35. Chapter Thirty Five Rhowyn
Chapter Thirty Five: Rhowyn
Fuck! I thought to myself, slowly swimming back to consciousness and away from the nightmare that had been my life. The first thing I registered was the sense of worry that came from somewhere else. It wasn’t mine, but I felt it just as if it was. Then the pain in my back came to my awareness. Fuck! That hurts . Somehow, this pain was worse than when Jim would burn me. I didn't think I had ever felt pain like this before and that was saying something.
I tried to move, but the agony caused me to cry out. Fear assaulted me, still not mine, but it made my heart race in the same way. I tried to open my eyes, but the harsh light assaulted me, causing me to flinch back, squeezing my eyes tight in pain.
“Close the curtains!” a male voice hissed out in demand before a warm, soothing hand brushed across my brow.
“Rhowyn. Can you hear me?” the voice asked. I sensed the darkness from behind my eyelids and slowly tried to open my eyes again. This time, I was successful. My gaze landed on shifting gray-blue eyes, scrunched in worry and fear.
I recognized Baer's face, and everything came rushing back to me. My journey to Avalon, being Chosen, and finally being whipped by the Bitch Queen for no reason. My anger flared, but I didn't dare move yet. The pain still burned across my back with every movement.
“There you are,” he whispered, closing his eyes before he kissed my forehead. “We were starting to worry about you.”
“Oh, you know, I'm just here chillin' like a villain.” I tried to joke, but my voice caught, causing me to cough. I cried out in pain as my lungs attacked me.
“Here, take a drink.” He offered me a glass of water, and I took a sip. Have you ever tried to drink while lying down? Yeah, not so easy, especially when someone else is trying to help you.
“Fuck that hurt. But thank you for the water,” I rasped after my lungs finally stopped their assault and my pain went back down to a more bearable level.
“How long have I been out?” I asked him, having lost all sense of time while passed out.
“It's been about twelve hours. I really thought that sleep spell of Master Jude's would have worn off sooner than that,” he rambled, his worry over me evident.
I basked in it, both hating that he had to do so and loving it. I had never had someone dote on me like this. It was definitely a new feeling for me. He stopped speaking and smiled warmly at me, and I felt relief deep inside me again. My brow furrowed in confusion at the sensation.
“What? Are you hurting again?” he asked, starting to fuss over me, adjusting the blanket that was draped over my waist.
“No. I'm okay for now.” I stopped him, waiting for him to look at me before continuing. “I just feel different.”
As I spoke the words, I realized that the emotions that were not mine, but at the same time felt like mine were just the tip of the iceberg. I felt as if my body was too small for me. As if it was too tight. And it wasn’t just the feeling of healing skin. My senses seemed to be more sensitive too, the colors sharper, the light brighter, the sounds louder.
“Ah,” he said, his cheeks turning red as he scratched the back of his neck, like he did when he was nervous. “About that.”
“What?” I asked him, confused about why he’d be nervous.
“Do you remember the Queen telling us we couldn't heal you?” A flash of fear hit me as if it was his emotions, and his eyes reflected that same fear.
“No. Why?” I asked. I must have just been reacting to his fear. That was it. There was no way I was actually feeling what he felt.
“Well...” he hesitated.
“We bonded with you in hopes that your glamor would break and your fae healing would kick in,” Lennox spat out. Always so forthcoming that one. Never any sugar coating for me.
“Okay?” I said, still confused over why it seemed to be such a big deal. “I take it that it didn't work? I still hurt, so I can't be healed.”
“That's the thing. It did work, but it didn't manage to break your glamor,” Arryn said, entering the room and my field of vision. Before I could prod further, he continued, “We are now all bonded, which means changes. One of them being your access to our magic. We’re hoping to see if you'd be able to break the glamor now that you have access to some magic.”
“Speaking of which,” Lennox stood from the chair in the shadows, “I'll go get Master Jude. He wanted us to notify him when you woke,” he explained before leaving the room. I heard the outer suite door close as well and felt him slowly getting further away, a slight tug in my chest indicating where he was.
“I feel him,” I stated out loud to no one in particular.
