15. Ezekiel
Crystal
What type of games are you playing?
Hello!!!!
This is some bullshit, Damien. I swear I wish I never agreed to this. Out of all people you give me your ass to kiss!!!!
Why aren’t you answering my calls or texts?
Don’t even worry about it.
“Shit.” Groaning, I rubbed my tired eyes and got out of bed. Four o’clock in the morning and my head was pounding. Sunnie had gotten up minutes ago to use the bathroom and never came back.
I wanted to be angry with Crystal, but I couldn’t. We were in this predicament because of me. That’s the part that pissed her off. The day she took the pregnancy test was the same day I asked her to keep the baby. Three other men potentially being the father, went in one ear and out the other. My reasons for asking that of her were selfish. Senile almost. Mom’s health had taken a turn for the worse and she always got on my case about marriage and kids. Getting married was out of the question but giving her a grandbaby with my DNA was the ultimate trump card in giving my mother some form of happiness.
Crystal’s pregnancy seemed like a blessing in disguise.
I finally had something good to give my mom.
She refused to take my money but she wouldn’t refuse to love a child that was part of me.
When she died it’s like I stopped caring but God wouldn’t let me. He sent me Bishop’s way and gave me a new sense of purpose for the child He blessed me with.
Grabbing a bottle of water out the fridge, I looked around my dark condo trying to find the bushy head woman who left the right side of my bed cold. Ever since she came back from having brunch with her parents a couple days ago, she’s been quiet. Unusually quiet. Wiping tears when she thought I wasn’t looking. Barely eating or sleeping. As much as I wanted to protect her heart, these were lessons she had to learn on her own.
Curled up on the lounge chair out on the balcony, tears poured down her face in heavy waves. On her phone was a video playing of her and Hillary. Laughing and having a good time. It felt like yesterday since her death, though it had only been a month. I can’t imagine the trauma Sunnie felt. Being the one who found her best friend. Barely able to grieve that huge loss before coming to be by my side while I grieved for my loved one. She’s been everything to me. Taking on my burdens without being asked on top of dealing with her own shit.
Feeling my presence, she expressed, “We had so much fun at Coachella last year.” She giggled mid-cry. “My kidneys kicked my ass at the end of our trip, but finally getting Summer to drive the boat was worth it.” Goosebumps covered my arms, hearing her sob into her hands. “In August, we were supposed to go into business with each other. All three of us. Coming together to create a luxury line of handbags and travel sets. Everything was in place. The name, website, and samples. Everything. We had it all planned, Zeek.”
Needing to cover her, I moved with haste to scoop her up in my arms and take her back inside, where it was warm. My chest is where she found comfort and peace to release her heart’s troubles. Her chest to my chest, one heart being fast and the other steady, working in tandem to get her to calm the raging storm brewing within her.
“We had it all planned until it wasn’t. I checked in on Hillary every day, multiple times a day. It’s like God had given me an angel on earth to help me, but then took her back because He needed her more and that’s not fair. Not fair to my heart, to her parents and family. I miss my friend so much, Zeek.”
I held her while she cried in my chest. Sobbed hard to the point her wails triggered my own. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep, snuggling until her face rested in the crook of my neck. While she rested, I talked to God. Asked Him to show her grace and mercy. Asked him to strengthen her heart and replace her sorrow with joy. Asked Him to order my steps and guide me on the proper way to love her during this season of her life. Sunnie barely knew what she needed to exist for a day. I needed help in this foreign space. I wanted to help because I love her.
From early morning till early afternoon, we laid there. She slept, and I covered her. My pride received a gold star knowing that she felt safe enough with me to cleanse her soul in tears and lay in my arms for a fresh newness.
When her lashes started to blink, sweeping over her cheeks and body squirming in my arms, my arms were still holding her.
“Thank you.” She sat up, resting her chin on my chest. “I’ll make it up to you by cooking a nice lunch. Are you okay with that?”
Had I been hungry for food, yes.
But I wanted something different.
I wanted something deeper. Something intangible.
“I don’t want food.” My knuckles caressed her cheek, causing a soft smile to touch her lips.
“What do you want?”
“I want to see you naked.” She stiffened against me, eyes wide, and mouth gapped. Kissing her nose, I offered clarity. “Making love to you sounds heavenly, Sunnie Mae. My request isn’t sexual. Do you trust me?”
She answered without hesitation though her eyes said another. “I trust you.”
“Hold on to me.”
Those brown hues watched my every move. Carrying her into the kitchen and placing her on the countertop, my chuckles against her neck distracted her long enough to reach for the scissors.
“Look at me, Sunnie.” She finally tore her eyes from the scissors to focus on me. “I want to see you naked, Sunnie Mae. Not how social media sees you. I want to see the real you.”
I started with her long fake nails. One by one I cut them down to where her natural nails began. Then I removed her lashes. Next came the olive oil to rub on the edge of her lacefront to loosen the glue. I’ve been around enough women to know certain tricks to keep her edges. Once I had the wig off I cut out each piece of string used to hold down her braids, being very precise and careful not to cut her hair. I combed out each braid and massaged her scalp before laying her down with her head hanging in the sink to wash her hair.
Tears slowly fell, and I kissed each of them away. Forehead kisses that made her cry harder. Gave her a mean head massage working in the conditioner. Toweled her dry and added in leavin conditioner. All supplies I made known were from my niece when she stayed over.
Speaking of my niece, thanks to our uncle and niece”s weekend sleepovers, I knew how to detangle Sunnie’s hair and put it in two pigtail braids.
“You’re beautiful, baby.” She hadn’t been able to stop crying. “The world expects you to be dolled up twenty-four seven. You don’t have to do that with me, Sunnie Mae. I want this version of you. The naked version without all the superficial. We said we were going to go on this journey together to get to know the real version of us. Well, baby, you have a fresh new canvas to start with.”
“I don’t understand.” She sniffled, eyes puffy and nose red.
“What don’t you understand?”
“I don’t understand what I did to deserve you. I’m not a good person, Ezekiel. Why would God give me something good when all I’ve done is everything bad?” Her hands tugged on my shirt until I rested between her legs, her chin finding its favorite resting place on my chest.
“That’s the wonderful thing about God. His love isn’t conditional to our actions. He loves us unconditionally, in spite of all the wrong we’ve done. Neither of us are perfect people. Not a single perfect person walks this earth. Each day we receive the gift of new mercies. Rest because His love, His glory, is sufficient and extends to you. I deserve you just as much as you deserve me.” Thank you, Bishop, for the words of wisdom.
“I love you so much, Zeek.”
“I love you too, Sunnie Mae.” Morning breath be damned. I kissed my heart until I heard my favorite sound - her exhale of peace. “Now I can feed you. What do you have a taste for?”
“Can we eat Captain Crunch and watch cartoons?”
The way her eyes caressed my soul and caused my stomach to knot. She could have whatever she wanted.
If that’s how she wanted to spend the day emoting, her wish was my command.