Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
“Okay, I think this is the last of it.”
I dropped the box in the hallway, looking over the sparsely decorated apartment. Move number three this year was finally finished. Javi looked up at me from his spot on the couch. “That’s what I heard ten boxes ago. You need to do yourself a favor and purge some of this shit. There is no way you need all these books.:”
“Bite your tongue,” I snapped back. “These are my collectibles. One day, when I’m old and gray, I’ll pass them down to my children.”
Drew, Javi’s husband, chuckled as he walked in the doorway. “I doubt your children are going to want your smut collection, but what do I know? My dad tried to give me his collection of novelty spoons.”
“Which you made me put up in the kitchen,” Javi answered, standing to kiss his husband on the cheek. They both looked around the place, the one they’d shared for years before buying a cute little cottage downtown.
Originally, I planned on staying in New York, but after I quit, everything about the city reminded me of Theo. Walking down each block was like poking at a healing wound, asking for it to open back up. It was impossible to move on while surrounded by the place where we fell in love. In the end, it was an easy choice to move back to Saint Stephen’s Lake, especially when Javi and Drew offered to let me sublet their old place for a fraction of the actual value.
Between my savings from working for Theo and Marta offering me some shifts at the Lost Tavern, covering my rent wouldn’t be hard. And with my new free time, I was determined to commit to a career path finally. Once I sat down and cleared out everyone else’s expectations, it was an easy choice. Besides working for Theo, the time I’d been the happiest was when I was helping plan events at the Isadora. Seeing couples’ dream weddings come together was my ideal career; I loved that I was getting to create people’s happily ever afters, the moment that they would look back on for the rest of their lives.
As soon as I rolled into town, I contacted Marina, the former event coordinator at the Isadora, asking for her advice. She chuckled, asking what had taken me so long. After leaving my mother’s employ, she’d decided to open a private shop, working more in Saratoga and the capital area. She forwarded me all her local connections, offering to serve as a mentor while I got myself set up.
Luckily, Marina had logged all my hours working for her, so that would count as hands-on experience. Now, all I needed to do was pass my online classes, and by this time next year, I’d be able to take on clients.
But as much as everything was looking up for me professionally, my personal life was a completely different story.
Living without Theo was like living underground. Nothing seemed to break through the layer of gloom and darkness surrounding me. Every day, I woke up expecting it to hurt a little less, for it to finally be the moment my heart started to mend itself. Instead, all I felt was more grief, hating that I was taking this next step alone.
After speaking with Devyn, I decided to forget the conversation I had with Jack. Even if it was true, I wasn’t going to taint my memories with those sour thoughts. I knew the truth of our relationship, and I would hold onto it, hoping that, one day, our paths would cross again. Besides, she promised to deal with Jack herself, and I knew better than to get in the way of Devyn’s wrath.
But just because I chose to ignore Jack’s words, it didn’t mean I didn’t have my doubts in the late hours of the night. I was barely sleeping, and when I did, my dreams were all of him. Of how I thought our lives were going to turn out, or even just doing mundane tasks together. The especially tortuous ones were when I relived moments between us, mostly when we were wrapped in each other's arms all night. Those were the ones that made it hard to wake up.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’d replayed our last conversation a million times in my head, wondering if I made the right choice. Would it have been so bad if I had decided to follow him around the world? Sure, I wouldn’t be here, dreaming of owning my own business, but I’d be happy…right?
I shook my head, refusing to go down this path again. I’d made my choice, and ninety percent of the time, I accepted that fact. But it was in those quiet moments, when something significant happened in my life or when I crawled into my bed at night, that I could weep from missing him. It was an excruciating loneliness that only time could heal, and I was starting to doubt even that would work .
As Javi and Drew left, I looked over my new place, admiring the space. While Devyn’s apartment never felt like home, this one already felt more like me. Most of the walls were painted a cheery yellow, while the furthest one was exposed brick, still showing signs of the old factory that used to take up most of main street. That was my favorite part. When you looked out the window, you were right in the middle of town, able to see almost all the businesses. It felt right, being here, even if it was hard to come back alone. And while I had hesitated about coming back, as soon as I settled into the apartment, I knew I’d made the right choice.
I was home.
“Order up!” the line cook called from the kitchen window. I dashed across the dining room of the Lost Tavern, praying my feet would hold out a little longer. It was only my second shift, and I was already exhausted. I knew from experience that the weekends were always packed here, but I wasn’t expecting the same level of rush on a Tuesday night.
With summer starting, most of the other restaurants in town were swimming with tourists, and it remained that way until the fall. The Lost Tavern was a staple in these busy months for locals, our place to get away from the ever-present crowds. That meant that, tonight, I’d been on my feet since the moment I arrived, turning over tables as fast as possible to accommodate everyone.
After dropping off the order, I glanced up at the clock. Only a few more minutes, and I could go home and crash. So much for finishing my book tonight—just when the freaking enemies were about to become lovers. That big revelation would have to wait until tomorrow, because I was barely hanging on. I would barely have time to strip off my uniform before crashing into bed.
I dropped off my last check to Marta at the register, propping my head on my hand as I waited for change. She chuckled. “It’s a lot to get used to.”
“I’m good.” I waved off her concern. “Just need to invest in a better pair of sneakers.” I pointed to my flats. “These are pinching my toes something awful.”
“Good call.” She placed the bills in front of me. “Oh, and before I forget, you’re probably going to be seeing Gray around here more often. He’s going to be moving home for a little bit.”
“Really?” I asked, my face rearing back in surprise. “But it’s mid-season…and I thought he had a couple more years on his contract.” At least, that’s what I’d seen when Theo was looking over it. The memory blew through my chest, leaving a wrecking ball-sized hole where my lungs used to be. That day in the diner was one of the first times Theo let me in, let me see the man hiding underneath his cocky exterior. It was when I started to fall in love with him.
Marta shook her head, pulling me out of her daze. “Decided to retire early. There’s some personal stuff going on, so he decided to come home for a bit.” She smiled brightly. “As much as I loved watching my boy live his dream, I sure did miss him. It’ll be good to have him here.”
“I think so too. I’m going to drop this off and head out unless you need anything else.”
“Nope.” Marta leaned in to give me a tight squeeze. “Get your butt home and get some rest, kiddo. We’ll see you next week.”
I darted out of the restaurant quickly, heading home as fast as possible. My pores would hate me tomorrow, but I was even willing to forgo a shower to get to bed quicker. Maybe tonight was the night I’d get a full eight hours. I couldn’t even remember the last time that happened. By the time I got the door to my apartment open, I was downright giddy.
I dropped my purse on the counter, counting out the tips I’d gotten. Not too bad for a weeknight. I placed half in my savings jar while sliding the other in an envelope to take to the bank. When my courses were done, I’d need some capital to start my business, so hopefully whatever I made from the restaurant would cover my expenses. The one negative of waitressing was that the money could be inconsistent, so I wanted to make sure I wasn’t dipping into my savings too much.
After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I walked into my bedroom, prepared to drop right onto the mattress. But before I could, a knock sounded on the door.
My brow furrowed, glancing at my phone to see if I had any missed calls or texts. Nothing. I walked to the door, opening it slightly to poke my head out. When I saw who was standing on the other side, I pulled it open all the way, my mouth gaping.
“Mom?”