Chapter 13
IDA
I think I’ve blown it.
Pushed things way too far out of his comfort zone.
There’s a weird atmosphere between us now that wasn’t there before, like one of us has crossed over to the other side of something. Or maybe we’ve both crossed to the opposite side from each other: me into my neediness and him further into his state of protective withdrawal.
My heart is in my boots.
We don’t say much beyond perfunctory statements as we return our paddleboards to the shore, where one of the hotel employees receives them from us.
Trudging back to the villa, I glance at Raffa a couple of times, but either he doesn’t notice, or pretends not to and keeps his gaze fixed firmly ahead of him.
Once back inside the living area, he goes straight to his laptop and grabs it off the table, only pausing to say, ‘I’ll see you later,’ to me before disappearing off in the direction of his bedroom.
I guess that’s the end of our whirlwind non-love affair then.
Hot tears build in my eyes, but I force them back. I’m not going to cry over this.
It’s not like a proper relationship with him had ever been on the table anyway. He’d not made any promises to me, or I to him. We’d both gone into this thing expecting to have some fun together, but come out as just friends at the end of it.
So how did I let myself get into this state? I’d really thought I could breeze through this fake relationship thing with him and come out smiling on the other side.
But it turns out, not so much.
I give myself a shake.
I didn’t come here looking for a serious relationship. I’ve got plenty of things to keep me busy in my life. I don’t need Raffael Lonetti getting in the way of them.
I want him, sure.
But I don’t need him.
With that painful rationalisation echoing through my mind, I go and take a shower and change. Then I take my phone over to the hotel and distract myself by doing some more reels and photos around the place.
Luckily, there are plenty of other people around in the communal areas who are pleased to see me and only too happy to chat about their fun experiences here, and I come away feeling both buzzed and somewhat soothed.
Though the painful sadness pressing in on my heart still hasn’t gone away.
At least my followers are going to love the vibe I’ve managed to capture on this beautiful island, even if it’s taking on a very different meaning for me now.
Just as I’m leaving the main hotel to head back to the villa and, no doubt, some intensive time on my own while Raffa works, I hear my name being called and turn to see Margot hurrying towards me.
‘Hey, Ida, how are you? Have you been having fun?’ she asks when she reaches me, a little breathless from her dash over.
‘I’ve been having a great time,’ I say, smiling widely at her. She really is the most beautiful creature. It’s like goodness radiates out of her.
She smiles back, then leans in conspiratorially and drops her voice a little. ‘Darian’s blown away that Raffa actually came to the wedding. I’m sure you’ve heard all about it, but the two of them have never been that close, so it means a lot to him to have his brother here.’
‘Hmm,’ I say, not quite sure how to reply to that, knowing what I do.
Luckily, I don’t need to because Margot doesn’t appear to need an answer.
She does need to get something off her chest though because she says, ‘Darian’s desperate to make amends now they’re older, but he feels like he’s tried everything and Raffa just isn’t interested.
It’s so sad. He’s hero-worshipped Raffa since he was a kid, but I guess Raffa’s always seen him as a threat. ’
‘Yeah,’ I say, recognising the frustration in her voice. ‘Men and their pride, huh?’
‘Exactly!’ Margot says, wrinkling her nose. ‘I don’t suppose you could have a quiet word with him, could you? Let him know that Darian would genuinely love to see him more and he promises to stop nagging him so much about it. He knows how busy he is.’
I can’t help but frown at that. ‘Yeah. Honestly, I don’t think he’d listen to me about that.’
Margot throws up her hands. ‘No worries. I get it. It’s too much to ask, especially when you haven’t been seeing each other that long. I’m sure Darian will think of something. Or maybe not. Maybe there’ll always be this distance between them and he’ll just have to live with it.’
The sadness in her eyes makes me reach over and rub her arm in sympathy. It’s clear how much she loves her husband and just wants him to be happy.
‘I’d hope Raffa would come around eventually,’ I say. ‘Once he’s got some brain space to take a step back and see what a great and supportive family he has.’
Margot’s brilliant smile is back now. ‘Hey. Maybe you’ll be joining it yourself one day,’ she says with warmth in her voice. ‘I’d adore having you as a sister-in-law.’
