Chapter XIX
S?renwas making himself scarce. Again. Except this time, I wanted the exact opposite.
And Arien was back to his usual self as well.
Which meant living to annoy me by being around me constantly. His presence rankled me even more than usual, like something was itching right beneath my skin anytime he happened to be near me.
And S?ren was not.
It had been a week and I hadn't managed to seeS?renonce.
Not even in passing. I had been careful not to mention it to Arien, his touchiness was at an all time high.
I'd briefly asked where his brother was a few days ago.
And I'd been careful to sound flippant about it but I could hear the instant hostility, the switch.
Suddenly he was no longer easy going Arien, instead replaced by a darker version.
I didn't want to test how far it went. I still had a shred of self preservation and I'd learnt my lesson enough times around here.
So I kept my mouth shut and waited to find him.S?renlived here - he couldn't avoid me forever.
I asked Constance and she had no answer for me either, just a questioning look to which I had no answer.
Meanwhile, I was becoming more restless and stir crazy. Stuck here with mainly just Arien for company.
I pondered all this while making a peanut butter sandwich for myself.
Comfort food. I never cared too much for food so I'd make this all the time when I was younger and when I later lived alone.
Constance had us spoiled with all the delicious dishes she prepared and I was beyond grateful for her, but sometimes all a girl needed was her safe food.
I was meticulously putting my sandwich together when Arien burst into the kitchen.
Ugh here we go again.
I spiritlesslygreeted his intrusion on what I hoped to be a quiet lunch when his question surprised me, "How about going into the city with me?"
My pulse spiked for a second at the offer, go outside? I hadn't been to the city in weeks. Months even. Of course I wanted to go. But the last part of his sentence made it less appealing.
With him?No thanks. I was not interested in my captor taking me on a little jaunt around town, and simultaneously forcing me to spend time with him.
I think Arien could see the reluctance on my face, so he quickly continued, "I thought we could go into the city today, do some shopping. Have a nice lunch? But we can go wherever you like. You've been cooped up too long."
His hopeful eyes met my doubting ones.
The city...I guess it was worth spending a few hours in Arien's presence. I'd anyways see him at home since I couldn't really escape him. Might as well put up with him in a new environment.
Something akin to excitement unfurled inside me.
He probably meant for this excursion to curry favour, and that definitely wouldn't work - I would never forget that he's my captor.
Recalling the earlier overheard words. Arien was keeping me here just to dangle freedom like a treat, like he was doing me a favour.
As much as all that infuriated me, I wouldn't pass this opportunity up.
I relented, "Sure. Let's go."
The drive away from the mansion, my prison for all intended purposes, didn't feel as jarring as I thought it would.
I'm not sure what I expected but just something.
..more. Like I'd have a great epiphany or something.
Like something would loosen inside me and I'd suddenly feel some sort of freedom.
I felt none of that. The simmer of excitement remained but nothing more. Nothing major.
I drew my attention back to the man besides me, the one that seemed to be looking at my every movement.
Arien looked relaxed and excited. Like we were doing something fun like normal people, and for some reason that made my annoyance rise.
Not entirely surprising since, most things he did, had that effect on me.
Trying not to let it show, I asked, "So what will we be doing? Where are we going exactly?"
"No real plans, I thought we could visit a cafe I really like. Maybe walk around the shopping district and see if anything catches our eye."
The words sounded so easy, like they weren't loaded. Like this was a routine day out. I fidgeted in my seat, this sounded suspiciously like couple activities. And I definitely didn't want to be doing any of that with Arien.
Wrong brother.
I sucked in a sharp inhale as the thought pricked at my subconscious.
I didn't know where that came from. I tucked the unwelcome intrusive thought deep deep inside.
This was not me. I was acting, thinking.
..unhinged. It bothered me. I'd never thought these things before, never felt these things before.
"Soleil? Everything okay?"
Feeling embarrassed at my thoughts despite knowing that Arien had no way of telling, I rushed to answer,"Oh yeah, fine, just excited I guess."
Not noticing my inner turmoil, he threw an easy smile my way, "Me too."
Trying not to get stuck inside my head, I focused on the passing landscape.
Within no time we were in the city, parking alongside a bistro I'd never ventured into before.
My former lifestyle didn't exactly allow for fancy meals out.
The thought that things had so drastically changed made me pause at the entry way.
Not worrying about money was nice. Nicer than I'd anticipated.
Arien led the way to a table as I walked in, a bit lost in my thoughts still.
He was chatting about the weather or something, asking if I wanted a coffee, I nodded absentmindedly.
Staring around the small cafe and out the window, I marveled at how many people were around.
Just living, couples, families, having lunch, laughing.
I liked the buzz of noise, not enough to clearly hear, but enough to silence any unnecessary thinking.
I liked the smell of coffee lingering and people easily moving around.
I'd forgotten how nice this part of living was.
I also didn't remember Gideon being like this. I probably spent too much time at the bad side of town to realise it could be so nice. Even the usually grey days around here were replaced by something more sunny and bright.
Now Arien was on about what he liked to get here, awaiting my input.
"I'm fine with whatever, choose whatever you recommend. Thanks."
"Great, you're going to love the way they make the-"
"Could we maybe see one of the businesses you guys own or work by?"
I hadn't meant to cut Arien off but wasn't really paying attention to his words, and the thought had come so suddenly, I spoke without filtering. I just wanted to know more about what they did. I definitely wasn't trying to run into anyone in particular.
"Why?" Arien was looking my way like he could see right through me, could see beneath the embarrassing little thought of mine.
