29. Jax
JAX
E ighteen months later …
I smile when I hear Maddie’s loud footsteps barrelling down the hallway to my bedroom. For someone so petite, she sounds like a baby elephant when she runs through the house.
“Wake up, Daddy,” she says excitedly as she dives onto the bed and shakes my hip.
“Wake up.” I lie perfectly still as she moves up the bed towards my face.
My eyes remain closed and I try to suppress my grin when I feel her warm breath dance across my cheek.
Today is her fifth birthday, and I was lucky that it fell on my weekend.
I can’t believe how fast she’s growing up.
She’ll be starting big school in a few months, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.
“Daddy,” she whispers as she clasps my shoulder and shakes me once more.
I can’t hold back my smile when her lips connect with my cheek. I adore this kid. She enriches my life so much.
When she’s least expecting it, I roll onto my back and capture her in my arms, flipping her over. “Happy birthday, sweet girl,” I say, burying my face into the crook of her neck.
“Daddy!” she squeals as my fingers lightly tickle her sides. The sweet sound of her laughter warms my heart.
“Are you ready for your presents?” I stayed up half the damn night putting her dollhouse together.
She has a small one at Candice’s house that she plays with a lot, but it doesn’t compare to this one—it’s the mother of all dollhouses.
I want her to have nice things here, for when she stays over.
She’s going to love it. It’s a three-storey wooden one.
I bought all the tiny furniture to go with it, and a family of dolls.
Maddie’s slowly pulling away from Puppy as she grows. He still sleeps with her every night, but he no longer accompanies her everywhere. It’s kind of sad.
“Yes,” she says, her face lighting up.
“After breakfast, I’m going to take you somewhere special.”
“Where?”
“To Luna Park. It has rides and lots of fun stuff.”
“Yay,” she cheers.
I sit back on the sofa and watch her play with her birthday present.
My ears are still ringing from the loud, high-pitched squeal she made when she saw her dollhouse for the first time.
There were even a few tears in her eyes as she threw her arms around me, and thanked me.
I love her so much, and I love having her here. I miss her when she’s with her mother.
I can’t help but smile as I listen to all the different voices she uses for each of the dolls. She’s so adorable. I even pull out my phone and take a sneaky video. I know it’s a moment that I’ll look back on with fondness. Just like the other memories I’ve captured of my time with my little girl.
Turning to me, she holds up two of the dolls, one in each hand. “This is the Daddy dolly,” she says, “and this is the Mummy dolly. Where can the Daddy dolly sleep?”
“In the dollhouse with Mummy dolly,” I say.
Her brow furrows as she gives me a confused look. “But mummies and daddies don’t live in the same house.”
Her words catch me off guard, she must think her situation is the norm. I guess she’s too little to know otherwise.
“Some mummies and daddies live together.”
“Why don’t you live with my mummy then? She’s nice.”
“I know she’s nice.” Christ, I walked straight into that one.
I stand and head towards the kitchen. “Do you want a soft-boiled egg with the toast cut into fingers, so you can dunk them?” I ask as I pass her.
It’s my pathetic attempt at changing the subject.
I’m not getting into this conversation with her right now.
It’s only going to lead to more questions.
“Yes please, Daddy.”
After we eat, I get her clothes out. She’s little miss independent now, and likes to dress herself.
Grabbing the brush off her dresser, I pull her hair back into a ponytail.
I’ve got this shit down pat now. When I’m done, she sits on the bed so I can put her shoes on.
Pink Converse sneakers, just like her mother.
“I was thinking,” I say as I tie her shoelaces. “Since we’re going to be out all day, we might call past your mum’s on the way to the amusement park, so she can see you for your birthday.”
“Okay. That means I’ll get more presents today.”
I chuckle when she rubs her hands together.
Kids . I remember feeling like that when I was a boy.
My parents always went out of their way to give us over-the-top birthday parties, and the best presents money could buy.
It was never done to please us though, it was to try to outdo all the other showy and pretentious parents in the neighbourhood.
While Maddie brushes her teeth, I head into my room to get dressed and send Candice a text.
Me: I’m taking Maddie to Luna Park today. I thought if you were home, we’d call past so you could see her. We won’t be back until later tonight.
By the time I’m dressed and washing up our breakfast dishes, there’s still no reply from Candice. I notice Maddie sitting by her dollhouse again, getting in a little more play time before we leave.
When I finish tidying up, I pull my phone out of my pocket.
