36. Cameron
36
CAMERON
After spending time with Addy and Mackenzie to make sure they’re okay, I move on to figuring out how to salvage my relationship with Lizzie.
I’m in love with Lizzie, and she needs to know that. She deserves to know that. I should have told her when I first felt it…even though I can’t even remember when that was. For some reason, it’s like it’s always been this way. It’s like we’ve been together for years, and I think that’s what scared me out of my mind. Especially when I realized it was the first time I felt that way about someone.
My life has been about failing for a while. I have a failed NFL career due to injury. My marriage to Renee was catastrophic. I failed my dad by not moving home sooner. I definitely failed Addy and Mackenzie by picking a shit person to be their mom. How would I know that what I have with Lizzie won’t end the same way?
When it comes to Lizzie, I realize that it doesn’t matter. Having her in my life is worth the risk.
The gym and the farm are something else entirely.
I know that if I shut down the farm, life will still go on, and my dad would want me to do what makes me happy. He wouldn’t think my legacy was about the land or the job—my legacy are my kids, and I owe it to them to be happy too and make sure they’re happy. Just like my dad. He did what he had to do to earn a living and provide for his family—he just so happened to like it, too.
In all the years we had together, and even right before he died and we talked about me moving back, he never once pressured me into taking over. He just wanted me and his granddaughters home.
So why am I struggling so hard to pull the trigger?
Screw this. Right here, right now, I’m making the decision to shut down after this corn season. I’ll sell off the machinery, and I’ll give every worker a hefty severance and a sparkling recommendation to any nearby farms as my apology.
And I’m making an offer on the old library. Wyatt thinks it’s perfect, and so do I. I’m not dragging my feet out of fear anymore.
I’m telling Lizzie I love her. I’m going to ask her to move in with me and then, in a few months, I’ll ask her to marry me. If I can wait that long, that is. Because with every molecule in my body, I know what I have with Lizzie is right. She’s my happily ever after, and I need to start treating her that way. I’m not wasting time starting our future.
I take my phone out and decide to call Lizzie. I know she won’t want to see me in person right now, so I’m going to give her the physical space she asked for. Even if I don’t like it.
It rings and rings and finally goes to voicemail. I don’t leave one, deciding on a text message instead.
Me: I’m sorry. I know that I’ll never be able to say this enough, but I need you to know that I regret everything I said. I meant none of it. You have to believe me.
Me: You mean everything to me and I won’t stop fighting for you. For us. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll make this right.
Time goes by without an answer, and I refrain from looking at my phone every couple of minutes. I try to distract myself as much as I can by doing chores and cooking dinner.
When the girls ask if I’m sure Lizzie isn’t coming, I reassure them everything will be alright. They seem receptive, but I’m sure Mackenzie is overthinking it. I know that because I am too.
After showers and their bedtime routine while I’m feeling like I’m on autopilot, we read a few books before Addy and Mackenzie finally crash and I can take a shower myself. Once I’m dressed, I grab my phone off my dresser.
Nothing from Lizzie. No response at all.
My heart sinks and I feel defeated. The more time passes, the harder it will be to win her back. I know it.
So, I’m going to see her. Space be damned.
I check on the girls quickly before heading over to Lizzie’s. I get to her door, and I’m about to knock when I hear Lizzie’s dad’s voice.
“She’s not home, Cam.” Eric is rocking in his chair on his porch.
“Oh,” I say. I don’t know what he knows.
“Come over here so we can talk.”
I have no idea how much he knows, but I deserve whatever he’s about to tell me. He keeps looking forward while I stand there, and the silence stretches between us. After a while, it’s too much, and before I can stop myself, I just blurt out, “I’m in love with your daughter, sir.”
“I know, son. I’ve known for a while,” he says, as casually as can be, as he rocks back and forth.
“What?”
“I see the way you look at her. It’s the same way I look at my Molly. And the same way your dad looked at your mom.”
I stare back at him. I feel different with Lizzie. I’ve known that since the first time I saw her once I was back. Maybe others can see it too—maybe it’s even obvious to them. But I still fought to accept it for what it is.
