Chapter 1 #5
“We can take it as slowly as you want,” he murmured. “Snail’s pace! Like…maybe, um…maybe Daddy is mostly a nickname in the beginning? While we get to know each other better?”
He needed this too, didn’t he? Maybe as much as I did. Otherwise, I didn’t know why he’d push to include the titles so fast.
“If you’re okay with that, so am I,” I replied. “Here’s my immediate plan. Tomorrow morning, I’ll see Nathan. I’ll talk to him. He deserves to know that he did the right thing in fighting for us—and then cutting me loose when I didn’t fight alongside him.”
Jordan cocked his head. “I struggle to believe you didn’t fight, Sir.”
“We didn’t fight the same battle,” I amended.
“He wanted us to find a way so we could have our family without me denying that I’m a Daddy Dom.
I fought to keep the family the way it was.
My intentions were in the right place, but he was right.
I need this. I want this. So we’ll see how my talk with him goes—and if I can open the door to a possible solution, or if I’m too late. ”
“I don’t think you’re too late,” he stated confidently. “I would totally seduce him and woo him, though. Like, surprise him. Or, or, or—” He lit the fuck up “—send him on a scavenger hunt!”
I laughed under my breath and hugged him to me, and I pressed a kiss to the side of his head.
“You’re too cute for words, little one.”
He snickered before the sound morphed into a hum of contentment, and he wrapped his arms around my neck.
His idea was sweet, and if my marriage hadn’t depended on it—or if the situation hadn’t been severe—then maybe. But I wasn’t going to play any games with Nathan. Just straight-up communication without waiting around.
“Once I’ve talked to him, you and I can sit down with James,” I murmured. “We’ll figure something out that works for us.”
He nodded and buried his face against my neck. “Something slow.”
Someone was stuck on that word.
“For the moment.” I stroked his back. “I don’t think you want a Daddy who’s all over the place and can’t commit.”
He sighed loudly. “I guess… Can I text you whenever I want?”
“Absolutely. Day or night—and I’ll answer as soon as I can.
” I combed my fingers through the hair along the back of his head and tugged him back just enough so I could look him in the eye.
“I’ll say this right now. Out in Mclean and in our future texting adventures, you don’t have to tiptoe around anything or watch what you’re saying.
It’s mostly when my kids are around that we’re mindful. ”
He bit his lip and nodded a little. “Makes sense. I like that. But, uh, I still haven’t visited the house. House Mclean, I mean. I haven’t been out there.”
But he was going to eventually, wasn’t he? “Are you still saying that being part of a community isn’t for you?”
I’d been surprised the first time he’d told me he had no interest in joining a community. He was cut out to run wild with the other Mclean brats.
For some reason, Jordan turned shy on me. “No, I’ve changed my mind… But I’m careful also, ’cause it’s your community, and James and I don’t wanna step on any toes.”
That was sweet of him, but I wanted them both out there. “You’re more than welcome to come out there whenever. In fact, I’ll tell Nathan tomorrow that you’ll show up at some point—just so he’s not blindsided.”
He got a little smirky. “I did sign up for his bondage thing.”
Oh, that was right. Yeah. That was…something. “You also denied being a sneaky little thing.”
He snickered behind his hand.
Then he yawned, which was a good reminder.
It was getting awfully late, and it’d do us good to process.
I sure as hell needed it. I could already feel that my brain would be spinning the moment my head hit the pillow.
What would I be ready for? What would I want from Jordan?
And from James, for that matter. Good-morning texts?
Sporadic flirting? How intimate could I get?
Should we start off fairly nonsexual? In all honesty, I wasn’t sure I could fuck anyone without feeling like I was betraying Nathan.
Even if we divorced, I’d be his husband.
I’d told him when we got married that he was my world, and that was never changing.
Nathan Riley
Deep breaths.
I adjusted my glasses.
Was this turning into a big Sunday breakfast or something?
Ash was only supposed to come over to pick up Micah and Lily.
They had plans. They were gonna play board games over at Ash’s brother’s house or something.
Of course, it was all part of Ash spending time with the children away from my house. Away from me.
But something was going on. I could smell the coffee brewing. Micah and Lily were up, and they were in a good mood. So was Ash. I heard him downstairs, slinging jokes with Lily and coaxing Micah to help him set the table. Ever the struggle with kids who didn’t like doing chores.
I bit at my cuticle and stood there on the landing, looking down the stairs, when Hallie appeared from her room. Perfect bed head, pink pajama bottoms and matching tee, and half disoriented. She inserted her retainer and squinted at me.