I fiddled with my coffee cup, trying to look nonchalant, "No reason, just thought it might be interesting. I want to know more about what you do, generally..."
I took a sip of my coffee which had arrived almost instantly after ordering, hoping I sold it.
Arien peered at me a second longer, "It's quite boring if I'm being honest. I swear you'll have more fun at the shops."
He tacked on a grin, trying to convince me. I wasn't convinced, not even a little, but also didn't want to look more suspect by pressing more.
"Okay well, tell me something else then."
"Like what?"
"Anything really, I just want to know more about you."
Lies. That stupid inner voice whispered.
Despite my lack of honesty, those words seemed to be the right trigger, if his big smile was anything to go on. Arien looked pleased, brightened as he readied to spill his guts.
"Sure, ask away." His voice dripped, as if he couldn't wait for my questions, like they'd taste good.
I tried to choose the exact right one, I wanted him to remain exactly as he was, ready to answer anything.
I started off easy, "Where'd you grow up?"
He too answered easily enough, "A small pack, close to the Ridge Mountains. It was kind of rural, small town vibes you know."
I nodded, trying to keep it light, "And you liked it there?"
He took a second, "Yeah, it was a normal enough pack. A bit traditional but not bad. Of course I'm more suited to city life now, I couldn't imagine living anywhere like that again."
Again I nodded, "I can imagine...I like the city too." Not really, but I needed to relate, "so just you and your brother and...any other family?"
I tried to keep my tone breezy. I knew family could be hard to discuss.
"Yeah, my mother and father too." There was a slight dip in his tone at the word 'father.'
My brows lifted, this was more information than I'd ever gotten. I wanted to know more.
Trying to segue, my questions continued, "Oh, how was that? I only ever had my mom, my father left before I was born." Again, hopefully relating would help him continue to open up.
Now Arien looked off into the distance, "It was fine...I mean good when we were younger. My mom passed away when we had just turned eleven and then it was less good."
His voice trailed off at the end.
"I'm sorry," and I really was. No child deserved to feel the pain of that.
Not having a father felt easy to me because I'd never had one.
Had only missed one in theory. But they'd known their mother, loved her, and then she was just gone.
Nothing could make you understand that pain.
My heart felt tight at the thought of living through that. At only eleven years old.
"She was the only real parent you know? I'd give up our father one hundred times over for her instead. Things got...hard after she left. She'd been both parents to us really."
I only nodded silently, not knowing the right words to say. Feeling for him.
"I guess that's whyS?renbecame so...S?ren. He stepped in after, becoming a type of parent in her stead."
My heart clenched even more, the image of a youngS?rensuddenly so clear in my mind.
An untouched version ofS?renbefore he had to become this version.
An innocentS?ren, without the violence, the darkness.
And he lost all that out of necessity, out of survival.
To be there for the one person he had left - his brother.
My hand was extending across the table before I could realise it, reaching out for Ariens, trying to make this feeling go away.
He froze as our palms made contact, eyes snapping to mine, then finally, hand gripping mine lightly back.
His touch didn't quash the rising feelings like I'd instinctively thought it would. I made a conscious effort to stop myself from pulling away.
Arien looked less stuck in his memories now, occasionally glancing at my hand in his.
Trying to ignore how uncomfortable this touch was making me, I persisted, "So when did you guys leave?" How'd they end up here?
Now his eyes glazed over once more as if reliving that time, "Our father. He didn't want us there, sent us...away..."
I stayed completely silent, straining to hear the rest of their past, trying to understand.
It sounded like the precursor to something.
..bad. I couldn't help the rising feeling that whatever came next was even worse than them losing their mother.
And only something truly...horrific could be worse than that.
As if wrenching himself back from a back memory, he pulled his lips back into a forced closed smile, "But let's not discuss that. Nothing good and frankly boring. I want to hear about you."
Suddenly wanting to shake him or something, I reigned my feelings of absolute frustration back in.
I wanted him to keep talking, tell me everything I longed, no needed, to know but this conversation was being decisively shut down.
And if I ever wanted him to revisit it again, I needed to be okay with him ending it now.
Sighing, I nodded and finally pulled my hand back as our food arrived, providing the perfect excuse to do so.
The rest of lunch was filled with nothing conversation. Easy and boring.
All I could keep thinking of being what little more I knew about their past. And how severely I wanted to know more. Loads more...
After lunch, we made our way to the shops despite my protests.
I liked being out, even just looking at the people around was bringing me a twisted sense of joy.
Like I could just watch them endlessly. So I wanted to be out but I just didn't see the need to shop for clothing.
They'd provided everything I needed in the mansion, not sure how they even managed to get everything so quickly. But I honestly didn't lack anything.
"I really have enough things. No need for new clothes." Not like I ever even went anywhere, except for today I guess.
Arien continued his coercion, "Come on Soleil. You must have somethings you want, buy things more in your style? And no need to feel any type of way about spending our money, think of it as compensation if you will..."
I guess a part of me didn't want to feel indebted or make Arien think I was enjoying this.
But he was right, the only form of payback I would likely have was using their money.
Why deprive myself when it only punished me and no one else?
And I liked nice things. Now I could finally have all the things I walked past in shop windows wishing for.
I could also get something nice for Constance as a thank you for everything, for being my friend.
And one other niggling thought convinced me-
I could look nice. In case someone happened to look my way.
I clawed at my hangnail as the intrusive thought strobed through my mind. Finger bleeding I responded, "Okay."
Let's go shopping I guess.