Chapter XXV
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The accident ended up being more of a fender bender.
Arien managed to wrangle the car back under control just as we crashed into some bushes, not enough to properly even damage the car.
An animal, probably a small antelope, had darted across the road, causing us to momentarily lose control as Arien tried to avoid hitting it.
I was unharmed - the seat-belt cut across my torso, saving me as the airbag went off, so the impact of it didn't even touch me.
Arien felt terrible, he blamed himself for the accident but that was wholly unnecessary since that's all it was, an accident.
I remember his absolutely distraught face as he looked me over in the car, asking me over and over again if I was okay.
But I was completely fine, it was such a minor accident.
Hell, even our mugs had survived.
We made it back home a bit shaken up but otherwise alright.
It was nearing midnight though so I was completely knackered and ready to be in bed. The ordeal had completely sobered me up and I just wished to be dreaming.
Finally back in my room, I sprawled out, pulling my floor bed into place as I prepared to fall asleep.
A loud push on my door froze me in place, startling me in the way he always seemed to do.
S?renwrenched my bedroom door wide open, walking in fast, like he needed to be here something desperate. He was beside me before I could even react, expression taunt, eyes sweeping frantically over my body, stopping only when he was an arms width away.
He wasted no time in throwing his gravel filled words my way, "Where are you hurt?"
My brain took a second to untangle his words. His presence just had that jumbling effect on me.
"I'm-I'm not hurt, I'm fine."
My in-eloquent words didn't seem to register to the man who looked as if he was willing himself to see my imaginary injuries through my pajamas.
"I'll call Dr Thule."
I tried again, voice more stable this time, "No, I'm really okay."
"Arien told me about the accident, you probably have whiplash or maybe-"
"S?ren."
He finally stilled at my calling of his name, usually dark eyes lightening.
"Really,I'd barely call it an accident and I'm perfectly fine. Not a scratch."
I spread my arms wide in some silly demonstration to convince him of my words.
A long second passed beforeS?rennodded in acceptance, then, perhaps realising that he'd just barged into my room without preamble, he offered an unnecessary explanation, "I just needed to see how you were. After the accident."
I was completely fine, well, better than fine at the thought ofS?renstorming in to ask after my well-being really. My stupid insides fluttered again.
"It's okay, I was just about to go to sleep," and then found myself self-consciously sitting in my make shift bed on the floor as I peered up at him, awaiting his departure.
As if only now noticing, his brow furrowed, "Why the fuck are you on the floor?"
I froze, a bit stunned at his harsh tone and the rapid conversation change.
My pause only made him to roughly ask again, "Soleil answer me."
I bit the inside of my cheek before explaining, "I...couldn't fall asleep on the bed."
And then instantly felt more self-conscious at my words, it sounded so stupid. I knew I should've tried to get over this a lot sooner already. Instead, here I was embarrassing myself in front ofS?ren.
"Why would you-" he abruptly stopped himself, probably coming to his own conclusion.
S?renkept his gaze firmly on the make-shift bed, looking torn and angry. The latter being a usual look on him, the former? Not so much.
I simply stared at his strange turmoil, not understanding why this upset him so.
His fix came quick, words precise, "We can get you another bed. Maybe the mattress just isn't right for you - I'll have Constance replace it."
Again trying to solve everything. Ridiculous as the solution was, it almost made me what to smile.
"Um okay."
I didn't think that would help but it would placate the stormy looking man before me.
Then for some unknown and totally inane reason, I blurted, "How's your bed?"
"What?" A look of confusion was back. Better than angry.
"I mean, is it comfy for you?"
My brain was rapidly catching up to what my mouth chose to spew, I saw where this was going. I fought to keep the small smile off my face.
"It's fine, yes." NowS?renwas trying to figure me out.
I spoke slowly, "Maybe I should try it out, see if I should get one like that."
What.
The.
Hell.
Was.
I.
Saying.
I truly didn't know either. But this meant I'd potentially get to go to his room and snoop. Something I'd long craved to do.
"You want to what?" He looked to be at a complete and utter loss for words, a real accomplishment if you ask me. The big badS?renat a loss for words?
"Well I'm just gonna lie on it for a bit, see if I like it." Here I was trying to make it sound normal when this request was definitely anything but.
Cue the continued loss of words.
Another moment passed as I tried to guess his reaction. This whole interaction was so unlike him, unlike me, I was being brazen but couldn't quite find it within myself to care.
"Okay."
Okay? What??? Just okay?Now it was my turn to be at a loss for words.
As if remote controlled, I rose to my feet and walked passed him through the doorway, then waited for him to lead me to his room. S?ren walked wordlessly ahead of me.
I'd never been to his room before and I planned to soak up every bit of this twilight occurrence.
I failed to keep the small smile at bay any longer.
As surprised as I found myself at the mere act of stepping foot intoS?ren's room, I wasn't surprised at the look of it.
The feel of his room was almost industrial.
Grey lime-washed walls providing the appearance of concrete matched the dark bedding and curtains.
The rest of the space was comprised of very minimal furniture, an empty book shelf, side tables and an armchair near the bed.
Nothing else. It was understated without being clinical, and dark without being foreboding. I liked it.
