27. Jax
JAX
“H ow about this one?” I ask Maddie, holding up the frilly white quilt cover set. We’ve been in this damn shop for almost an hour, but every suggestion I make gets squashed immediately.
“No. Pink one,” she bites, crossing her arms in defiance.
“Fine. Pink it is,” I reply with a sigh.
I already know she’s not going to give in until she gets her way.
She’s her mother’s daughter, that’s for sure.
Stubborn as hell. Pink bed, pink dresser, pink linen and pink fucking curtains.
I don’t want all this pink shit in my house. She’s lucky I love her.
It was after midnight when I left Candice’s place after we talked.
We agreed that we’d share custody of Maddie.
I’ll be having Maddie every second weekend and Monday evenings through to Tuesday night since it’s my day off.
The rest of the time she’ll be living at Sophia’s with Candice.
Technically my weekend will start next week, but Candice let me have Maddie this morning so I’d have time to set everything up for her.
I’m going to see if Gus will help me move my gym equipment out of my spare room and into the empty garage behind the shop, now Beau’s moved out. If Maddie is going to be staying with me regularly, she’ll need her own space. I want her to be comfortable while she’s with me.
Things between Candice and I are still strained to say the least. She has promised me she won’t run again, and I think she means it.
Well, I hope she does. Her word means nothing to me now.
Although I’m confident we’ll be able to keep things civil for our daughter’s sake.
Even though Maddie seems to be taking it in her stride, this is a big adjustment for her.
Six months ago, she thought Sophia was her mother.
Thankfully she’s young, so she can’t really grasp the whole concept.
Taking the pink quilt cover off the shelf, I put it in the shopping trolley. Maddie follows me down the next aisle where the fitted sheet sets are. I don’t even bother asking her what colour, I know it’s going to be fucking pink.
Moving further along, I reach for one of the quilts that are stacked along the back wall.
“Pink, Daddy.”
“They only come in white. Once you put the cover on it, it’ll be pink.”
“Kay,” she replies, smiling. She may be stubborn like her mother, but thankfully she’s also easy-going like me.
“The pillows only come in white too, but we have a pink pillowcase.”
“I wuv pink.”
“Don’t I know it.”
Once I’ve paid, I pack everything into Candice’s car. I don’t have a booster seat yet, so I had to borrow hers.
“Wanna get an ice cream before I take you home?”
She claps her little hands together and squeals, “Ice cream!”
“What flavour do you want?” I ask, lifting her into my arms before we cross the road. She better not say pink. I’m all pinked out.
“Nella and spinkles.”
“Vanilla? With sprinkles?”
“Yes, nella and spinkles.”
I smile. Vanilla is my favourite too. Another thing we have in common.
Friday afternoon rolls around fast. With my long days at work, and the nights filled getting Maddie’s room ready, you’d think I’d be worn out, but I’m not.
I’m excited about spending my first weekend with her.
She’s going to love her new bedroom. I’ve worked my damn arse off trying to get it perfect, so she’d better.
It’s very pink , but I’m impressed by how great it looks. For a pink room that is.
I gave the walls a fresh coat of white paint but added some pink to the architraves and cornices.
I’m no interior designer, but with the pink furniture, even I knew it needed a neutral colour to break it up.
The quilt cover Maddie chose is covered in pink and white butterflies, so I went with the butterfly theme for the entire room.
I found some butterfly transfers online, which I’ve put on the wall behind her bed.
I bought a pink shagpile rug, the same colour as the curtains, to cover the polished floorboards.
Even the pink bedside lamp has tiny butterflies cut out of the shade, so when lit up, it projects butterflies around the room. It’s pretty impressive if you ask me.
I left work earlier than usual so I could grab some of Maddie’s favourite foods from the supermarket. Candice is going to drop her off after dinner. I bought a booster seat for my car during the week, so I can take her out. I have a fun-filled weekend planned for my little girl.