“What is going on? Why are you up here?”
Wasn’t that clear? I was hiding, of course. I’d been up here to collect laundry from Micah’s and Lily’s rooms when Ash had shown up, and now it was twenty minutes later. The youngest had sprinted downstairs the moment they’d woken up, unlike me.
I cleared my throat and found another random sock on the floor to throw into the basket. “Good morning, sweetheart. I’m just gathering the laundry. If you have anything in your room, please bring it down.”
She yawned. “Um, okay. But what’s happening? Are we all having breakfast together?” She peered down past the railing. “Dad’s not exactly using his indoor voice down there.”
Ash never did when he was in a good mood.
Why the fuck was he in a good mood?
“Hugging party!” Micah yelled.
“Fuck yeah!” Ash hollered back. “You too, princess!”
“Yay!”
“Good God, I need more sleep,” Hallie groaned and went back to her room. “Please remind him it’s Sunday! A day of resting!”
I sighed.
“Was that Hallie I heard up there?” Ash called. “Tell her I’m making pancakes with Nutella!”
Well, he clearly knew I was awake since I wasn’t in the living room—or my bedroom, as it were. Fucking pullout couch.
Hallie promptly opened the door to her room again. “I may as well eat now.”
I lifted my brows and watched her scurry down the stairs.
Okay, my turn. I couldn’t hide up here all day.
I hitched the laundry basket on my hip and trailed downstairs, braced for anything. The kids obviously loved seeing Ash in a great mood, but I wasn’t a fan. It just made things all the more painful. I missed him enough when he was brooding.
Casting a glance into the living room, I noticed Ash had returned the pullout to its couch origins as usual. He was quick to do that when he stopped by in the morning. The coffee table too.
I passed the kitchen on my way to the laundry room in the hallway, and I listened on one ear as Ash asked about Hallie’s plans for the day.
On my agenda, I had “get my shit together.”
It was a daily quest.
After starting the first load of laundry, I had no choice but to join the others in the kitchen and act like everything was great and that Ash and I had woken up next to each other.
I retied the drawstrings of my sweats, and I half regretted not putting on a T-shirt.
Hallie brought the pancakes to the table, causing Micah to wriggle excitedly in his seat.
Ash side-eyed me as he turned off the stove. “Damn, boy. The bed head librarian look works for me.”
Oh, shut up. We all knew he was the beauty and I was the brains. But sure, I wasn’t going to turn down the ego boost. I’d spent too many hours working out to let compliments go to waste. Especially when they came from him.
“Can you come with us to Uncle Theo and Auntie Claire, Daddy?” Lily asked me.
“Afraid I can’t, princess,” I replied, bringing our coffee to the table. “I have so many errands to run. I have some work to catch up on too, a boring meeting in a little bit, and then I’m picking up a chessboard for Micah.”
“Yeah!” Micah cheered.
I smiled—
“Aww, you never come with us!” Lily complained.
Unfortunately, you’ll find out why very soon, darling.
“Wait, what’s this?” Ash sat down at the table, focused on Micah. “You wanna learn chess?”
Our boy nodded proudly. “Hallie showed me on her laptop. It was fun.”
Ash didn’t need more than that to get fired up. “That’s fantastic, baby. I think you’ll like it. Maybe we got ourselves a future grand master right here, huh? Our next Kasparov or Polgár.”
Good grief. Leave it to Ash to already know stuff about a game he’d never claimed interest in. Then again, he had this thing where he researched the basics of most sports before a major championship. He didn’t always watch the games, but he followed the stats for some reason.
Micah snickered and hugged Ash’s arm. “I’m always gonna be Mikey!”
“Damn right, you will.” Ash dropped a kiss to the top of the boy’s head. “All right, let’s eat. I take it Dylan’s gonna sleep away the day.” He reached for some toast. “Can we just put it out there that Daddy’s hella handsome in his glasses?”
What the—
What was he doing?
Hallie eyed us curiously. Lily definitely found me handsome, and Micah just scrunched his nose.
“I ran out of contacts,” I muttered, focusing on plating some scrambled eggs. “The new ones will be here tomorrow.”
“Okay, you can watch your cartoons for twenty minutes,” Ash said. “Then we gotta get you dressed so we can head over to Uncle Theo’s. And then we’re gonna play…?”
“Hurry Up, Chicken Butt!” Micah and Lily yelled.
I smiled to myself and brought some dishes back to the sink.
The little ones ran out first, quickly followed by Hallie, and then there were two.