Chapter 22
The discussion with the King of Brimoire concerning Lucien’s pending engagement ended with an ultimatum: Lucien had until week’s end when the dignitaries assisting in the pending marriage negotiations were due to arrive for Lucien to find a way to break my curse of invisibility, else I would be pronounced officially vanished and our arrangement made void.
Mere days felt an unattainable deadline to meet when overcoming the formidable curse felt like nothing more than an elusive and impossible dream, even as I recognized the mercy in granting us any time at all when Brimoire was in too dire of a state to delay much longer.
Following his Majesty’s pronouncement, Lucien took refuge in his study where we’d spent much time together; he sat hunched in defeat at his desk, his face buried in his hands in a futile attempt to shut out the rest of the world, his own form of disappearing.
My emotions wrenched at his distress. I bridged the distance I’d been the one to create between us to brush his shoulder in a futile show of comfort, but he didn’t notice my touch and my heart sank. Though I’d managed to emerge from the coils of the invisible world enough to stand beside him, he’d never felt so distant—residing not in the visible world I still tenuously straddled but in a place that felt too far for me to ever reach.
Having spent far too much of my own life in a similar retreat, I understood his misery and felt a rush of compassion, mingled with hope that the rift between us could be healed and we could somehow find our way to each other. Even if he never returned my affections, I desperately yearned to share the burden weighing heavily upon him, a desire that only increased the longer I watched him wrestling with his pain. In this moment his deceit seemed inconsequential when he’d chosen me over the duties that came from the title that had given him meaning for so long.
“Lisette.”
I startled at his sudden groan, wondering whether he’d sensed my presence, but he didn’t look up, nor did he give any indication he’d seen me. Disappointment twinged. For all my previous resolve to continue to hide, I suddenly wanted to be seen by him more than I’d ever wanted anything.
As if sensing this secret desire and responding to it with his usual tenderness, he roused from his stupor to pull out quill and parchment and write my name atop the page in the penmanship that had become so dear to me during our years of correspondence, despite the dull and stilted nature of our communication.
I didn’t expect him to write me a letter when I currently dwelled in a place the post couldn’t reach. Curiosity over what he wanted to say when our situation had never looked so bleak compelled me to drift a few inches closer, but his quill remained still, trapped in the same uncertainty that had paralyzed us whenever we’d tried to exchange letters beyond our usual polite pleasantries.
He stared at the blank sheet for a long moment before slamming his head onto the desk with a defeated groan. “Why can’t I ever write what I truly want to say to her?”
I wasn’t sure why he would talk to himself out loud, unless some subconscious part of him noticed my presence—the connecting thread that despite all we’d endured had yet to sever.
Time felt immeasurable as he pondered his words before taking up his quill and slowly composing a letter. I yearned to read over his shoulder to see what he was saying, but on the chance he noticed my approach I didn’t want to disrupt his concentration.
Dusk tinged the sky by the time he finally finished. I followed his purposeful strides as he sealed the letter and walked through the twisting corridors outside to the garden illuminated in the soft rosy light of late day, finally pausing in the alcove of hedges framing the tree whose swing hung from the bough.
For a moment he held the letter against his chest before gently setting it atop the swing, securing it with a sliver in the wood so that the gentle breeze wouldn’t blow it away. He then plucked a few daffodils from the nearby patch, twisting them into a small bouquet that he rested beside the letter. He stepped back to study it a moment before nodding in satisfaction.
My heart warmed. Since he had no knowledge of where I currently was, he’d taken it upon himself to leave his letter at a place I might find it, evidence of his hope that I hadn’t disappeared forever and would eventually return to him.
“I miss you, Lisette,” he murmured, as if he sensed me nearby. “If only I could tell you how much you mean to me. Please come back to me.” Emotion wrenched his voice, cutting off further words, and he departed, striding quickly back towards the palace with his head bent.
