Chapter 18
ELLIE
“I remember that look.”
I straightened from my slouch against the door frame, and glanced over to the pretty, full-figured woman with long, dark hair.
Leo’s girlfriend, Grace.
Her chunky knit jumper clung to her curves in a bold red that matched her lips, and she towered over me, but then everyone did.
“Sorry?”
“You look a bit overwhelmed by the Johnson family chaos. Don’t worry, I felt the same when I first met them all like this.”
“Glad I’m not the only one.”
She tossed a soft smile at the gathering behind her.
Jake’s dad sat in the armchair huffing at the noise and pointedly increasing the TV volume on the remote. No one paid any notice.
Their mum, Joanna, sat beside Talia on one of the sofas, beaming and touching her still-flat belly, though Talia looked like she’d rather be anywhere else.
The rest of the men perched on the edge of the sofas, every voice fighting for dominance as the conversation jumped from one subject to the next. Football. Wrestling. Food. The Rugby World Cup.
Grace shook her head, but there was a fondness about the gesture. “They’re a lot, especially when you’ve grown up in a different environment. I’m an only child so all the noise and talking over each other took some getting used to.”
“Me too. I kind of like the noise though.”
Especially today.
Jake was right. It had been a nice distraction from my usual melancholy of this day. I still thought about my mum, still felt the bite of sadness looking at her picture this morning as I retold Noah the story of how she lived with the stars, but I’d also smiled and laughed and moved on.
Maybe not moved on, more like… moved around it.
But that was all thanks to Jake.
I still couldn’t believe he’d thought about me, that he cared that much. I still couldn’t believe we’d kissed either, amongst other things…
The hot shock of it had followed me all day. Unrelenting. It didn’t help when Jake stared at my mouth or squeezed my thigh or bought me beautiful gifts, and did everything in his power to make a horrible day a good one for me.
My heart ached with wanting him.
“Me too!” Grace said, disturbing my inner ramblings. “Mostly. Sometimes they do my head in and I need a bit of quiet time. Fancy joining me in the kitchen? I have to finish making dessert.”
I perked up at the prospect. Peace and dessert were two of my favourite things. “That sounds nice.”
I shot a glance at Noah perched on Jake’s lap. Awed by the men around him, he clasped Jake’s hand when Leo and Rafe burst out laughing, the sound too loud for his little ears.
Jake immediately squeezed him close and murmured something that made him giggle. He fished out his phone to play with and pressed an absentminded kiss to the top of his head.
The warmth spread through me, and I caught Joanna’s knowing, motherly gaze, apparently thinking the same thing.
Those were the kind of dangerous thoughts I couldn’t dwell on, so I followed Grace into the kitchen.
The island was a mess of dirty plates, bowls and ingredients, and a wire rack of puffed, golden choux buns.
The homeyness and familiarity about the place settled my lingering anxiety of being somewhere new.
“You’re making profiteroles. What’s the orange juice and golden syrup for?”
“The chocolate sauce.” Grace scooped her hair into a ponytail with a silk scrunchie from around her wrist, then washed her hands at the sink. “It adds a little something.”
I nodded, taking mental notes. “Are you a chef?”
“Sous chef. I work at Oliver and Leo’s restaurant.”
“Is that how you first met?”
“The second time, yes. We actually met years ago when we both worked in a hotel restaurant, coincidentally owned by Talia’s husband, Rafe.”
“Wow. There’s a lot of backstory here.”
“You got that right.” Grace chuckled, pulling what looked like a tub of pistachio cream from the fridge. “But you’ll learn it all eventually. You’ll be a Johnson family pro in no time.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be around much. He only invited me because he didn’t want me to be alone on Mother’s Day.”
“I don’t know about that. Jake seems very taken with you and your son.”
I blushed, and hoped what happened last night wasn’t obvious. “Oh. We’re not like that. We’re friends.”
“Sure.”
“I’m serious. Jake doesn’t think of me that way. I mean, there was a kiss, but—”
“I’m sorry.” Grace paused in spooning the pistachio cream into a piping bag. “There was a kiss and you don’t think he thinks of you that way?”
Oh my god.
I can’t believe I said that.
I started folding a tea towel so I had something to do. “He’s never indicated otherwise.”
“The kiss is usually a pretty big indication, Ellie.”
“But I kissed him,” I admitted, needing to get this out, needing to tell someone. Anyone. “He said something so sweet and kind, and I basically threw myself at him. I never do things like that. I still don’t know what came over me.”
“Oh, I have some ideas,” Grace teased. “You know, you remind me so much of my best friend, Everly. She’s clueless too. A man could literally be drooling on her and she’d be like, ‘Excuse me, Sir, your mouth is watering. You should see a doctor about that.’”
I laughed. That did sound like something I would do. “I admit to being bad at picking up signals, but I don’t think I’m wrong here.”
Grace gave a doubtful-sounding hum. “Tell me what happened after the kiss. Did he push you away or something?”
I’d only known Grace for a couple of hours and had already told her more about myself than ever before, but I had to draw the line somewhere. I couldn’t confess I’d dry-humped Jake until he came in his joggers. The most intense sexual experience of my life so far.
My cheeks heated thinking about it.
Remembering.
Realising how much I wanted to do it again.
“Um. No. We didn’t talk about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” I gestured wildly, like it was obvious. “He’d have to let me down gently and then we’d be all awkward. I’d rather avoid that if possible.”