“Yes,” Arryn nodded. “ Not only that, but you'll also have access to his emotions. Just like we can now feel each other’s.” He paused shortly. “And yours.”
“What?” I asked, unsure of what I was hearing, not quite believing it. A flash of concern from Baer told me they were telling the truth. The feeling that was mine but not.
“If we had thought there was any other way to spare you this pain, we would have done it. You had already agreed to this, so we didn't think it would be a big deal, but we hadn't gotten the chance to tell you what to expect,” Baer rambled again, his worry coming through.
I placed my hand on his arm where he leaned against the bed, still as close to me as he could get. “It's okay,” I told him, hoping he could sense the truth behind my words. “You're right. I had already agreed to this. Thank you for trying to help me.”
I heard the suite door open and close again, two sets of footsteps drawing nearer. I felt Lennox coming closer but not the second person. The second set of footsteps must belong to Master Jude. I smiled as he entered the room before I could even see him.
“Hi, Master Jude,” I said, still careful not to move too much.
“Hi, dear. I'm glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?” he asked as he studied me.
“Oh, you know, I've been better,” I said, playing off the fact that I felt like I’d been hit by a Mack truck.
He smiled at me, both of us knowing the truth. “I imagine so.” He leaned in to look at my back, the smell of incense and sage entering my nose. If I inhaled more deeply, I could smell the ink on his fingers and the scent of old books, which came across more faintly.
“I'm going to touch you now, but I just need to sense how your wounds are coming along,” he murmured before he started prodding on my wounds.
I hissed in a breath and bit back several curses, knowing he only intended to help me. Finally, he stopped, and I exhaled just as my head was starting to swim from holding my breath.
“It's looking good. No signs of infection or anything else that I can see or sense. Although, it's not healing as quickly as I would like it to,”he said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, apparently my glamor and magic are still on lockdown,” I joked, trying to use humor to dispel the tension in the room.
“Yes, well, on that front, how do you feel?”
“My senses are stronger, more than human I would guess. And I can feel the guys,” I told him.
“To be expected. Anything else?”
“Like what?”
“Look inside like we did the other day. Can you feel their magic?” he asked me curiously.
I closed my eyes and sank into myself, finding the center faster this time. I must be getting used to this. Maybe one day I’d be able to access it with barely a thought.
I found the golden center, no longer surrounded in shadows, but with new threads outside of it instead, all interconnected around the core, touching but not interwoven like the others. I saw red, blue, green, and a dark purple color. Each one seemed to be associated with each of the guys.
I opened my eyes to look at Jude. “I think so. I see four different colors all there. They're still not interwoven with my magic though, just resting around it. Mine still hasn't changed.”
“Hmmm....” he said, pursing his lips and furrowing his brow in thought. “May I join you again?” he asked me. This must be an intimate act, since he felt the need to ask me again.
“Sure,” I told him. He placed his hand on my arm, and I closed my eyes again, finding that place more quickly.
“You're getting faster at this. That's good.” I felt a spark of hope from the guys at his words along with fear and worry.
I stopped closer to my magic this time, studying the colors as they danced around my core. A part of me but not. It felt right to have them there, somehow.
“Now reach out for one of the colors, Rhowyn,” Jude instructed me.
I formed my metaphysical hand in my mind again, reaching my fingers toward the strands, beckoning them. The blue color jumped into my hand more readily, as if eager to touch me. Not sure if this was Baer or Arryn, I was at a loss for what to do with it now that I had it. “What now?” I asked.
“What does the magic feel like, Rhowyn?” he questioned.
“What do you mean?”
“Does the magic feel like a certain element? Does it give you a feeling of a certain season?” he clarified for me.
I focused back on the blue strand as it wrapped around my fingers and wrist, dancing and playing like a puppy, eager for attention. I smiled at the thought. The feeling of hope and of something new embraced me. “I think this is Baer's,” I said.
“Why's that?” Jude asked me.
I smiled physically. “It feels like spring. Like new babies, the light air of hope. It's playful and easygoing,” I said, describing the feeling as best as I could.
“Good,” Jude praised me as the strand continued to dance around. “Now, pull it into you, as if inhaling it. See if you can call it to do what he does.”
