This Is What It Feels Like

Chapter 16

16

M y head was pounding, and my mouth felt so dry that I had to pry my tongue off the back of my teeth. There was a terrible taste in my mouth as well, and my eyes felt like they were on fire. Where was I? I lifted up my head, and despite feeling like a sledgehammer was destroying my brain, I opened my eyes to look around. The room was dark, the floor was cool to my touch, and I couldn’t feel anyone near me. There was a blanket over me. Was that a toilet? I ran my hand up the side. Yup, that was definitely a toilet. My brain caught up with my hand, and I realized that I was in a bathroom. Why was I lying on the floor of a bathroom? With a pillow and a blanket? I felt for my body. Okay, and with no clothes on. Where was I? Why did I feel like I had died and come back to life? Suddenly, the door cracked open, and light filtered in.

“Oh, my eyes,” I croaked. My voice sounded weird to my ears, and my throat hurt when I spoke. I covered my eyes with my hand, but the sudden movement made me feel so dizzy and made my head throb even worse. The door shut, and the light went away.

“Shaen?”

I knew that voice. That was the voice of… Remi. Remi, who had stood beside me, rubbing my back as I barfed into the bushes at the party. Oh my God, the party! Memories started to assault me. A flash of how I had thrown up every single burrito and chip that I had eaten near the swing that we had been sitting on.

Me trying to get onto the dance floor after and then almost passing out in Remi’s arms. Him plying me with water. Me throwing up again in the bathroom this time. Me on a hunt to find the girl who had hit on Remi to tell her what was what. Liam and Remi getting me into an Uber. The Uber stopping on the side of the road so I could throw up yet again. Me crying on Liam’s front lawn. Me throwing up once more while in the shower. Remi cleaning up the shower as I laid down, naked, on the bathroom floor. Well, at least now I knew how I had gotten here and where I was. I was in Liam’s house. Another memory hit me. Remi bringing me a pillow and a blanket after I refused to get up and go to bed with him. Him whispering good night in my ear, and me saying, “I love you” back.

“Oh fuck.” I groaned out loud. My head reverberated with the sound of my own voice.

“Shaen?” Remi sounded really concerned. Maybe he had still been drunk enough not to remember. My brain was in overdrive, and I was absolutely freaking out, but I could not make any more sudden movements because it felt like my head was going to absolutely explode if I did.

“Shaen? Julia is going to run an IV for you, but I need you to put on some clothes.”

I jolted awake at Remi’s words, and I realized that I had dozed off again; this time, I was leaning up against the bathtub. The cold material felt so good on my body, which felt incredibly hot. I am not okay, I thought. Why am I not okay? Yet I nodded in agreement, my eyes still closed.

“Lift your arms,” Remi instructed. I did. He slipped something soft over my head and gently pulled it down my body. Then I felt him pulling shorts up my legs. Next thing I knew, I was in the air. He had picked me up and was cradling me.

“I s-smell,” I croaked, turning my face away from him.

“I showered you. You smell like my body wash,” Remi whispered. Then he put a pair of sunglasses into my hands. “Put these on. The sun is out.”

I fumbled them but managed to get the glasses onto my face.

“What time is it?” I figured it was probably just a few hours later, maybe seven or eight a.m.

“It’s three-thirty,” Remi told me.

“What?” I was shocked.

“I’ve been with you the whole time. You were out cold.” He opened the bathroom door, and I felt some of the nausea return at the movements my body was making as he carried me in his arms. I felt myself whimper, and he slowed his steps.

“I’m just taking you down to my room. Julia has a bag ready for you,” he assured me. His room. In all this time we had been together, I had actually never been to his room. The thought flitted through my mind.

