DUKE, AKA A MAN WITH A WEIGHT ON HIS SHOULDERS
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Edith is a difficult woman to read. She’s the kind of beautiful that feels delicate and in need of protection. Yet, she’s the daughter of a dangerous man.
The Rawkfist club business isn’t hidden from her. Like Lola and Clover, Edith is aware of what her dad and brothers are up to when they leave late at night.
I suspect her virginity is what’s throwing me off. She isn’t na?ve or fragile as much as inexperienced and fussy. How many men has Edith dismissed in her quest for the perfect man? She didn’t care enough about them to push for more. Walking away from them was easier. With me, the power has shifted. She cares how things between us play out.
Edith studies me before asking, “Do you think your family will disapprove of me?”
“Why would they?” I ask and then add, “Do you mean because you’re only a few years older than Lola?”
“That and I have a reputation.”
As my fingers sink into her long hair, I try to remember hearing anything particular about Edith. Nothing comes to mind.
I nearly forgot Donovan had a daughter. His sons are well known. Ike is a huge guy who scares people by rarely speaking and letting them guess if he’s angry. Otto isn’t as big, but he holds himself in an intimidating way and likes to talk shit. Both brothers have gotten into scuffles with the meatheads. Nothing serious, but enough for me to know the Mooney brothers can throw down.
“What reputation?”
Edith stares into my eyes and says with complete sincerity, “I’m a scary bitch.”
Chuckling too hard, I struggle to imagine her as anything more than prickly. “Well, you do have the guns.”
Edith smiles instantly, rubbing at her toned arms. Her giddy reaction makes me feel like I’ve suffered from a punch to the chest. I can’t believe how much I want this woman. If my feelings were one-sided, I’d assume I was having a mental breakdown. This growing need can’t be normal.
“I’ve never heard anything negative about you.”
“Your daughters probably have,” Edith says, and her face pinches at the word “daughters.”
“Does it bother you that I have kids?”
“Yes, even though I know it shouldn’t,” Edith says and shrugs. “After all, when my parents met, Journey had already taken in Otto.”
“I didn’t know he wasn’t blood-related.”
“Otto, Felix, and Matilda are half-siblings. When their ma got locked up for starting shit with Auntie Justice, Felix’s siblings were stuck with their sick meemaw. So, Matilda came to live with Auntie Justice. Otto was rowdier, and he did better with my ma,” Edith explains and reaches for my hand rather than look at the menu. “I learned he wasn’t blood-related when I was in junior high. I don’t think I was paying enough attention during family photo time to notice how he was already a boy when my parents got married.”
“That was kind of your mom to take him in.”
“She’s a good person. I wouldn’t do the same. I’m too selfish.”
Leaning closer, I kiss her left temple. “You’re not a good liar, Edith.”
Edith turns her head and kisses me. When our lust is in the driver’s seat, I become a man unburdened. Yet, eventually, I’m forced to pry my lips from hers and remember we’re in public.
“We should order.”
“Do you date a lot?” Edith asks, refusing to look at the menu opened before us.
“No.”
“But you bang women a lot, right?” she asks.
I chuckle at her wording before shrugging. “I don’t know about a lot.”
“I’m feeling insecure.”
Startled by her bluntness, I ask, “Because I’ve been with women?”
“Yes. I also want you to pay attention to me. If you stopped, I’d feel bad. I’m already worried about that pain.”
“I like it when you get overly honest like right now.”
“I spend all my time with people who don’t expect me to edit myself.”
“But you went to college, and I know you work at your family’s shop.”
“So?”
“Do you normally blurt shit out with non-family members?”
“I’m not fake. This is me, blunt and bitchy.”
“I’m sure people don’t always appreciate that.”
“No one’s ever complained.”
“Well, you are gorgeous, and your dad’s the VP of a motorcycle club. Makes sense for no one to mention your bluntness.”
Edith glares at me for about thirty seconds before swooning. “I think you’re gorgeous.”
“I’m grumpy in the morning.”
“I’m grumpy throughout the day.”
Smiling, I tap the menu. “We should order.”
“I already know what I want. I’ve come here for more than twenty dates.”
Startled by her admission, I mutter, “Good Lord.”
“That’s not a lot,” Edith grumbles and rolls her eyes. “I didn’t even kiss most of them.”
“Those poor bastards probably had no idea what they missed out on.”
Edith slides her hand over mine again. “I always order the same thing. The shrimp salad eats well, you know? Like visually, I don’t look messy eating and talking.”
“A salad, huh?” I ask, irritated to be another guy jumping through her hoops.
“It’s a large, filling salad with lots of crap in it, and the shrimp is heavily seasoned.”
“Well, it sounds great, but I’m not ordering a salad.”
Edith lets go of my hand and looks over the menu. “Okay, I’ll order something different since I’m here with you. But I can’t promise I won’t look messy.”
“If you get messy, you’ll need to lick your lips. Then, I’ll get messy.”
Edith stares at me confused. When she catches on, she smiles warmly.
“I thought about getting messy together last night,” she whispers. “You make me lose all common sense.”
While Edith turns her attention to the menu, I get a whiff of her scent. The woman’s making me crazy. I’ve begun to worry my dick might tear through my jeans and go on a rampage around the restaurant.
“I’ll have the Cajun shrimp pasta,” she says and turns her bright blue-eyed gaze to me. “Is that different enough from the other men?”
