Chapter XXI
I needed answers.
I needed to figure out what was wrong with me...well aside from the obvious things which had transpired.
I knew I was acting erratically towardsS?ren.
My thoughts and emotions towards him were.
..unstable. Out of control. They'd overtaken me out of the blue and I couldn't figure out why.
Was this some sort of sick Stockholm Syndrome?
All I knew was that this wasn't like me.
I wasn't feeling like myself. It troubled me, disconcerted me.
Thinking back on the kitchen, I'd wanted to be near him sooobadly. It almost hurt not to. And I could feel his emotions so tangibly, like I could almost taste the anger which rolled off him at our last encounter.
I holed up in the library for most of the day, searching for answers.
I'd read most of the books in mates and wolves and what happens when you find your 'other half.' I thought I understood most of it, but clearly I was missing something. I continued to read, trying to figure out what I'd missed, if anything;
The mate bond is strengthened when the connected pair accepts the bond. Choosing to enter a true partnership, the mated individuals form a romantic bond. This bond is then further strengthened by the voluntary marking of each other.
Marking of each other?
I pulled another research edition out, the one in my hands providing no extra information. I'd skimmed over this 'marking' thing before. But I'd never understood what it meant.
Marking, marking, marking.
I flipped through book after book, not catching the word again.
My frustration rose with each tossed book aside in the stuffy, too warm library.
I was quickly growing tired of my failure to find any real answers.
Why did they never explain anything fully?
Even Arien andS?ren seemed to be constantly keeping things a secret. It drove me crazy.
My eyes caught on a page, just as I was about to turn it;
The physical mark of the sacred mate bond takes the form of a bite.
A bite?
What the hell.
The gears churned in my head rapidly. A bite.
I fell back on my haunches in surprise, dropping the book.
I remembered flashes of that day. Of finding Zodiac.
I remembered the taste of blood on my tongue.
I'd bittenS?ren.
I'd bitten him and unknowingly messed with the bond. Caused it to manifest between us. This explained everything I couldn't understand.
I rose to my feet shakily, this could not be happening.
No.
Rushing from the library, my feet carried me to the study before I could stop them. There was no guarantee thatS?renwas even there but I needed to see him. Right now.
As my hand closed around the handle, tugging the heavy wooden door open, my head spun. My insides hurt. I'd done this. I'd messed things up even more than I could have imagined.
Voices inside pulled me back from my rising panic.
Arien.S?ren. They were seated, working on some documents spread across the large desk.
My eyes metS?ren's dark ones. That stupid feeling that unfurled each time I saw him, did so now.Except now I had an answer, a reason for this connection between us.
Someone was greeting me, saying something, I couldn't tell. I didn't bother to answer.
Instead I took quick steps forward, both men rose to their feet. I walked around the desk towardsS?renas he stood completely still, guarding against whatever he imagined I was about to do.
Then I was reaching out for his arm, brushing his short sleeve up in a bid to see his upper arm.
The skin was bare. Nothing. I dropped my hands in confusion. There was no bite mark.
"Soleil? What are you doing?"
I could finally hear Arien's voice, the blood rush from my head dissipating. He pulled at my arm, almost dragging me away from S?ren.
"Stop."
I thought I'd spoken until I realisedS?renhad moved closer, stepping between Arien and myself. He'd moved so fast, I hadn't even noticed.
Arien's grasp tightened, I pulled more,S?rennoticing the struggle, pulled his brothers arm from mine. Easily.
Now Arien was simmering, I could see the heat rise to his face. Could feel the room suddenly heat.
I ignored it, I didn't come here for any displays of testosterone.
I hadn't seen a bite, that didn't make sense. It had to be there? I knew what I did. I wasn't that far gone that I could've made such a thing up.
A new idea forming, I reached forS?ren's other arm, repeating my earlier actions.
He became tightly still once again, no longer focused on Arien, his hand rose to stop mine for a moment, burning into me. Like it always did.
"Soleil?" His lowered question and searching look brought me back down to reality, able to form some sort of communication.
"I need to see where I bit you."
There, I'd said it. I'd said the terrible words admitting what I'd done to cause all this.
My words must have momentarily stumped him, his hand lowered and I drew his shirt arm up.
I did not even enjoy the feeling of my fingertips grazing his skin, too anxious about what I'd find. Anticipating what I now knew to be there. The seconds drew long, expanded, only my hands on his skin as I revealed more of his skin.
White crescent marks.
My teeth imprint.
Marking him.