“Okay,” I whispered. I was so embarrassed that Julia was going to see me like this. I really didn’t remember drinking enough for this kind of reaction to happen, and now Remi had to take care of me, and he would realize what a pathetic burden I was. Everyone would finally see that it was easier to let me take care of myself, just like my mother had. I felt a tear slip out of my eyes as the negative, anxious thoughts that I battled overtook me. I was grateful for the sunglasses so Remi couldn’t see how rattled I was. I already knew that even though it had been just about a month of us being together, I could never go back to my regular life. If Remi broke up with me, I felt like I would never recover because now I knew what it was like to have someone care about me. I almost felt like I had been better off not knowing because this experience had been too good. This experience made me feel too whole. It had given me a taste of true happiness, and how could I be expected to return to my empty, lonely, anxious existence once I had lived like this? I was shaken out of my depressing thoughts as my body was placed in a reclining position against some pillows on what I presumed was Remi’s bed. I heard Julia’s voice talking to Remi in low tones, and then she addressed me.

“Oh, lovie, don’t cry.”

Well, apparently, the sunglasses weren’t enough to cover up my tears. I felt something wet on my arm as she sanitized it with an alcohol wipe.

“Small pinch, and then it will feel a little cold. Okay, honey? You will start to feel so much better as soon as we get these fluids into you. I included some glutathione, so it’s going to work really quickly.”

I didn’t understand what she was saying, but I just nodded, and I felt a blanket cover my legs. I winced at the pinch and then at the cold fluids that began to flow into my arm. I could feel it, and it felt weird.

“Hold still,” Remi told me. He was sitting to my left. I turned my head, overwhelmed by how pathetic I felt. I wished he would just take me out of my misery now and send me packing before I kept getting in too deep. My brain was fully convinced that he found me to be way too much to deal with since he had seen whatever side of me it was that had shown up last night. I heard Remi talking to Julia again as she taped the needle in place. I caught drifts of, “Roofied… police…”

“I was roofied?” My brain felt so fuzzy, and my mouth felt like it wasn’t saying my words right.

“Shhh.” Remi was rubbing my shoulder and tucking the blanket more tightly around me. I fell asleep with his voice whispering in my ear, but I didn’t know what he was saying.

I woke up to the pinch of the IV being removed from my vein and Julia’s voice asking, “How do you feel?”

The sunglasses had fallen off during my nap, and I was able to open my eyes. The room was dark, but there was a lamp on, and it didn’t hurt me. I blinked and licked my lips. They were still dry.

“Better,” I said. My brain was working again. I looked around. Remi wasn’t there.

“He’s going to break up with me. Isn’t he?” I blurted out. Julia looked shocked.

“Why would he do that?” She sat down next to me on the bed and reached over to brush some hair off my face. I shrugged.

“I just feel like whatever hot mess this is, it’s not what he signed up for,” I mumbled.

“Shaen, what happened last night was not your fault. And even if it was, Remi cares so much about you. He was a wreck last night worrying about you. He’s not here because I made him go to sleep since he’s been existing on fumes all day.” She fussed with my blanket and then handed me a water bottle with a straw. I took a small sip.

“I don’t understand what happened. One second, I was fine, and the next second, I can barely remember what happened.” I felt so ashamed.

“At first, Remi thought maybe it was the drinking, but then you started to act off. He said you were revved up one second and falling over the next. Then Lia said she remembered that right before this all happened, a guy she didn’t recognize had handed you a drink, and they think something must have been in it. So they rushed you home. You were stable enough that they told me they didn’t think getting an ambulance was the right move, and I agreed with them. I was here when you fell asleep. Remi never left you, and we all took turns checking on you through the night.” Julia filled me in on the events that I couldn’t recall.

I made a regretful noise, and she stopped me. “You would do it for any of us.”

I nodded. I knew that I would.

“So please accept that we care about you, honey. I know it’s hard for you, but you can’t stop us,” she said jokingly. I gave her a small smile.

“The police said too much time has passed to do blood work because whatever it was seemed to be very fast acting, so it is out of your system by now, but they are looking at camera footage to see if they can get a shot of the guy who had handed you that drink. They’re going to come by when they have more information,” Julia explained. I nodded again.

“I’m sorr…” I started. She stopped me with a serious look on her face.

