Chapter 13 #2
I close my eyes for a second and shake my head.
He really doesn’t get it. ‘Like I said, you’ve got the thing I want the most – a family that wants to spend time with you.
You’re lucky to have that, you just don’t seem able to see it.
’ I let out a low, steadying breath. ‘Maybe it’s time to have a proper conversation with your dad? ’
He lets out a long-suffering sigh. ‘This really isn’t the best time for that.’
‘Then when is? If you’re waiting for the perfect time, I’m sorry to tell you this, but there won’t be one.’
‘Yeah, maybe. But I have more pressing things to do right now.’
His shuttered expression makes me think there’s no point in pushing this any further. He’s not going to change his mind because I suggested it.
He’s not letting me win this time.
‘Okay, fine, but at least say goodbye to your brother. He’ll be upset if you just head off without a word.’
Raffa sighs again, his expression stony.
We stare at each other for a moment in a battle of wills.
I break first. I’ve had enough of this now. If he’s not going to at least acknowledge I might have a point, then it’s a lost cause.
Time to move on.
As painful as that may be.
‘What time’s your plane?’ I ask.
‘My PA’s arranged one to get me back to London in about three hours, so I don’t have long.’
‘But I’m okay to stay on for the last couple of days? I’d rather not cut the week short if I don’t need to,’ I say curtly.
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Well, thanks.’
I swallow down my sadness. It’s not going to be the same here without him. But I’m not going to just leave because he can’t handle his emotions.
‘You still owe me an interview on my show, don’t forget,’ I say, hoping to lighten things up a little.
He frowns. ‘Really? You still want me to do that?’
‘Yeah, of course I do.’
Sighing, he rubs his hand over his face. ‘Okay. But I’ll need to take a rain check. I’m not sure when I’ll have time to do it.’
More frustration ripples through me again. ‘Seriously? You’re backing out of it?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘But that’s what you meant. You’re going to keep pushing it away with lame excuses until I give up and stop asking, right?’
Raffa opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it like he’s changed his mind. His frustration is coming through loud and clear in his expression though.
‘So, I guess this is it then?’ I say, my voice shaking with emotion now. ‘The end of our fake relationship.’ I force myself to smile, though I’m painfully aware of how rictus it is. ‘Thanks. It’s been a blast.’
A frown passes over his face and from the expression in his eyes now it looks as though he’s battling with himself about something.
I wait with my breath caught in my throat for his response.
I’m expecting him to say, Yeah, it’s been great. Thanks again for being such a good sport. Or something lame like that, so I’m caught by surprise when, without a word, he advances towards me, cups my jaw and presses his mouth firmly against mine.
I suck in a sharp breath as he increases the pressure of his lips, pushing open my mouth so he can slide his tongue inside.
My body floods with heat and need, the familiar, delicious taste of him making my head spin. But I know I can’t have sex with him again. Not now. Not when I’m feeling so vulnerable and confused about how I feel about him.
I desperately want him to see that he’s handling his life all wrong and that he’s going to regret keeping everyone at arm’s length from him, but I don’t think he’s going to.
He can’t see past the end of his nose right now and I don’t have the emotional energy to be in a relationship with someone who I can’t trust to put my needs equal with his.
So with great reluctance and not a little trouble, I pull away from the kiss, forcing him to release his hold on me.
‘We can’t do this any more. The game’s over. It’s time to move on,’ I say, my voice croaky.
He blinks at me, apparently confused by my withdrawal.
‘We’ll still talk after this though, right?
Maybe we could get together once I’m back from my trips to Germany and the States?
Go out for a meal or a drink or something?
’ He sounds confidently hopeful, like he’s expecting me to just fall in with his plans.
I swallow past the hard lump in my throat. ‘Sorry, dude, that’s not how I play. I can’t wait around for you to find me a small window of your time to squeeze me into.’
He’s frowning hard now, his expression baffled.
‘I’ll let you go and pack,’ I say. Then I lean forwards and kiss him gently on the cheek. ‘Good luck with your work thing.’
Holding back the tears that are starting to form in my eyes, I leave him standing there and go into my bedroom to put on my swimming costume with shaking hands, determined to make the most of my last couple of days here, even if Raffa’s not here to enjoy them with me.
But I know it’s not going to be that easy.
What was I thinking? How could I have imagined I’d be fine walking away from this without a care? Especially after meeting his family and having it driven home to me exactly what I’ve been missing my whole life.
I want in.
On all of it.
Except that’s not up for grabs.
I swipe away a tear, frustrated with myself for the situation I’ve got into here.
Clearing my throat roughly, I take a deep, steadying breath.
I’ll be fine. I’ll get past this. Eventually. It’s not like I’m not good at being on my own.
I know how to look after myself.