Chapter XXIII
WhileS?rencompletely avoided me, Arien was kind of giving me the space I wanted. Maybe finally understanding that I was for real about not wanting to see him.
He also no longer spent every second ambushing me in the garden or kitchen or library, but this only gave me the sneaking suspicion that he was plotting something.
I'd started helping out with some admin work,S?renhad taken my earlier words seriously it seemed.
Not that it mattered what he did. Not at all.
This meant I normally worked in the library but I'd occasionally head into town with Arien and work from their office here.
It was good to be out.
I'd been allowed more freedom - a cellphone of my own, the permission to head into town with the driver whenever I needed.
They had a tracker in my phone of course and I still didn't have my own money, they'd given me a traceable bank card which would be a dead giveaway if I used it for anything suspicious.
I also couldn't withdraw large sums of cash.
I knew I should sensibly be working on an escape plan, something.
..but I was stupidly content at the moment.
It was hard to admit but I enjoyed my work.
I was efficient at what I did and it reminded me of how excited I was to work for the mayor before that all went to shit.
They were even paying me a regular salary at the end of the month.
Leaving felt like a lot of work..
.a lot of planning, which might not even work.
I just didn't have it in me to expand energy considering that yet, my headspace was filled with so many other things.
"Ready to head off?" Arien was heading to the office and had offered me a ride.
"Yeah sure."
We alighted the Grenadier and I greeted Michael, the driver.
"I won't be in the office for most of the day, just dropping by to pick up some docs and then heading out of town for a meeting."
I nodded politely, "Hope it goes well."
"Thanks, it's nothing too hectic," he considered for a second, "but maybe when I'm back tomorrow we can do lunch or something?"
And that's what I get for being polite.
It's just a meal, not the end of the world, deciding to be agreeable, "Sure, why not."
Arien smiled besides me and then headed to his office.
The day started slow and continued that way. Dragged along really.
I planned to leave early at 4pm to run an errand but the clock seemed to be ticking at half the speed.
15h25
15h40
15h55
Finally seeing the time closing in, I started packing up. I slung my messenger bag over my shoulder and headed into the corridor, taking the lift down.
The doors opened and I made my way to the foyer. My feet slowed just before the entrance.My pulse sputtered, body suddenly on high alert. Without even needing to look, I knew what it was.
S?renwas near.
It didn't matter.
I wasn't supposed to see him.
I didn't even want to see him.
None of that reasoning mattered to my body, as my feet moved on their own account. I walked back down the corridor and rounded the corner I thought I heard the sound came from.
And there he was.
My entire being settled, calmed by the mere act of seeing him before me. It had been days and days since I'd last seen him. I was just going to look for a second. That's all. Like micro-dosing, I'd only allow myself this much respite.
Before I could will my feet to back away,S?renmust have sensed a presence in the room.
I watched him slowly turn, pause at the sight of me. Eyes sweep over me.
That settled me more, a moment to bask in his appraisal. Like when it's been chilly and you step back out into the instantly warming sun beams. Immeasurable, instant warmth.
I know, I know, I know what had transpired a few days ago and how I'd vowed to stay away from the man before me. Trust me I know.
But still I stepped closer.
What else could I do?
"Hi."
"Soleil."
I could feel my face pull into a stupid grin at the way my name dropped from his mouth, like it belonged there.
He frowned in response. That made me want to smile more.
I should probably talk, say something, "Done for the day?"
"Not yet."
I nodded. I should be going before it got too late. I wanted to head to my old apartment, I'd finally worked up the courage to figure out what happened there. That's why I was leaving earlier today.
"Micheal should still be around to take you back to the mansion if you're done for the day."
"Yeah, I just texted him that I'd be waiting downstairs. I'm not heading back yet though, I wanted to stop by my old apartment," I picked at my thumb, "Need to figure out what happened to my stuff since I'm definitely kicked out by now."
He absorbed my words for a second, "I hadn't thought about that."
His face switched now, gaze flickering, "I forgot to handle that."
He looked agitated? I wasn't sure why.
"It's okay, I'm going to get it sorted now. I actually remembered a few days ago but was putting it off," my face pulled, "I'm dreading knowing what happened to my things."
"I should've taken care of that. I forgot. Dammit."
His agitation seemed to rise, eyes not focused on me. I didn't understand him beating himself up for something minor really, something I would've figure he had no idea about.
"It's really fine. How would you even have known? I didn't expect that."
S?ren had millions of things to handle, now that I had a bit more access I realised how insanely hard he worked. Constantly. It would be ridiculous to expect him to have thought of paying my rent.