“You are like a daughter to me, and my nephew is so happy with you, so I do not want to hear a single apology out of you. You did nothing wrong. The one who should be apologizing is the piece of shit who did this to you.” She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me so tight that I felt the love from her pour into me.

“Thank you,” I mumbled against her shoulder.

“Do you think you can handle some toast?” She seemed intent on changing the subject. I shrugged.

“Maybe?”

She stood up from the bed.

“I will send Remi in with a slice. We will do one more IV later tonight, but you’ve got some color back in your face, so I am confident that you are on the mend.”

“Okay,” I whispered. She blew me a kiss and left the room.

I must have fallen back asleep because, once again, I was woken up. This time, it was from Remi placing a kiss on my forehead.

“Hiiii,” I whispered.

“Hi.” He smiled at me. He looked tired, and I felt guilty. “I’m going to feed you some toast. Okay?”

I nodded. Remi proceeded to hand-feed me little pieces of buttered toast until I had finished an entire piece of bread. I was feeling so much better in comparison to when I had woken up in the bathroom earlier. My headache was gone, I felt like I had more energy, and my thoughts weren’t scrambled and depressing anymore.

“Um.” I took a deep breath as Remi crawled under his blanket and laid down next to me. “Julia said I’m not allowed to apologize,” I told him, taking a deep breath and snuggling against his chest.

“She’s right.” He sounded emphatic about that.

“Well, then, I just want to say thank you.” I shivered as I felt his breath on the side of my neck. He had his big body tucked around me.

“You don’t have to thank your boyfriend for taking care of you, Shaen.” His voice was gruff and full of emotion. I shrugged.

“I feel like I have to. My brain was really fucked up before,” I admitted. “And I hate that I keep putting you in a position where you have to take care of me.” He looked at me and said, “You’re my girl. I want to take care of you.”

“I know, but this morning, or earlier, I was convinced you would be sick of my drama and would break up with me, and I was so scared because I can’t…” I felt like I would cry again, and I closed my eyes as I felt another wave of fatigue wash over me. I could hear Remi take a shuddering breath near my ear, and right before I drifted off, I heard him say, “I love you too.”

Damn it, he had heard me.

Hours later, I woke up feeling even better than before, with most of my energy returned and no more lingering pain in my body. I realized that my bladder was going to burst if I didn’t get to a bathroom ASAP. I sat up and got myself out of bed.

“There is a bathroom right there,” Remi mumbled, pointing to a door near his closet. The door opened up into a big bathroom with gray marble tile, a huge vanity, and a massive Jacuzzi.

“That tub looks delicious,” I told him as I shut the door.

“Let’s use it some time,” I heard Remi reply as I peed for what felt like a good five minutes. I took my tampon out, surprised that it had held up for so long.

“Can you get me my bag, babe?” I called from the toilet. Remi appeared a minute later, shirtless and in a pair of boxer briefs, holding my bag. I fished around in it and found my tampons. I shoved one in and then took out a fresh bra and underwear. Looking in the mirror, I saw for the first time that I was wearing a shirt with Remi’s face on it.

“You told me if I got you one, you would wear it.” He grinned. He seemed so happy that I was feeling better.

“I did, didn’t I?” I remembered jokingly telling him if he made me a shirt with his face on it that I would proudly wear it. It looked like he had taken me very seriously.

“I got you something too,” I told him as I brushed my teeth. He came up behind me and hugged me.

“You don’t have to get me anything.” He kissed my neck, and I turned around and practically climbed up him. He sat me on the vanity and got between my legs, and we kissed like our lives depended on it.

“I was scared,” he admitted against my mouth. I stilled in his arms. I had been too out of it to feel scared. “Your pupils were so blown that your eyes looked dark. And you just… weren’t yourself. I don’t understand how people keep getting into our private parties and keep hurting you…”

“Hopefully, the police will find something. Did he do this to anyone else?”

Remi helped me climb off the vanity, and I opened my bag again to find his gift.