It’s just after six when they arrive. “Daddy!” Maddie squeals when I open the front door. She looks so sweet, wearing a fluffy pink robe over the top of her pyjamas and pink slippers. Just what this house needs, more fucking pink. I chuckle when she launches herself at me.
“Hi,” I say to Candice as I scoop Maddie into my arms. I inhale her sweet baby powder scent and plant a soft kiss on her hair.
“Hi.” Candice gives me an uncertain smile. I hate that things are so tense between us. We’ll never get back to what we were, but hopefully, in time we’ll find some normality again.
“Come in,” I say, taking Maddie’s small pink suitcase out of Candice’s hand. I probably shouldn’t invite her in, but if we’re going to make this arrangement work I need to force myself to be normal with her.
“Thanks.”
As I follow her down the hallway, I try my hardest not to check out her arse, but my eyes betray me. Why does she have to be so goddamn tempting?
“Do you want to see your new bedroom?” I ask Maddie.
“My pink bed come?”
“Yes, your pink bed came.”
“Can I see her room too?” Candice asks.
“Sure. I’ve set her up in my spare room.” When Maddie squirms in my arms, I put her on the floor. Candice comes to a stop a few feet from the doorway, but Maddie runs straight past her. “Close your eyes,” I say, reaching for the door handle.
“Kay.”
“Are they closed?”
She nods, placing her hands over her eyes.
I open the door slightly, sliding my hand inside to turn on the light.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes.” Her tiny body bobs up and down with excitement. I can’t help but smile as she waits for me to fully open the door. My gaze moves briefly to Candice, and I find her smiling too, but she’s not looking down at Maddie—her eyes are firmly fixed on me.
I quickly look away as that familiar ache settles in my chest. Again I’m reminded of everything I’ve lost. Things could’ve been so different if she hadn’t deceived me for so long.
Trying to push those thoughts out of my mind, I fling open the door.
I worked hard putting this together for Maddie, so I want to enjoy her reaction.
“Here’s your new room, Peanut.”
“My room!” Maddie squeals, running over to her bed. It takes her a few seconds to climb up, but when she does, she grabs the butterfly-shaped pillow I bought her. “Butfry.”
“I hope you like butterflies?”
“Wow. It’s beautiful, Jax,” I hear Candice say from behind me.
I glance at her over my shoulder. “Thanks.”
“You did this all by yourself?”
“I did.”
Maddie giggles as she stands on the bed and starts to jump, but I’m drawn to Candice, who steps into the centre of the room. I hate that I’m still so captivated by her; I need to find a way to break this damn spell. It’s like some kind of voodoo shit. She’s not worthy of my heart anymore.
“I’m pretty impressed with it, despite all the pink,” I admit. The sweet sound of Candice’s laughter hits me straight in the chest. I tear my eyes from her and go to Maddie, lifting her off the bed. I need a distraction.
“It’s a girl thing,” Candice says.
“What do you want to do tonight?” I ask my daughter.
“Dora.”
I was expecting her to say that, so I’m prepared. “Would you like to watch a movie with Puppy in it?” I bought The Peanuts Movie for her during the week.
Charlie Brown runs rings around that Dora chick.
I even bought a bag of microwave popcorn and hope she likes it.
I hate that I don’t know all of her likes and dislikes.
A parent should know these things. That’s another thing Candice has robbed me of.
I’m going to make it my mission to find out every little thing about Maddie, even the insignificant things.
“Puppy!” she squeals, clapping her hands.
I’m still holding her as I leave the room.
I pause when I reach the doorway. Glancing over my shoulder, I see Candice holding the framed picture I’ve placed on the bedside table.
It’s an old picture of me and her, in happier times.
Things might be strained between us now, but they weren’t always like that.
I thought it would be nice for our daughter to have a photo of her parents together.
A small smile tugs at Candice’s lips as she places it down. When she turns to follow us out, I see tears glistening in her eyes. I’m so torn. Doesn’t she realise I’m hurting too? She was my fucking world.
After getting Maddie settled on the sofa under a blanket, I walk Candice to the door. It’s too hard having her around, so there’s no way I’m inviting her to stay and watch the movie with us.
