Chapter XXIX
He'd really let me leave. Made me leave.
Callously and swiftly.
It felt likeS?renhad broken both of us in the process.
The thought kept ringing in my mind that I at least deserved a proper goodbye. And I definitely didn't deserve to be banished like this all because of Arien being against our choice to be together.
At least have the decency to heart break me like a gentlemen.
The ride to the airport flew by in a blur.Then the 40 min flight passed in a daze. Home was usually an 8 hours drive away, instead I found myself standing at the front door of my mom's place before I'd even had time to process everything.
Hell, I didn't even know if she'd be home.
I knocked wearily. It felt beyond strange being back here, after months and months of being away, it felt unnatural.
My mom pulled the door open, surprise quickly colouring her face at the sight of me.
"Soleil honey?" A disbelieving gasp.
At the sight of her it hit me all at once just how much I'd missed her.
"Mom," my voice brokenly greeted, immediately she was pulling me into her arms, tears filling my eyes at the action.
I was finally back home.
The thought both comforted me and made me cry even harder.
Days bled into weeks, and weeks into months.
Three months later and I still jumped between acceptance - days where I felt better and could see a future without.
..him. And then others, where I felt like I was right back in that drive-way, having my heart broken all over again.
It wasn't linear. There were days when I could still hear his voice, feel his gaze on my skin, like he couldn't quite leave my veins.
My mom pulled me out of the harder days.
It was good to be back here with her. It was good to see how well she'd been and how happy Benjamin made her as well. Even his kids were really nice, I'd been spending so much time with all of them that I could already picture us being a family. It was nice to have them as friends.
Thinking of my only friend back in Gideon, obviously I hadn't been able to say goodbye to Constance, but I'd found her socials and been in touch since.
But if I was completely honest with myself, even that felt painful at times.
We both avoided the massive elephant in the room.
I didn't know how long I could keep that friendship with all that went unsaid, but I really did miss her.
Especially with all she reminded me of. It stung a little each time I spoke to her.
From seeing someone everyday, to not at all? Unnatural.
But it didn't feel like anything would be normal ever again, I was too different now.
Pulling myself from my usual thoughts,I readied myself slowly, wearing old clothes of mine. I couldn't bear to touch the ones that Arien had bought for me.
We had a big day planned, I was assisting Benjamin plan a surprise proposal for my mom. It was so exciting and I truly was happy for her. Happy that she'd found such a good partner.
While pushing aside some of the 'banished clothing' so to speak, my eye caught on the journal that sat underneath some clothing.
S?ren's journal.
It was burning a hole on the shelf while I decided what to do with it. I just hadn't been able to read it yet. And I didn't know if it would heighten how I felt or help me let go.
Taking it hand, I sat gingerly on the bed. Considering.
I was fully dressed and supposed to be thinking of the nice day we were going to have. I was supposed to be channeling all my feelings towards my mother, and focusing on what a special day it was for her.
Instead, here I still sat. Selfishly holding onto past feelings.
I needed to get over this. I decided to rip the band-aid off.
I slowly peeled the rough looking book open, it looked like it had lived through so much. My finger on brushed onS?ren's name for a second before I started to read.
The minutes stretched long as I lost myself in the pages, finishing it all in no time and then sitting back with a slump.
That was...a lot to take in.
All the pieces of their past finally falling together. The story played through my mind with sickening clarity;
Arien andS?renhad been taken to a facility when they were young. And from the sounds of it, more distressingly, it seemed that their father had allowed it.
The account was unclear, months would go by without an entry, but from what I'd gleaned, it wasbad.
Like really bad.
Awful, the type of place you never think really exists in our world. Some sort of twisted unsanctioned research on werewolves. They'd been kept there...for years. Since they were young teens. Undergoing who knows what kind of treatment.
My heart broke as I imagined it all. Imagined them that young and broken. Already alone in this terrible world. Exposed to the horrors when they should've been protected.
S?ren wrote of trying his best to care for Arien, of how he'd taken the brunt of punishments and and agonizing treatments. Of course he had. It all became so clear to understand why he was now the de-facto protector of the brothers. Why he was so extreme in protecting Arien.
Until finally, by some miracle, they managed an escape.
The journal ended there. No entries after, but not beforeS?renvowed to take revenge.
I was sure he'd gotten it.
A moment passed as I remained seated in on my bed, replaying the tragedy that was their past.
All I could feel in the moment was sorrow for the boys that had been...but also, so much gratitude that they had survived. And that they had each other.
S?ren needed Arien, and Arien neededS?ren.
I could never make them give that up, and knowing the truth, I didn't want them to. It was more of an explanation on why I hadn't been enough forS?ren, why he hadn't fought for me to stay.
I could now put this behind me. I understood more of the man I'd formed a connection with, understood more of why we couldn't be. Something like a steady acceptance grew inside me for the first time in all these months.
Wiping the tears from my face, I went to redo my makeup.
Benjamin was proposing today, it would be a massive surprise for my mom, she deserved this and all the happiness to come. I would enjoy the big party planned for afterwards, and it would be fun.
I adjusted my dress one more time and practiced my smile in the mirror.
Believable.
It would be a good day.
Arien prepared to leave the mansion.
It had only been a few months since Soleil's departure and already he could see the devastation of her absence. In every room, in the garden, in the entire air that filled their home. She was distinctly missing.
And Soleil was desperately missed.
By S?ren. Not Arien. The finality of her departure made it clear what he'd been avoiding - Soleil was never been meant to be his. He was only sorry it had taken her leaving for him to realise this truth.
All Arien could remember being was so so angry after finding out about the two of them. How betrayed he'd felt. Mainly by his twin. How dareS?ren lie to him like he'd never done before?
Arien constantly remembered his piercing words as he convincedS?ren to let her go. How he'd emotionally blackmailed his brother who only ever tried to give him everything he wanted. Arien winced at the memory, now knowing how selfish he had been.
His brother was spiraling in a way he'd never seen him do.
S?renwho always held everything together, held them together, was no longer even leaving the house for work.
He'd completely shut down - barely speaking at all and spending ungodly amounts of time in Soleil's empty room. Like he could will her back.
It was hard to witness and Arien felt powerless to help. After he'd torched it all, ruined his brother's chance at happiness.
He'd apologised, even begged forS?ren to bring her back.
But his brother was resolute in his decision, mind made up like there was no chance to make it right.
He'd even forbid Arien not to go looking for her, not to contact her.
And Arien just did not have it within himself to go against his grieving brother.
Arien suspected that the truth was S?ren couldn't forgive himself for all that had transpired, that he couldn't find it within himself to deserve her. And nothing would change his mind.
At least not now.
Arien planned to travel for some time, give himself a chance to find his mate. And then, maybe together they could convinceS?ren to take what he really wanted.
While one brother looked ahead with hope to the future, the other wallowed in the past he could never get back.