This time I made no motion to follow him, my attention locked onto the letter before my need to explore its contents grew strong enough to fight against the curse barring me from touch, allowing me to gingerly unfold it to read the first heartfelt letter Lucien had ever bestowed upon me.
Dear Lisette,
I don’t know where you’ve gone, but it feels so much farther than when the months between our visits and the length across our kingdoms divided us. I’m unsure whether you’ve left by your own choice or by the curse’s power, but if there is any chance my words can reach you, I must assure you how much you mean to me.
I have cared for you from the moment we met and have yearned to protect you ever since, a desire that has only increased the closer we’ve become. My myriad of mistakes make me feel I don’t deserve you, but if I receive the blessing of seeing you again, there is something I must share about our past if I have any hope of creating the future I long for with you. Please, if you have the power to return, let me see you again and tell you what I should have said long ago.
I am always seeking you and waiting for you. I love you, Lucien
I tracedeach letter in his expression of his love over and over, each word breathing more life into my translucent body. I reread the letter several times; its brevity did nothing to lessen its tender impact. I cradled the letter close, allowing its sweet promise to sink deep into my heart and stir it from the dormant indifference that had previously trapped it.
My bond with Lucien that I thought his deceit had completely severed wove through my heart’s fractured pieces, binding it and all my feelings for him together in a way I’d never experienced, even before I knew about his lies. I felt a tug, as though something urged me to find him. Caressing the letter one last time, I laid it carefully down, knowing the act of carrying it would be too taxing in my current form.
I followed this healing sensation in the direction he’d gone and found him in his study, the door partially open, as if he was not only expecting me but inviting me to join him. Soundlessly I slipped inside and approached him, heart beating so hard I thought he must hear it even through the layers of curse separating us.
He sat his desk with stacks of curse-breaking tomes piled around him. Worry embedded the exhaustion lining his haggard expression, concern that testified that regardless of the lies that had paved the path we’d traveled together up until this point, he was still doing whatever he could for our future together.
If he’d been entirely indifferent, he could have allowed my existence to fade into the vanished world or given up on me to dutifully pursue the relationship his kingdom needed; instead he’d chosen me even over the royal role that until now had given him purpose.
His caring reached across the distance separating us and enfolded my previously hardened heart, melting away the last shards of pain and anger at his actions. The scene before me almost didn’t seem real—I wasn’t used to displays of concern on my behalf, which had blinded me to the devotion Lucien had bestowed ever since my disappearance, as if my fragile heart, so afraid of getting hurt, feared exploring the romance I desperately yearned for.
An unwanted part of me still feared being seen by him, however the tender emotions I’d nourished during our time together proved stronger. Though I’d initially sought him out for assistance, all thoughts of the curse had momentarily fled, eclipsed by the comfort I found simply by being in his presence again, the need to comfort him in his pain, and my strong desire to be seen by him again. I couldn’t touch him directly, but with a concentrated effort I was able to stir the nearby curtains, causing them to flutter and brush his cheek.
Lucien paused and looked up, his body shifting in my direction, giving me hope that he sensed my presence. “Lisette?” He hungrily searched the supposedly empty room before his gaze settled upon where I stood beneath invisibility’s thinning curtain, as if as attuned to me as I was to him. He nearly knocked his chair over as he hastened to his feet. “Lisette!”
“Yes, it’s me.” My words were swallowed up by the surrounding silence; I pressed a hand against my throat in frustration. Though I knew the effort was futile, I raised my voice. “Lucien!”
I strained my incorporeal vocal cords, but they didn’t even shift the air around me. Desperately I focused on our connection, willing myself to bridge the distance and step back into his world enough to be seen. I felt a slight warmth flow through me but still remained invisible.
Anxious to be near him even if he couldn’t see or hear me, I moved closer, a thrill running through me as his gaze seemed to follow my unseen form as I floated to the chair near his desk.
“Even though I still can’t see you, I know you’re here; I can feel you again. I’m so glad you’re alright.” He scooted his chair closer until we sat side by side.
