Chapter 60
chapter
sixty
“You can’t heal what you refuse to face. So, I looked—and dragged the truth into the light no longer caring who it burned.” - Haven
HAVEN
Walking into LG Records, I take a moment to appreciate the grand foyer of the company I’ve dreamed of running one day. Now, I’m not sure what will happen. First things first. My father and I need to have a candid conversation.
“Ms. Gaillard, it is so good to see you.”
Steve, the security guard at the front desk, has been working here since I was in high school. Same uniform, same smile, same warmth in his voice.
“Good to see you too, Steve. It’s been a long time. How are you?”
“You know me, every day is a blessing.” He hooks a thumb toward the elevators. “You can head on up, no badge required for you,” he teases with a wide grin.
“At least not now that Anita is gone.”
He rolls his eyes.
“Don’t get me started on that woman. Good riddance is all I’ll say.”
I smile.
“Is my father in yet?” He nods. “Thank you,” I say, making my way to the elevators.
Despite the anger simmering under the surface since I learned about my father’s affair with Anita, I’m nervous to have this conversation.
Ding.
I step inside and try to settle my thoughts for the thousandth time.
Thankfully, Cyrus won’t be home tonight. As close as we’ve become, ugly crying over losing any kind of relationship with my father is not something I want him to see. He wouldn’t tell me what he’s up to, only that it’s a secret. Not suspicious at all.
The elevator slows and the heavy doors open. I pass some familiar faces in the hallway, but no one stops me.
When I get closer to his office, I can hear him on the phone, and I’m hit with a sense of nostalgia.
There is so much excitement in his voice when he talks to prospective clients.
The promises he makes to new artists that will change their lives forever.
The work means something. Choosing the next big artist is important for the company's future, but it does more than that. It shapes the industry. It’s intimate and groundbreaking at the same time.
My father raises his hand in greeting when he sees me at the door.
I busy myself, admiring the platinum records on the wall.
He has a whole section dedicated to Venomous, and the corner of my mouth turns up at the sight of their first poster.
God, they look so young. Not that we’re old, but it feels like another lifetime.
“Alright, I’ll get the paperwork sent later today, and we’ll get you in the recording booth with Jax as your producer, as soon as next week. Yes, it’s really happening, welcome to LG Records,” Dad says, using his signature goodbye for new clients, and then hangs up the phone.
“Rock Star, it’s so good to see you.”
He stands and comes around the desk with his arms open for a hug. Some habits die hard, and I can’t resist hugging my father despite my anger.
“Who are you bringing into the fold?”
His smile widens.
“Indigo Eclipse. They have a similar sound to Venomous, but with more soul and emotional ballads.” He rubs his chin. “Imagine…Cyrus and Lewis Capaldi had a baby.”
“Cy will love that marketing slogan.”
Dad laughs. The sound is infectious, and I remind myself why I’m here. This isn’t a fun social visit.
“Come sit over here,” he says, indicating the large leather chairs. I follow him over and get comfortable. “Thank you for agreeing to talk. I really want to explain everything.”
“I have to be honest, Dad. I’m not sure there is anything you can say to make what you did okay.”
He holds up his hands and shakes his head.
“You’re right, there isn’t.”
He stops and just stares at me.
“Okay…do you want to elaborate?”
“I do, I’m just…everything I say feels like an excuse, because it is, and I’m struggling to find the right words. Anita left a lot out of her version, and most of what she claimed was taken out of context.”
“Okay, so tell me your side, that’s why I’m here.”
He sits back and stares off into the distance. I can almost feel him pulling us back into time before he speaks.
“I want to start by saying that no matter how Anita and I got together, I never should’ve pursued anything until after your mother passed.”
“I agree.”
Dad takes a deep breath, then looks me dead in the eyes. It’s the most serious I’ve seen him in a long time.
“Your mother and I kept our issues from you, but we were in the process of getting a divorce. The paperwork had been drawn up, and everything was civil. We’d fallen out of love.
It happens sometimes, and we both recognized it.
And before you ask, yes, we tried marriage counseling and took trips together to try to reconnect.
Eventually, we decided it was best for everyone if we went our separate ways. ”
My jaw drops with shock.
