Chapter 23
twenty-three
GAGE
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to cause harm to another human being more than I want to in this moment. Brian-Fucking-Wellsley is a dead man if I ever meet him. And honestly? Ava’s parents might be, too.
I know Ava comes from a different world than me—her parents are wealthy and have status—but that doesn’t mean you can treat your children like objects that can be traded for something else.
I’ve only known Ava for a little over a month, and even I know there’s no way she could be lying about what happened to her. Her parents must know she’s telling the truth—they just don’t care. There’s no way a person who’s known her for her entire life thinks she’s lying. Not if they’re paying attention to her.
I don’t know what to say. I want to ask why she hasn't told her brother or why she didn't call the police after the first attack, but right now I know that won't help anything. I want to promise her she’ll never have to see Brian or her parents again, but that’s not realistic. I hold her instead—providing whatever comfort I can.
“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, her head still buried in my chest.
My arms tighten around her. “Don’t apologize, Rebel. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Her tears dry, but her body starts to shake, and shivers rack her body. “I don’t know why I’m shivering.” Her teeth chatter.
“It’s the shock. You haven’t stopped moving or worrying since you left your parents. Your brain is starting to recognize that you’re safe now.”
I stand from the couch, Ava in my arms. My back protests at the movement but I ignore it. Ava is more important than a shot of pain telling me I’m doing too much—and have been for the last eight hours.
I don’t stop moving until I reach my bathroom, where I set Ava on the counter. “Don’t move.” I turn to the tub and start filling it with warm water.
When I started my house hunt after joining the police force, I knew I needed a bathroom with a large tub—something I could soak in on days my back doesn’t let me forget about my life-changing injury. This house didn’t have a tub when I moved in, but the bathroom was the perfect foundation for the peaceful atmosphere I was able to create.
I’ve never been more grateful for what I did with this bathroom than I am now.
Once the water is hot enough, I lower the plug and turn back to the sink, grabbing the Epsom salts and dumping them in.
“What? No bubble bath?” Ava tries to joke, her teeth still chattering.
“Sorry, just the salts,” I murmur in her ear as I step between her legs. “I’m gonna undress you. Is that okay?”
She nods, lifting her arms. Placing my hands at the hem of her sweater, I slowly lift it over her head and set it on the counter next to her. I move to unclasp her bra, and as the straps slip down her arms, I notice the bruises there. The sight of the handprints on her body makes me see red.
Taking a deep breath, I bend to place a light kiss to the bruise on one arm before copying the motion on the other side.
“I’m okay.” Ava’s voice is soft, but the chattering has stopped.
“I know,” I tell her. “But I hate that you have these marks on your body.”
I help her stand from the counter, bending to one knee to slide the leggings down her legs, her underwear pulled down with them.
There’s nothing sexual about what’s happening between us, and I find I’m more than content with that. I’m not happy about the circumstances, but there’s a peace that comes over me with the knowledge that Ava trusts me to take care of her. After what she went through last night—even if it could have been so much worse—I wouldn’t blame her for pushing me away.
With her leggings and underwear removed, I stand and guide Ava toward the bathtub. “I can add some body wash to create some bubbles if you want.”
“No, this is perfect,” she says as she steps into the water. “But will you sit with me?”
“Of course.” I turn to grab a towel from below the sink, placing it on the floor next to the tub, and start to lower myself, my back screaming in protest again. I wince before I can cover it up.
“What’s wrong?” Ava’s brows pinch, concern lighting in her eyes.
“It’s just an old injury flaring up.” I shake my head, preparing to lower myself to the floor again.
“Get in with me.”
“Rebel, that’s not what this is.”
“I know. You can sit across from me. The tub is plenty big enough, and I’m thinking that injury is the exact reason you have the tub and the Epsom salts.” She reaches a hand out to me. “Get in with me.”
I study her face for a minute, seeing nothing but honesty in her eyes. “Okay.”
I grab a couple more towels from below the sink before carefully removing my clothes and climbing into the bathtub across from Ava—my legs moving to the outside of hers. The hot water instantly has my muscles loosening. My head falls back against the lifted edge, and a moan falls from my lips.
“That sounds like a bad injury.”
I lift my head and see her studying me, that concern still evident in her eyes.
“It’s the injury that led to my discharge from the army.” If Ava can share what she did with me this morning, I can share this with her. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but there’s a scar on my back above my right hip. My unit and I got caught in a firefight.” I lift one of her feet and begin massaging it. “It’s funny—not in a ha-ha way, but…” My words trail off, and it’s the feel of her hand on my shin that brings me back. “I got shot twice, technically. Once in the shoulder—which was more of a graze than anything—and once in the chest.”
I feel Ava’s body tighten, but she doesn’t say anything. Giving her foot an extra squeeze, I continue. “My gear did exactly what it was supposed to, but the shot caught me off guard, and I fell back. Landed on a rock just right .” My tone is a little mocking at the end.
It’s no surprise I remember that mission like it happened yesterday. I knew I hurt myself the second I landed. After catching my breath, I got up and kept moving, exactly like we were trained. I felt the pinch in my back, but I ignored it, thinking it was just a nasty bruise and it would be gone in a few days.