My heart soared at his awareness; invisible or not, I was beginning to trust he would always see me. I am seen.
This epiphany tugged me further from the shroud cast by the curse. Lucien suddenly jolted and leaned closer, squinting into my face. “I can see you…or rather part of you.” He reached out to brush my cheek before his hand fell limply with a sigh. “And you’ve disappeared again.”
It was as if my sudden willingness to be seen by him was at war with the part of me that still feared that my reappearance would finally force me to face the vulnerabilities I’d taken advantage of my invisible condition to hide. “I don’t mean to vanish; I want to stay.” Tentatively voicing this desire out loud gave it further power to fight against fear’s seductive temptations.
By the way Lucien’s face transformed, eyes lighting with joy, I knew that this time my words weren’t lost to him. “There is nothing I want more than for you to remain with me. Please.” Once more he extended his hand, as if he meant to seize hold of whatever part of me had reappeared in order to keep me beside him.
His fingers paused inches from where my face would be if it was visible, his eyes seeking permission. I nodded before remembering he couldn’t see the movement, but he must have sensed it, for his fingers cautiously yet gently caressed my skin, stroking up and down my cheekbones before his thumb traced my jaw. I shivered at his touch, one that until this moment I hadn’t realized how much I’d fiercely missed.
“You’re here.” Wonder cradled his voice.
“You seemed to realize that when I entered the room.”
“I’ve been searching for your presence ever since you vanished. Why have you faded again? Things seemed to be going well when we—” Crimson brushed his cheeks to allude to our kiss.
Though I’d predicted this inevitable conversation, I wasn’t entirely sure I was prepared for it, leaving silence as my only response.
He continued caressing my face until his touch suddenly fell through me. Panic widened his eyes.“Lisette? You’re still here, aren’t you?”
“I am.” But as before these words were swallowed up.
He dropped his hand with a look akin to pain. At the severed connection I could feel myself fading, but fought to remain. “I still sense your presence, but it’s growing fainter. Why are you slipping away from me?”
Helplessness pressed against my chest that I had no answer for him—no matter how many steps our relationship progressed, the loneliness I’d grown so accustomed to I couldn’t imagine anything different seemed determined to pull us apart.
“Don’t leave, Lisette. Please, please stay with me.”
Some unseen force guided his hand to curl back around my cheek, and though this time neither of us could feel the gesture it didn’t make it any less real. Whether his devotion tethered me to the visible world or my perception of myself caused me to drift into the unseen unknown, he never ceased to look at me. Surely that was enough.
His eyes brightened. “Lisette!”
I glanced down at my faintly see-through hands, as if only a shadow of myself had reappeared…and the connection I’d been trying to forge ever since first succumbing to the curse finally lit my mind with epiphany. “I think I appear whenever I feel seen, either by myself or others.”
Lucien’s touch left a trail of goosebumps as it slid down my arm and curled around my hand with a determination never to let go. “I’ll always see you. Please tell me how I can better do so; I never want to lose sight of you again.”
That answer almost seemed more elusive than the curse’s lingering mysteries that threatened to smother me, made more difficult to decipher when he started playing with my fingers, his thumb caressing up and down each one by one, making it impossible to think clearly.
My breath caught and he froze, as if just realizing what he was doing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—“ He released me, but before he could withdraw I snatched his hand, my communication without words that I welcomed his affection, the first step in mending the distance I myself had invoked.
I’d no sooner woven my fingers back through his when he extracted his hand from my desperate grip, leaving me feeling almost bare without his touch. “Wait, before we go any further, there’s something I need to tell you.”
As much as I yearned for him to finally confess his deceit, I felt anxious to finally discover the reasons behind it, my doubts rising to the surface as I wondered if my own flaws had contributed. I tried to reassure myself in the lengthy silence that followed, but no matter how long I waited, he couldn’t seem to find the right words.
He finally swallowed. “Did you receive my letter?”
