Chapter One Ren #2
I looked up at him. He didn’t appear angry. Or disgusted like the pack members had. He gave me a tiny smile. “Hello,” he said softly. “Ren. It’s all right. You’re safe, I promise you. I’m Tobias. I’d like you to call me Tobias. Not Anax. You understand?”
“You’re…” For a second, words eluded me as a wave of relief washed through me. He wasn’t angry. Didn’t care that I was trans. He wasn’t going to hurt me. I felt it. He was kind, and he wouldn’t hurt me. Thank God.
I hitched in a breath and blurted, “They said I should be destroyed.”
“Who said?” He hesitated. “Ren, your wolf form is male.”
“I’m male.” I tried to take a deeper breath and flinched. It felt like someone was taking a jackhammer to my ribs. “Fuck.” I stared at him. Swearing in front of the Anax was probably not acceptable. “Oh, Anax, I’m sorry.”
“For swearing? I suspect you’re in a lot of pain.” He studied me. “You’re…”
“Trans,” I spat. It almost sounded like I was swearing again, mostly because I was still afraid I’d read him wrong and he would go off on me. “I’m a transgender man.”
He nodded slowly. “Got it. So he/him?”
I blinked. That wasn’t the reaction I’d braced myself for. “Yeah. Um, yes, Anax. He/him.”
“I think you didn’t hear me before,” he said in an even gentler tone. “I would like you to call me Tobias. That’s my name. I’m not speaking to you as your Anax right now. I’m speaking as someone who’s concerned. What happened to you, Ren?”
I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times. Words. I needed words. But then I would have to tell him the truth. What the pack—some of them, anyway—had done to me. And why. I couldn’t. The pain in my body was bad enough. The pain of what they’d done, the threats they’d made…
I burst into tears, hating myself for it but unable to stop. Curled up, eyes closed so I wouldn’t have to see the Anax’s judgment, I bawled like a frigging infant.
He just let me cry. I didn’t know how long. It felt like a year, lying there with the Anax’s gaze weighing on me. Not in a bad way. Oddly, having him watch me felt soothing. Maybe because he didn’t try to touch me, and he didn’t leave. He just sat.
Finally, he said, “Ren, listen to me. Can you hear me?”
I didn’t trust myself to speak, but with a sniffle, I nodded.
“My guard Xavier is nearby,” he said. “He is a good man and will not hurt you. I’m going to have him bring us both some clothes, and then we’ll go into my house. You’ll be safe in there. I can give you food and something to drink.”
“You…” Was I understanding him right? He was going to take care of me? “You’ll help?”
“Of course.” He stood. “Is it okay if I have Xavier join us now?”
“I…” I couldn’t help it. I looked down at myself. The fucking chest I couldn’t hide. The cleft between my legs. The Anax didn’t seem bothered by it, but this Xavier might be. “He’s safe?”
“He won’t harm you,” he said firmly. “I give you my word as Anax of the United States.”
Something wrapped tightly around us. A bond, strong and unbreakable. What had he done? Wide-eyed, I cleared my throat. “Anax?”
“Tobias,” he reminded me. “Yes. You felt it. I can’t and won’t break my word. Can I contact Xavier?”
“Oh. Um, yes.” I curled up again. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He was silent, and I lay on the ground, eyes closed, wishing I hadn’t come here. Which made no fucking sense. The pack wasn’t here. Maybe they hadn’t followed me after all. And the Anax was going to make things all right.
After a few minutes, I heard footsteps and looked to see a tall man, at least a foot taller than me, hurrying toward us with his hands full of clothes.
His skin was light, his eyes dark under black brows that matched his hair.
The tall guy’s arms were almost as big around as my thighs, his chest broad, his muscles obvious even under the T-shirt he wore.
He looked a little like a guy I’d gone to school with whose mother was Chinese and whose dad was whiter than me.
And he shone. Brightly, like a star, like the moon. More brightly than the Anax had in wolf form. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. A magnetic force pulled me toward him, even though I didn’t move. When he came to a stop, gaze fixed on me, I knew he felt it too. Whatever it was.
Mine, a small voice said in the back of my mind. He is mine.
That was the most terrifying thought I’d had all day. Quickly, I turned away.
The man didn’t say anything. A few seconds passed before the Anax said, “Ren, this is Xavier Pelly, my guard. Once you’re dressed, he can carry you back to the house if you’re okay with that, or we can help you walk.”
“I…” I gulped and chanced another glance at Xavier. He stood beside the Anax, hands clasped in front of himself. His gaze seemed to be on the ground, but I felt his awareness of me. Like mine of him. He was there. Shining, even though that wasn’t quite the right word. Calling to me. Mine.