But all that was secondary to how it actually felt stepping into this place that was entirely his, entirely him.
A sanctuary that wasS?ren.
It even smelt like him. Completely.
And I was almost heady with the onslaught of the sensation.
He didn't look like someone concerned with how he smelt - by that I mean that I couldn't imagineS?ren picking out cologne,and yet he smelt sooo good, downright delicious.
I couldn't place the scent, I never understood people who could point out exact scent profiles, I just knew I liked it. Way too much. Like a druggy almost.
His cellphone rang in the midst of my surely strange appraisal of his room, and after a conflicted look my way, he strode out the door to take the call.
Good. My senses were overwhelmed enough as is.
I made quick work of exploring all the room before me, taking in every aspect of his room, running my hands over everything.
I rummaged through the first of his bedside drawers but was met with disappointment - they held the bare necessities and nothing else. The next drawer was much the same, not even a single picture or receipt or book he was reading.
I made my way to the bookshelf, spotting a black box at bottom. Very carefully I pulled it open, papers- official looking papers filled it, nothing I could really understand. I pulled through them, careful not to miss anything, my hands finally landed on a book at the bottom.
I opened the first page to see a name scrawled.S?ren.A journal?I stared for a moment at the handwriting that I'd not yet laid eyes on. How did five letters manage to make my insides flutter so?
Of course I instantly knew this to be a gross violation of his privacy. But I was oh so desperate to know more, know the secrets that I'd been trying to figure out fro the longest.
Not knowing how much time I had until he came back, I made up my mind to sin. I stuck the book into my waistband and pulled my shirt over it. I could read it and return it. He'd never know.
And then I innocently sat on the bed and waited.
It wasn't as thrilling as I'd perhaps imagined but being in his room felt nice. I felt weirdly calm in a way that almost unsettled me. His smell, his space, was already slowing my pulse again.
I knew I could just head back to my room on my own but I wanted to...linger. Wanted to soak in the remnants of his presence.
The bed was comfy too. Raised up on a wooden platform, it was massive, with grayish blue linen that were cool to the touch. I'd never slept in anyone else's bed. And it felt strangely intimate to even be sitting on it.
S?renwalked back in after his call.
I gently perched on the side of the bed.
"Everything okay?"
A stiff nod.
Then an offer, "You can stay here for the night if you prefer. I anyways have work that needs to be done."
As usual. Or just an excuse.
DespiteS?renalready having put up with my unreasonable request, I couldn't help the desperately fragile, wholly vulnerable words which dripped from my mouth,"Could you stay? Just for awhile..."
The same look adorned his face that had when I asked whether we could have dinner, like when I asked him to see his room. Like the very question scared him.
I contemplated how to get him to stay. Brought my finger to my mouth before dropping it, remembering his earlier action, felt his eyes on me.
"Soleil." He said my name like a warning, like a no, never happening. Like another rejection.
With voice near a whisper, I continued my guilt tripping, "I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep otherwise...especially after the accident."
That wasn't strictly true, I generally struggled to sleep but the minor collision was one of the least jarring things I'd yet experienced. But I wasn't above playing it up.
And the fact remained that I did feel safe with him. That he calmed all the chaotic parts of me. When I thought back to how he'd frighten me in the start, this moment right now, how I felt right now, felt inconceivable. Impossible. It felt like an eternity had passed since then.
I waited with bated breath as I breathed in his scent.
Looking like it physically hurt to give in, he lowered himself to the couch, resigned.
"Okay."
And that tingle that alighted whenever I got my way with him, returned.
I stopped talking, not trying to scare away the fragile acquiescence, and instead climbed under the blankets slowly, his stolen journal biting into my side.
I was content to face his way and drink in his features as he typed on his phone, sitting stiffly on the couch. Poised to leave as soon as I fell asleep maybe.
I didn't think I'd be able to fall asleep. Not on a bed. Not withS?renright next to me. Not in sheets that smelt deliciously like the object of my obsession...
But I did. Soundly.
Soleil was stretched out across his bed, fast asleep and completely unguarded, as if she implicitly believed in the safety of his presence. The knowledge of this did something dangerous toS?ren'sinsides. Her arm remained extended in his direction with her palm turned upwards, as if beckoning him.
S?ren sorely realised how wholly unable he was to stay away.
He didn't know what to do to stop the growing tether between them.And couldn't will himself to want to let her go. This was the first timeS?renknew he had to do something, while everything inside himself screamed to do the exact opposite.
Was it so wrong to want something for himself?
Yes it was. Completely. Not when he didn't deserve it. Not when he knew it would hurt his brother.
Long after she'd fallen asleep, minutes, hours ticked by as he maintained his resolution.
Before it crumbled.
S?rengave in, for the promised last time, to the impulse - reaching out to take her hand in his. The rough skin of his palm immediately came alive as all his nerve endings fired, her hand tightened fractionally as Soleil sighed at the touch.
It felt unshakably right.They weren't supposed to fight the mate bond so. Doing that was unnatural,everything inside him shouted thatthis was the way it was supposed to be.
Ignoring the truth of his instinct, S?rendrifted to sleep knowing that this was all he could have.
Her hand in his.
For the night. For this night only.