Confused, I tried to think of something I could do. I had seen him dry things, amplify sound, and form a sound barrier.
“Try to form it into a breeze, like blowing out a candle,” Baer said, sensing my confusion at what to do. “Can you send it out to ruffle Lennox's hair?”
I laughed, knowing how particular he was about his hair and pictured the breeze leaving me and dancing around him. I felt it when the magic took shape, listening to my will as it finally left me.
I opened my eyes as it did and watched as Lennox got a face full of hot air, closing his eyes against the assault and trying to keep his hair in place. I laughed at the image and immediately groaned in pain.
Despite the agony, I kept smiling as the guys all laughed. Lennox acted put out, a frown on his face, but his eyes danced with the light of humor. That, and I sensed his pleasure at my being able to access my magic. I felt on cloud nine right now, my injuries pushed to the back of mind for the time being. I had just used magic. I could barely believe it. The reality of this new world finally sank in, leaving me near speechless at the possibilities that it presented.
“That was amazing,” I said, awe lingering in my voice.
Jude laughed. “Yes. Magic has that effect on people. Now, do you think you can use his magic to remove your glamor?” he asked, sobering me again.
I closed my eyes and pulled up Baer's magic again. I asked it to find my glamor and pull it off me. I could feel it come up against the glamor, as it tried to pull it away from my skin, but after several minutes, it had made no headway.
I opened my eyes to face Jude sadly. “No. It's doing the same as if Baer were trying to remove my glamor. It's not responding at all,” I told them all, disappointed.
“Well, it was a long shot. You're still new to all this. Like I said before, magic is like a muscle that you will need to access and use in order to build strength. Hopefully, when your ability to use the magic is stronger, you'll have better luck,” Jude told us, trying to encourage me.
“What about my healing, though? I'll have to heal at the human rate, right? What if the trials start before I'm healed enough to compete?” I questioned all of them, worry and fear consuming me, both my own emotion and theirs.
“Arryn, you have healing magic, correct?” Jude asked, turning to look at him.
“Yes, but you know as well as I do that it can be quite complicated,” he said, his fear at Jude's suggestion evident.
“But if you work with her, she might be able to heal herself slowly and steadily,” Jude continued to suggest.
“It's possible,” Arryn mused out loud as he thought about it, weighing the risk against the reward.
“Arryn,” I said, drawing his attention. “Honestly, I've never hurt like this before. I'm putting on a brave face, but if there's a chance I can heal myself, even a little bit, then I want to try,” I told him, dropping all pretense and letting him feel what I was feeling.
He grimaced as the pain seemed to hit him. “Okay.” He capitulated when I pulled back the feelings. “How did you block that from us?” he questioned me.
“I'm not sure. I've gotten so used to blocking off pain, even from myself, that I don't even realize I'm doing it,” I told him honestly.
The guys all winced at that admission, and their concern and anguish came back to me. But no pity. Thankfully. I didn't want their pity. I didn't want anyone's pity.
Arryn approached me, kneeling beside my bed in front of me. He leaned in and kissed my brow. When he pulled back, I felt his focus. He glanced at Jude. “Can you tag along like before as I provide her instructions, help guide her?” he asked nervously.
“Yes,” Jude said and touched my arm again.
I closed my eyes and dove back into the magic, watching the threads again. “Can you find my magic?” Arryn asked me softly.
“I think so,” I told him, not sure if I could or not, but trying to remain confident.
Baer's magic greeted me again eagerly, and I caressed it lovingly as if it had feelings before I asked it to allow the others forward. It moved back and let the others push closer. The purple magic came forward first, and I felt it, this cold, dark crispness that must have been Lennox's winter magic. I greeted it in the same manner before reaching for the next one.
The green magic came forward, and I instantly knew this was Arryn's from the calm and soothing nature, like a lazy summer day by the pool, happy and relaxed.
“I've got yours,” I told him, smiling at the sensation.
“Good,” he said, even as his nerves spiked and caused my heart rate to increase in response.
“Arryn. You must control your emotions if she's going to do this,” Jude instructed.