“So far, it looks like it was just you.” Remi’s face seemed worried at that knowledge. I had to admit that it was kind of strange that out of the hundred girls there, I seemed to be the only one who had been targeted and that nothing had happened after that. Didn’t people usually drug girls with the intention of attacking them after? Something about the story made no sense to me, but I pushed away the nagging feeling and pulled out the gifts. We sat on his bed as I gave them to him. I had gotten him two things. One was a necklace from David Yurman. It had a black leather cord, and on it hung a gold circle amulet on which I had our initials carved: R + S. I had also gotten him a rolling toolbox from Sharper Image that Julia let me hide at their house. The rep I had spoken to told me that anyone who liked working on cars needed one. I handed him an envelope containing the pamphlet for the large toolbox and then a small box with the necklace inside. I nervously watched him open the gifts. He immediately put the necklace on, and then he opened the toolbox brochure.

“Babe… thank you.” I could hear how much the gift meant to him by the tone of his voice. I knew he didn’t have a lot of support in his dream to work on cars and one day own an antique car shop, but I wanted him to know that I supported him in it, always. He pulled me into his lap, hugging and kissing me. His lips were soft on mine, his tongue snuck out to swipe at the seam of my lips, and I opened for him. Our tongues danced as his hands pulled me closer to him. I could hear him panting, and I had to fight the little groans that wanted to escape me. I knew Julia was cool, but I didn’t feel comfortable moaning in her house just yet, if ever. His hands palmed my breasts over my T-shirt, and I could feel my nipples pebbling.

“When will you be done?” He motioned to my general pelvic area.

I counted and then answered, “Probably by Thursday.”

“Okaaay.” He seemed resigned to wait. I kissed my way down his neck and licked one of his nipples. He let out a sound that had my pussy clenching, and I realized that I was ready for the next step.

“Is your door locked?” I asked him.

“Noooo.” He looked confused.

“Go lock it,” I encouraged him. He got up, locked the door, and came back. His erection was swelling the front of his underwear. I pulled him back down on the bed and had him sit on the edge. Then I got down on the floor in front of him. Awareness shone in his eyes.

“Shaen, you don’t have to…” He started to protest. I made a fist over his underwear and gripped his penis.

“Aaaah.” He made that sound again.

“I want to. Is that okay?” I looked up at him, hoping I didn’t look like a complete wreck in my T-shirt, messy hair, and bare face.

“Is it okay?” He squeezed his eyes shut for a second and then opened them, looking glassy-eyed with excitement. “How could my first blow job ever, from my gorgeous girlfriend, not be okay?” He had a hand in my hair, and I felt excited at the idea of him leading me.

“Okay, but you have to promise me that if it’s not good, you’ll give me time to practice.” I was so serious, but he let out a laugh that ended in a moan as I ran a hand down his length.

“Baby, you can practice all you want. I volunteer for tribute.”

I was rubbing him hard now, and his hips were coming off the bed.

“Take this off.” I pulled at the elastic waistband. He listened so quickly, pulling his underwear down and tossing them to the side. Remi’s thighs were all hard muscle and had a thin layer of soft hair on them. His stomach was flat, leading up to his defined pecs, and his dick stuck out proudly from his body. I was so hot for him, and I wanted to do this so he could understand how much he meant to me, but I was also so scared. What if it tasted funny? What if I was bad at it? How could I possibly be good at it when I had never done this before? Would I swallow? Would I even let him come in my mouth?

“You’re thinking a lot,” Remi noticed out loud. “We do not have to do this if you’re not ready.” He made a move to cover himself.

“No. I’m ready.” I was determined. “I’m just an overthinker.”

“You? No way,” he quipped sarcastically. I pinched his thigh in response.

“Ouch!” he yelped.

“Can anyone hear us?” I asked as I got fully in between his legs.

