CHAPTER 36
Matthew
I didn’t know what happened. One moment, I was inside a pub, laughing with Theo, Alex and Nico, tipping my drink back.
The next, I was in an alleyway and everything burned.
I remembered a guy. Two guys? There’d been a baseball bat. And fists. And kicks.
I couldn’t remember their faces. I couldn’t even remember them dragging me out of the pub, but they must have managed somehow because otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting outside in the freezing cold with no idea where I was and in some of the worst pain I’d ever been in.
They’d called me a faggot. They’d called me a faggot and they’d beaten me up for it, said I was disgusting and unnatural and deserved to die.
Tears welled up in my eyes at the very thought.
How did they know? They couldn’t have known.
It was impossible. Me and Theo had been putting in the effort tonight to tone it down in such a public space, there was no way-
I was in hysterics. I’d worked myself into hysterics by the time I heard it, after what felt like an eternity.
“Matt!”
That was him. That was my Theo. I couldn’t see him but I could hear his voice- I couldn’t answer him, my brain wasn’t working with my mouth and I think all I managed was a groan, but somehow that worked because he was crashing to his knees in front of me not long after.
“Matt.” He breathed.
I could hardly see him. My vision was blurring and I couldn’t control my sobbing or my breathing, the pain too sharp and unrelenting. My ribs were burning and my chest hurt and I was sure my stomach was being sliced into.
“Calm down. You need to calm down.”
“It hurts.” I croaked. There was another voice-Nico’s, I thought- low and frantic.
“I know, Matt.” Theo whispered, sounding choked up “I know. Where does it hurt?”
I tried to draw in another breath, palming at the left side of my chest, where the pain was throbbing the most.
I choked on a cry when I felt hands on me. Theo, I realised, prodding at my ribs, sending bursts of white to cloud my already fuzzy vision.
“It’s alright.” Theo’s gentle voice assured, breaking through the haze “you have two broken ribs, I think. Are you having trouble breathing?”
That was…not the simplest question to answer. I couldn’t tell if it was just because of my sobbing. I settled on shrugging.
“Well, you have some internal bleeding.” He observed softly “there was blood in your puke-“
I’d puked? I hadn’t realised I’d puked. That would explain the shit taste in my mouth. Theo was still talking. I put all my effort into comprehending his words.
“Listen, you’ll be fine. We just need to get you to the healers, yeah? To Octavia?”
“Make it stop.” I gasped.
“I will, Matt.” He whispered “I promise I will.”
I didn’t know how I found myself at the healers’ some indefinite time later, didn’t remember passing out, didn’t remember anything much.
I awoke to dim candle lights flickering, casting shadows on the stone walls as I lay on the stupid white bed with Theo and Stryker sitting by my bedside.
Pain came in waves, like a stone pressed against my ribs, my lungs, my spine.
Breathing felt like a battle. Every inhale felt like broken glass cutting at my chest and my body throbbed in places I hadn’t even known could throb.
One of my eyes was open, the other was sealed shut by swelling and dried blood.
The light from the lamp burned at my eye but I’d found Theo’s silhouette, hunched and still, and that was all that mattered.
He and Stryker were talking, I realised. Arguing. Quietly. I couldn’t make out a word of it.
“Theo…” it came out cracked and hardly loud enough for me to hear myself, but Theo somehow did, moving instantly, his hand brushing against my forehead with a touch so gentle it hurt.
“I’m here.” His voice was low and tight “you’re safe.”
Safe. I wanted to laugh. I couldn’t. My chest protested at even the thought of it.
“Doesn’t feel like it.” I rasped instead.
Theo hushed me, leaning forward to press a kiss to my chapped lips. “You are.” He sniffled, and I realised he was crying “you are.”
Stryker was pacing behind him. The colour had drained from his face. I knew something was very wrong. Though, I hadn’t needed to look at him to know so.
Every part of me screamed- my ribs, my jaw, the deep ache in my gut where they’d kicked me long after I’d stopped fighting back. But it was my chest that scared me the most. It was like something inside me had caved in; I could feel liquid there, pooling, choking.
