Chapter 20
Elizabeth
Small, soft hands touch me gently on either side of my cheek, and for a minute, I forget where I am.
“Aunty Elle, can you hear me?” Eden’s little voice wakes me, filling my heart with warmth.
My chest is bursting, and I can’t help the smile that develops.
I keep my eyes closed and pretend to snore loudly.
She leans her little body on my stomach and, with her dainty little fingers, pries my eyelids open.
“Aunty Elle?” she whispers in my face; the sweet smell of her hair, coconut and pineapple, fills my senses. She leans closer to my mouth, and I’m sure she is trying to listen to my breathing. Before she can move away, I wrap my arms around her and throw her onto the bed.
“Aunty Elle is gone. I am the tickle monster!” Her squeals fill the bedroom, and my hands get to work tickling her as she throws herself around.
“No tickle monster, no.” Her delight calms me, and her laughter swirls around my head, and for the first time in what feels like months, I laugh. Full, shoulder-shaking laughter. With a sudden urge for an Eden snuggle, I pull her into an embrace, and she wraps her tiny arms around my neck.
“I wove you, Aunty Elle.” I give her a gentle squeeze and rest her on my legs.
“Oh, I love you so much more, my little sparkle.” I boop her nose as her big brown eyes search mine. I hear Fiona call from downstairs. Eden covers her mouth with both hands, and her eyes widen.
“Oops! I not membered!” I chuckle and hold her hands in mine.
“What did you not remember, sweet pea?”
“Aunty Kitkat is downstairs.” I tilt my head to the side and check the clock. 10:12am. I slept for hours. For the first time in a long time, I slept in.
“Well, we better go and say hello then, hadn’t we?
” I climb out of bed and scoop my little friend up in my arms and we skip along the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen where Fiona and Kitty are waiting patiently.
The kitchen looks as if there has been an explosion.
I set Eden down on the floor as she tells me all about the chocolate cupcakes she has made for me whilst I’ve been sleeping.
“Good morning, beautiful.” Kitty makes her way over to me and cups the back of my head in her hands, pulling me in close. I hold on to her for a long time, breathing in her perfume and listening to her tell me I’m ok.
“How much do you know?” I ask her as she sits back in her chair.
“Babe, I was drunk at the club, not fucking blind.”
“KITTY!” Fiona snaps firmly, “language around Eden.” Fiona’s words make me chuckle as Kitty covers Eden’s ears.
“Shit, sorry!” Eden shakes her head, slipping free of Kitty’s hands, then she grabs a homemade cupcake from the counter before wandering off into the playroom.
“Oh, thank God. Not sure I could have watched my language if I’m honest.” Fiona rolls her eyes and playfully nudges Kitty’s arm as she sits down next to her.
Kitty leans forward and rubs my knees. “Tell me about him.”
I look around the room at the two women and realise how much I’m loved by them. They have come running to save me when I’ve felt like I am drowning.
“I don’t know whether there’s anything left to say.
He couldn’t give me what I wanted. Couldn’t love me the way I wanted…
needed.” My eyes fill with tears, and I take a sip of the coffee that Fiona has placed in front of me.
“He tried, I know he did. But in the end…” I don’t finish my sentence because in my head, it’s not worth it.
Kitty tenderly wipes a tear that has escaped.
“I need to forget about him. I need to move on.”
“Do you love him?” Kitty asks softly, in a way that tells me she is treading water. Trying not to upset me any more than I already am. I nod my head and the tears spill. Kitty leans forward, hugging me tight as Fiona joins the embrace.
“We’ve got you, babe. You’re not alone.” I wipe the tears from my eyes, and Kitty holds my face in her hands. “Did you hear me, Elle? We’re here. Don’t go quiet on us. We will hold you up whenever you need us.”
“I love you, girls,” I manage.
“We love you too,” Fiona says gently.
Once we all finish our coffees and Eden’s cupcakes, we head out for a walk in the woods. Eden holds Bear’s lead the whole time, running through the trees and around the flowers scattered across the ground. We search for bugs and flowers, and I show her how to make a daisy chain.
“Here, Aunty Elle. Mummy helped me. I made yis for you. Yis a daisy crown cause you a pwincess.” I bend down in front of her, and she places a fragile daisy chain on my head, which I don’t remove until we get home.