Thank God, the Anax held out the clothes, and I took them. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Go ahead and get dressed.” He turned his back to me and motioned for Xavier to do the same.
I quickly yanked the T-shirt over my head.
It was about four sizes too big, which was good.
It didn’t hide my chest quite as well as my binder would have, but I was probably never getting my binder back.
It, along with the few other things I owned, were in my backpack, and I didn’t know where that had ended up when the wolf attacked me.
I shimmied into the sweatpants still seated on the ground. As soon as I finished putting them on, the Anax, who’d put on a T-shirt and sweatpants almost identical to mine, turned to face me again. “All set?”
“Yes.” Nervously, I licked my lips. My leg hurt like hell. I wanted to walk into the house, because having Xavier carry me…I didn’t know if I could take him touching me, even though every atom in my body craved his touch. Right now, though, I didn’t know if I could walk.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
I tried to push myself to my feet, but my right leg buckled, and it felt like a power drill going through my knee. I yelped and sank back to the ground. “I think my leg…I don’t know.”
“Is it all right if I carry you?” Xavier’s voice wasn’t as deep as I’d expected given his size. It soothed me. He glanced at the Anax, who nodded, then took a single step toward me. “You’ll be more comfortable inside.”
My mouth went so dry I couldn’t have spoken if I’d wanted to. Being held by those arms, against that chest…By that man. I wanted it. Wanted him.
I was losing my goddamn mind.
“I’ll be right beside you,” the Anax said.
I took a deep breath. If I agreed, my life was going to change. Forever. I didn’t know how or why, but I didn’t question the thought.
Change was good sometimes. I hoped to hell this was one of those times.
Slowly, I nodded. “Yes. All right.”
Xavier looked like he could break me with one hand, but he picked me up as tenderly as if I was some fragile treasure. Right now, I was kind of fragile. I was definitely no treasure.
A current ran between us the second he touched me.
Something strong, winding around us, joining us, in a weird way.
It was similar to what I’d felt when the Anax made his promise to me, but different, because this was something more.
This was telling me that I was Xavier’s.
Xavier and I were two total strangers, but we belonged to each other.
I was his, the same way he was mine, and it scared me even more to realize the bond went both ways.
The house wasn’t far. We went to the front, where the Anax opened the door and motioned toward a large room to the right. Xavier carried me in there, with the Anax close behind.
“He can rest on the sofa, Xavier,” the Anax said. “Ren, we’re going to leave you in here for just a couple of minutes. Xavier will get you something from the kitchen, and I’m going to call my doctor to come out just in case he needs to take a look at those wounds.”
“What if…” As Xavier lowered me to the sofa closest to the window, with my feet on the cushions, I peeked through the glass. Was that someone moving behind a tree? No. Thank fuck, no, it was just the wind moving leaves. But that didn’t mean no one was there. “Someone might come.”
He tensed, his expression suddenly grave. “Was someone following you? Chasing you?”
“I don’t know.” Groaning at a jolt of pain, I settled myself. My chest was tight, the panic returning because of his reaction. I should have told him about the pack members right away. “They were angry. I don’t know if they came after me.”
“Xavier, while you’re in the kitchen, call Seth,” the Anax ordered. “Ask him to send either Davion or come himself in case we need backup.”
“Yes, Anax.” Xavier didn’t move until the Anax gave him a sharp nod. Then he walked out of the room, not looking back.
He wanted to look back. I felt it. And I didn’t want him out of my sight, even though having him out of the room was a relief from the weird connection between us.
“Ren, just rest for a couple minutes, okay?” The Anax stayed where he was, studying me until I had to look away. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to step into my office to call my doctor. Actually, I can stay in here if you’d rather.”
I shook my head. Whatever he told the doctor about me, I didn’t want to know. Honestly, I wanted to be alone for a couple of minutes. Needed to be. Too much was going on, and I needed quiet so my brain could catch up with it all. With the Anax taking care of me.
With Xavier. Mine. Whatever that meant.
“I’m okay in here for a minute,” I said.
The Anax nodded. “All right. My office is just across the hall. Calling Wilbur, my doctor, won’t take long and then I’ll be back. You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to, but it’ll take him a little while to get here, so I want to get him on the way.”
I wasn’t a fan of the idea of seeing a doctor.
I hadn’t exactly had great experiences with medical professionals.
They’d mostly either misgendered me or told me I was crazy for thinking I was a guy.
But my pain wasn’t going anywhere, and since the Anax seemed okay with the trans thing, maybe his doctor would be too.