It’s my turn to be sad now. I’d love to be a part of this family, but there’s no way that’s happening. Not with my relationship with Raffa in the state it’s in. ‘Yeah, maybe,’ I say without conviction, hoping to draw that line of conversation to a close.
Margot obviously intuits this because she pauses for a second, then opens her arms and pulls me into a quick hug, then says, ‘Well, it’s been amazing to meet you.
And to spend some quality time with you.
Thank you for coming and being such a wonderful guest. It’s meant so much to me and Darian.
But we’ll see you again when you and Raffa come to visit us all up north.
You’ll both be very welcome,’ she says with hopeful determination in her voice.
She really means it too – the being welcome bit. We’re really wanted there.
Both of us.
Gloom washes over me as I realise I’m probably never going to see her, or any of these lovely people, again once we leave here. Not when they live so far away from me – but also because they’re Raffa’s family.
I don’t suppose he’s going to invite me as his fake date to any more of his family’s events and I can’t exactly just turn up to them on my own. Especially if he’s going to be there as well.
Not that he probably will go to any of them.
Frustration surges through me when I think about this.
How can he be so cold towards these amazingly warm people?
And how sad that he’s going to miss out on spending more quality time with them.
I would kill to be part of a family like this.
I say goodbye to Margot, leaving her to go back to her friends, and make my way back to the villa. I’ve just stepped inside when Raffa comes striding into the living area with a perplexed frown on his face.
‘Everything okay?’ I ask, walking further into the room to meet him.
His sigh is loud and drawn out, like he’s offloading angst. ‘No. It’s really not.’
‘Oh. Shit. Sorry to hear that. Anything I can help with?’ My heart is racing a mile a minute as I wait with wild hope in my heart that he’s about to tell me that’s he’s been thinking about making some changes to his life so he can accommodate a relationship with me.
‘Not unless you’re a mind reader with the ability to alter someone’s way of thinking,’ he says.
I blink at him, confused. ‘What do you mean?’
He rubs his hand over his eyes, looking more tired than I’ve seen him all week. ‘The deal I’ve been working on for the last six months is starting to wobble. I think someone else is getting in their ear and whispering a bigger number.’
‘Those damn numbers,’ I say faintly, my chest tight with disappointment. So it’s a work thing. Our thing isn’t even on his mind.
‘I know it,’ he says vaguely, staring down at his mobile.
‘Can you stop it from happening?’
‘I’m pretty sure I can if I get on a plane and fly back to London.’
‘What? Today? You can’t even spend one last day here celebrating with your family?’ I say without thinking.
He looks at me like I’m mad. ‘I’m sure they’ll understand. They probably won’t even notice I’m not here. This week was about Darian and Margot, not me. I’m just a bystander.’
My frustration grows. ‘You’re not. You’re family.’
‘Only kinda.’
‘Raffa. You can’t leave now. They’ll be really hurt if you skip out early to go back to work.’
He thinks about this for a second. ‘You could cover for me.’
I shake my head and pull a frowny, confused face at him. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘You could run some interference so they think I’m still here on the island. They’re getting a different plane back so they’ll be leaving before our flight anyway.’
‘You can’t ask me to do that.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I don’t want to lie to them.’ My sadness and frustration are starting to turn into anger with him now.
‘They’re more interested in having you around anyway. They all love you.’
‘They love you too,’ I say, trying to keep my voice steady. I don’t want to fight with him. ‘And they want to see more of you because they love you. Believe me. It’s really obvious that they care about you.’
But I can see from the glazed look in his eyes that he’s not listening to me. Not really. He’s put up a firewall and I’m on the other side of it.
It’s like he’s closed down, shutting me out.
Walking closer to him, I put my hand on his arm to get him to look at me. ‘You know, I’ve not seen anyone here demand something of you. Particularly not your brother. He’s been nothing but happy and grateful that you’re here.’
‘Yeah, sure,’ he says in a tone that sounds like he doesn’t believe that. He takes a step away from me, breaking my hold on his arm.
This widening of distance between us stings and brings it home hard that there’s nothing here to fight for. He’s not interested in anything I have to say.
And he made it very clear from the beginning that having feelings for each other wasn’t part of the deal.
As devastated as it makes me feel, I know it’s time to step away from him now. He’s too entrenched in his work and holding on to past hurts and I’m not prepared to come second best to it all.
He’s frowning at me now. ‘Why are you so interested in getting me to spend more time with my family?’