“No.” He was breathing heavily. “My room is in the basement, and ohhhh, Jesus…”

I blew some air onto the tip of his weeping cock and wrapped my hand around the base as I leaned in and gave it a tentative lick. It had a musty, tangy taste and was almost sweet. I could handle that. I took the whole tip in my mouth and sucked briefly. His hips came up off the bed, and I could see him squeezing the blanket on either side of his body as he said my name in a panting, low tone. His penis was too big for my mouth, and I remembered the girls in the dirty books that I read would take what they could and then use their hand for the rest, so I tried that. I took more into my mouth and hollowed my cheeks, moving my tongue and lips on him as I jerked the rest of him with my left hand.

“Oh, dear God, Shaen… I’m going to embarrass myself, baby. But I am literally…” His voice was so deep, and I could feel his fingers gripping the sides of my head now. I moved my mouth up and down his length enthusiastically. He let out a loud moan.

“Shhh,” I garbled around him.

“I can’t help it,” he mewled. I swiped my tongue up the underside of his cock, moved my left hand around the root, then took my right hand and cupped his balls. His thighs stiffened on either side of me. I was so worked up myself that I could feel my body clenching around the tampon. I could feel more pre-cum drip into my mouth, and I swallowed it as Remi’s fingers ran over my jaw and then down to softly hold around my neck. He squeezed gently as I took more of him in my mouth and sucked, then ran my tongue around the tip in a circular motion and then went back to getting him as deep as I could without gagging. At one point, I did gag, and that seemed to excite him even more.

“Oh yes, baby, take me. You look so good taking my cock. What a good girl,” he panted out in short, loud breaths. I loved that he was so natural at giving praise because I was obsessed with it. I could feel his words like an electric fissure through my body. I sped up the movements of my hand, and I could feel him grow harder in my mouth.

“I’m going to come,” he warned. Remi made a move as if to pull out, but I held him in my mouth and gently squeezed the part of his dick that was in my hand as I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

“Ooooh, you’re killing me.” He tightened his grip on either side of my neck and began to move his hips, taking over. He literally fucked his way into my mouth, his cock getting close to the back of my throat, and I willed myself to allow it. My eyes were watering, and I almost pulled back when I felt him swell and come as he filled my mouth with a warm, salty substance that was too thick for me to call a liquid. He was moaning my name so loud that I was scared the whole house could hear him. As he finished, I felt his fingers touch the front of my throat as I swallowed him down, and the way he clearly loved that made my thighs tremble. He pulled out, his long dick shiny from my mouth, and I watched as it softened on his thigh. His face was flushed, his hair was falling in his eyes, and he had a look about him that I didn’t recognize.

“Get up here,” he growled. I stood, and he attacked me. He had never kissed me like this before.

“I can taste myself.” I heard him say.

“Do you like it?” I asked as he sucked his way down my neck to latch onto my nipple.

“Like it?” he gasped. “I love knowing that it means I made a mess in your mouth. You… you just…” He was at a loss for words, so he switched to worshiping my other nipple. My body was so sensitive due to the hormones from my period that I needed to cover my mouth with both of my hands so no one would hear how excited he had gotten me.

“Baby, I want to taste you.” He was down by my waist, hand tight on my hip, kissing the tops of my thighs. I sat up on my elbows to look at him.

“Remi… you can’t. I’m…”

“Keep the tampon in, I’ll stay up by your clit. I won’t go lower.” He was almost begging.

“I feel… dirty.”

His eyes flickered with amusement.

“Not that kind of dirty.” I playfully slapped at his shoulder. “I mean, I feel like this is just gross,” I told him. He lay me back against the pillows again and said, “I am obsessed with all of you, and if you want to wait, I will wait. Painfully, but I will wait. But if you let me, I promise I won’t find it gross.”

I made an “I don’t believe you” face.

“I swear, babe. I had it all over my fingers, remember?”

I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

He laughed and rubbed my inner thighs with his hands.

“Please, Shaen?”

