Chapter 9
Lambton
“If Mr. Darcy’s driver inquires, please tell him you do not know where I am.
” Elizabeth instructed her maid before leaving the inn.
She wandered slowly through the village looking into shop windows even though it was too early for several businesses to open.
She had never been so uncertain about anything in her life.
What should she do? She refused to be the cause of anyone’s distress, especially someone she loved.
Where could she get good advice? Mrs. Murray would be helpful, but Betsy Richards would be listening to every word she said.
It would not take long before Betsy would be gleefully sharing the sad story of Elizabeth ending her engagement to Mr. Darcy to anyone who would listen.
After another moment of uncertainty, she began to walk.
* * *
Pembrook Cottage
Darcy was anxious as he stood outside awaiting his carriage’s return from Lambton.
Had Elizabeth read his letter? Was she on her way back to him?
But the carriage had not stopped at the cottage—it returned directly to the stables.
If she read the note, she must still intend to avoid his presence.
To see her, he must travel to Lambton himself.
If she would allow it, he would accompany her back to Pemberley or speak to her in a private room at the inn.
He entered the Rose and Crown, and people walked past him, saw his scars and turned their faces away before they whispered to each other about what they had just seen.
To try not to be ashamed of how he looked and not duck his head was difficult—and then he was stopped in his own concerns with a thought of how this type of response had made Elizabeth feel.
She had been treated that way her entire life: the pitying looks and aversion to looking at her face, the comments, and questioning stares.
Her strength and courage were even more admirable now that he had experienced the same expressions of repulsion from complete strangers.
* * *
Lambton
Mrs. Hopkins embraced Elizabeth when she arrived at her friend’s home.
“I am thrilled to see you, Lizzy. The weather is so lovely. Shall we talk outside?” Mrs. Hopkins pointed to a grassy area beside the house where a small table and two chairs were well shaded by a large tree.
As soon as they were seated, Mrs. Hopkins leaned towards Elizabeth.
“I am expecting my son and his family later today, and you are a welcome distraction. I so look forward to their visits but cannot relax until they have arrived safely.”
“I am pleased to serve as a diversion.”
“I heard about your engagement to Mr. Darcy, and I am delighted for you. It is a perfect match. You may fear you are not worthy of him because you were forced to go into service for a short time, but that is all behind you now, and no one needs to know. You will have to let me know if the stories about the enchantment of Pembrook Cottage are true.”
“I thank you for your good wishes but I am not certain there will be a wedding.”
“Whatever do you mean, child?”
“Since our betrothal, I have been staying at the Rose and Crown, and had planned to do so until the wedding. Every morning, Mr. Darcy has sent a carriage for me, and we have spent most of the day together. He. . .well, recently he has become cold and indifferent to me, and as a result, I have not gone to Pembrook Cottage for a week. I fear that when I do, he will tell me he has had a change of heart.” She bowed her head towards her tightly clasped hands before she continued.
“There is such a vast difference in our circumstances, despite me being a gentleman’s daughter—remember, my relations are in trade.
His sister and his cousin were delighted about our upcoming marriage, but what will the rest of the ton say?
Will marrying me hurt him in the eyes of society or affect his sister’s marriage prospects?
I have so many doubts about us having a future together.
” She paused and lowered her eyes to the ground.
“Earlier this week he wrote me a short note telling me he missed my coming to the cottage every day. How can I not but doubt his sincerity?”
“My dear, marriage should not be entered into lightly. It is a permanent partnership; living together and loving each other. Every couple goes through periods of worries and uncertainties. It takes patience and a willingness to make that promise. If you love each other, you can overcome any obstacles that are certain to come your way. Sometimes, all you can do is hope for the best.”