"I should've thought of it. That's what I do, I don't know how I missed that. They probably put your stuff in storage but it could be gone. I'll get it back if it's gone, I'm sure-"
"S?ren." I cut him off.
Only now did his eyes meet mine again. He was rambling, unlike him. He was beating himself up for an imaginary oversight. He was apologising in his own way round about way.
"Forget it, like I said I didn't expect it of you in any case."
I made sure he understood my words, eyes boring into his, "And I forgive you for forgetting something I never expected you to remember." That was more of a quip, there was nothing to forgive.
Then, with more of a chirp "Don't sweat it, I'm gonna go handle it and I see you later."
I turned to leave before I was late.
"Wait."
I peered back over my shoulder.
"Let me take you." He was already walking ahead of me, leading the way.
I followed.
Who was I to argue?
I was silent on the drive. Thinking but not really.
Until we pulled up alongside my dodgy apartment block, self-consciousness shivered through me for second. It wasn't the nicest place...I quickly reminded myself that I didn't care whatS?ren thought.
"Just wait here, I'll go talk to the building manager."
I unbuckled the seat-belt, ignoring his order, "I can come with, what if he doesn't want to give out information because you're not the occupant of the apartment?"
He simply sent a look my way, as if that wasn't even a possibility, "It'll be fine."
"You don't know Mr Enricus, he's stubborn, likes to give people a hard time. Will probably lecture me endlessly for just disappearing."
"Like I said, stay in the car, I'll handle it."
I frowned, he didn't leave me any room for arguing.
"I'm locking you in, keep it that way."
Then he waited, wanting my confirmation, I just nodded.
He sent one more searching look my way before striding off.
My eyes followed him until he was entering the building, out of sight, I considered following along for a brief moment but he'd made his orders clear.
And I didn't really feel the need to rebel, my stubbornness abetted at his words. Another proof that this dumb bond was wrecking havoc on my normal responses.
The bond.
Thoughts of it banged loudly in my head. Thoughts of how it wasn't real, no matter how real it felt. How I couldn't simply accept it, no matter how I wanted to do just that. The same reel that had been playing in my mind for days on end.
S?renreturned way quicker than I thought, startling me as the door pulled open.
"Soleil?" He used my name like a question, you okay?
"Yeah, all fine, just surprised you're back so quick."
A shrug. "I got the information needed."
Of course he did. I didn't doubt for a second he would.
"And?"
"He moved it to a storage container. I have the keys."
Of course he did. There's no way Mr Enricus would just hand over the keys but this wasS?ren.S?ren who somehow always managed to get things done.
I frowned thinking of something, "You didn't do anything to him right?"
A barely concealed smirk formed as he reversed out of the parking lot, "Nah."
I wasn't convinced.
Sensing my lack of certainty he added, "We just spoke."
I let it go, he'd only been gone for 10 minutes, what's the worse he could've done...?
We set off for the storage facility, reaching it before long, it was only a suburb away.
S?ren stalked off ahead, tracking down the container with the corresponding number to the key, I followed quickly behind him.
He was pulling the door of 31 up with ease, looking inside before stepping aside and letting me peer in to the dimly lit space.
My things.
The few possessions that made up my life filled the small space. Everything I owned. Hurriedly, I stepped forward, already digging through the boxes.
My kitchen ware, I'd barely used, I never had time or energy to cook.
My decorations and bric-a-brac, nothing really of importance but things that had filled my home.
My clothes, now this I missed. I pulled my favourite pieces out, pausing when I noticedS?ren still standing outside the door.
"What are you doing? Come in."
He walked in stiffly, I didn't spend time trying to figure out what was running through his mind.
"Is it all there?"
"Yeah," now I aimed a grateful smile his way, "Thank you. I'm so glad it's not gone. It's everything I have."
That last part felt stupidly sad and sentimental, I shook it off, rising to my feet with my arms full of clothing.
S?ren still seemed to be uncomfortably standing, glancing through my belongings.
He'd helped me out a lot today, and I wasn't sure the reason why.
I considered something. Asked before I could overthink, "Does it also affect you?"
I could count the confusion on his face, so I clarified, "The bond."
The silence between us in the small stuffy container was suddenly loud, pulsing with something. I waited, letting the lack of real light act as a shield.
He eventually answered my question with a rigid nod.
That wasn't good enough, not when I'd been agonising over all this for days. I shook my head, "NoS?ren. I need more than that."
Looking away, the one who faced everything answered, gave a stifled response. "Yes."
I stepped closer, daring him, "How?"
His reply sounded strangled, unwanted, "I sense everything more. You more."
All the swirling, unresolved feelings swishing through my stomach settled at his admittance.He made the turmoil inside me instantly calm.
