Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
I waited on the couch for Rob to return, he’d been looking at flats in Basingstoke where he could commute to London for work. Construction workers earned way more in The Big Smoke.
It had taken a lot of persuasion to get him to agree to even view the apartments, but I warned him I’d given notice on our rented house in Winchester.
We had to leave by the end of August, which didn’t leave a lot of time to get organised.
I rang the letting agents for him, gave him the deposit and agreed to pay the first month’s rent cash in advance to secure a property, if he found one he liked.
Short of actually viewing them myself, I could do no more for him.
The viewings were at lunch time, and it wasn’t like Rob to be far away from the couch at the weekend.
I had to assume that he was deliberately trying to teach me a lesson by not coming home.
It wasn’t like he really had any friends he could be with.
He’d never wanted to make friends, never tried to socialise with anyone in fact.
It was one of our many problems, I loved to be surrounded with people and he had zero interest in socialising with anyone at all, including me.
He had work colleagues, so I assumed he was with one of them.
I worried that something had happened to him, but that was what he wanted; to punish me. To hurt me like he was hurting. I got it. It was only what I deserved and better than no reaction at all. It meant he understood that this was happening, whether or not he liked it.
I looked down at my phone and as I picked it up to check the time again. It rang loudly in my hand. It was John.
‘Hello?’
‘How’s Lucy?’ His gentle voice soothed my soul.
‘I’m ok. You?’
‘You sound deflated.’ His intuition was rarely wrong.
‘It’s nothing. Things have just been a bit difficult today. What did I expect?’ I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
‘What happened? Did he hurt you?’ John automatically jumped to my defence.
‘Not at all. I expect he is trying to punish me though.’
‘Lucy, you are not his mother. And you’re only his wife in writing.
He’s a grown man, he needs to accept responsibility for himself.
Run yourself a bath, pour yourself a glass of wine, and get into bed.
Don’t wait up for him. What kind of state do you think he’ll be in when he gets home?
I’m damn sure he’s not out drinking tea somewhere.
I worry about you.’ A low sigh whistled over the phone line. ‘I wish you’d let me come over.’
‘That would only add fuel to the fire. This is something I need to sort out myself, but thank you.’
I wasn’t used to anyone fighting my battles for me; it was nice to know I had someone in my corner.
But so far, I’d mentioned nothing about John and right or wrong, I hoped to keep it that way to get the divorce across the line quickly.
It wasn’t like we were physically involved in another relationship, and it wasn’t like we were going to bump into him in the local pub.
The last thing I wanted was Rob to get wind of the driving force of my actions, then deliberately drag things out longer than necessary out of revenge.
The front door banged loudly, and I heard Rob cursing as he struggled to kick his shoes off.
‘I’ve got to go; I’ll text you in a bit. Don’t worry, I’m fine,’ I assured him.
‘Ring me if you have any problem at all. I can be there in a matter of hours.’
‘Thanks. I appreciate it.’ I hung up before Rob made it into the sitting room.
‘Ah there she is,’ he bellowed, as if he had an audience. ‘My lovely WIFE.’ He practically spat at me. I could smell the Jack Daniels on his breath as he staggered closer to me.
One thing he could never do, regardless of his intentions was physically intimidate me.
‘Here I am indeed. And in a better state than you, thankfully. How did you get on today?’ I had no time for this mental bullshit tonight. He could never beat me up more than I beat myself up. I was an expert at it at this stage.
‘Why do you care, darling?’ His tone dripped with sarcasm as he actively sought an argument.
‘That’s a really good question, and one that people keep asking me. But I want to know that you’re ok. Believe it or not, I didn’t want it to come to this. But it’s not exactly just crept up on us out of the blue now, has it? We’ve been living separate lives for years and you know it.’
‘So you keep telling me.’ He rolled his eyes and flopped down at the opposite end of the couch.
‘So, did you take any of them or not?’ I asked.
He hesitated for a few seconds before wavering, remembering I’d offered to pay his rent in advance.
‘I provisionally took one, but I didn’t sign yet. They wanted photo ID and bank statements, which I didn’t have with me.’
‘Well, I suppose that’s one less thing to worry about.’ I tried to reassure him, though he didn’t look convinced.
‘I’m sorry, Rob.’ I apologised to him for the hundredth time this week. ‘I really am, but there’s a whole wide world out there and you will realise we haven’t been living in it, not really.’
‘So you say. You know this isn’t what I’d choose, Lucy.’ He was testing the water again.
‘I know, Rob. Please let’s not keep going over this. I won’t change my mind. Don’t do this to yourself. Try to see it as an opportunity, a new chapter. Use it to do something that you want to do before ‘you’ became ‘us’.’
‘The thing is, I can’t really remember anything that I actually ever wanted to do before.’ That admission didn’t surprise me in the least.
‘Now is the time to think about it. Do something that makes you happy.’
‘What are you going to do?’ His tone was almost child-like.
‘I don’t know.’ I answered truthfully. But at least I had options.
I could stay with my family for a while or I could go back to Edinburgh.
I could have a place to stay and a job with just a couple of phone calls.
‘But without a shadow of a doubt, this is the right thing. Try to get some sleep,’ I said to him as I left the room.
‘As if,’ he scoffed.
He’d always previously slept like a baby. I used to hear the snoring through the thin plasterboard walls, while I lay awake, over-thinking everything. But since I asked him for the divorce, it was me who had been sleeping like the dead; an immense weight lifted off my shoulders.
I scrapped the bath for a quick shower and took a cup of tea up to bed with me and text John.
Lucy: All ok. Call you in the morning.
He replied immediately. He must have been on standby in case the shit hit the fan. I’m not quite sure what he was planning to do from there but it was a lovely thought all the same.
John: As long as you’re ok. Sweet dreams.