EDITH, AKA FEELING LIKE A DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
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Restless at the homestead, I head to Dunphey early and sit in my SUV to read. I don’t know why my life feels so small suddenly. I can’t entertain myself. I’m dying to talk to people about Duke. There’s only so much I can say to Tuesday, yet I want to share more.
Earlier today, I made sandwiches for my pa and brothers. They teased me about my hickey, but I also noticed their concern over my mystery guy.
“Does he seem too good to be true?” Otto asked me as I dumped extra roast beef on his sandwich like he preferred. “Because that means he’s likely a bigamist. Maybe a serial killer.”
“Or he might be a real winner,” Pa-Donovan said and stroked the back of my head. “If this guy sticks for a week or so, maybe you can bring him around. That way, we can bask in his winning qualities.”
“I’d like to bask in that,” Ike added as the three of them took their sandwiches and stared at me.
I could have told them about Duke right then. They were in mellow moods. I couldn’t imagine they’d be all that upset. Duke is a better catch than the other guys I’ve dated.
Confessing would have been a relief. I’ve never kept secrets from them before. We’ve always been an honest family, discussing problems and sharing our hopes.
Duke is my hope now, yet I’ve chosen to keep my feelings for him a secret from most of the important people in my life.
While waiting for Duke in my SUV, I consider texting my ma. We’ve always been extremely tight. When she asked about my hickey, I lied right to her face. That part is eating at me.
Arriving on his motorcycle, Duke feels like a prize I don’t get to keep. I’m already imagining how things will end. I don’t even want to get out of my SUV.
Once I force myself to exit, I start finding reasons to leave. I want to go home and fess up to my family. If they shower disapproval down on me, I’ll weather their scorn. What’s the point of suffering for something that won’t last?
All my negative thoughts and self-destructive planning drop away as soon as Duke’s lips meet mine. I glue my body to him, never wanting to leave his side.
Holding Duke tight, I try to feel more like myself. I’m usually confident. I know who I am and where I belong.
Duke holds my hand as we enter the restaurant. The hostess eye-fucks him immediately, turning my mopey mood into a snarly territorial one. When she laughs at his answer to the riveting “booth vs table” question, I’m tempted to shove her on the ground and scream threats. Fortunately, our actual waitress isn’t a skank in need of face removal which allows my temper to ease up.
Duke sits on my side like he did at the steakhouse. I like how he wants to be close.
“I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get to watch you kick that woman’s ass,” Duke says, smirking as he looks over the menu.
“You like when women flirt at you. Typical man.”
Glancing at me, Duke wears the expression of a man who’s just realized he’s dating crazy. I smile at his worry.
“What if a guy was being so obvious toward me?” I ask when he doesn’t respond to my earlier accusation.
“I wouldn’t mind. Having men drool is part of the bargain when dating beautiful women.”
“You wouldn’t be jealous at all?”
“No, because I know you’re here with me.”
“I am,” I say, shifting gears and sounding lovestruck.
Duke offers me a little smile. “And I’m here with you, so ignore that thirsty bitch.”
Smiling at how he insulted her, I scoot closer and ignore the menu. “Did you seriously tell your family that a stripper gave you a hickey?”
“Yes. What did you tell yours?”
“They didn’t ask. It’s very common for me to come home with hickeys. I’m wildly slutty.”
Duke grins at my lie. “Why did you look upset when I got here?”
My smile fades. “I hate keeping this a secret. My family is open about everything. This feels wrong.”
“I’m curious what you told them.”
“When my brother Otto kept pushing, I claimed you were an auditor who drives a Mazda and likes to DJ on the weekends. I figured those were boring enough details to ensure they didn’t want to know more.”
Duke chuckles. “If I used those lies, my mom would have insisted on meeting the nerd who’d marked me.”
“Oh, and my family would absolutely want to meet the stripper who gave me a hickey.” I stroke the hickey on his throat left behind by my hot kisses. “I didn’t know I did that.”
Duke rests the menu on the table and admires me. “And I didn’t know I marked you. But I’m not surprised. You tasted so damn good, I couldn’t stop myself.”
I nearly crawl into Duke’s lap when he fesses up to feeling what I do. Instead, I lean closer and meet his lips with mine.
I’ve never known this kind of lust before. This isn’t that “butterflies in the stomach” crap. This is crazy heat crawling all over my skin and setting me on fire inside.
I breathe as if I’ve run a mile. I can’t think straight. Every sound around us is too loud yet muffled. All I can see, hear, feel, and taste is Duke McGraw.
His arm slides around my body and holds me closer. When our lips part, I stare at him and wait for something. I feel panicked as if I’m in trouble.
“Keeping this a secret is making me crazy and weak,” I blurt out and then lower my gaze when the waitress pops up to get our order.
Duke gently waves her off before focusing on me. “Because you tell your family everything or because you think hiding this means we’re doing something wrong?”
