31. Maggie
THIRTY-ONE
MAGGIE
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Violet asked, gripping me in a tight hug in the driveway. Ethan was settling the boys in the back of their minivan with Ellie’s supervision, and Luke was retrieving the remainder of their luggage from inside the condo.
“I’m sure.”
I wasn’t ready for them to leave when they only just showed up yesterday, but I wouldn’t ask them to stay.
Their road trip was over, and they still had two solid days of driving before they were home with an unassembled crib waiting for them when they got there.
I was grateful they stayed for pancakes and bacon—Luke turned out to be quite the chef.
But now that bellies were full and the sun was high above the mountains, they needed to get on the road.
And the truth was, I was fine. Sure, I was supposed to get married today. But the only thing I felt was numb indifference with a side of relief.
To my surprise, neither Jason nor Luanne made any contact attempts since Violet and her family showed up in Bluebell Springs. I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to threaten Monster-in-Law with the video of her in my dress, but it was a small price to pay for peace.
“On a scale of zombie bridezilla to lighting a match and watching your dress burn with a malicious smile on your face, where are you today?”
Violet relinquished her vice grip on me but held onto my arms waiting for an answer.
“That scale sounds awfully dramatic.”
I showed her the dress last night, without taking it out of the closet. I didn’t want to deal with stuffing it back in again. She was horrified, but the sight of it no longer destroyed me. I was free in a way I hadn’t been since I made the decision to give back the ring.
My front door clicked shut and Luke appeared on the porch with the last of their bags.
I fought to keep my eyes on my sister, but my gaze drifted anyway.
Ethan let it slip last night that the whole hot dogs and s’mores thing was Luke’s idea.
He also told me how Ollie asked if Luke was going to marry me.
The man fit with my family in a way Jason never did, as though he were always part of it, and I didn’t know what to make of that.
“You’re allowed to be dramatic today of all days,” Violet insisted. “It’s too bad we can’t go blow something up before I leave.”
“As fun as that sounds, I’m okay. Truly. I’m grateful I didn’t go through with it and end up making the biggest mistake of my life. I think that’s like an eight on the scale. Happy?”
“I’d be happier if you let Officer McGrumpy give you his hot dog, but I’ll take it.”
“Would you not call him that where he might hear you?” I hissed as Violet yanked me into one last hug.
“Oh, I heard her,” Luke said, poking his head around the back of the van. Amusement danced in those light blue eyes as he closed the hatch. He flashed me a devilish smile before ducking back behind the van.
“He already knows you call him that. Sorry not sorry.”
Violet released me and waddled around the van to the passenger side.
I snuck into the back seat of the van, giving each of the boys another hug and sneaking them road trip candy I’d stuffed in my hoodie pocket. I held a finger to my mouth to warn them to keep it a secret. “I’ll see you guys in three weeks.”
Ellie gave each of the boys a lick, then hopped out, trotting back toward Luke.
I pushed the button to close the back door and followed my pup.
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let them manifest. Violet might see me crying and insist I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
They’d already lost a day rerouting to Bluebell Springs to check on me.
I wouldn’t take another day from them when I’d be in Michigan soon enough.
We’d have weeks together, maybe more depending how long I decided to stay.
“What’s this about a hot dog?” Luke asked as their van disappeared down the street.
He wore that amused half smile that made my pulse trip over itself.
His arms were crossed over his chest, as though he was quite enjoying my embarrassment.
All I could seem to focus on were those strong biceps and a hint of a tattoo peeking from the rolled-up sleeve of his flannel.
Now that we were suddenly alone, I felt awkward and a bit unsure of where things stood between us. Friends. And yet, that label didn’t feel quite accurate. Friends with benefits? A naughty little voice whispered in my head.
“Do you think it’d be stupid to chop up grilled hot dogs for the chili?
” I asked, trying to convince myself that everything was normal between us.
Which had been easy to do until I saw him around the firepit last night, helping the boys roast their marshmallows.
A week ago, I wouldn’t have believed that patient, sweet side of him existed.