Disappointment mingled with relief twinged at his change in subject. “I did. It was a beautiful letter.”
“I’m glad you liked it, though it was incomplete—there is so much more I wanted to say, so many more things I need to tell you.”
I held my breath, waiting. Though I hadn’t planned for how this interaction would unfold, I’d at least imagined it wouldn’t end without me confronting him on the lies he’d chosen to tell, but every accusation faded in the face of the regret filling his eyes. I wanted him to be the one to confess his secret, a token that he too wanted to create something real between us so we could finally begin to heal and move forward.
When he finally spoke he did so slowly, as if struggling to find the right words. “I’d hoped my letter would serve as a testament that no matter the mistakes I’ve made, I’ll never give up on you. Even when my past actions seem to contradict my most earnest wish, I assure you I’ve always only had your best interests in mind.”
I waited for him to continue, but he simply stared at our entwined hands before hesitantly resuming his tantalizing caress. Neither of us spoke as he explored my hand, lost in the simple yet tender moment. With each stroke feelings coursed over me in tune with my wildly pounding heart, stoking my longing for him until it threatened to completely overcome me.
“I’m sorry, I’ve distracted you from your work.” My found voice emerged breathlessly when I couldn’t bear the intense silence a moment longer. I inwardly groaned as I realized that my comment, blurted out in my discomfort, led our conversation away from the important subject we so deeply needed to discuss.
But Lucien gratefully seized this diverging topic. “I’ve been studying your curse. Breaking it has only grown more urgent since Father gave me an ultimatum after I told him you hadn’t fully vanished—he’ll finalize my engagement to another if I can’t break your curse by week’s end.” He made no effort to mask his devastation, such a contrast to the stoic manner that had always hidden his emotions during our first courtship.
Once more jealousy pricked my heart at the thought of losing him, even as it swelled at his forthright honesty. He had no way of knowing I’d overheard his conversation with the king, yet had chosen to trust me enough to confide in me, a promising step in the healing of our relationship.
“Have you discovered anything?”
Without releasing me, he reached behind him for the top book in the teetering stack. “Not yet, but since we’ve found very little through researching curses relating to invisibility, I’m searching for another angle to approach it from.”
I already had a possible path. Tingly warmth engulfed my fingers as it curled around my pendant.
He softly smiled down at our intertwined hands. “The longer I touch you, the more you seem to appear. If this is all that is required to break your curse, then perhaps it’ll be easier than I anticipated.”
I doubted it would be that simple, especially considering the stories about curses I’d read about in my fairytales before Father had taken them away had demonstrated that curses were more complicated than they initially appeared, typically requiring a great act of wisdom, bravery, or sacrifice.
He seemed to sense my discouragement. “Please don’t worry. No matter what is required or how long it takes, even if Father’s deadline has passed I won’t rest until I rescue you. I promise, Lisette.” He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, one I ached to return even as there was still so much unresolved between us.
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because I love you.” Sincerity filled each word and the blazing look shining in his eyes.
I desperately needed to believe him, and most of me did, even with the accusation concerning his deceit burning my lips and my own heartfelt confession aching to escape. Instead, I tentatively spoke the most difficult words I’d ever uttered.
“I trust you.” So please, show me you’re deserving of it.
His gaze seeped into mine as he searched what little he could see of my expression, as if looking for the deeper meaning of my words. I wasn’t sure how visible I appeared, but it must have been enough for him to detect my sincerity.
“Lisette.” Longing and pain cradled my name. I ached to assure him that no matter what he had to confide in me, it wouldn’t change the fact that each joyous moment with him had been special…but I remained silent, waiting for him to speak.
His resolve deepened and he slowly leaned closer, so close his breath caressed my lips; I instinctively drew nearer to meet him halfway, drawn by the feelings he’d ignited within me. I sensed we were at a crossroads that would forever change the course of our romance. Wherever this moment would lead, I wasn’t strong enough to stop it…if I even wanted to.