“Your mother had already signed the papers, but I was away in Europe, speaking with new artists and a major investor. The trip took longer than expected. I was gone a whole month and hadn’t signed yet.”
“How do I know you’re telling me the truth?”
“Haven, I’ve never lied to you. There was just no point in telling you this story when you were so young and grieving your mother.
As time went on…it didn’t seem important.
You were unaware that Anita and I had started seeing each other before your mother passed.
I thought it best to let the memories rest.”
When I don’t respond, he points to his desk.
“I can prove it, if you like? I keep the paperwork in my desk. I can’t bring myself to throw them away.”
He gets choked up for a second, but in his typical fashion, he shakes it off.
“Just keep going for now.”
“While I was away, your mother went in for testing. She hadn’t told me about her health issues. We’d already drifted so far apart that she didn’t feel it was right to share. Charmaine was always very private that way.”
I nod, knowing that to be the truth. Mom even kept her diagnosis from me up until right before she started chemotherapy. I guess she was worried I’d notice her getting sick and decided to tell me.
“When I returned home, Charmaine tried hard to keep it together. But I knew your mother, and she was scared. The results came in a few days earlier. It was colon cancer that had already metastasized. I decided not to go through with the divorce. We argued about it, of course. Your mother was strong and determined. She didn’t want what she deemed a handout from anyone.
I simply refused to sign the papers. After that, we agreed to continue as if nothing was wrong until your mother’s cancer went into remission. ”
Dad shakes his head and folds his hands in his lap.
Tears sting my eyes, while my mind and heart are a twisted mess of emotions. Not because I don’t believe him…but because I do.
“Charmaine was a year into her treatment when I met Anita. She approached me at a hotel bar in Atlanta. I was there for work, and we hit it off. I’ll spare you the details, but we were intimate.
She took my number, and when I got home, I told Charmaine about her.
I want to be very clear here…I’d never been unfaithful to your mother until that weekend.
I’m not saying I’m some paragon of virtue, but we hadn’t been romantically involved for two years at that point. ”
He stands up and walks over to the small bar in the corner to pour himself a drink. I don’t say a word. I’m not even sure what to say. All I know is that my heart aches from all the lies and omissions.
He slowly turns to face me.
“I swear to you, Haven, I had no plans to see Anita after that weekend. I confessed what happened and told your mother that it was a one-time thing. But she said that technically, we were already divorced. She smiled and said that as long as I kept it discreet, I could see whoever I wanted.”
Dad sips his drink and shakes his head.
“I’ll be brutally honest and tell you something that I’ve never told anyone.
At the time, it felt like a get-out-of-jail-free card.
I was lonely and felt useless when it came to your mother and her care.
She was suffering but didn’t want my help.
I offered to go to appointments, and she refused.
I showed up to one, and she ordered me to leave. ”
He runs a hand through his hair and takes another sip.
“I’ve thought about those days so many times, and I wonder if your mother was purposely trying to push me away.
I don’t know. All I know is that Anita was uncomplicated, and at the time, I needed that.
She wanted to be popular and for her son to be famous.
She was fun, flamboyant, and beautiful, and she laughed at my stupid jokes.
You may think that’s not enough, but for the first time in a very long time, I felt human and needed.
She looked at me the way your mother had when we first started dating.
Anita joined me on a few weekend trips, and that was when she told me she was going through a messy divorce.
We bonded over the death of our marriages. ”
I wipe away a stray tear that rolls down my cheek.
“As time has gone on, I’ve stopped seeing the door your mother gave me as a gift.
Instead, I’m filled with regret and guilt.
I wish we’d spent the time we had left together.
Running from the pain and our problems wasn’t the answer, but hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
For sixteen years, your mother was my partner.
She gave me a beautiful daughter, and…it doesn’t matter that she wanted for nothing with the best nurses and doctors, and twenty-four-hour home care.
I thought it was enough, I realize now it was the minimum. ”
Dad clears his throat and slowly strides back to the leather chair and sits down.
“I have no excuse. I was weak. I simply couldn’t handle your mother dying.”
“Did you not realize that Anita was using you?”
He chuckles, but not in a humorous way. I tilt my head and stare at him, trying to decipher what he’s thinking.
“Yes. Of course, I did. I’ve always known.”