“Can’t hurt to try, right?”
“Right.”
“I was going to run to the Grizzly. Pick up some ingredients for us to try out. Want to come along?” Luke offered.
We’d briefly discussed starting our chili experiment today, considering the contest was only a week away.
Last night, I readily agreed because it seemed like the perfect distraction to keep my former wedding out of my mind.
But now, it seemed like a recipe for possible disaster.
A really fun disaster, but a disaster nonetheless.
Dammit, Violet. She encouraged me, more than a little, to just have fun. Insisted it would be a shame to let that Brazilian torture session go to waste.
I had to get some space. Just a little breather to remind myself that this wasn’t my real life. Luke and I weren’t a couple hosting my sister and her family for a visit. We were just unlikely friends, and this was merely a vacation. A reset. A temporary stop I might never make again.
And wouldn’t it be the stupidest thing of all to let myself get tangled up with another man while I was on vacation? That wasn’t a lesson I cared to learn a second time.
“Is it okay if I text you a grocery list? I want to get the condo cleaned up. You probably noticed it looks like a hurricane went through it.”
“Want me to take Ellie for a ride?” he offered.
Ellie popped onto all fours, letting out an excited whine that dared me to say no. “You have to take your leash,” I said to her.
I swore she gave me a dirty look before she trotted back to the house and let herself inside.
“She knows how to open doors. Of course she does.”
“Doors, gates, and even on one occasion, a window. I do think she retained a lot of her initial service dog training,” I said, walking toward the porch steps. “It’s just a matter of what she chooses to remember when.”
“Retrieving the beers last night was impressive,” Luke said.
“That reminds me, there’s a yard full of socks.” Ellie was great at retrieving items, but not so much when it came to putting them away.
Ellie returned, leash and sock in mouth, and sprinted toward Luke.
“Want me to grab you a coffee? Black Bear has all kinds of fall flavors right now. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a sucker for a pumpkin spiced latte.”
“You’re really just a basic white girl trapped in an Officer McGrumpy body, aren’t you?”
“Haha,” he deadpanned, holding the driver’s side door of his truck open. Ellie shot in a like a bullet and leapt into the passenger seat. She whined, as if telling Luke to hurry up already. “If we were leaving town, I’d make her get in the back.”
I laughed at him, patting his arm. “And I’d tell you good luck with that.” I turned, intent on heading inside, but my palm lingered on Luke’s bicep as though it had a mind of its own. Damn, that muscle was solid. I stared at my hand as though mesmerized.
“Maggie?”
“Yeah?”
He looked down at my hand, then back at me.
I yanked my hand away, rubbing my palm against my jeans.
But that did little to ward off the sensation of my warm skin pressed against his.
It reminded me of that warm, solid hug in his kitchen last night, and dammit if I didn’t want to crawl right back into his arms.
“Do you have a coffee request?” he asked.
Coffee? What even was coffee? I couldn’t come up with a single flavor, so I just said, “Surprise me?”
Luke winked, and I was not prepared for the effect that had on my body. Heat coiled low in my belly. Seriously, a wink? That’s all it takes now? I was suddenly fixated on the subject of hot dogs but for a reason that did not involve a chili experiment.
Ellie let out a sharp, impatient bark.
“I better go,” Luke said. “Text me the grocery list?”
I nodded, because I didn’t trust what words might slip from my mouth. Then, I turned and hurried up the stairs as they backed out of the driveway. When I closed the door, I sank to the floor behind it.
“Okay, fine,” I said to the empty condo that did in fact look as though a small hurricane passed through it. “I like him. Happy?”
I waited to feel some sort of relief from the admission, but all I felt was a deep yearning for Luke to come back. Preferably in nothing more than his pair of Star Wars pajama pants.
“This is getting out of hand,” I mumbled, pushing to my feet to start picking up the place.
After I shot Luke my grocery requests, I busied myself with pulling the bedding from the sofa bed the boys had slept on, sweeping the floor, and wiping down the kitchen table.