I gave in and laid back. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I had never done anything like this before, and it felt like a really big deal. I knew I was still a virgin and could remain one for as long as I wanted to, but this still felt like a big step in the realm of trust. Of being together. Of connection. I shivered as Remi almost lovingly removed my underwear and tossed them on the floor. He gazed down at me, and I imagined how weird the string of the tampon must look hanging out of me. That couldn’t be sexy, right? Yet Remi looked downright ravenous. He had his hands on my thighs, keeping my legs apart, and he was bending his dark head down between my legs. I could feel his breath there, and I was strung up somehow, stuck in the moment of waiting. I felt teased and impatient, and suddenly, after what seemed like an eternity, I felt the swipe of his tongue on my clit, and I knew I would never be the same. It was like a thousand nerve endings went off in my body at the same time. The borderline pain of how tight his fingers were clutching onto my thighs in comparison to the feather-light dance his tongue was making on the most intimate part of my body was blowing my mind. I was a mess for how the flat part of his tongue felt against me, and then suddenly, he sucked, and I thought I might die. I could feel him laugh against my flesh at the insane words coming out of my mouth.

“Rem-Remi… baby… I can’t… more. Please, I can’t. Oh my God, yes, do that. Oh God, I can’t take it.”

His mouth was magical on me, which was crazy to think since neither of us had any experience whatsoever, but I guessed this was a result of the natural desire we had for one another. He kept bringing me higher and higher between licking and sucking and then a tiny bite on the side of my swollen clit that had me writhing under him until suddenly I exploded. I felt like I had been flung up above us and was stretched out among the stars. My body was on fire while also running cold. My legs were trembling, and was I crying? I felt like I was crying. The orgasm just kept going as Remi was lapping at me and moaned against me. Him moaning as he ate me was another level of intimacy I had not experienced before. I had never felt closer to another human being ever.

“I love you,” I sobbed as the crescendo washed over me, and I collapsed against the bed, sweating and panting. My body was feeling so tight and so loose at the same time. Remi crawled up against me, covering me with his body and crowding me against him.

“I wasn’t sure if you meant it last night.” His lips were swollen and wet from me. His hair was a mess from my hands frantically grabbing at him, and his dick was hard against my stomach. Again.

“I meant it.” I stared at him. He stared at me.

“Is this crazy?” I whispered. He rubbed his thumb against my lips.

“If it is, I want to be crazy with you.” He leaned in to kiss me, and I tasted myself on him.

“I love you too,” he said against my neck. I smiled, and we fell asleep again.

This is what peace feels like.

We woke up from yet another nap at around six that evening. I took a shower and put on a pair of workout shorts and a tank top. After applying some mascara and a dab of lip balm, I left the bathroom to find Liam sitting on Remi’s bed, playing on his phone.

“Oh my God, you look so much better,” Liam exclaimed in true Liam fashion.

“Well, thanks,” I replied sarcastically.

“No, seriously, you looked like shit for a bit there.”

That made both of us laugh, but then Liam got off the bed and came over to hug me. I stood stiffly in his arms.

“Um, what are you doing?” I mumbled; my voice was muffled against his shirt.

“Okay, ice queen, I’m showing some love to my bff because things could have gone way worse, and I’m just happy you’re okay.” Liam sat back down on the bed. I sat next to him.

“Okay, I get it. I’m glad I’m okay too.” It was funny how warm, loving, and cuddly I could get with Remi, but although I loved them very much, I was still my regular old stiff and avoidant of emotions self with my friends. They loved to make fun of me for being out of touch with normal human feelings.

“So you and Remiel, huh?” Liam leaned back on Remi’s pillow. I shrugged.

“I really, really like him,” I finally said. I didn’t love to wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time, but I knew Liam could be trusted.

“It seems like you’re both in super deep super quick.” He observed.

I nodded.

“Yeah, I guess… Do you feel like that about Lia?” I looked over at him when I asked the question. Lia had joined our friend group in ninth grade, and Liam had flirted with her relentlessly until she finally agreed to go out with him two years later. He had been sleeping with a ton of other girls up until that point but had never dated anyone seriously, so none of us thought it would last. With the exception of two quick breakups, they had made it all the way through eleventh and twelfth grade as a couple.