“What makes you think he’d let you down gently? Because I gotta say, Ellie, I’m not getting those vibes.”
“I can’t explain it. It’s just how I feel.”
Grace squinted at me, assessing, like she was reading me like a book. “There’s something else you’re not saying. What else happened?”
“Nothing!” I blurted. “I sat in his lap, but—”
“You… sat in his lap.” Grace’s mouth curved in slow understanding. “This may be bold of me to say considering we barely know each other, but I think you might be my new favourite person.”
“Oh my god.”
“No, don’t get all embarrassed. I love it. I started my morning the same way. Nothing beats the power of making a man cum in his pants. It’s what I deserved. It’s what we all deserve.”
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation.
Who am I?
“You won’t tell anyone, will you? Or mention it to Jake. We haven’t talked about it yet.”
“Your dirty secret is safe with me, I promise.” She piped one of the choux buns with cream, then gestured at her phone on the counter. “Add your number to my contacts while you’re still here. I wanna know what happens once you do finally talk about it. I’m nosy.”
A thrill shot through me at the potential of a new friend. Aside from Jake, no one had ever asked for my phone number before. Weirdly, it felt like an important milestone of sorts, even if it was silly thinking so.
“Okay,” I said, jabbing my number into her phone. “But I doubt anything’s going to happen, so don’t get your gossipy hopes up.”
“We’ll see.”
We shared a laugh.
Thankfully, the conversation shifted. Grace filled me in on her relationship with Leo, about them moving in together soon, while I talked about Noah and offered to help finish making dessert.
I’d almost finished dipping the choux buns in a bowl of melted chocolate when Grace said, “Do you have kitchen experience? You look like you know what you’re doing.”
The question and compliment took me by surprise. “Oh. I like to bake. That’s about as far as my experience goes.”
“Hmm. You’ve got a chef’s hand there. I can always tell.”
“Has she told you she’s the best baker this side of the river yet?” Jake strolled into the kitchen like he owned it.
“No, she hasn’t told me that,” Grace said pointedly. “But I’m not surprised.”
“Where’s Noah?” I asked, needing to change the subject.
“He’s showing my mum how to play PAW Patrol Academy on my phone. He’s fine.” Jake scanned the platter of now chocolate-dipped profiteroles and I whacked his hand the second he reached for one. “Hey!”
“No stealing.”
He gave me one of his patented shit-eating grins while Grace watched the pair of us with a close, knowing eye.
“Hmm,” was all she said before she left the room.
Jake glanced at the door over his shoulder before snatching one of the profiteroles and stuffing it in his mouth.
“Jake!” I smacked his chest, much to his delight, laughing as he wiped at his mouth and tried to hide the evidence of his thievery. “You’re incorrigible.”
“Incorrigible… Adorable. Same thing.”
I couldn’t hide my smile, but maybe I could handle kissing and dry humping and acting like nothing had happened. Maybe it didn’t need to be a big deal.
Maybe this was what they called growth.
“Hey, so, after dessert, do you wanna get out of here?” Jake asked. “There’s somewhere I’d like to take you, if you’re up for it.”
“I’d love to.”
After a round of drawn-out goodbyes and promises of another lunch soon, we took an Uber ride north of the river and ended up in a small nondescript building tucked away on a side street near King’s Cross.
It looked more industrial at first, and I couldn’t prevent the gasp at the surprising space unfolding inside.
“Is this what I think it is?” I asked excitedly.
Despite being obviously tired from the day so far, Noah ran off to explore, his hurried footsteps echoing around the concrete space.
Jake flashed a grin. “What do you think it is?”
“This is your photography exhibit.”
I took my time following the line of photographs suspended from the ceiling by trick wire and mounted on the walls in an array of differing sizes. There was city scapes, sunsets and sunrises, patterns of speckled light across buildings, and some in black and white.
Jake trailed close behind, watching my face every time I stopped to observe.
“What do you think?” he asked.
I couldn’t believe the shy lilt to his tone. “I think they’re amazing and you’re very talented, but then I’m not surprised at all.”
“You’re not?”
“Don’t get bashful on me now. It doesn’t suit you.”
“I think everything suits me.”
“Jake,” I warned.
“My question was genuine. I know my work is good. I sell enough to make a living. But I’d still love to know your thoughts. I care about the opinions of people I care about.”
He cares about me.
It wasn’t exactly new information. I’d witnessed his growing affection for my son, and in some ways for me, but my brain was a weird creature. It doubted and questioned and second-guessed everything, even when there was nothing to doubt or question or second-guess.
So hearing the words outright, explicitly, shifted something inside me.
“I care about you too,” I told him, meeting his pleased smile. “And your work is incredible. Can you tell me about it?”
Jake lit up. He didn’t need any further encouragement as he led me around the room, explaining the meaning behind every photograph. At some point, Noah joined us, sleepy and worn out, and Jake simply picked him up and let him use his shoulder as a pillow while we carried on.
He was full of life like this, animated in the only way a person could be when discussing something that sparked in their soul, and I suddenly understood why they said doing a job you loved never felt like work.
It gave me something to think about, something I never expected, least of all today, and I marvelled once again the impact Jake had—on me, my son, on everything.
There wasn’t a corner of our lives unchanged from this man, and it left me scared and exhilarated, and completely undone.