Unforgivable Mate of Mine

Chapter XVII

I bit down hard enough to break his skin.

The taste of blood in my mouth as I broke his skin must have been the final thing to overwhelm my system and I promptly passed out.

Once I regained consciousness I was back in my room and everything was perfectly still. My ears no longer rang, my rising panic had dissipated and I was only left with a distinct emptiness. I remained completely stationary as I discerned all that had just happened.

The room.

The brutally hurt man.

The blood.

Arien.

My pulse started race.

And then finally –

My pulse slowed, as if regulated by the thought of him, I instantaneously felt still once more.

The metallic taste in my mouth still lingered but instead of my initial disgust, it now just felt...natural.

I tried to clear my head of these thoughts, my entire meltdown had clearly just left me shaken.

I'd allowed myself to reach a state so out of control once more.

I'd had so many moments like the one that just passed, while here, and it's like I never learnt my lesson.

Or at least, learnt how to control my responses.

I thought I'd been making progress but now I felt like everything had just shattered all over again.

A knock brought me back from my thoughts, as the door opened.

Arien. My body tensed at the sight of him.

And behind him,S?ren. Relief flowed through me.

Sitting up, I kept my eyes glued to Arien's every movement. My body remained on high alert.

His face furrowed in...concern? A rough move of his hand through his hair as he stepped closer. "I'm sorry you had to see that Soleil. Fuck, you never should have seen Zodiac."

Arien didn't curse my way. At least not before. Seemed like more of his amiable fa?ade was slipping.

My mind latched onto his last word-Zodiac. So that's who it was.

I had no kind feelings towards the man, but no one, absolutely no one, deserved the fate he'd received.

It was so horrible to witness the aftermath of, so I could only imagine the pain of actually experiencing it.

It was worse than anything I'd come near to experiencing, it was worse than anything I could have imagined.

What had he even done to get Zodiac to that state?

And the man that inflicted that brutality upon him now stood before me.

He made me sick. My stomach roiled as he stepped closer.

I held out a hand to stop his approach.

"Don't." Now confusion replaced the concern on his face.

"Don't come near me." You psychopath.

Arien ignored my directions, taking yet another step closer as he held up his hands up in a non-threatening motion.

"Stay away from me!" My voice had more edge this time as the lowly command rung out. I tried to keep the panic at bay as I scooted backwards further, hitting the headboard.

S?rennow moved closer beside my bed, perhaps preparing to quash my impending outburst.

I shifted towards him as I instinctively reached for his arm. The touch of him worked, calming me.

Arien's eyes instantly caught the action, an angry look distorting his features. His eyes narrowed on my hand which was now grippingS?ren's arm.

I didn't care much about my actions, didn't give them much thought. I just wanted him gone, and some part of me knewS?rencould make that happen.

"What did you do to her this time?" He growled accusinglyS?ren's way.

I flinched at his words.

Of course he was reminding me of what had happened to me. He wanted me to know that they could do that again. That I was powerless. Insignificant. A mere mate akin to property.

My bodily response was to shift entirely off the bed and onto the side whereS?renstood. I drew my entire body closer to his and wrapped both arms around one of his.

He didn't withdraw, didn't pull away like I'd imagined he would. His touch made me realise that I'd been shaking.

I looked pleadingly up at him, "Please get him out of here or let's go."

I don't know whenS?renhad become my strange protector, or when I had started being this drawn to him, but it didn't matter.

I knew I should be questioning it, everything felt like a ringing alarm.

But right now, this felt like the most natural, most comforting, and safe option for me.

All that mattered was that I knew he'd keep me safe from Arien.

Not wanting to look his way but not being able to stop myself, Arien looked downright furious, whileS?ren'sface remained impassive, no different than ever.

He finally spoke, "I think you should leave Arien, we can talk about what happened afterwards." There wasn't room for argument at his tone. That alleviated my anxiety.

Arien started to refuse but the look onS?ren's face communicated something more which resigned him to silence. Only sparing me one more worried glance before storming out.

I let out a shaky breath once my door had shut again.

Thank goodness. He was gone.

Now onlydid S?renturn to face me, his normally collected features marred by clear confusion, "What's wrong with you Soleil?"

His words caused my nose to burn and eyes prickle.

The real question was, what wasn't wrong with me.

Looking away from him, my eyes fell to where I still grasped his arm. I reluctantly let go.

Taking a step back, I slumped down to the bed.

"He-he did that to Zodiac, I don't want to see him. What if he hurts me again, that's what he said..." I trailed off, struggling though my rambling explanation.

I was scared again. Just when I'd finally stopped being.

S?ren's brow furrowed as he looked directly into my eyes, "He said what? He would never hurt you, you know how Arien feels about you."

I just averted my eyes, looking down, he didn't understand how I felt, why I felt this way.

But then wanting to explain, or at least try and explain so as to not sound as messed up as I was without a reason. "He reminded me of what happened, like a threat, to remind me what could happen to me if..if-" If what? I didn't know the rest, that was as far I'd reasoned.

"That's not what happened."

"Look at me Soleil,"S?renwaited until I'd lifted my eyes back to his, "Arien meant that for me. He would never hurt you, he didn't the first time."

The unspoken words hung between us.

I did.

And I knew that deep down, I truly did. But it didn't seem to matter right now. All that mattered in this moment is that I knew he never would again. Somehow suddenly, the act of S?ren harming me, no longer seemed a possibility.

