Chapter 32 #2
“That’s my girl,” I smile, not missing how her breath hitched and the pulse in her neck kicked up.
If I lay like this with her any longer, I’ll most definitely devour her.
Which would not go down well with the reserved town folk who’ll more than likely be so offended they’ll bring the authorities, get us locked up and potentially stuck in Alarithia, 841.
“Come on. Time to leave.”
***
Hours have gone by since we returned to my cabin. In that time, we’ve ate, bathed and practiced Lina’s senses of Taka.
With barely saying another word.
Just small fucking smiles here and there. I’ve given her the space she needs, but the way she glances at me now and again, nibbling that thumb of hers gives me the impression she has something to say, or ask.
I just wish she’d hurry up and put me out of my damn misery.
We sit together on the couch, me going over transport rolls, her with an old fable, though she doesn’t read a word. She sits with her legs up, wearing nothing but my tunic, her bare feet grazing my thigh as she rubs them together.
She’s cricketing, something trauma survivors tend to do, though I’m unsure if she knows that and the significance of this small habit.
‘What you said last night…’
Ahh, here it is. Though I said many things last night. The memory of makes me hot beneath my clothes.
‘Makes me wonder what’s with all the womanly products.’
Shit, all that stuff went ahead and backed me in a corner.
For some reason I tug on my ear, massaging the lobe for a few stalling seconds. “Ok, stay away from the Taka. Don’t need you freaking out and busting into some other time.” I move the bowl further back on the coffee table.
She sits up, holding up her palms in mock surrender.
“Don’t ask too many questions, you know I can’t tell you. But I may have had a visit from someone. Someone incredibly handsome by the way…” I wink. “…who told me to grab a few things. To make things better for you.”
I roll my eyes, not at her, at that heartsick bastard.
Though, the more time I spend with Lina, the more I see why he was so insistent I make even the smallest things nicer for her.
I’d like to think without all those things he had me buy, I’d have tried my hardest to make her feel cared for and safe.
Well, apparently, he did, seeing as he’s the one who got his happy ever after.
When will it be my turn.
‘Who?’
I level her with a look that tells her I can’t answer, and she knows it. But something in the way she chews her bottom lip tells me she might have an inkling but still feels unsure of herself these days.
‘Right. Ok. And he told you to get me cycle products?’
I nod. Yes, he did and thank the Gods; never knew women could bleed so much. I’m just thankful she stopped this morning, for a moment there I was terrified she’d bleed out.
More memories from last night flit across my mind, pulling a smile when I think of the intimate moment I wish I could re-create with her again. Damn, she was exquisite. The way she handed over her mind, body and soul for me to cherish, caress and care for. I’ve never felt so trusted, so needed.
She’s as precious as the pearlescent stones of Taka.
“And this…” I stalk to my bedside table, pulling the drawer, I snatch the book and hand it to her. It takes a moment for her to take it.
‘In another life.’
I notice how lately she’s been mouthing her words as she thinks them, like she’s practicing the art of speaking before she gets back what was taken from her.
“I know. I know. I don’t understand either, but something about…” I scratch my temple, nerves swarming my gut. “…reading to you… to re-write some memories.”
The deep inhalation she takes doesn’t go unnoticed.
‘Did he say what happens to me? Am I successful?’
“Lina,” I sigh. I’d love nothing more than tell her everything, but I won’t strip her of choice.
What happens in this lifetime happens because of Lina’s choosing, not mine, not older Rafe, not her fucking husband.
“You’re putting me in a difficult position, but no, he didn’t say whether you get your tongue back or not if that’s what you’re asking? ”
She bobs her head, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
“About that,” I begin. “When you get your tongue back, there’s something you must know.”
She sits on the arm of the couch, hugging her book to her chest in a way that tells me it’ll be treasured. I stand in front, crossing my arms.
“When you go back and re-write your timeline, you’ll forget me.” Her head snaps up so fast I’m surprised she didn’t break her neck. “And I you.” It comes out no louder than a whisper, the air between us growing dense and sour.
‘What? Why?’
I steal a breath and take a few steps back to lean against the table.
“Think about it. Your tongue, or lack thereof, is the sole reason you came to me.”
She blinks, putting the pieces together before blowing out a choppy breath.
If she goes back and undoes what her husband did, she’ll never need to come to me.
Her memories of us will fade into nothing and she’ll carry on with her life.
And my memories of her will disappear too.
They’d be replaced with whatever I would have been doing had she not threw coffee on me that morning.
She’s silent, and I don’t want to push her, but I’m desperate to know what she’s thinking.
‘So, I have to make a choice. You or my tongue.’
“No, Lina. There’s no choice.” My eyes turn dark, and my jaw tics. I refuse to be a reason she goes without something she needs, and not just for talking, but for her identity, future connections. For herself. “You know what you need to do.”
Her eyes turn glassy, and she wrinkles her nose; I have to look away.
‘Will I ever see you again?’
The lump in my throat burns. I’m too scared to look at her.
I shrug. “I like to think so.”
Her verbal sob breaks my heart. She takes her face in her hands, and I can’t fucking take it anymore. I need to touch her, so I step between her bare legs as she sits on the arm of the couch and cradle her head to my stomach.
‘I don’t want to choose.’
She shakes her head against my torso, her sobs muffled.
“Then I’ll choose for you.”
‘No.’
“I’ll do it Lina! If you don’t, I’ll go back myself, hunt that cunt and slice him down before he takes anything from you ever again.
Then I’ll make his mother watch as I chop her son into little pieces, fry them up and force her to eat every slab of rotten meat that is her precious baby boy.
I’ll shave her hair, throw her out on the street naked and orchestrate a mass town shaming ceremony before I flog her back raw… ”
‘Uh, Rafe…’
I clear my throat. “Sorry, love, got a little too enthusiastic there…”
Her chuckles pull out one of my own. She wraps her arms around my middle pulling me tighter, breathing me in like she’s trying to capture the essence of me before ultimately never remembering again.
Wrapping my arm around her waist, I haul her up, taking her feet off the ground to breathe her in too.
The lump in my throat returns. Hard, hot and unforgiving. This woman may as well claw her way into my chest, take my heart in her hands and set up a permanent camp there.
‘I don’t want to forget you, Rafe. Forget us.’
Me either, love. Me either.
“I know,” I choke. “But you need to get you back.” She knows the deeper meaning without me having to explain. She knows, as well as I, this is more than just a tongue.
‘Will our constellations bring us back to each other you think?’
I stroke a hand down her long brown hair, her back, then back up again.
“I’m sure of it.”
Despite Rafe coming to me and painting a picture I could only dream of, it doesn’t mean it’s set in stone.
Perhaps in Rafe’s time Lina never went back, never sought justice.
Perhaps, after everything so far, everything new that’s happened, we’ve changed enough where she does, and we go through life without each other.
Me, even future Rafe, will live never knowing what she tastes like, feels like… sounds like.
‘Thank you.’ Her whispered thought does nothing to ease the weight of lead in my gut. Or fix my heart currently cracking into pieces.
‘Can I… ask something of you?’
“Anything. It’s yours.”
‘Will you uh… can you… ok I’m only going to ask this cause you won’t remember me making a fool of myself.’
That does little to settle the anxiety swarming me.
“You are no fool. Spit it out.”
She pulls back, rolling her lips between her teeth. I use my thumb to pop them out, her eyes locking to mine, speaking a thousand words.
Silent words that have me sucking in the breath she stole from me with that look in her steely eyes.
Can we make one last memory before time makes us forget.