Chapter 32 #2
“A fresh start, I suppose,” I say. “In the early spring, I’d been apprehended by Forayers.
When I arrived in Paramount, one of the soldiers branded me.
” I slide my thumb over the inked floral moon phases on my left inner forearm.
Though the burn is no longer easily visible, I can still feel the raised skin.
“I hated the reminder of the moment they tried to destroy my life, so I chose to have it transformed into something beautiful. I know many people have scars—but every time I looked at this one, it felt like a physical blow. It’s probably a trivial thing. ”
Isobel smiles, but for once it isn’t just glee or excitement in her grey-blue eyes, but something deeper I cannot quite place.
“It isn’t,” she says. “I did the same.” She hesitates for a moment before tugging down the shoulders of her tunic and turning her lightly freckled back for me to see.
She pulls her hair over to the front of her body, revealing a tattoo of what looks like butterfly wings between her narrow shoulder blades.
I have to squint to make out the scar where the wings join.
When she turns back to me, she says, “I think scars are beautiful in their own right, but I also hated how mine made me feel. So … unwanted.”
For a moment, she doesn’t say anything else.
She only tugs her tunic on again and sits on the ground with her shoulders slumped over.
“My mother took it upon herself to put me out of my misery once my galemaking fully manifested. It was a poor attempt at execution.” She smirks darkly and I nearly fall off the boulder.
My heart sputters, suddenly heavier in my chest. Even Ava’s eyes are wide, and Chiyo’s jaw is practically on the floor.
“Execution?” Chiyo asks.
“Not an official one or anything. Left me with a blade in my back.” Isobel wrings her hands awkwardly, before looking back up so I can read her lips.
“I was in the kitchen preparing a snack when my mother came up behind me. I could hear the tears in her voice as she told me she was sorry and it was for my own good. I’d just started to turn to ask what she meant when she struck. ”
I’m certain I look as shocked as Ava and Chiyo do. Ava swears and rubs her temples as if Isobel’s story has given her an instant headache.
“Isobel, I—” Chiyo’s lost for words, as are we all. “How old were you?”
Isobel inhales deeply. “Thirteen. I’d like to think it was for the best. They’d always treated Sloan badly.
Sloan was their great shame, their Undesirable, deformed child.
Our parents kept them hidden as much as they could.
Sloan somehow managed to hide their stump for a while, but by the time people found out, no one truly cared.
Except for our parents. It was my injury that gave Sloan the push to drag me away from that place. ”
She pauses and exhales. “We sailed from the Outer Isles while I healed from the wound in my back. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and I was sure I wouldn’t survive it. We met a kind man in Bayenbar where we stayed for a while. Niall Kilkenny.”
My heart leaps at the name, and I blink at Isobel. Niall Kilkenny.
She nods, then looks at Chiyo with a smile. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
Chiyo returns her smile.
“I saw him only for a moment before he put us under the care of a man named Murtagh. Eventually, we made our way to the Verge. That was five years ago.”
“Did you join the rebels right away?” Chiyo asks.
“I didn’t. I needed safety and consistency more than I needed to be a savior. But now … I only hope to return the favor of the rebels and help this kingdom in any way I can. I cannot let people like my parents continue to win and continue to spread hatred.”
A heaviness hangs in the air until Chiyo gets up and walks over to Isobel.
She crouches to embrace her, hugging her so tightly, I’m afraid she’ll snap her in half.
When she finally releases Isobel, she says, “The fact that you kept going after your own mother literally stabbed you in the back means they’ve already lost.”
Ava and I nod in agreement, and Isobel laughs through tears. “Now, an important question: who won never have I ever?”
Her question surprises laughter out of us all.
When we return to the campsite, Tiernan kisses me on the cheek and mentions that he and the others are off to wash up.
I settle in near the campfire beside Alys, who smiles at me with such warmth.
Traveling with a bigger group this time makes bonding with one particular person so much harder, but I make sure to smile back at her.
“I’m so glad you made a recovery from that arrow,” I say.
“Me too, sweetling. I’m grateful I get to travel with you all again.”
“It must not be the easiest to leave your husband behind again,” I sign.
“No, but …” Her gaze wanders to Ava, who’s chatting with Chiyo a small distance away.