“I mean, I care about her a lot, and I think she’s an amazing person, but you know that I’m going to be in Boston for the next four years, and she’s going to be in California, so I just don’t see it working out with us being so far apart for so long,” Liam admitted.

“Wait!” I sat up and looked my best friend right in the eyes. “You guys are going to break up?”

“I mean, we talked about it briefly. I’ll be sad, but we both don’t see how it can work with school schedules, being, like, a six-hour flight apart and, not to mention, the time difference. It’s just an extra stress that neither of us needs as we go to college,” he explained.

“Doesn’t sound like you love each other then.” I felt bad for them, but it did sound like a breakup would be a mutual decision.

“Love? No way, babe. We care about each other so much, and I respect the shit out of her, and damn her body is…”

I held up a hand. “Nope.”

Liam laughed. “Okay, well, I will miss her, but I don’t think ending it will break me.” He finished in a much more PG fashion.

“Wow.” I really thought after two years of being together that they were serious enough to try it long-distance.

“I mean, I hope it doesn’t happen, but if you and Remi broke up, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, right? You’ve been together for what? A month.” Liam scoffed. “That’s nothing.”

“Liam. I know this sounds crazy, but I would literally be unable to leave my bed. Like I would go insane. I would be heartbroken.” I shuddered just thinking about it.

“What are you talking about?” Liam suddenly sounded serious. “Shaen, it’s literally been like thirty days. You can’t be serious.”

“I told you it’s crazy. But I swear my energy aligns with his energy. I feel like I can’t imagine my life without him.” I buried my face in my hands, feeling embarrassed for admitting how strong my feelings were.

“Hey.” Liam took my hands off my face and held them in his own. “You’re my best fucking friend. And you are one of the most emotionally in control people that I know. The fact that you never fooled around with anyone until Remi makes me know how serious you are, and I believe you. If you say you love him, then you love him. That’s enough for me. I mean, you love him, right?” He peered at me.

“I do,” I whispered. Liam broke up the heavy vibe in the room by jumping into a rendition of The Lion King’s “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” which made us both laugh. It was a welcome reprieve from all the big feelings he had brought up in me.

Liam’s phone buzzed. “Dinner’s ready,” he told me. I pulled on a pair of socks and followed him upstairs.

“Do you know where my phone is?” I asked as we entered the kitchen.

“I have it,” Remi said from where he stood cutting up watermelon. “I texted your mom last night to tell her you were sleeping over here. It’s in the pocket of my sweatshirt that is in the living room, but it’s probably dead.”

I found my phone, and it was, in fact, dead. Liam took it from me and plugged it into a charger in the kitchen. Suddenly, Julia and Sam came into the room, followed by a police officer.

“This is Shaen.” Julia pointed at me. Remi stopped cutting the watermelon and came to stand behind me.

“Hi, Miss Collins. I’m Officer Brook. I’m so sorry to hear what happened, but I’m glad you’re okay.” He shook my hand, and we all sat down at the table. My heart was suddenly racing. The officer didn’t waste any time.

“So, the good news is there were cameras at the location last night, and we have clear footage of this man putting a pill into the shot that he gave you,” he told us. The room let out a collective sigh. Remi’s hand took mine and squeezed it.

“If I show you a photo of a few faces, do you think you would recognize him?” The policeman was now taking photos out of the folder he was holding and began lining them up in front of me. They were all of people at the party last night, in the same lighting and all of similar coloring and build, but the one in the middle stood out to me.

“This one.” I pointed to him confidently.

“I know that guy!” Remi exclaimed. Everyone turned to look at him.

“Because he works for your dad.” The officer filled in the blanks.

“What?” the room collectively said in unison again.

“Yeah, he’s my dad’s driver. I saw him yesterday at the graduation. His name is?—”

“Blake Summers,” the officer interrupted again.