There’s still no reply. My mind goes into overdrive.
Although our friendship has improved over the past year or so, I have no idea what Candice gets up to in her free time.
No matter how hard I try not to love her, I still do.
I often wonder if she has a boyfriend, even though I don’t want to know.
My philosophy is what I don’t know won’t hurt me.
Maddie has never mentioned any other guy, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
Picking up my car keys from the bench, I call out to Maddie, “You ready to go?”
“Coming, Daddy, I’ll just grab my hat.” I love that she still wears the Princess cap that I bought her.
I open the car door so she can climb in. It’s a warm November’s day. The sky is a beautiful rich shade of blue, and there’s not a cloud to be seen. Once she’s seated in her booster seat, I lean in to fasten her seatbelt.
“I can do it,” she says, pushing my hand away. Again I’m reminded of how fast she’s growing. I love—and hate—that she’s becoming so independent.
“Okay.”
My phone dings as I walk around to the driver’s side. Candice has finally replied.
Candice: Sorry, I was in the shower. If you haven’t left yet, I’d love it if you could bring her by. It feels weird not having her here on her birthday.
I push away the thought that she’s gotten to spend every birthday with our daughter. Last year it fell on Candice’s weekend, but I can’t complain. She invited me over for dinner and birthday cake, so I could spend some time with Maddie on her special day. This visit is just repaying the favour.
Me: Great. We’re leaving now. We’ll be there in ten.
The first thing I notice when Candice opens the front door is her wet hair and a face totally void of makeup. She still takes my breath away. I inhale her sweet apple scent, it’s prominent today. I wish I wasn’t still so affected by her.
“Happy birthday, baby girl,” she cries, lifting Maddie into her arms.
“Daddy bought me a dollhouse.”
“Wow. Lucky girl.” Candice smiles sweetly when she looks at me.
“Daddy is taking me to Luna Park.” Maddie looks at me too. “Can Mummy come?”
Fuck .
Candice must see my reaction because she quickly comes to my defence. “It’s your special day with your dad.”
“But you can come too. Can’t she, Daddy?”
“Of course she can come.” How can I say no to her? I try my best not to make my answer sound forced. It kills me to be around Candice for long periods.
“Only if you’re sure,” Candice says hesitantly. The uncertainty on her face is mixed with a dash of hopefulness. It has me nodding. I’m such a sucker when it comes to these two.
“Come. It’ll be fun,” I lie. Torture is more like it, but it’s Maddie’s birthday. If she wants both her parents with her, then who am I to deny her that? I want to give her everything I never had: love, affection and most importantly, security.
“There’s Mummy,” Maddie yells as she points to Candice in her Dodgem car, only a few metres away. “Get her, Daddy.”
Making a sharp turn of the wheel, I head straight for her. I burst out laughing when I see the horror on her face as we collide roughly with her car.
“Oh, you want to play dirty,” she growls. She straightens her car and does a loop around the outside. I give chase, but she’s already got a clear lead on me.
“Catch her, Daddy, catch her,” Maddie squeals with excitement. I’m so focused on Candice, that I don’t see the other car coming until it smashes into the side of us, jolting us sideways.
“Shit. Are you okay?” I ask Maddie, looking down at her.
She laughs. “Yes.”
“I’ve got my little girl in the car, you idiot,” I grumble when I turn my attention to the fool who just crashed into us.
Before I get a chance to say anything else someone careens into the back of us, catapulting us a few feet forward.
I turn in my seat, ready to shout abuse, only to find Candice laughing behind us.
“Payback’s a bitch,” she mouths.
“Game on,” I mouth back and stomp my foot on the pedal.
After lining up for another turn on the dodgem cars, we head over to one of the outdoor cafés for some lunch.
I was wrong about not wanting to bring Candice—the three of us are having a great time.
Maddie manoeuvres between us, taking our hands in hers.
It’s not hard to see she’s enjoying having both of us here.
We spent a few hours in the old-school Coney Island funhouse after lunch. My jaw aches from smiling and laughing so much.
Candice insists on watching Maddie as I take on some of the scarier rides. I get the feeling she’s chickening out on me, but she’d never admit it.
“Can we ride on that one next?” Maddie asks, pointing to the Ferris wheel.
“I’ll wait down here,” Candice says.
“Nice try,” I reply, grabbing her elbow and guiding her towards the line. “You’re not getting out of this one.”
“But—”