I searched the cabinets hoping to find a spare crockpot so we could test two pots of chili at once.
I set out all the non-refrigerated ingredients I already had, deciding I should call Mom.
She might know what ingredient or two I was missing from Grandpa’s chili.
But before I could hit the call button, the phone rang and another name appeared on my screen.
Jason.
My finger hovered automatically above the voicemail button, but I couldn’t seem to push it. The jerk would harass me on the day we were supposed to exchange vows. I punched the answer button, determined to put an end to this shitshow once and for all.
“What do you want this time?” I snapped.
“Maggie, hey.” Jason’s voice was soft, hesitant. It threw me, and I suddenly didn’t know what to say. He filled the silence. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from today.”
“Gee, what gave you that impression?”
“Okay, I deserve that.” He said it as though he meant it, and the fiercest of my anger waned. “I don’t want anything from you, Mags.”
“Don’t call me that.” At one time, I convinced myself that the pet name was cute and special. But the truth was, it’d always grated on me. “And I find it hard to believe you don’t want anything considering the dozen voicemails that say otherwise.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”
“Are you?”
“This isn’t how I wanted things to go, you know.
” It was his tone, defeated and small, that kept me from laying into him like I’d planned to do for days.
The man on the phone was the closest I’d come to the man I once knew, before we tried to force a future on a relationship that couldn’t withstand one.
“Me, neither,” I said gently, dropping onto the couch. “I’m not coming back, Jason.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Then why are you calling me?”
“I wanted to check on you. I thought today might be a hard day for you considering . . .”
“Considering I was supposed to be getting ready to marry you right now?”
“Um, yeah.”
“I’m fine.” But this time when I said it, it felt like a lie.
It was easy to distance myself from the reality of what today was supposed to be as long as I stayed in my own bubble far, far away from it.
Answering the phone was one of the stupider moves I’d made lately, but it couldn’t be undone now.
“For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry.”
“For what exactly?”
“Jesus, Maggie. Can’t you just accept the apology?”
I yanked the phone from my ear, set on ending the call.
But in the nick of time, Jason added, “Sorry. I’m just on edge today. Mom’s still on the warpath, and if she knew I was calling to check on you, she’d probably have my head. I hope you appreciate the risk I’m taking for you.”
I gripped the phone so hard I thought I might crush it. I wanted to throw it. I wanted to scream. Instead, I switched it to speaker and set it on the coffee table. After a deep, centering breath, I said, “You were always going to pick her over me, weren’t you?”
“She’s my mom.”
“I was supposed to be your wife.” Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as the last pieces of the life I knew shattered into dust. It took all my effort to keep my voice even. I’d be damned if I allowed this man to know how much this still affected me. “Did that not mean anything to you?”
“Don’t do this, Maggie. I didn’t call to dredge up the past.”
“Then why did you call?”
“Because I still care about you. Just because this didn’t work out doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop caring about you or wanting the best for you.”
I wanted to call him a liar, but only because it would be so much easier if Jason was some cartoon villain from my past rather than a semi-decent man who simply couldn’t love me enough to keep me. The truth was so much more devastating.
“I should go,” Jason said after several stretched moments of silence where I fought to cry quietly.
“Goodbye, Jason.”
“Take care, Maggie.”
I watched the phone screen as the call ended, gripping the couch cushion with both hands.
My eyes burned from the tears that wouldn’t stop falling.
I was infuriated that Jason ruined what would have otherwise been just another day with his stupid compassion.
It was one of the qualities that made me fall in love with him in the beginning.
Ironic how that same quality was the one to break me now.
Reaching for a throw pillow, I pressed my face into it and let out the scream I held in during the call.
But it wasn’t enough.
I had to do something bigger.
Wiping at my soaked cheeks with the backs of my hands, I pushed up from the couch and marched into the guest room. It was a good thing I hadn’t gotten around to replacing the broken closet knob, because I would’ve yanked it off a second time.
I grabbed the tattered dress, thanking my sister for her brilliant suggestion: I was going to burn it.