I was happy. As happy as I could be under the circumstances, anyway.
Tomorrow was the big day, but I was already feeling better about it than I had last time. It helped that there weren’t three hundred people in a fancy venue with the press sticking cameras in my face every seven seconds.
While I still would have preferred not being here, I was a little more at peace after my talk with Daniel yesterday.
Everything about how I felt about Ryan was out in the open, Daniel had assured me time and again that there were no hard feelings about it from his side, and we’d agreed to try and become friends once we got to the Hamptons after the wedding.
None of it was exactly the epic love story I’d always wanted, but Daniel could be a good friend, at least. I saw that now. I got why my brother only had good things to say about the guy he’d considered one of his best friends for so long.
Beside me at the center of one of the long tables, he was as calm as ever too, leaning over every so often to make a quiet observation, but not pushing for more attention or conversation than just that. It was good. Peaceful.
“You look terrified,” he murmured when my father pushed back his chair and picked up his champagne flute and a knife. “Relax, Maggie. He won’t say anything too bad.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that if I was you,” I replied quietly. “You’ve never heard him talk at these things.”
“I’ve also never seen you wielding a fork like it’s a weapon, but I’m doing okay.”
I glanced down and realized he was right. I smiled and eased my grip on the cutlery. “I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, even if it was a weapon, I wouldn’t have used it on you.”
He chuckled. “That does make me feel better, but I’d also rather not visit you in prison for the next five to ten years for stabbing your own father with a fork on the eve of our wedding, so maybe just put it down.”
As I did what he’d asked, my father stood and the conversations around the table quickly died down.
He tapped on the side of his champagne flute with the knife anyway, waiting until every last murmur had cut out before raising his glass.
Every muscle in my body began to tense, but all I could do was sit here and smile through it, aware that all eyes were once again about to be on us.
“To Maggie and Daniel,” he started. “Tomorrow, they finally get the wedding they’ve been waiting for, and this time, we’ve made certain there isn’t a single piece of shellfish anywhere on the property. Maggie will have no reason not to make it down the aisle when the time comes.”
Scattered laughter rippled across the table, but Daniel’s expression turned blank, discomfort etched into the hard line of his jaw and the rigid set of his shoulders. I took a sip of wine and he bent his head toward me again.
“Maybe you were right. Should I fake an allergic reaction to get us out of this?”
I nearly choked on the tiny sip of liquid sliding down my throat but mercifully managed to keep myself from bursting out laughing as my father continued. Only a few seconds later, he finished his toast and our guests applauded, Henry’s staff bringing out appetizers right on cue.
After we’d finished those, people stood to stretch their legs, visit the restrooms, and just generally relax a little bit, which was also a welcome change from the very uptight, previous rehearsal dinner we’d had.
Smaller groups splintered off on the lawn, chatting with drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces.
Cathy and Marcus pulled me closer, both of them surveying the carnival that was all set up and ready for tomorrow, the rides and booths currently quiet, but I couldn’t wait to see it all in full swing. Marcus shook his head, but he was smiling as he looked at the Ferris Wheel.
“I still can’t believe you’re getting away with this,” Marcus said. “I thought Daniel was kidding when he called to tell me the carnival had shown up despite Dad calling it off.”
Cathy grinned. “Honestly, Ryan deserves a medal for how much he helped with getting this wedding back on the books, and in such spectacular Maggie fashion.”
Marcus chuckled. “We felt the same way. Except we didn’t give him a medal, obviously. We did offer him a reward, though.”
My heart gave a tiny kick every time I heard his name. As much as they were right and we really wouldn’t have been here if not for him, I couldn’t do this right now. I couldn’t stand here, talking about him like he’d been nothing more than a tool that had helped pull it all together.
It hurt too much, so I took a step back, already planning my exit from the conversation when my brother shook his head, obviously not noticing that I was about to make a break for it. He was still grinning at Cathy, carrying on like none of this should be affecting me at all.
“My dad and I both tried several times to pay him for his efforts. It’s like you said, he worked damn hard to get us here. He deserved a reward for that, but he refused to take it.”
My stomach swooped. “What are you talking about?”
He glanced at me, his expression still bright and unchanged. “Ryan refused to take the money, and before you ask, we really did try a few times. He just didn’t want it. He said no every single time. He wouldn’t even consider it.”
The world around me seemed to go strangely quiet as I stared into my brother’s eyes. “I thought you said, and I quote, he earned the few million coming his way.”
“Yeah?” Marcus finally frowned, apparently only now realizing that what we were talking about was a lot more than nothing.
“He did earn it, don’t you think? He just didn’t want it.
He never even thought about taking it, which is stupid, I know.
