Chapter 13
IT WAS THE DAY BEFORE MY TWENTY-FIRST BIRTHDAY. HANNAH and Kara had arrived the night before. I was thrilled to show off New York to them, and everything that came along with my new life, especially Zoe, Lucas, and Ben.
It was March, yet we were visiting classic tourist destinations while battling a freak snowstorm. We trudged through ankle-deep, mucky, dirty sidewalk snow, bundled up so only our eyes were exposed.
Ben and Lucas had been in Boston for five days to catch two Celtics games and were caught in the storm overnight.
ELLIE: Let’s go to Lifers and keep it local. Plus, you can hook us up with freebies. I have a feeling tomorrow will get expensive.
BEN: Sounds good. I’m looking forward to meeting them!
ELLIE: Okay, calm down over there.
BEN: I’m calm. You calm down.
ELLIE: I’m calm. YOU CALM DOWN!
BEN: I’M CALM! YOU CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“So, what exactly is going on between you and Ben?”
Hannah’s quiet voice next to my ear startled me. My head snapped up to see both Hannah and Kara hunched over my shoulder, reading my text messages. We were at Battery Park, and not one of us was admiring the glory of the Statue of Liberty.
“What do you mean?”
Hannah snatched my phone from my death grip and pulled it up to her face. She read, “I’m so calm I’ve reached a new state of existence. I can’t see any material things anymore, I’m so calm.” Hannah flicked her eyes up to me.
“Yeah . . .” My face flushed. “He’s a silly goose.”
“You like him. I knew it.” Kara’s smirk was cracking, exposing her teeth. “You like your hot roommate. That is so sexy. Also, Cameron called it.”
“Wait, what? What do you mean?” My head almost twisted off my neck as I spun to Kara, mouth gaping. I refused to admit how envious I was of Kara’s closeness with the Campbell family since she and Cameron had started dating.
“I told Cameron that Ben was your roommate, and showed him that picture of you guys in the subway. The first thing he said was ‘Well, if she wasn’t gone before, she’s gone now,’ and that Rory blew it.”
“Whatever.” I shook my head, trying to steady my voice.
“I can’t listen to this. I haven’t talked to Rory in .
. .” I did the mental math. “Six months? And you’re right, Kara.
I do like Ben,” I continued. “But he’s just my friend, and I know we’ve all heard that before, but it’s true.
” I rolled my eyes. “I was always one foot out in Vancouver, looking for something else, and I found it. I’m happy here. I’m actually happy.”
“The fact that you like Ben after all these years of Rory is such a big deal, Ellie.” Hannah pressed her finger into my puffy jacket. “You need to go for it.”
“We’re just friends,” I muttered, shuffling my feet.
“No!” Kara’s face morphed with frustration. She pushed me in the chest harder than either of us expected.
“Ow! You got my boob!”
“No, Ellie!” Kara waved me off. “Cameron’s going to kill me for saying this, but I don’t care!
I’M IN NEW YORK, BABY!” Kara screamed out into the cold.
Hannah and I both chuckled at her lunacy.
“Before you left Vancouver, Rory broke your heart. Whatever’s ticking inside your chest right now is new, and it’s growing.
And if whatever’s in there belongs to Ben, then give him the whole thing.
Don’t give him bits and parts. You didn’t tell Rory how you felt until it was too late. Don’t make the same mistake with Ben.”
Hannah and Kara had witnessed every step of my life.
They watched me struggle to become a real person in Vancouver.
They watched my childhood crumble the moment I stopped going to Juniper.
They watched me become a new version of myself out of that heartbreak.
They watched me fall in love, and never judged me for my inability to let that love go.
They watched me decide to run away, and they didn’t stop me when they knew I wouldn’t look back.
I couldn’t. Not anymore. Hannah’s and Kara’s love for me, and my love for them, was unconditional, and if anyone could slap me in the face with reality, it was them.
My phone dinged.
I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and opened the message.
“What does it say?” Hannah asked.
“He . . .” I tried to conceal my smile. “He photoshopped his face onto a picture of the Dalai Lama. And said, ‘You calm down.’ ”
We got to Lifers, and I kept checking to see who was walking through the door every time it opened. When Ben finally pushed his way in, with Lucas following closely behind, the tension in my body released. Some of the last words he’d said to me before leaving for Boston hit me like a ton of bricks.
Now you have to choose me.
It always struck me like a thunderclap how beautiful Ben was.
He wasn’t a star yet, but everyone could read the tea leaves.
He was wearing slacks, a cream shirt, and a gray peacoat that he took off as he walked toward us.