“Sorry, Jude,” he replied, thoroughly chastised by the older Fae. I felt him pull up a calmness that was similar to the emotion I used when I got ready to fight. I knew it immediately as his battle mentality, one that most fighters came to rely on to get through what was to come.
My own pulse calmed, and my fears subsided in response to his control. “Go ahead,” Jude told Arryn.
“Picture the magic seeping into all of your cells. Send it out to do an assessment,” he guided me.
I did this and felt the magic spread throughout every inch of me, before it came back to my palm, and I got the picture in my head of just how much damage had been done. She had torn through muscles, almost down to the bone in several areas. I couldn't stop the gasp at the images I got from the magic.
“What?” Arryn asked as his concern spiked.
“Nothing. It's just that I didn't realize how bad it was.”
“Yeah. It's not pretty,” he told me honestly, and I felt his discomfort at the thought of my pain .
“I'm okay, Arryn. I'm alive and will eventually heal,” I reassured him.
“I should be the one consoling you. And yet you're worried about my discomfort,” he said, his voice on the verge of cracking, full of emotion.
“There was nothing you could have done. It's my fault.” If I had listened to their warnings about the Queen's instability, then maybe I could have avoided this. But how was I to know that she would have whipped me. I never, in a million years, would have guessed that form of punishment.
And yet, I would do it again if it was to protect that innocent servant. She didn't deserve this any more than I had.
“Are you ready to continue, dear?” Jude asked me.
With conviction at that thought, I nodded, still holding Arryn's magic in my palm. “Yes.”
“Now that the magic knows what damage is there, send it out slowly to the worst spots. It should instinctively do that. It's important that you don't send the magic out too quickly because you can cause more damage. It won't heal correctly and will need to be reopened and healed again. Please don't make me have to do that to you,” he pleaded with me, the magnitude of this kind of magic weighing on me.
“I'll be careful,” I told him, asking the magic again to go out to my wounds on my shoulders, the spots I remembered as being the worst. I let it go slowly, like releasing a single grain of sand in an hourglass, one at a time until I felt something starting to happen.
Instinctively, I clamped down on the remaining magic and allowed what I had released to work. “Good. Just like that, dear,” Jude encouraged me.
Once the feeling of knitting tissue had stopped, I began the process again. I clamped down again, waiting for the magic to work slowly, but when this pass of magic stopped tingling, I was exhausted, the magic slipping from my fingers.
“That's good. Just let it go, Rhowyn. That's enough for now. You did good,” Jude told me as I pulled back into myself.
“Why am I so tired?” I asked as my eyes found Arryn's.
He placed a hand on my head, smoothing the hair from my face. “Like Jude said, magic is like a muscle, and you just lifted the equivalent of a horse.” He laughed. “Much more than we expected for your first time ever using magic,” he told me, pride passing through our bond, and I smiled before yawning.
“How does it look?” I asked them.
“It's not as deep as it was, but it will still take more repetitions of this process before you're back to new,” Arryn said. “Do you think you can sit up? Eating will be good for healing and for replenishing your magic.”
I nodded. “I can try.”
“Let me help?” he asked me. When my affirmation passed through the bond, he slipped a hand under me to my armpit and lifted me slowly, giving me time to protest.
I groaned as the movement pulled on my wounds, but I was finally able to get to a sitting position. Being able to change positions was a relief in itself as my bare feet rested on the floor.
It was then that I realized I was still wearing the gown from last night. “Do you think I can change before I eat?” I asked them as I wondered what I could wear that wouldn't aggravate my wounds.
“Of course,” Baer said, jumping at the chance to be helpful.
“I'll go get her some food,” Lennox chimed in, leaving us.
“Wait, Your Highness,” Jude said to Lennox, who paused in the doorway. “Accompany me back to offices?” he asked.
“Sure. It's on my way to the kitchens,” he agreed and waited for the old man to catch up to him .
Jude turned back to me. “Keep working on healing yourself. It's good exercise for your magic as well as the obvious pain relief. I'll come back in the morning to check in on you.”
“Thank you, Jude. I don't know what I'd do without you,” I told him, my gratitude for everything he had done for me since I had arrived poured into my words.
“Of course, dear. Although, I think you'd find a way to come out on top, even without my help,” he said with all confidence in me.