That she’s my other half and we’re meant to be together. That maybe we’ve always been destined to. Written in the stars. The same ones we lie and talk under for hours at night.
How’s she supposed to forgive me and trust me again after everything I put her through?
“I hurt her. I hurt her bad,” I confess.
“Son, we all mess up. That’s life. It happens. The only question is…what are you going to do about it?”
“I… I don’t know. She won’t talk to me. I can’t really expect her to forgive me.”
“I’m going to tell you a story, Cam, and I hope you find the answers you need from it.” Eric takes a deep breath and then leans forward in his chair and stands up, walking to the railing and balancing his weight on it. “Before I do that, though, I need you to promise me that you’ll treat her right and make her happy from this point on. My Lizzie is too good for you. She’s too good for anyone, but I know that you’re the only thing she’s ever wanted. I’ve never seen her happier than she’s been these last couple of months.”
“She’s made me happier too. Happier than I ever thought I could be,” I reveal desperately. “Especially after everything. She pushes me to follow through with what I want even though I’m so fucking scared to do it. And she’s willing to stand by my side while I…yeah, I don’t deserve her. You’re right.”
I run my hands through my hair and move to the stairs leading down from the porch and sit down, my elbows resting on my knees. The only sound is that of the crickets chirping, providing a song for my breaking heart.
Eric sits down next to me, but I keep my head in my hands, feeling too raw to look him in the eyes.
“Molly’s father wasn’t very fond of me when we started dating. He wanted more for his daughter than a farmer who was content to live a simple life. He wanted her to go off to college and get an education and maybe move to a big city. And Molly always listened to her father, even when she didn’t want those same things. So, after a few dates and me being well on my way to falling in love with her, she cut things off with nothing more than an I think we’d be better off as friends .” He pauses briefly and smiles to himself before continuing. “I was devastated and hurt, and my ego was completely deflated. It felt like my world was ending because I knew. You see, Cam, at eighteen, I had my whole life figured out. I was going to run my own corn farm, and I was going to marry Molly and have a house full of kids. That was my dream, and I was going to do anything to make it come true.” He laughs under his breath, as if thinking about his younger self is quite the joke.
“What’d you do?” I ask, finally looking up.
“I begged her for weeks to give me another chance, but she was stubborn and sticking to her guns. I finally had enough, so I figured I’d go out with one of her friends and make her jealous so she’d realize what a catch I was.”
I cringe, imagining where this story is going. I obviously know it has a happy ending, but I can’t imagine his plan was successful.
“How’d that go for you?”
“Horrible.” Eric straightens up and grimaces, reliving the moment in his head most likely. “She was hurt and betrayed and wouldn’t talk to me for a week after that. She finally answered my call one day and broke down. Told me how she truly felt about me and what her father’s feelings were. She never wanted me to know about the hurtful things he had said about me, so she thought letting me go was the better option, even if it caused us both so much pain.”
We both sit there on the steps for a minute, neither of us speaking. I’m trying to find the moral of the story, and I’m about to break down and ask him to just spell it out for me when he finally speaks again.
“Sometimes you hurt the ones you love when you don’t mean to. But sometimes, that hurt can lead to the kind of unbreakable love that would have never happened if the hurt hadn’t come first.” He reaches over and pats me on the back and then gives my shoulder a squeeze. A move that I can remember my father doing so many times. “Use this pain to strengthen your love. Build from it and create a future by learning from your mistakes.”
Eric stands up and heads for the front door, pausing before opening it to step inside. “Your father raised a good man, Cam. Don’t let yourself forget that.”
With those parting words that are about to make me cry, he walks through the door, letting the screen door slam shut behind him.
I sit on those steps for another five minutes before finally getting up to make my way back home. I may not believe Eric’s words right now, but I’m going to be the man everyone believes me to be. I’m going to fix everything with Lizzie, and I’m going to be the person I’m meant to be.
It’s time I start believing in myself again.
My girls deserve that.
Lizzie deserves that.
I deserve that.