The scruff on his face was thicker than usual, chiseling two long lines that creased his cheeks when he smiled.
He pushed his hand through his hair, shaking away the snow.
“Oh, wow. Jesus Christ,” Kara muttered while looking at him.
“You made it!” I threw my arms around Ben and hugged him tight.
“I made it.” He took a minute to drag his eyes down my face, landing them on my mouth, before he turned to Hannah and Kara. They were already exchanging private looks with each other.
“Hi. I’m Ben.”
“Yes, we know.” Hannah smiled. “I’m Hannah.”
“Kara.” Kara took a sip of her gin and tonic and winked.
I narrowed my eyes and cocked my head at her.
“Okay, well. I’m happy to meet you. Gimme a second.” Ben combed his hair with his fingers again, resetting it, then jumped over the bar.
“He works here.” I justified his comfort level.
“Apparently.” Hannah grabbed my waist and squeezed approvingly.
“I’m getting us some drinks. Go grab a seat,” Ben called out as he grabbed a tray. I saw him pull out a bottle of champagne and then duck beneath the bar to pour everyone sneaky shots.
Lucas’s lean body towered over the rest of us. He took off his black jacket to reveal his tattoos. “I’m Lucas. Lucas Martin.” He smiled directly at Hannah, and I could see my sister’s knees go weak when she heard his French accent.
“Well, shit.” Kara looked Lucas up and down. “What do they put in the water here, Lucas Martin?”
By the time 2 a.m. rolled around, the five of us had finished two bottles of champagne, a bunch of cocktails, and two shots each.
I was feeling loose from the alcohol. My jaw hurt from smiling, and my stomach was tender from laughing.
Once Ben and I had a moment alone together, I turned to him.
“I hope you’re okay with them staying with us. ”
“Of course. We can push the beds together, and the three of you can take it. I’ll go on the floor.” Ben took a sip of his beer. “Or I can stay with Lucas, if you want?”
“No.” I jumped over his question. “I want you there.”
Ben’s lips tugged at the edges, then he nodded toward Kara and Hannah, who were tearing up the makeshift dance floor. “I like them.”
“They like you. Everybody likes you, Ben.”
His smile grew. “You’re drunk.”
“I’m tipsy.” I felt a sudden urge to be honest. “You look good tonight. Your face is pretty.”
“My face is pretty?” Ben smirked.
“Yeah. I thought about your face a lot when you were gone.” I placed my hand on his chest, and he covered it with his. I took a deep breath, then flexed my hand, opening my fingers. Without letting a second pass, he laced his fingers through mine, tying us together, and lightly stroked my thumb.
Ben softly exhaled. “I thought about your face a lot.”
Now you have to choose me.
The choice was easy, and I didn’t even realize it had already been made. I didn’t want Ben to have bits and parts of me. And I didn’t want bits and parts of him.
Ben’s gaze dropped to my mouth. He very slowly moved his head toward mine.
Instead of meeting him in the middle, I stood.
He stilled, surprised by my sudden movement.
All the blood rushed to my head, and the shots took over my better judgment.
Ben’s eyes followed me as I made my way to the DJ in the corner of the bar.
I turned back to see him mouth, What are you doing?
The music shut off, and more than a few boos could be heard throughout the crowd, who assumed a mistake had been made.
The song “Dreams” by the Cranberries started playing through the speakers.
I pulled a microphone up to my lips, and Ben’s mouth dropped open.
I began singing, and the soulful love song reverberated throughout the entire bar.
Once I had people whistling and whooping, I slowly walked toward Ben, who was sitting in shock at the table.
I flipped a chair around and planted myself in front of him, with the back of the chair between my legs.
Ben covered his eyes with his hands and laughed.
“Can someone get this girl a glass of water?” Ben shouted out to no one, with the biggest smile I had ever seen.
I heard Lucas whistle at me from the bar. On the dance floor, Hannah’s hands were covering her mouth, and Kara’s eyes were bulging out of her head. I threw my hand into the air and shifted my body upward until I was standing on the chair, letting it all out.
Ben pulled his hand over his beautiful face and dragged down his mouth. He looked around the crowd to see people filming, people cheering for us, and almost everyone singing along. The entire bar was alive.
“I’m going to kiss you, Ellie!” Ben yelled over the music.
I laughed and shook my head no, still singing.
“It’s happening.”
I shook my head again. No.
He nodded. Yes.
I shook.
He nodded. His beautiful smile dipped at the edges, lighting up the entire room.
Oh fuck. I love him.