We would’ve paid any other wedding planner for their services, but—”
“I’m sorry,” I said suddenly, cutting him off. “Can you repeat that?”
“Repeat what?”
“The part where Ryan didn’t take the money you offered him.”
Marcus frowned. “He didn’t take the money we offered him?”
“Yeah, that’s the part.” My mouth went dry. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Marcus squinted down at me, thoroughly confused. “I thought you knew.”
“I didn’t.”
This whole time, I’d believed Ryan had done everything he had for the money.
That had been the deciding factor when I’d ended things with him and agreed to settle down like my parents had insisted.
I’d taken it as proof that Ryan didn’t have feelings for me and that he’d never cared about what I wanted so much as that he was making it happen so he could get to the big payday at the end.
“Excuse me,” I finally managed, taking a big step back as my heart started sinking further and further. “I need to run to the bathroom before we sit down for dinner.”
Marcus blinked a couple times. “Oh. Okay. Yeah.”
Cathy’s gaze swept across my face, concern slowly furrowing her brow. “Are you okay? You’re looking a little pale all of a sudden. Do you want me to come with you? If it’s a headache, I might have something in my purse.”
“No, I’m okay. I probably just need a glass of water after all the wine and champagne.” Without any more of an explanation, I spun on my heels and strode across the lawn, reeling over everything I’d just learned.
All this time, I’d thought he didn’t want me. That was the only reason I’d said yes to the wedding. I hadn’t wanted to end up like Viola and my grandfather, clinging to love sixty or seventy years from now when my love had been unreciprocated anyway.
I hadn’t wanted to look back and regret spending my entire life yearning for a man who didn’t even have those kinds of feelings for me.
I’d thought I was calling it off before he could develop them.
I’d thought many things, actually. Not all of them rational, logical, or reasonable, but I’d been heartbroken, convinced I was protecting both myself and, in a way, him.
But if he wasn’t doing it for the money? Oh, God. What have I done?
I kept walking until I found a quiet, empty sitting room in the very back corner of the old manor house. Slipping inside, I shut the door behind me and pulled out my phone with trembling hands, scrolling until I found Ryan’s number.
For a long minute, I just stood there, staring at it and knowing it wasn’t fair to call, but I pressed dial anyway, wondering how I could’ve gotten it all so very, very wrong. Naturally, he didn’t pick up. I didn’t even know if I’d expected him to, but I probably wouldn’t have if I was him.
“Hi, you’ve reached Ryan Thayer. If you’re old school, leave a message at the tone. If not, try me again later.”
I smiled through the tears welling in my eyes at the sound of his voice and the voicemail prompt that was so like him. For a second, I considered hanging up, but I hadn’t even decided what I was going to do yet when it all just started pouring out of me.
“Hi, it’s me.” I paused. “Maggie. I, uh, I don’t know what I’m doing, Ry. I know I shouldn’t be calling, but I just found out that you didn’t take the money and I guess I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”
Tears started streaming in hot, furious rivulets down my cheeks, my voice tight, but somehow, I managed to keep it steady.
“I never should’ve assumed that you took it just because it was offered.
I got it all wrong, and honestly, I don’t know anymore if I can do this tomorrow.
I don’t know if I can marry Daniel when that’s the last thing I want.
I keep thinking about running again, but I know I can’t, so don’t worry. I won’t do that to him again, but I…”
I dragged in a deep, shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Ryan.
I’m so sorry. About everything. I know that doesn’t change anything, but God.
I wish it could’ve been different. I wish you were here so we could’ve talked about all this face to face, but wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re happy, and I hope that one day, you’re going to find her. ”
My voice finally cracked. “Actually, I know you will find her, your wife. One day, you’re going to look at some lucky lady and just know that she’s meant to be yours. Just, uh, be happy, Ryan.”
As soon as I felt a rush of anger spiral through me over the fact that this was apparently how things were meant to be, I ended the call and sagged back against the wall. Trying to regain my composure, I stayed exactly where I was until the bell rang to signal dinner would be served soon.
Finally inhaling a deep breath, I was just about to head out again when my phone buzzed with an incoming text.
Ryan: Do the tables have tablecloths you can hide under?
I laughed, a tiny, breathless sound that escaped before I could stop it, but this time, no. There was nowhere to hide and I wouldn’t run.
As I stared at his message, I suddenly knew deep down that I would go through with this wedding.
Everything in my heart might be screaming no, but I truly had accepted that this was my fate, so I typed one final message to Ryan, knowing it was going to be even harder now to put him behind me, but I would do it.
Eventually.
Me: Unfortunately, no. Nowhere to hide, but I’m okay now. Really. Thank you for everything, Ryan. I mean it. Thank you.