“My friend Charlotte always said that happiness in marriage is a matter of chance. Perhaps she was correct. I know I am being a coward in not wanting to hear the bad news. I have questioned whether he really wanted me or was I just someone to be with him so he would not be alone. When he proposed, he said he liked being with me. Mrs. Hopkins,”—her eyes filled with tears—“he did not speak of love or affection on that day or any day since. As a child, when I allowed myself to dream of being married, I imagined I would love and respect my husband and that he would feel the same way about me. I have tried to bear Mr. Darcy’s taciturn behaviour since I evidently cannot change it, but I find I am unable.
To settle for less, regardless of my birthmark and social status, would subject us both to a life of misery.
I would rather work as a companion than be in an unequal partnership. ”
“Oh, my dear girl.” Mrs. Hopkins sighed as she gently stroked Elizabeth’s arm. “What will you do now?”
“Has my aunt written to you about the promising turn of events with my uncle’s business?” The older woman smiled and bobbed her head. “When Mr. Darcy tells me he no longer wishes to marry me, I shall return to London and stay with the Gardiners. I learnt I can get the mail coach later this week.”
“Are you certain that is what you wish to do? If you return to London, you may never see Mr. Darcy again.”
Before she could reply, the man himself hastened towards them. Startled, she jumped to her feet.
“Miss Bennet, pray, stay in Derbyshire,” said Mr. Darcy.
“I know things have not been right between us, but I miss seeing you every day.” Mrs. Hopkins quickly rose and left them to their privacy.
Mr. Darcy came closer. “May we sit and discuss this?” She could not bear to be close to him, so she turned and strode away to the other side of the small garden.
“Elizabeth, will you not look at me?” When she glanced back towards where he stood, he was watching her while she clenched and unclenched her hands at her side.
Elizabeth faced the other way again since his handsome face affected her more than she cared to admit.
How could she believe him? “If I turn around, I may not be able to finish what I wish to say.” She paused to collect her thoughts.
“Since the first time I realized how my face appears to others, I knew that only in my dreams might I have a contented life with a husband who loved me.
As a child, I listened to my mother boast about how well four of her daughters would marry.
She told everyone I would always be at home to care for her and my father as they grew older.
“When you and I began to become better acquainted, I believed we started to care for each other, and it was more than I ever hoped for. From our first conversation, you never talked down to me and never treated me as a servant, but as an equal. When you asked me to marry you, I thought my heart would burst with joy.” Her voice became stronger.
“Despite my appearance, I shall only marry for sincere and mutual affection lest my marriage be doomed from the start.
I want to believe your note, but I stopped coming to the cottage because your words did not reflect your recent cold behaviour towards me.
It seemed obvious that you wished I was not there.
You have never said you loved me or even felt affection for me.
I will not be part of an unequal union causing us both a lifetime of suffering and pain.
I need to marry a man who cares for me and does not see me simply as a convenient way to end his loneliness.
The reason I have not come to the cottage is because I am not strong enough to face you and hear you say you have changed your mind about us.
“Will you not turn around?” She remained standing where she was.
“Why did you come to Lambton today?”
“I spoke to Mr. Martin, and he mentioned Mr. Butler’s interest in you.
I do not wish to lose you to another man, but if you marry me, I fear it would condemn you to a wretched life.
” How could he believe that? “Mr. Martin told me that in order to open my heart to you, I had to let go of all the guilt and anger I have held inside of me since the fire. When I overheard you expressing your doubts to Mrs. Hopkins, it broke my heart. Elizabeth, you belong at Pemberley.” How could she believe him after his cold reception of late?
Did his words reflect his true sentiments?
She turned and faced him. He was instantly before her and took her hands in his. “Please say you will stay and marry me, not anyone else. I shall keep asking until you say yes, and you know how stubborn I can be.”
Elizabeth had only ever wanted him to ask her to stay, but his tone did not reflect his words.
Despite what she had just told him about how upset she was that he never told her his deepest feelings, she could not walk away.
Why must I love him so much? She squeezed her eyes tight for a moment to gain strength, but when she looked into his eyes, she could not help herself.
“Yes, Fitzwilliam, I shall marry you.” She did not know if his words were true, but from that moment on she would shield her heart from any more hurt.