“A week later, we were on patrol. I stepped off a curb, and pain went shooting up my back. All of a sudden, I could barely walk.” I switch to Ava’s other foot. “Turns out, when I landed on that rock, I ended up with a broken back. They called it a compression fracture. I spent a year in and out of doctor’s offices and physical therapy. They tried surgery, but the pain never went away.”
“But you still have a physically demanding job.” It’s not exactly a question, but it is at the same time.
“I couldn’t pass the physical fitness test to continue as a green beret. It wasn’t a medical discharge. The army was more than happy to keep me, but I didn’t want to be stuck behind a desk for the rest of my career.” I shrug and offer a half-hearted smile. “Desk duty isn’t my strong suit.”
“How’d you decide to become a police officer?” Ava asks in the silence.
“I got tired of moping around.” I chuckle. “And I still wanted to help people. It felt like a good fit.”
“The pain is still there?”
“I can ignore it most of the time, but if I push myself too hard, it becomes harder to ignore.”
“What did you do this time?”
I lift my eyes slowly, finally meeting hers for the first time since I started sharing. We’ve never lied to each other. “I couldn’t sleep last night worrying about you, so I spent about two hours in the gym instead.”
“Gage,” Ava whispers.
I shake my head before she can say anything else. “I’m glad you called me, Ava. I’m glad you trusted me enough to be your strength. I don’t want you to regret that because I sure as fuck don’t.”
I don’t look away from Ava. I need to make sure she knows how serious I am. I’ll never be upset that I’m the person she felt safe enough to call. That I’m the person she came to first when she got home. That I’m the person she’s letting take care of her.
Ava shifts in the water, resting her hands on my shins and squeezing gently. Her gaze shifts to the window at our side, staring out at the landscape beyond. It may be winter and barren outside, but it’s still peaceful and beautiful.
When I remodeled the bathroom, I had this window installed so I could enjoy the picturesque views through the backyard. I lucked out with my house backing up to the dense tree line the way it does. It creates my own private oasis. Adding the large window gives me an unobscured view, making it feel like I’m in the beautiful outdoors.
Even in the winter, I love looking out this window. Without the leaves on the trees, you can see the mountains in the distance and all the farmland surrounding the town. I still feel like I’m in my own corner of the world.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask gently, my hands resting on her feet that are against my stomach in the water.
Her gaze slowly returns to mine. There’s still a weariness to her eyes, but there’s also a slight glimmer to them. She’s coming back to herself, and the knowledge that I helped get her there has pride swelling in my chest.
“Trying new things. Really experience life—on my terms instead of someone else’s.”
“What do you mean?”
“Practically everything I’ve done in my life has been because my parents manipulated me into it. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but now I see it in everything I’ve ever done.” She releases a self-deprecating laugh, her gaze drifting back to the window. “I think the only thing I ever did for myself was read, and I had to hide that from my parents because I wasn’t reading the ‘right’ things.” A tear slips down her cheek, and she brushes it away before turning back to me. “I’m thirty years old, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no idea what brings me joy.”
“Rebel, that’s not entirely true.” I reach for her hand, pulling her toward me. She turns in the water, placing herself between my legs, her back to my chest. “You know what brings you joy—you just haven’t been able to go after it until now,” I whisper in her ear.
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I have no idea what I like and don’t like.” Her voice is tearful, and my arms around her waist tighten.
I bring my lips down to place a soft kiss at the spot where her neck meets her shoulder. “Okay, then we’ll try new things. What do you want to try?” I say into her skin.
“I don’t know. How messed up is that? I know I want to try new things, but I have no idea where to start.” She lets her head fall back against my chest. “What do you like to do?”
“I’m a physical person. I like to stay active, so I do a lot of hiking. In the spring and summer I also go kayaking. Nature is my safe space, so any chance I get to be out in it, I’m there.”
“Hmm,” she hums, her head falling to look back out the window. “I think I like the idea of the outdoors.” Her voice is so quiet it’s almost a whisper.
“Then let’s go hiking.”
“Right now?”
“No.” I chuckle. “But I’m off this weekend, so let’s go.”
“I don’t know,” Ava mutters. “I’ll have to see what Declan’s up to. See if I can sneak away.”
I didn’t have a problem with us being a secret before—I didn’t have a problem with us being casual before—but this doesn’t feel casual anymore, and I don’t think I want it to be. I don’t want to be a secret.
I lower my head, placing my lips against the skin at her shoulder. “Or we could tell him,” I murmur against her.
Her body stiffens slightly, but she doesn’t pull away from me. “I thought we agreed.”
“We did, but I’m open to changing that agreement if you are.”
“Gage…” She doesn’t have to say anything else. I hear it clear as day in her tone—she’s not ready for more.
It stings more than I want it to, but I understand. “Okay.” I place a kiss to her shoulder and squeeze her to me. “Let me know if you can sneak away for a hike after you talk to Declan.”
Ava shifts in the water, rolling herself so we’re chest to chest, her back arching in the water. She studies me, looking for something, but I don’t think she’ll find anything other than truth in my eyes. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just that I understand. She’s been through a lot over the last twelve hours. She needs time to figure out how she feels about all of it.
I’m not backing down from having more with Ava Day. I’m just giving her time to accept that it will happen.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“Any time.” I reach up and gently push a piece of hair back behind her ear, leaning down for a light kiss to her lips.