I spend the next couple of days wrapped up in the comfort of my best friend and her little girl.
I sit on the floor playing with Eden, relishing in her smiles and laughter, pure and innocent.
We walk Bear through the local park, and I tell Fiona everything.
She gasps, comforts me, laughs with me, and cries with me.
It feels like the therapy I have needed.
Then, at the end of her working day, Kitty comes back. We drink wine and watch films in our pyjamas, whilst she holds me tight.
When I return home a couple of days later, I don’t message Theo right away, I’m unsure whether I really want to. I collect my post from the doormat and with it, find a piece of paper.
I hope you got some rest and had a nice time with your friend. J x
I had told James before I left that I needed some time with my friends to figure out where to go from here. Of course, he had respected my wishes.
I shower, unpack and put some laundry on; only then do I finally pick up my phone and dial Theo’s number, unsure why I am doing it. It rings once before he picks it up. His heavy breathing tells me he is panicked. It is hard and hurried, like he can’t get his words out quick enough.
“Elizabeth, are you ok? I have been so worried. Where have you been?” he rushes his words out, trying not to waste another second. It’s clear that he’s been waiting for me to call, which only frustrates me that I actually did it.
“I just needed a little bit of time, so I have been staying with Fiona. But I’m home now.” Before I finish my sentence, on the other side of the line I hear Theo shout off into the distance that he needs his car ready.
“I will be there in twenty minutes. Please wait for me, baby.” I have never heard him like this before. He is unsettled. Maybe even frantic. His cool, calm demeanour, that I have come to know so well, has gone.
“I’ll wait for you, Theo, but not forever,” I reply.
His heart leaps into his mouth. My words are quiet, but loud enough for them to reverberate through his whole body. Just as I lower my phone down, I hear him whisper.
“Please, Elle. Don’t leave me.” The phone clicks off, and then I sit by the window doing the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t do anymore…
I wait for him.
****
Theo
“Where is my car?” I shout, but no matter how quickly they move, it still isn’t quick enough.
I jump into the back seat and order Nigel to get to Elizabeth’s house as soon as he can.
We weave through traffic and run through red lights.
I need to see her, to feel her in my arms. The fear coursing through my veins is sharp and painful.
I can sense the direction of our relationship, and I hate it.
I want to be able to stop it, but I know that there is only one way.
The only way is to leave Olivia. Deep down, I know that isn’t going to happen quickly enough.
I have spent the last few weeks going back and forth with phone calls to my legal team, asking them to investigate the prenup we signed. I need to know just how much I will lose if I leave her before the timeframe is up, or if there’s a way to leave without losing a thing.
Eighteen minutes later, I arrive at the cottage. She is standing with the front door open, the soft porch lighting making her face glow. I jog down the front path, without even closing the car door, before crashing hard into her. I kiss her with an energy that takes control of my body.
Desperate.
Fearful.
I can feel my fear rising within each parting of our lips, with each touch I make. My hands settle at the nape of her neck, and it takes all my strength not to moan with the closeness of our bodies. My arms wrap around her in the warmest embrace, scared to let go. Scared in case she disappears.
I brush her hair back and kiss the top of her head. My lips rest there for a while, breathing in her scent.
“I’ve missed you so much, Elizabeth.” Her fear is palpable, mixing in with mine.
When I had been unable to contact her, it had driven me wild.
I haven’t eaten. Haven’t been able to sleep, and I know the effects of the torture are visible on my face.
When I look in the mirror, I can see it.
I feel it too. The life she gives me fades so quickly when she isn’t around.
****
Elizabeth
Gently, I pull him into the cottage by his hand.
Willingly, he follows behind. I need to have this conversation with him, even if he doesn’t want it.
I know it’s going to be tough, but whilst laying in Fiona’s bed I had received the clarity I needed.
With space between us, I finally figured out exactly what my heart needs. What I need.
When the front door closes and we enter the cottage, he starts unbuttoning my blouse with a desperate urgency. He is frenzied, desperate to touch my skin. I close my hand gently around his, stopping him from continuing, and look him dead in his eyes.
I am in control tonight.
“What’s wrong?” He frowns, uncertain of what is happening. His confusion grates on me. He thinks that now we’re back at my cottage he can carry on as if nothing has happened? As if he hasn’t kept secrets from me.