I smile and nod with understanding. There’s division between them for sure, but I don’t know why. I already spend so much time trying to pry information from Tiernan that I feel bad doing the same to Alys.
“So, you were friends with Morwenna?” I ask Alys.
“I was. Since she was about Carys’s age.”
My chest tightens. It’s been so long since I’ve heard from Carys also. “What was she like?”
“Full of life.” Alys’s smile grows distant, as if she’s remembering Morwenna in vivid detail.
“She loved the outdoors—she could spend hours just frolicking in pastures. She also loved roses. She took pride in planting and tending to them even when her mother told her it was lowborn work.” Alys chuckles.
“As much as she was a free spirit, she was also a tormented soul. Like Dayfyd said: plagued by nightmares.”
I blow out a breath. “I understand what that’s like.” As does Tiernan.
I’m about to ask her how Dayfyd ended up with Morwenna when I glimpse a light to my left. I turn as Tiernan approaches with a mage lantern. He smiles, glancing from Alys to me. “I don’t mean to interrupt—”
“It’s alright,” Alys says.
“Do you mind if I borrow her?” He looks to me, a smile that’s almost reminiscent of the Tiernan I saw at the Verge before Rheon was announced as the sovereign. It warms my heart, giving me the smallest bit of hope.
“Not at all,” Alys signs.
I smile and face her. “To be continued?” I ask.
She nods. “To be continued.”
Tiernan tugs me to my feet and motions, “I selfishly just want a moment to talk to you alone. Is that alright?”
More hope fills me. I nod. “Of course.”
He takes my hand, and we walk away from the group, onto the pathway that leads to the river where I’d been with the girls earlier. As we reach somewhere between the river and our camp, Tiernan stops and turns to me.
“We’re nearing where Siad Nahar is supposed to be. How are you feeling?”
I try to hide the puzzlement from my face and turn inward to make sure I’m not leaving my shields down for him to read me easily.
Why did I think he wanted to talk about what’s has been bothering him?
“I’m alright,” I respond, clearing my throat.
“I wish I could hear more from Carys, and I still wonder about that other woman, Winnie. Sometimes I fear things are too calm and that the other shoe may drop soon, but I’m trying to remain positive. ”
“I understand that feeling though. Too calm is almost like tempting fate.”
I laugh. “Well, I didn’t say that!”
It’s a relief to see that crinkling at the corner of his eyes again, that endearing sharpening of his cheekbones and that overall light in his features.
How long since he’s smiled this genuinely?
What makes tonight any different? Is it because we’re nearing our destination?
In any case, I’m relieved by the sincerity in his smile tonight.
“You’re looking at me that way again,” Tiernan signs.
“Tiernan … I can’t help the way I look at you.”
His smile falters, but he sets the lantern down beside a tree and sits down.
“What are you—”
He snags my wrist, tugging me onto him so abruptly that I can’t help the yelp of surprise that slips out. “Shh,” he says, his smile wide as he presses a finger to his lips.
“Then don’t surprise me like that!” I say through my giggles.
His grin only grows wider. One hand splays across my back while the other slides up into my freshly washed and braided hair. My breath catches, my heart thumping so hard I’m almost certain he feels it through my back. “I thought we were here to talk?”
“We will,” he says into my mind as he presses me to him.
I’m still holding back giggles when his lips find mine, but instantly the heat of it silences me. I press my hand against the prickly stubble of his cheek as he draws me deeper into the kiss. His hand shifts from my back, gripping my waist as if he’s afraid I’ll let go.
An aching, wanting need clenches deep in my gut, spreading down through my thighs until my breath grows shorter.
I close my eyes, trying to find my composure.
We’re bare to the elements and not very far from the rest of the group.
But this feels like a relief from everything—something mind-numbing against all the fear and uncertainty of this mission.
My knees end up on either side of him, my arms over his shoulders, brushing against the tree as I wonder if he’s only doing this to distract himself from everything. My lips part to ask him to talk to me—for the umpteenth time.
When he kisses me again, I’m overcome with images of darkness, of a sword slashing through the air.
I see throats slit, blood flowing, manacles snapped onto wrists.
There are uniforms, a familiar sneering face, lines upon lines of soldiers saluting.
I smell blood and taste fear and regret.
It’s pungent and leaves my stomach churning and my heart pounding as though I’ve just run across an entire village.