“Everything you’ll need is in Maddie’s suitcase. She doesn’t wear a nappy at night anymore, just make sure she goes to the toilet before bed and she’ll be fine.”
“Thanks.” At least I won’t have to suffer through another one of those shitty nappies. I’m still scarred by that incident.
“If you have any problems, just call.”
“I will, but I’m sure we’ll manage. I’ll drop her off Sunday night.”
She looks at the floor. “I guess I should get going then. Enjoy your movie.”
“Thanks, we will.”
“You can stay for dinner if you like … you know, on Sunday, when you drop Maddie off.” She’s stalling. I can tell she doesn’t want to leave, but I can’t have her around me for long periods of time. I just can’t. How awkward we’ve become hurts.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
I went over there for dinner one night last week—I was missing Maddie, and Candice has said I can come over anytime I want to see her.
The nights I was busy getting her room together, I talked to her on the phone instead.
Only having her on Tuesdays and every second weekend is going to take some adjustment. I want her with me all the time.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Here,” Candice says as she riffles around in her bag, before pulling out a set of keys. “The keys to your shop. I guess I won’t be needing them anymore.”
She brought up her old job when we had our big talk and I made sure to tell her the position had already been filled.
You can’t walk away from your job and expect it to still be waiting for you when you return, six months later.
Besides, I can’t have her working there anymore.
The less I have to see her, the easier it will be.
I hold out my hand and she places them in my palm. “Fuck,” I say, immediately dropping them to the floor and rubbing my hand down the front of my sweats. “Seriously, you have a damn cock on your keyring.”
“Oh.” She rolls her lips in an attempt to suppress her laugh. She thinks it’s funny … it’s not. “Maybe I should’ve taken that off first.”
“You think?” I bet she left it on purposely. “You need fucking help. Have you ever considered attending CA?”
“CA?”
“Cocks Anonymous.”
“What? I don’t need therapy. I doubt there even is such a group.”
“You sure about that? Because I’m starting to see a disturbing pattern emerging here.” When she bends down to pick up the keys, I see the smile she’s trying to hide. “Can you remove that … that thing?”
“Fine.” I hear her mumble “Pussy,” under her breath as she removes the plastic cock from the keyring.
I’m no fucking pussy.
I bolt upright when something wakes me.
“Daddy!” There it is again.
Shit—Maddie.
Leaping out of bed, I frantically slip into my sweats. I can’t go to her only wearing my boxer briefs.
“Daddy!” she calls out again. Christ, she sounds distressed.
My heart thumps in my chest as I run down the hall to her bedroom. “Peanut,” I say flicking on the light. “Are you okay?”
I see tears in her eyes. “I scared.”
“Baby girl,” I say, sitting down on the side of the mattress.
“There’s nothing to be scared of.” I suppose this is all new to her.
She’s in a strange house, a strange room.
It’s the first time she’s slept over. I’d lay down with her, but there’s no way I’d fit in that tiny pink bed.
“Do you want me to sit with you until you fall back to sleep?”
She shakes her head. When her bottom lip starts to quiver, my heart is torn in two. The whole parent thing is going to be harder than I thought. I want her to be happy here—to feel safe. I’m not prepared for this. I thought I was. I have no idea what to do.
“Do you wanna come sleep in my bed, with me?” She nods. “Come on then.” I slide my hands under her arms.
“Puppy come. He scared too.”
“Okay, Puppy can come.” I scoop him up off her pillow and pass him to her before heading back to my room.
Once I have her settled, I climb in beside her.
Dragging her closer, I tuck the blankets up around her chin. “Is this better?”
“I not scared now,” she answers with a yawn.
I kiss her forehead. “That’s good.”
“I wuv you, Daddy,” she whispers as her eyes drift closed. Hearing her say that makes my heart sing. I’m pretty sure it will never get old.
Leaning in, I place my lips against her forehead. I’m smiling as I close my eyes as well. “I love you too, Peanut.”