“Yeah. What the fuck, excuse me, what in the world is going on?” Remi was now tripping over his words. The policeman was putting the photos away as he said, “When we saw the video footage of him handing Miss Collins the drink, we obviously kept watching, and we saw that he left immediately. Which is odd because…”

“You would think he was drugging me to take advantage of me,” I interrupted quietly.

“Yes.” Officer Brook nodded. “But instead, he left right away. He had parked in an area where we could see his car, but we couldn’t catch a plate. However, we were able to pick it up later from a traffic cam. The car he was driving was registered to a Pastor John S. Taylor.”

Remi stiffened next to me.

“We sent some local police to the house with the photo. The pastor identified the man as Blake Summers, who is twenty-three, and apparently works as the pastor’s driver. We currently have Blake in custody. Both he and the pastor are sticking to the story that the pastor had no idea where Blake was or what he was up to last night. And his alibi did check out.”

“I’m so confused.” Liam stood up from the table. “Why would my uncle need an alibi?”

“Well, at 4:30 a.m. this morning, Blake Summers texted him and said ‘All good,’ to which he received no response. This did raise some suspicions. Do you have any reason to believe that John Taylor would wish you physical harm?” The officer directed his attention to me. I looked at Remi, then Julia, and then turned back to the officer.

“I mean, I really don’t know him, so I don’t know. I don’t think so,” I stuttered.

“What did he put in her drink?” Remi’s voice was tight and strained.

“Benadryl,” Officer Brook replied. “Blake said he didn’t want to hurt Miss Collins. He just wanted her not to feel good and leave the party.”

Remi stood up from the table as well.

“Did he say why?” Sam asked.

“He lawyered up after that.” The policeman stood up and gathered his things. “So the investigation is still ongoing, and there isn’t anything else for me to share with you at this time, but Miss Collins, if you or anyone else can think of any more details, please let us know. And in the future, after you’re twenty-one, of course, please only accept drinks from people you know. Okay?”

I nodded, surprised that was the only mention of all the obvious underage drinking. I was beginning to feel numb. The officer shook my hand again, and Sam walked him to the door.

“Blake doesn’t do anything without being told to do it by my dad.” Remi looked angry and almost scared. “So what the fuck is going on?”

“Okay, let’s say your dad told Blake to do it; tell me why? What is he trying to accomplish?” Liam started putting food onto plates, and I helped him by bringing them to the table. Julia had made fresh garlic bread, fettuccine alfredo, salad, and gnocchi. As confused as I was by this new plot twist, I was also starving, so I dove into the pasta.

“If I’m my dad and I find out that my precious golden boy son is being led ‘astray’ by a girl…” Remi sat down next to me with a full plate of food as Sam came back into the kitchen.

“And the last I knew of my son was that he was big into purity culture and was taught that girls that drink too much are not godly women. That they are loose with their morals and they’re not wife material, then maybe in my twisted logic, if I could make the girl look and act like she can’t handle her alcohol, then maybe my precious son would come home. Or, at the very least, break up with her.”

“And a graduation party was the perfect opportunity, plus they were already in town.” Sam sat down at the table with a plate of food as he agreed with Remi’s theory.

“That is so fucked up,” Liam announced. “Hey, pass the lemonade, please.”

I passed him the pitcher of freshly squeezed lemonade. Julia was so extra, and I loved it.

“Do you really think your dad is capable of that?” I asked Remi as I took another large bite of my food. Remi didn’t answer for a minute, and then he replied, “I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“Neither would I,” Julia agreed.

“Am I in danger?” I felt a panic attack begin to slide up my throat.

“Hey.” Remi grabbed my hand. “Take a deep breath.”

I did.

“Again.”

I took another one.

“You are not in danger. I think it was a one-time opportunity where he tried to get the upper hand, but now, with the police sniffing around, he would be stupid to try anything again.” Remi sounded so sure and confident that I wanted to believe him.

“I mean, it sounds like this Blake guy is an idiot. He was caught on camera and then was easily identified. Like how dumb of a criminal can you be?” Liam laughed.

“I never want to see your dad again,” I told Remi.

“Honestly, me neither,” he agreed.