I pull back from Tiernan, but his fingers dig into me.
His eyes fly open, his face draining of all color as he releases me and presses his back into the tree.
I practically jump off his lap as he tugs his hands through his damp hair. “Tiernan,” I whisper, my hands shaking as I try to make sense of the images I’d caught. His fear radiates from him, so strong that I’m forced to step back, my hands flying to my temples.
Tiernan’s hands shake as he pushes them against the ground before getting to his feet. “What did you see?” he asks. All the light is gone from his eyes.
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Durvla, what did you see?” He steps closer, panic lacing his features so strongly that I take another step back.
“Tiernan, I told you I don’t know! What is going on with you?”
He rakes his fingers through his hair, his chest rising and falling with panicked breaths. I’ve never seen him this way. It crushes me. I step closer, reaching out to him, but he recoils.
His reaction is like a mortal wound. Bitterness and fury seethe in my chest and crawl out of my throat before I can stop them.
“Why don’t you trust me?” I don’t even bother to sign.
I try to tamp down my words, but more fly out.
“I’ve set my heart before you on a golden platter while you hide yours away like a dragon’s hoard. ”
“You won’t understand,” he signs.
“How do you know that without even trying to explain?”
His jaw clenches, his words locked away.
I feel like a kettle bubbling over, and I fear that I’ll say something regrettable. I turn to walk away, but he grabs my arm.
My gaze snaps to his. “Let go of me.”
He releases me like a hot stone but follows infuriatingly close the whole trek back to the camp. I need some time alone to gather my composure.
With a glance back at Tiernan, I sharply sign, “Don’t follow me,” then I rush right past everyone.
I eventually stop and lean against a tree trunk to catch my breath when I spot a glowing light moving toward me. As I snatch my dagger from my waist, ready to throw it, Chiyo emerges from the shadows.
She holds her arms up, the lantern dangling from her fingers. “Just me,” she signs after a moment. With a rushed exhalation, I slip my dagger back into its sheath and sink down against the rough bark of the tree to the forest ground.
Chiyo crouches in front of me, holding the lantern up beside her face.
She doesn’t say anything, and at first, I’m grateful.
Until my mind replays everything—the avoidance, the kiss, the inexplicable images.
The fact that, for the first time, I’m truly angry at Tiernan Kilkenny, and I’m not even sure if it’s warranted.
I feel like I know so much about him and, at the same time, so little.
“I’m not a Mind Whisperer,” Chiyo says. “So, you’ll have to spell it out for me. What happened? Do I need to slap Tiernan again?” She holds up her hand, the rings shimmering on her fingers. “I’ll do it, you know.”
I prop my chin on my knees, wrapping my arms around my lower legs. “I don’t know what to say,” I admit.
She makes a thoughtful face. “What happened between you two? The appropriate version, if possible.”
I snort a humorless laugh and shrug. After a stretch of time, I say, “I wish he’d trust me more.”
“He does trust you. He’s just bullheaded. Perhaps more so than I.”
“Impossible,” I say with a small smirk.
She laughs, her eyes growing endearingly small the way her brother’s do. I wrap my arms tighter around myself. “I know there’s something that’s been bothering him, but I want him to offer it willingly. If that makes sense?”
She nods. “I’m not saying he’s right,” she begins. “But this is how Tiernan copes. He keeps secrets. Don’t forget that he didn’t even write home for ten years. I still have no idea what happened in that time. So, it’s not you, Durvla. He … needs to work through things, I guess.”
I sigh. Perhaps she’s right, but we all have things to work through. He expects me to share my feelings, and yet he continuously pulls away from me. My heart aches.
“We should really get some rest,” Chiyo tells me. She jabs her thumb over her shoulder. “Shall we head back? I can throw a shuriken Tiernan’s way to keep him back if you’d like. I promise I’ll only nick him a little.”
It pulls a wavering smile from me, but I simply shake my head and get to my feet again.
My anxiety returns as we start the walk toward the camp; I’ll have to face Tiernan.
Once we get back, my eyes wander past Osheen, Alys, and Sloan chatting, to Tiernan sitting alone. He’s focused on the flames as if he expects to find answers in them. When he glances up, he holds my gaze. But, unable to see the pain in his dark eyes and still not know why it’s there, I look away.
If he wants to be secretive, then I have nothing to say to him.