That was enough for me. I'd been debating about giving into how I felt. It was manufactured, some chemical creation after my bite. These were the facts I'd been reciting over and over and over in my head.
But all the facts of the incident, all the arguments I'd created suddenly mattered a whole lot less knowingS?renfelt the same way to some extent.
He felt the same way.
He couldn't be feeling as much as me, he was too far removed for that, how was he able to keep his distance if he did? Every second I managed to keep my distance felt like a Sisypheantask.
But that didn't matter, however much he felt now was enough.
Then he was reaching out to pull the clothes from my arms and striding away.
I followed obediently, buoyed at the new information.
I had been biting my cuticles from when we resumed driving, trying to work up the courage to ask what I'd been thinking of. Deliciously scheming of.
Taking a breath in, I tried to sound casual, "You hungry? Maybe we could get dinner before heading back?"
I held the very breath I'd just inhaled.
Looking across, I could tell byS?ren'slook I was about to be disappointed.
"I don't think that's a good idea. We shouldn't be here even." He carefully explained.
Shouldn't be alone together, shouldn't be together full-stop.
He was right. I was being silly, unreasonable.
Perhaps my mothers words had stuck with me despit trying to rid myself of them.
And with S?ren taking care of my apartment issues.
..I couldn't help but think of other instances he'd done the same.
He'd taken care to get the information regarding my mother, taken care to get me a job, even, as terrible as it was to admit - he'd taken care of the Zodiac issue.
He'd beentaking care of me in a sense, doing all this. And I, like an addict, wanted more of it.
I quieted, feeling a shade of chagrin arise at my neediness and silly ask.
We drove awhile longer, the silence no longer as easy as the start of the evening. Dusk was setting in.
S?ren's sharp exhale punctuated the interior of the car, I didn't look over. But I did glance at his hands now clenching the steering wheel tightly, too tightly in my opinion.
"Maybe take-away."
I didn't quite get his meaning, relenting and looking over while his gaze remained firmly on the road.
"We could quickly stop at a drive-through."
I sucked my lips in, hiding my smile. Trying not to show my instant and complete excitement, I played it cool, "Okay."
"Just a quick stop though." Firm words, like he was giving an order, not giving in to my dinner request.
Again my smile was hard to hide, feeling giddy. "Of course."
We ended up parked in the Burger King parking lot. Food spread out on our laps.
I'd convinced him that we couldn't head back with only food for ourselves, even though Arien wasn't even around tonight, how it was better to just eat it here.
He'd acquiesced. Again. It was ridiculous how giddy I felt at him giving into my wants. Spending time with me.
A thought popped into my head, this was the first time driving around together and this would be our second meal together.
"What is it?"
S?renmust have caught the expression on my face. I didn't think he would appreciate me pointing out my silly sentimentality though.
"Nothing."
But still he kept looking my way, no longer eating, facing me.
I sighed, "Just thinking that we shared a meal together before...at breakfast. And now again."
Like I was pathetically counting everything. Which I guess I was.
He looked uncomfortable, I couldn't help the laugh that escaped.
"You're the one that asked! Don't looked so scandalized."
It was hilarious that I held the power to make S?renuncomfortable. Made my insides warm and light.
He grunted my way, instead refocusing on his hamburger. Like how he always ate.
I looked out across the darkened parking lot, the starry evening was clearer than usual, the surrounding street lights all seemed to be dim or completely dead. This was nice. Just us away from everything. I could forget everything for a moment.
"I like having meals together, I mean with other people," not wanting him to think I only meant him, it didn't matter if that's exactly what I meant, "it just gets lonely sometimes eating by yourself. I prefer this you know."
I stuffed a fry in my mouth, chatting easily. It shouldn't be this easy to tellS?renthings but it was. It just was.
He didn't answer for sometime. "Yeah."
I quirked an eyebrow, "You agree then"
"It's better than I remember."
I couldn't help pressing, "From when you were younger...?"
"Yeah."
Once more, gently, lightly, with not too much emphasis on anything, "That's a long time ago. Sounds kinda lonely."
A long time to be by yourself.
He bristled, "I wasn't alone." Arien, of course, " And work keeps me busy."
"Uhuh." I nodded noncommittally through a mouth full of food, I'd just stuffed the final too big bite of my burger in my mouth, real lady-like.
His brow dipped and quirked, lip twitched as he caught me. Something like amusement danced across his face.
I hurriedly swallowed and stared out the open window.
I shut up then, letting the cool breeze and sounds of crickets replace words.
Soaking in the last few moments of the now.
Soaking in the last few moments of our secret dinner.