A twisted carnal pleasure ran through me at the sight. I could feel the thrall of it throughout my entire body. Prickling. Warming. Possessing.
I was right. I'd done it.
I could feel his eyes on me, assessing me. Could he tell the perverse pleasure that flowed through me at the sight?
My eyes met his. No longer dark cold depths, something swam in them, something moved across his face before he could hide it. I glanced back at his arm which I was still holding. His flesh had small goosebumps all over.
He was affected.
By me.
He was not as unaltered by me as he pretended to be.
I knewS?rendidn't wish to see me around. He'd been avoiding me since the start of my stay here but it had recently felt more pointed, more purposeful. I just couldn't figure out if I had changed making me notice it more or if he had changed.
Did he know about this, had he figured it out? He must have, nothing passedS?renby.
Not really wanting the answer, "You knew?"
A second, a tick in his jaw, and then an uncomfortable admission, "Yes."
And you didn't tell me. You let me feel crazy.
He stepped back rigidly, skin contact wrenched away.
I felt unwell.
"Soleil, don't worry, we-" Arien was trying to reassure me now, taking the empty space his brother had left.
"Leave me alone Arien. I don't want to be around you...either of you."
I didn't even look his way again as I exited the study.
As much as my insides, my body, my very being wanted to be aroundS?ren - the functioning side of my brain, of my emotions, didn't want to be anywhere near him.
I didn't want to see him anymore. I couldn't keep feeding this warped...bond. That I'd not chosen. That was messing with my bodily chemistry.
I needed to starve this sick want.
As if a sort of restitution, they were allowing me to go visit Constance for dinner on her off day.
I'm sure there were threats about not letting me out of her sight and I didn't want to consider the possibility of putting Constance or her family in any danger.
Anyways, where could I go that they wouldn't track me down?
Their reach was clear, especially in Gideon.
Also the little problem of not having access to any of my own money would make escaping pretty impossible.
I briefly lost myself as I looked through my newly purchased clothes. Expensive jeans, buttery leggings, soft t-shirts, even a few pretty but unassuming dresses even. I guess I could look forward to looking nice, wearing a clothes in my own style for my outing.
I resolved not to think about the recent revelation. To not allow it to spoil my time with Constance. I was going to have a good day with my friend.
I dressed, trying to to wallow in my thoughts, and found myself inside Constance's very cozy home in no time.
The evening was relaxed, and happy, and nice. Just really really nice. Everything I'd been missing recently.
Spending time playing with baby Eva kept me smiling, looking like the cutest thing to walk on two legs, my heart lightened.
Erik wasn't very talkative but was engaging and made me feel very welcome in their home.
Their perfectly normal home. Where I could pretend for awhile that I was a perfectly normal girl visiting her perfectly normal friends.
During dinner I tried to get wrangle more answers out of them.
Directing my question Erik's way, "So you knew Arien and...S?renfrom earlier I understand?"
"Yeah, known them for a couple of years now actually."
"What was the place you mentioned they'd met at Constance?"
He sent Constance a look, clearly reluctant to answer.
Erik's answer was measured, "It was a research facility. I uhm assisted them while there and and later became one of their employees."
That wasn't any real information, but I was quickly learning that trying to figure this mystery out was like pulling teeth.
A research facility, what would they have been doing? Another one of their businesses?
I didn't manage to find any other answers, except that Erik was very very loyal to them, which probably meant something. Or maybe wolves were just that way with other wolves...
But the evening was light, and warm, and I was glad they made me part of it. They made me feel more welcome than I'd felt anywhere recently.
Beneath all that, the night also made me want one other thing, I'd not wanted before;
All the stolen glances, easy companionship, and clear affection between the two made me ache just a little bit for it too.I was so used to being on my own, no real consideration had been given to a union like that. What was it like to find that in another person?
I bid the two goodnight as they walked me out, a driver was already waiting to transfer me back to the mansion.
"Thank you both so much, I had the nicest night."
"It was our pleasure, thanks for coming." Constance's eyes were light.
"Yes, Constance had spoken so much about you so I'm glad we could finally meet," then more earnestly Erik added, "You're always welcome here Soliel."
My insides tugged a bit, "Thank you."
Then I was sliding into the passenger seat before remembering what I had in my bag, "Oh Constance, here you go!"
I held out a lilac soft package. A cashmere sweater I'd picked up for her in town, she always wore the cutest sweaters when the weather cooled.
Her brows dipped in question.
"A present. To say thank you for...everything."
For being my friend. For being a good friend to me when I needed it most.
And then we were driving off into the night before she could figure what to respond.