40. Chapter Forty Rhowyn
Chapter Forty: Rhowyn
The rest of the evening flowed smoothly as I fielded questions and exchanged pleasantries with everyone at the table. The food was delicious and so different from the flavors I had experienced so far in Avalon. I found myself hoping I could bring some of my favorites back with me. Especially the thistle milk which was quickly becoming my favorite drink.
I found myself drinking more than I intended and eating less than I should have to balance the strong libations. As flavorful as the food was, I found I couldn’t enjoy it the way I would have liked. The burden of what to do with Brannoc hung over my head like a dark cloud threatening rain at any moment. Glancing at him from the corner of my eye, I found him pushing his food around his plate and pretending to eat what had been provided for us. Deep in his own thoughts, he’d remained silent since Revna’s pronouncement earlier, and I couldn’t help the worry I felt for him. A part of me could relate to his current predicament, and not for the first time, I wished that we didn’t have this chasm between us. I wanted nothing more than to be there for him and allow him to bare his soul without fear of judgment, the same as Baer and the others had been for me. It sucked all around that I couldn’t just offer my shoulder to him like I wanted for fear of the rejection I would most likely face in return.
Smiling, Revna stood, signaling the end of the meal, and I couldn’t have been more relieved. As much as I had truly enjoyed their company this evening, I was more than ready to fall into bed and get a good night’s sleep. Well, as much as that was possible, what with the elephant that would surely join Brannoc and I upon our return to the room.
“Thank you, Rhowyn and Brannoc, for your company this night. It has been my honor to host you two, but unfortunately, I must retire for the evening. We will see each other again when the council convenes tomorrow morning. Until then, please make yourselves at home and let us know if there is anything we may assist with.”
I stood as well, Brannoc following suit. Dipping my head in acknowledgment, I said, “Thank you for having us. It has truly been a wonderful and enlightening evening. I look forward to seeing everyone again in the morning.”
Look at me, being all diplomatic and shit. Maybe I could actually swing this Queen stuff . Sure, I’d probably need to take classes on diplomacy and customs, but my southern manners, which had been deeply ingrained in me from a young age, were certainly coming in handy in this moment.
Revna departed without another word, letting her daughter approach Brannoc and me. “Here, let me lead you two back to your room. The walkways can become confusing and dangerous after a night of imbibing thistle milk,” she said with a smile.
“Thanks. I’m certainly ready for sleep. It’s been an eventful day for sure,” I told her, Brannoc remaining silent even when faced with his cousin.
Chieftain Revna’s voice cut through the night air as we exited the dining room. “Brannoc. May I beg a moment of your time?” The look on her face was so hopeful.
Brannoc turned to me as if asking for permission. “Go. I’ll be fine. Cyerra and I will make our way back to the room. You can join me when you’re done here.”
“If you’re sure?” he asked, and I couldn’t decide if he was hoping I would insist he stay with me or not.
I placed a hand on his arm. “Go. You need this.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” he said, deflating slightly before squaring his shoulders and following his aunt wherever they were going.
Cyerra glanced at Brannoc with a slight look of hurt after his complete dismissal of her before giving me a questioning look. I shook my head, trying to indicate that it wasn’t her that was the problem, though there was really no way I could be certain of that assumption. “It’s been a long day for both of us. Brannoc had to use his magic to carry me and my other consorts quite a distance.”
“Ah. I see. So Brannoc isn’t your only mate?” she asked, genuinely curious.
“No. The others were chosen by Avalonia as well, bonded to me to provide balance. One for each season or court,” I explained simply.
“Wow! Five mates? Whatever will you do?” She giggled at the notion. “You must stay very busy .”
I laughed. “You could say that. Although, it’s not always fun and games, if you know what I mean.”
“Oh! I’m sure. I have a hard enough time managing myself and my own emotions so I can only imagine what it would be like to have to consider five others when making decisions.”
“In all honesty, they’ve been really great. I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without them.”
She sighed dreamily. “Well, I’m certainly jealous. I can only imagine! So, have you been with more than one at a time?” she asked without guile before gasping and slapping a hand over her mouth in shock. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. Just my mouth running away from me again. I’m sure that’s too personal.”
I laughed again, feeling completely at ease around the young Raven. “It’s no problem. And yes, I have.” At her questioning gaze, I continued, “Let’s just say it’s a lot to take in the best of ways.”
“Now, I’m really jealous,” she said as we reached the door to my room. “Ravens only have one mate, and if we’re truly blessed, we’ll find our True Mate. To have not only a True Mate but four other Chosen Consorts, you must be truly blessed by Avalonia.”
“I hadn’t thought about it that way, but yes. Although, things haven’t always been like this for me. For the longest time, I was all on my own with no one to help me or to count on. A part of me feels like I’m making up for lost time now, and I plan to embrace the experience for as long as I can. Although, I can’t help but feel that I’ve already failed before I’ve even begun,” I found myself admitting to her. She was easy to talk to, and I found myself trusting her fully. Her honest and forthright nature was refreshing.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Well, with Brannoc, he seems to have been avoiding me since finding out that I’m his True Mate,” I admitted, needing to talk about this with someone. Maybe then I could find a way to clear my head enough to have a conversation with him.
“Surely not!” she gasped, flabbergasted at the idea of such a thing. “True Mates are what we all aspire to. They not only complete us, filling a void within us, but they also increase our powers significantly. It’s ingrained in Ravens to seek their True Mates.”
“I don’t know about all that, but he has been avoiding me and the conversation we need to have about it,” I told her, not sure I was ready to buy into the fated aspect of this, though I couldn’t deny the draw to him that I’d felt since meeting him. Granted, I was beginning to believe in Avalonia, unable to deny that so much that had happened seemed to look just like a plan would. Almost like it had been designed, which would indicate that fate or Avalonia had a hand in everything we did.
She laid a hand on my arm. “Just give him time. I’m sure there’s something else going on other than his denial of the bond.”
“Maybe you’re right, and I’m overthinking this whole thing. I just really like him. I thought we’d had something, and to think that he might not want this relationship to continue has me all twisted up in knots.”
“Just talk to him. It’s the only way you’ll know for sure either way, and isn’t that better in the end? To know?”
“Maybe. Although I’ve never been much of a talker or one for feelings, so this may be easier said than done.”
She laughed softly. “What’s the worst that could happen? He refuses you? Even then, it’s better than being in limbo. Maybe then you can address any reasons he has for wanting to deny such a sacred bond, though I have a feeling it’s not that. Something else is holding him back, but it’s not because he doesn’t want the bond.”
“How can you be so sure?” I felt like a child asking her mother about the boogeyman, wanting to believe her more than anything.
“Despite my wayward tongue, I also notice a lot of things that others don’t. I may seem simple, but I’ve been around a lot longer than you might think. That said, I’ve seen the way he looks at you, the way he hovers close behind you, daring anyone to try anything. That’s not the look or actions of a man who wants to deny a bond.”
Thinking over her words, I could see a glimmer of hope for the first time since finding out we were mates. I wanted to believe her whether that was foolish or not. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe think about it tonight and talk with him when you’re not affected by the thistle milk,” she laughed.
“Sounds like good advice.” I hugged her then, hoping she’d understand just how much this moment had meant to me. Pulling back, I said, “Goodnight, Cyerra. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Bright and Early,” she agreed, departing.
Entering the room, I stared at the single bed, exhaustion sweeping over me suddenly. Changing, I debated waiting up for Brannoc for the dreaded conversation, or if Cyerra was right and I should wait until I was more sober. Laying down, I stared up at the ceiling, drifting off to sleep before I’d made a decision.