“You should understand how I genuinely don’t care what you eat. Doesn’t matter if it’s something from the healthy section or a plateful of ribs. I’m not here to supervise your eating habits.”
“Does it bother you that I dated those other men?”
“No, I get it. You were looking for someone special like your mom has. We’re from small towns. It’s rare for something to fall in our laps.”
I consider how Edith and I have lived in the same county for our entire lives. We nearly met many times. Would I be this open to a relationship if we met last year, let alone many years ago?
No, I wouldn’t. I might still feel this unhinged attraction. Edith has a special pull over me. Denying the obvious isn’t possible when I’m clinging to her like a love-starved maniac.
“I got married when I was just out of high school,” I explain, so she can understand the way things work in my family. “I had plenty of big ideas about what I could do in Basin Rock, and Kerrie’s father had the money to back me. My marriage lasted sixteen years. Kerrie is a good woman, but I never felt the magic you talk about with your family. I suspect she feels that magic with her current husband.”
“Do you wish she had loved you that way?”
“God, no, I’d have felt bad since I never felt that way about her. I didn’t think I could. People in my family don’t have trouble filling their beds, but we can’t make things stick. Our attraction and affection are always shallow. The relationships fall apart easily.”
“It won’t be like that between Val and Lola,” Edith insists, and I feel her hoping for the same certainty between us. “Val is like his pa and brother, and they both waited for their dream women. If Val says he’s hooked on Lola, he’ll never want anyone else.”
“Just like that?”
“Yes,” she says and offers a soft yet unflinching smile.
After ordering our meals, I settle into the booth and admire her. When I see only Edith, nothing is keeping me from claiming this woman and spending a lifetime happy together.
Then, I consider Edith’s age. Though twenty-six isn’t so young, I already had two kids by her age.
Of course, more kids will be another sticking point. Soon, I can’t keep my worries at bay. How will her family react? What about my family’s curse?
While worries rage in my head, Edith smiles wider and asks, “Is Duke your real name?”
“Yes. My mom liked ‘D’ names. My brother’s name is Dallas.”
“Is he older or younger?”
“Older.”
“But you’re smarter?”
“Yes, very much so. Not even close.”
Edith snickers. “Is he awful?”
“He’s my older brother and accustomed to calling the shots. When I won’t bow, he’s intolerable.”
“Do you ever miss him?”
Shrugging, I admit, “If Dallas stopped visiting, I might miss him. But he insists on driving up a few times a year to see our mom.”
Edith leans into me, and my arm immediately wraps her closer. “I noticed you inherited your ma’s looks. Did your brother get as lucky?”
“Why?”
“I need a backup dating option if this thing between us doesn’t work out,” Edith says, laughing at the thought.
“Dallas has a wife, but he’d dump her in a second to get his hands on you.”
“Eww,” Edith says, turning off her humor. “I don’t want to joke about that anymore.”
“You started it.”
“I know, but that’s what my people do. If I were Tuesday, I would have gasped and maybe fainted. You’re lucky I’m so self-contained.”
“I do feel lucky right now.”
Edith’s lips nearly smile before instead twisting into a frown. “I’m not usually so weak. I typically have a handle on dating. But none of my rules work with you.”
“Good. This feeling is new for me, too. We can figure it out together.”
Edith’s furrowed brow softens. “I’m sorry I was crabby at the engagement party.”
“Don’t obsess about that day when we’ve moved past it.”
“I might have scared you off,” she says, clearly obsessing.
“I was on edge that day,” I admit as I hold her against me. “I didn’t trust Val. I was worried about Lola. I felt weak for needing an alliance with your family’s club. I knew the meatheads would act out in some stupid way since they also felt unsettled by the alliance. And then, you appeared like this shiny jewel. I wasn’t ready for my attraction to you, and I certainly didn’t want you to waste your time with one of the meatheads.”
Edith exhales softly. “My shoulders aren’t holding the same weight as yours are. I don’t have any excuse for getting agitated like you do, but I’m lonely. It’s made me jealous and bitter. I begrudged Tuesday’s happiness. I pitched a fit when Ike found his dream girl. She was barely an adult and already set with her guy. Meanwhile, no one wanted me.”
“Plenty of men want you. Trust me,” I say, glancing around at the restaurant, where even guys on dates have taken notice of Edith’s beauty. “They just weren’t right for you.”
“That’s what everyone said, but I worried I’d accidentally pushed away my dream guy and would be alone forever. Then, I saw you and got upset because I instantly felt like you weren’t going to like me.”
“Well, you were wrong. Of course, I wish I had been in a better mood that day,” I explain before shrugging. “Then again, could I put my best moves in play when your dad and brother were nearby?”
“No, they wouldn’t have liked that. But I would have protected you,” Edith says and kisses my cheek. “I am semi-skilled in the art of karate. Oh, and I was packing a water pistol that day in case one of your club guys hassled me, but they were well-behaved.”
“I lectured them hard,” I say, smiling at the thought of her squirting the meatheads. “They also seemed to respond to Val’s bonding attempts.”
Edith must hear something in my tone because she offers me a soft kiss. If everything was as simple as holding her in my arms and enjoying this heat between us, I’d never worry again.
But as soon as the food arrives and I need to offer her space, I feel like a different man sinking under the weight of too much change happening too soon.