“Both.”
“Well, we’re obviously not doing anything wrong. We’re single adults.”
“What would happen if we told people?” I ask, studying his handsome face. “Help me picture the alternative to feeling guilty and weird like I do right now.”
Duke studies me with his dark blue eyes. I feel both invigorated and deflated by this attention. I’m all over the place emotionally. He’s all I want, yet I keep thinking we should end things.
Mostly, I miss my old life when I knew I could say anything to my family. Tuesday would never hide her relationship. Why do I have to be sensible?
“This alliance between the clubs is new. Your dad and uncles were never hostile as much as indifferent toward my club. However, I’ve always viewed them as rivals. Their club was more established and had better management. We could have been allies long ago and stuck to our territory, but we chose not to. Now I’m asking them to take on my problems.”
“Better management how?” I ask, feeling protective of Duke.
“I have no VP. Most clubs spread out responsibilities. With the Blood-Red Suns, I’m in charge of the planning, money, alliances, everything. Your family’s club can handle losing Court. He isn’t their only leader. If I go down, there’s no one to run anything.”
“Why would you go down?”
Duke kisses my forehead and insists, “Edith, that’s not a real question.”
Exhaling deeply, I shrug. “I can’t think sensible when you make my body go wild. I know people feel lust all the time. I grew up on the homestead, where even my great-grandparents acted like crazed whores for each other. But I’ve never felt lust, so it’s making me crazy.”
“Never?” Duke asks, clearly putting some shit together.
Under the gaze of a sexy grown man with plenty of experience, I’m momentarily ashamed of my virginity. Then, I remember I’m Edith Mooney! That means I refuse to stick any random dick inside me!
“Never,” I say, meeting his gaze with my unflinching one. “You know I’m picky.”
Duke’s lips pull back into a slow, sexy smile. “That you are.”
“Wanting someone like this is new for me. So is keeping secrets,” I mumble, and his smile fades. “Do you actually think my pa or uncles will break the deal because we’re dating?”
“You’d know the answer to that better than I would.”
“Blowing off the alliance would be dumb, and my pa and uncles are shrewd men,” I insist. “Besides, Val wants Lola. He came by the homestead today and told everyone how he was in love and we had to behave. Val won’t walk away even if my pa and uncles get angry at you.”
When Duke considers my words, I can see how he still doesn’t trust Val. His hesitancy makes sense. To outsiders, my Mercer cousins can seem like dipshits. West and Val are always wrestling and showboating. Tuesday dances around, even when there’s no music playing. Their Mercer confidence can come off as stupidity. Duke wouldn’t know Val was smart or loyal based on the goofy garbage my cousin shows people.
Wanting to reassure Duke, I explain, “Val was going to be the Rawkfist club’s future VP. He’s groomed for leadership. I know he talks a lot and sounds like a guy version of Tuesday, but he isn’t dumb or weak. He’s also picky. Well, not about where he sticks his dick. But he wouldn’t go gaga over Lola unless it was the real deal. He wasn’t raised to put every hot woman on a pedestal. But when the men in my family find their dream girl, they go all in.”
“As much as I need a solid VP, I find myself more worried about Lola’s heart. She was ready to marry anyone to protect the club. But apparently, she already had a thing for Val. She acted weirdly protective over him today. This thing is real for her, too.”
I swoon over how much Duke cares for his daughters. He’s all wrapped up in their lives like I am with my family. I doubt I could ever fall for a man who half-assed fatherhood.
“But the reality is Rawkfist can pull out of the alliance without Val losing Lola,” Duke says, seeming burdened. “It’s not like I’d make them break up. Hell, even if I wanted to be an asshole and insist Lola ditch Val, she wouldn’t listen. She’s got stars in her eyes.”
“Then, maybe you don’t need to worry so much,” I mumble, wondering if Duke has stars in his eyes over me.
Like my pa, Duke doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve. Of course, I know Pa-Donovan is crazy about Ma-Journey because I see them in their quiet moments. But they don’t act that way when they’re around other people.
Meanwhile, Auntie Poppy and Uncle Emmett are always making a show of sneaking off to have sex. Then, there’s Auntie Justice who can’t go an hour without reminding everyone how she’s super horny for Uncle Court. Even Queen Meemaw Christine and King Peepaw Jared get wildly inappropriate in public from time to time. I’ve also seen my great-grandparents humping against the side of homestead houses.
In contrast, my parents aren’t showoffs. Sure, they hold hands, hug, kiss, and are all-around affectionate. They’re just subtle about it.
Duke’s the same way. That’s why when I look at him right now, I can’t tell if he feels for me what Val does for Lola. There are no declarations of love in front of an audience. No dancing around to celebrate finding his dream girl.
Normally, I detest drama for drama’s sake. But what I wouldn’t give right now for Duke to throw a little Earlham crazy into the mix. Then, I’d know we are on the same page.