I couldn't say the same for Arien.

But instead of further communicating any of these realisations, I simply shrugged and said with finality, "I just don't want him near me."

And then I thought to add, "And Zodiac has to be let go. He can't continue to be hurt."

I looked up toS?ren, needing his confirmation.

Finally he nodded, "He won't be kept any longer."

I nodded in return.

How did the day arrive that I would be making demands to S?ren? I didn't know either...

I unknowingly spent the rest of the day trailing behindS?ren. Following him wherever he went. And he in turn - let me.

I read in a corner of his study as he did work. Simply content to be near to him. I napped on the couch there at some point.

I could feelS?ren's eyes on me periodically, as if seeking to solve the problem that was Soleil.

I didn't care. I was tired of sorting through my feelings.

It felt like a murky depth that only became more muddled the deeper I waded in.

Futile. I was just going to let myself do what felt right in the moment.

I was going to go along with my instincts and not over analyze everything.

And for now, my instincts wanted me here. WithS?ren.

At some point night had started to creep in and the room became illuminated in artificial light instead.

I looked up atS?renjust as my stomach gurgled.

"Shit, I forgot you should have eaten by now." He abruptly stood and strode to the door in no time.

"Wait," I wrung my hands.

"What is it Soleil?" He paused at the doorway.

Since when had he started using my name? I couldn't remember the exact point in time and I couldn't remember whether it had always made my insides hum and react in this way. I tried to pull my wandering thoughts back to order.

"Soleil?" He prodded again but quieter, gentler.

Again, new behaviour. New behaviour that left me...affected.

"Can we eat here? Or somewhere else but not the dining room?" Anywhere but where Arien would be.

S?renspent most of the day perplexed over the recent change in Soleil, trying to figure why she was acting so...strange.

He would have put it down to duplicity almost instantly, except, he could see her doing things without even realising it. Turning his way, shifting closer as if only acting on pure magnetism. There was no time for reason or scheming in her unguarded actions.

And something else too. Something else was different. He could suddenly feel her. Heightened in a way like it had never been before. Was this the mate bonds firing randomly? Suddenly sparking?S?ren didn't know but could still feel the ghost of her fingers on his arm. Branded there.

She was acting unhinged. But then again, so was he.

S?ren's head throbbed as he tried to make sense of Soleil's actions, his own actions - this change.

Why was she choosing him over Arien? Sure, she'd do it to scheme or get information, but never as a form of protection. Not when he was the very one who constantly caused her harm. Why was she tucked in a corner of his office at this very moment, as if in a sanctuary?

Hell, she'd fallen asleep here, as if safe from the world around. It made something loosen inside of him.

When just a few hours before, she'd been hysterical in his arms, fighting to get away. She'd even bitten him in her panic.

She'd bitten him.

Now feeling the burn of her incisors breaking skin, it dawned onS?ren.

That had to be the cause of Soleil acting this way. Mates bit one another to further their bond. A type of carnal marking ritual. It had ramifications. It furthered the bond, linked two souls together on a metaphysical level.

Fuck.

That coupled with the fact that she held Arien responsible for what had happened to Zodiac.

Double fuck.

Arien for his part hadn't stopped texting and calling whileS?renfirmly ignored his efforts. He was too much of a headache to deal with now, andS?rencouldn't even begin to imagine how the marking talk would go down.His brother would not take it...well.

S?ren couldn't handle the fallout at the moment, especially not while he felt...thrown by the change in Soleil.

He knew what caused it now and he knew it wasn't truly how she felt – just the unavoidable mate bond causing havoc on her system. But that did nothing to dispel the feelings that arose from the baser, illogical side of him.

Couldn't ignore that she wanted him.

S?ren couldn't help the looks that he stole her way. This was the first time Soleil had been so unguarded in his presence, hell, simply been in his presence voluntary. He caught himself realising that wasn't quite true, they'd had breakfast before. That had also been strange.

But even then, it hadn't felt like it did now. Now he wanted to drink in her every feature. Never had another creature so capturedS?ren'sattention. It was a nuisance at best, disconcerting at worst.

Shaking himself as if from a dream,S?ren looked away, hewas being done being irrational.

Nothing else, no one else, had ever made him this unstable.

There was no reason for him to hide the fact that Arien held no part in Zodiac's state. Except...that maybe deep down he knew he wantedthis...her to remain this way for a little while longer.

Enough of this foolishness.

S?ren spoke before he could change his mind,"Arien had nothing to do with what happened to Zodiac. It was all me. His name must have simply stuck in from questioning."

Torturing was the more precise term. But the words already felt rancid enough in his mouth, he didn't want to make it even more graphic.S?rendisliked that the confession was exposing her to more violence from his hands. As if he hadn't made her privy to enough already.

S?ren schooled his features to remain impassive while Soleil's morphed into confusion.

God, she was so easy to read, it had long ago become an unhealthy past time of his, deciphering her every movement of facial expression.

"You did that to Zodiac?" Her soft, unsure voice questioned.

S?ren immediately wanted to take his words back. That scared look which had already crept back into her eyes had his insides twisting and protesting.

Instead he steeled himself once more.

This was who S?ren was. The violence and darkness were his second skin, he could not pretend to be otherwise, no matter how much he suddenly wished to be other than he was.

"Yes."