August 8, 2015
Reid
I want to make tonight special and show her that the distance won’t make a difference with us.
That I am committed to her in the long run.
I’ve set the tone with a little Ed Sheeran on the radio of my old white Tacoma that I spent all day cleaning out.
I was hoping for better weather this evening so that we could watch the sunset at our favorite spot, but the rain is slowly starting to come down.
It’s not a far drive from my house to Caroline’s; only about ten minutes and before I know it, I’m pulling up to her parent’s old Victorian home.
I’m a little early and knowing her, she’s probably still getting ready.
I take my time parking in the gravel driveway, but before I can even cut off the engine, I notice Mr. Baker outside the front sidewalk.
I’m not sure why he’d be out in the drizzling rain.
He’s a little intimidating though he’s always been nice enough to me.
But I’ve gotten the sense that he thinks I’m not good enough for his daughter.
That’s every dad with an only girl though, right? I try not to take it personally.
Next thing I know, he’s at my window. With a small grin, I roll it down.
“Hi, Mr. Baker. How are you this evening? We might wanna get inside before the bottom falls out.” I say with my best manners and a slight chuckle, though he doesn’t match my lighthearted humor.
“Hello, Reid,” he says back in a much more stern tone. Flatly, he continues, “Caroline’s not feeling too great tonight.”
Confused, I answer, “Oh is she okay? She seemed fine when we talked earlier.”
“Yeah, she’ll be alright, but I think she’s having some second thoughts about all of this.” Mr. Baker explains with a small shoulder shrug.
Second thoughts about what though? He pauses and I’m not sure how to respond because I am even more confused now.
“You’re a great kid and all, but she’s got her sights set on something bigger. She’s pretty nervous about you leaving and the stress is distracting her from her upcoming senior year commitments.” His tone is even harder to read now. Where is this coming from?
Still listening, this is all hitting me like a rock. Had I been so lovestruck that I completely missed all of this? I didn’t even think or ask how my move would affect her, but she hadn’t expressed any hesitancy towards me. Dumbfounded in silence, he goes on.
“You’ve got a whole new life ahead of you.
Don’t stay tied down to this town. I don’t want her being held back from her dreams because she missed an opportunity, while being distracted.
We just want what’s best for her, ya know?
” He continues speaking, although I haven’t responded to his last few statements.
Blank face, my jaw dropped, I don’t know what to make of this but I nod expressionlessly. “Uh huh… do you think I should go in and talk to her?” I start to open the car door to go in, but he pushes it closed.
“I don’t think you’re getting it, kid.” His tone is much less sympathetic now.
“You need to let her go. Talking to her will just drag this out and make things worse. Don’t make this harder by stringing her along and playing with her feelings.
You need to make a clean break for it when you leave and cut ties so that you don’t keep her waiting here for you.
She’s got big things ahead of her and I can tell she’s already hurting and losing focus.
It would be pretty selfish to expect her to spend her last year of high school focused on the wrong things, don’t you think?
” Mr. Baker has never been a man of many words, but he sure is full of them tonight.
Selfish? Is that what I’m doing right now? How had I not looked at any of this from her point of view?
“Uh… mhmm.. Yes sir. I guess you have a point.” I hesitate to form a worthy response, unsure of where to go from here. It feels wrong to not have a proper goodbye, but he’s making it clear that I’m not welcome right now.
“I think you should go.” He responds calmly. “I’ll let her know that you got tied up. Don’t worry about it, we’ll take care of her. Please just do the right thing for you both.”
And with that, I’m somehow reversing out the driveway before even making it to the front door.
I leave the radio off and drive home in silence.
Staring out the window, it’s really coming down now and I have so many thoughts going through my head.
I park again and check my phone to see a text from Caroline:
“Hey! I’m ready, let me know when you leave.”
My thumbs hover over the keyboard. So many thoughts running through my mind.
I don’t want to make this any harder for her than it has to be.
My chest tightens and my eyes burn. All I want in life is to see Caroline shine and if that means setting her free, then who am I to be the one to hold her down?
I replay the conversation in my head that I just had with her dad, debating on what to do next.
I start to type out a response, but stop myself and click delete on the conversation.
I can’t tempt myself and I don’t want to make this any more painful for her than it already is.
I open her contact, see the selfie she took on my phone, and add her number to my blocked list. A tear drops onto my screen as I lock it.