Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
The bouncing cursor on my screen taunted me, relishing in the lack of words coming from my brain. It felt like my hands had been perched on my desk for hours, staring at the open document on my computer.
My resignation letter.
Today was supposed to be our defining moment, the moment we got to tell the world we were together. To stop hiding, stop living in fear that someone would find out and we’d be forced to choose between our careers and each other.
Turns out, fate is a cruel bitch after all.
At least before, I would have had Theo. My job was a price I was willing to pay to have the man I loved in my life. But now, I was left with nothing—no job, no boyfriend, and no more will to keep a smile on my face. It was worse than when I arrived in New York all those months ago because, at least then, my heart had been in one piece.
After our tears finally dried last night, Theo and I agreed on a relatively clean break. It would be hard enough to say goodbye to him as it was; I couldn’t imagine how it would have felt if we’d kept going as we were, knowing there was a hanging clock over our heads.
He was under the impression I’d still be here with him for two more weeks, but I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t watch as he accepted the promotion, no matter how much I wanted him to take it. I can’t bear to watch his office get boxed up; all our memories gone as well. It was better this way.
I steeled my resolve and started typing, adjusting the dates on the page. There was no way Theo would fight me on this. At least, I didn’t think he would. He wanted the best for me, and right now, that was being as far away from this place as possible. After pressing print, I grabbed the letter and darted down the hall, hoping to have this whole process done before Theo got out of his meeting with the partners.
We’d barely crossed paths this morning, but I could feel him everywhere—the little trinkets he’d left on my desk, his sloppy handwriting all over the files. Even his cologne hung in the air, the notes of leather and pine taunting me with each breath.
As I reached Jack’s office, I knocked on his door, waiting until he called out before heading inside. His brows rose in surprise when I came in, and he shut the door behind me. “Calla?” he asked, standing to greet me. “Not that this isn’t a pleasant surprise, but what are you doing here?”
“I need to give this to you.” I pushed the letter in his direction. “It’s my resignation. I gave it to Theo two weeks ago, but I don’t know if he ever filed it with everything going on. Today is my last day.”
He unfolded it, reading the words so slowly that it felt like my skin was ripping apart. I needed to leave, to get out of this building as quickly as possible. Every minute I stood here, I was closer to losing control, to completely falling apart. And if I saw Theo… I refused even to entertain that thought.
“Why?” Jack asked. “Because he’s leaving? Calla, but you have a job here. I’ll make sure of it.”
“I can’t,” I whispered, crossing my arms around my stomach. “It would be too hard, being here without him.” A single tear fell down my cheek, and I hastily pushed it away. “We’re done. And even standing here…it hurts, Jack.”
He cursed under his breath, running his hand over his face. “Look, I know this isn’t my place to say this, but it’s probably for the best.”
“You’re right. It’s not your place,” I scoffed, turning toward the door. But before I could, Jack shifted in front of me, blocking the exit. “Let me go,” I sneered, not wanting to hear another word from his mouth.
“Two minutes,” Jack said. “And then I promise, I’ll never bring up Theo again. Just let me explain. Let me tell you why you’re better off without him.”
I didn’t even make it into the cab before I started to break down. The entire drive home, I sobbed in the backseat, hating that I had been so naive. The driver just stared at me in the rearview mirror, concern and irritation lining his eyes, but I didn't care what he thought about me.
Once I stepped inside my apartment, the tears only got more forceful, to the point that it was hard to breathe. I pressed against the door, letting it guide me down to the floor. I bunched up my knees, burying my face in my hands. I didn’t even realize anyone else was there until Devyn curled up to my side, pulling me into her lap. The tears continued as her fingers twisted through my hair, comforting me in the way she did when we were small.
When my breathing evened out, she finally spoke. “What happened?”
“I quit,” I whispered, my throat hoarse from crying. “I went to give Jack my resignation letter, and then he told me that Theo played me, that this was his usual routine. He’d have these secret relationships and then find a convenient excuse to end them.” I brushed my hands along my face, not even wanting to know what I looked like right now. “And as much as I don’t want to believe it’s true, what if it is? What if he was lying to me that whole time, and this new job is a convenient excuse to end things?”
She hummed, waiting a few minutes before answering. “Did you talk to Theo about it?”
“I can’t, Dev. It hurts to much to even breathe. If I talk to him, I don’t know if I’ll survive it,” I whispered, pulling out of her lap. “I don’t believe it’s true, but I also don’t know why Jack would lie to me about it.”
“I don’t know either,” Devyn said. “But I agree: nothing he’s saying makes sense. Maybe Theo has done stuff like that before. We all have pasts, and it can be hard to share the darker pieces. But I saw that man with you, Calla, and I have zero doubt that he loves you. He would have given up the world if you asked him to.” She tucked my hair behind my ear. “He only gave you up because you asked him to. He was willing to walk away from his dream job to make you happy. People only do that for someone they love.”
“I don’t know,” I muttered, rubbing my hands over my tired eyes. “I almost would rather there be some devious plan in place. It would be so much easier to hate him than love him and not be able to be with him. ”
“You don’t know how true that is.” Devyn held my hand to her chest. “But for Theo and you, that’s not the case. You know what you shared, no matter what anyone else says. Hold onto that. Let it keep you going.” She kissed the top of my head. “And hope this isn’t the end of your story.”