I smiled as he left with Lennox. Baer came back with a small bundle in his arms.
“Okay. So, pants were easy. I picked out a pair of your leggings that you like, but I couldn't figure out what to do for a shirt.” he mumbled before Arryn headed to the closet and dug around for a minute.
“Here, while he's looking, why don't we get some pants on?” Baer asked me while holding out my leggings.
“Okay.” I smiled at him.
He knelt down and started putting my pants on over my feet, working the waist up to my thighs, my gown still in place. He stood back up and looked at me. “If I help you stand, do you think you can pull up your pants the rest of the way?”
“I don't know. I can try,” I answered honestly. He put his hands under my arms and helped me stand, keeping my back as still as possible, but as soon as I reached an arm down to grasp the waist of the pants, I gasped.
“Looks like that's not going to work,” I joked with him. “You can do it. It's okay.” Not even a day ago, I was ready to go to bed with him. This was not what I had in mind when it came to him seeing my body, but I had never really been that modest. Why start now?
“Okay. If you're sure.” He slowly released me, and as he bent down, I balanced by placing my hands on his shoulders. As he pulled my leggings into place, I couldn't help the rush to my core as his hands grazed my bare thighs, his head bent.
“That's not helping, Rhowyn,” Baer told me as he stood back up to face me. Arousal was evident in his eyes, and when I glanced down, it was also evident in his pants.
“Sorry. I couldn't help it,” I admitted to him, blushing slightly, wishing we could do so much more.
“As soon as you're healed, I intend to fulfill that promise I made you,” he growled out, his gravelly voice making my skin prickle with heat.
“I can't wait,” I told him. “It's just more incentive to heal myself faster.”
He laughed. “If that's what motivates you, then I'll be making a lot more promises in the future.”
I smiled at him, trying not to laugh because of the pain. He helped me sit back down on the edge of the bed just as Arryn came back from my massive closet.
“I found a couple of options. These are fairly light, and I can cut them, so we tie them around the neck and waist with the back still being open,” he said, trying to pretend he hadn't heard what went down between Baer and I just a moment ago, but I could see his arousal as well.
Did he feel our arousal through the bond? I wondered to myself, not sure I wanted to know the answer. “That works for me,” I said, trying to change the subject, especially since I couldn't do much about it now.
Arryn and Baer managed to get my shirt on me before Arryn took the same knife he used to cut the shirt to slice my gown down the middle with no regard. Finally comfortable, my stomach took the opportunity to growl, making itself known.
Lennox came back with food, finding me sitting on the side of the bed in my new changed clothes. “Looks like I missed all the fun,” he teased me, his innuendo evident.
As he set the food in front of me, I smiled at all of them. I thought I would hate this bonding thing, but so far, it had only made me feel more connected than I had ever felt before. These guys were quickly worming themselves into my heart in ways I never would have thought possible.
“Wait,” I said, before I could start eating. “Where's Callum?” I asked, finally realizing he hadn't been here at all since I had woken up.
The guys glanced at each other before looking back at me. The varying emotions had me on edge, and I couldn't decide what to think about them all.
“He left after the bonding,” Arryn told me gently. “He said he needed some space.” I couldn't help the pang of hurt that hit me.
“Did he not want the bonding?” I asked them, fearing he’d been forced into something that no one should have to face unwillingly.
“No!” exclaimed Baer.
“The bonding wouldn't have taken if he didn't want this,” Arryn assured me.
“I think he's just afraid of what this means,” Lennox admitted to us.
“What do you mean?” I asked Lennox, needing clarification.
“It's his story to tell, but let's just say that he's had a lot on his plate these last several years. You're not something he ever expected, and he's not used to dealing with things like this,” He said.
“Okay. If he needs space, then we give him space. I don't want him to feel forced into this. I won't ever make any of you do anything you're not comfortable with,” I vowed to them, needing them to feel my sincerity.
Baer sat down next to me and took my hand. “We know,” he told me, and I believed him. I looked to Arryn and Lennox, who confirmed the sentiment.
I relaxed again, but a niggling doubt about Callum stayed in the back of my mind as I began eating.