All I could focus on was Theo’s hand, warm around mine. But when I met his gaze, even through my haze I could see it- his fear, his grief.
“You’re okay.” He whispered “I’m sorry, Matt, I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” I whispered. There were no healers. Why were there no healers?
“Can you lie with me?” I croaked.
Theo nodded, tears cascading freely down his face. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want him to cry.
His warmth enveloped my trembling body as he slid into bed beside me, kissing me again, everywhere he could reach.
I loved him. I loved him so much. I didn’t want him to ever let go of me.
Theo
The healers’ base was quiet, save for the soft clinking of vials and the rasp of Matthew’s breath- shallow, irregular.
I was still struggling to grasp what had happened. He’d been beside me one minute, the next he’d mumbled that he was going to step outside for a breather and he hadn’t come back. I’d found him, eventually, beaten and bloody down a dark alleyway not too far away.
Nico had gone to fetch Stryker, had mentioned that he’d seen some suspicious figures lingering around us- four- but hadn’t thought too much of it, and now said teen was standing next to me, rigid, his fists still smeared with dried blood.
None of it Matthew’s. I believed they were dead but didn’t dare ask.
I hoped so. I very sincerely hoped so. I wished I could have helped.
“Four of them.” He muttered, more to himself than anyone “four against one. Because they thought he looked gay.” He laughed hollowly and I flinched hard. I couldn’t believe it.
“What does that even- they can’t- how could they?” My voice hitched.
“Fuckers said they knew him when he was young and they couldn’t believe how much worse it had gotten.” Stryker sneered, eyes burning with fury “and you.”
I jumped as he turned on me, not expecting it “what the fuck, couldn’t you have just stayed home?”
“I couldn’t have known.” I whispered brokenly “I would never have gone if I’d known.”
My eyes hadn’t left Matthew’s form the whole time. The swelling around his left eye had grown worse overnight. His lip was split. His collarbone, likely broken. But it was the lung that threatened the most. His broken ribs had punctured it and it had somehow began collapsing from there.
The healers had abandoned him. Said they couldn’t do anything without worsening the situation- it had progressed too far.
My whole body felt numb.
Matthew stirred faintly, mouth twitching as his one good eye opened.
“Theo…” his voice sounded torn, raspy.
I leaned in immediately, my hand reaching to brush damp hair from his forehead.
“I’m here.” I whispered “you’re safe.”
“Doesn’t feel like it.” He wheezed back.
I smiled despite the burn in my throat “you’re just being dramatic.”
Stryker crossed his arms tightly “this never should have happened. This- they had absolutely no proof, goddamn it-“
“I’m fine.” Matthew breathed, though he so very clearly wasn’t “just…hurts to breathe. To talk.”
I took his hand gently “then don’t speak. You’re okay. I’m sorry, Matt. I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” He replied “can you lie with me?”
As if I could ever say no to him. I nodded, tears streaming as I curled myself around him.
I met Stryker’s gaze. He shook his head once. My whole body shuddered. I didn’t want to think about it. I couldn’t think about it.
“I…” he crouched beside Matt, putting a hand on his shoulder “I’m gonna leave you Theo, okay? I-“ his voice broke and he had to clear his throat before continuing. I buried my face in Matthew’s shoulder in a pointless attempt to stop crying- it didn’t work, if anything it made it worse.
“I’ll be back for him in the morning.” He whispered, blinking furiously to prevent his own emotions from showing “okay?”
“Okay.” Matthew croaked, shifting slightly beneath me “look after him.”
I was right here and sure as hell didn’t need looking after right now.
“Course.” Stryker whispered, shakily standing “good-“ he swallowed hard “goodnight.”
“Night, S.” I sniffled back.
I spent the rest of the night with him, mumbling ‘I love you’ over and over again.
Matthew told me that he was scared. That he didn’t want to leave me. I thought that hearing him say that caused me the worse pain I’d ever felt, reducing me to a sobbing mess for the hundredth time that night.
I’d been wrong.
The worst pain I’d ever felt and ever would feel was waking up to Matt’s completely still and cold body beside me in the morning.