Chapter 66
Istare at the spot where Kyor stood only seconds ago. Fucking portation.
Jonas appears at my side, seemingly attempting to fill the void left by Kyor, but he can’t. No one can. ‘It’s okay,’ he says. ‘He should have known what he was doing.’
I glare. ‘He did! He didn’t hit them. Not a single one of them,’ I hiss.
Jonas opens his mouth as if he’s going to say more, but I can feel the daggers I shoot from my eyes, and thankfully, he stays quiet.
My heart hurts – physically hurts, as if it’s been knifed by an icy blade of my own creation.
The words I said to him in bed this morning replay in my mind.
‘Take me like this is all we get.’ That’s what I told him.
Why in the Gods’ names did I say something that stupid?
Something I didn’t for one second believe could be true.
I should have known the Gods listen to it all.
On the other side of the dock, Grenda offers me a look of consolation, but it’s Zara who speaks.
‘Well, I for one am feeling very optimistic about the Ofur.’ A smirk curls her mouth. ‘Particularly after that unexpected outcome.’
‘Fuck off, Zara,’ I say, but Benny and Jonas grab me before I can launch myself at her.
‘Oh, look at that. More big men coming to your aid, ensuring you don’t ever have to fight for yourself, runt.’
I know she’s just trying to rile me, and I hate that it’s working.
‘Fuck you! You have no idea what I’m capable of,’ I snarl, lifting my hands, no longer surprised by the buzzing energy that courses through them. The power trembles through my veins, begging to be released.
‘The fact is you’re down to just two guard dogs now,’ she sneers. ‘This is going to be fun.’
‘I am going to kill you,’ I say through gritted teeth. ‘I am going to kill you just the way I killed Oke. Not that you cared. You didn’t even bother waiting to find out if your friends were still alive before demanding to be allowed to return to the barracks.’
The words leave my mouth before I can stop them, and her eyes widen in shock. Though in a flash, it transforms into fury.
‘You bitch,’ she says, ready to lunge at me, exactly the way I want her to. The fear of exposing myself is suddenly forgotten. All that matters is tearing Zara apart, however I can.
‘That’s enough!’
Grenda’s voice cuts through the tension as Zara continues to snarl at me, but that’s all she’s doing. It takes a heartbeat to realise that’s all I’m doing, too. And not because I’m waiting for her to strike first. I physically can’t move.
My arms are frozen in clenched fists and for an instant I think it’s my powers; that they’re manifesting again out here in front of all these people.
The fear I suppressed before is suddenly laid bare as my heart lunges up into my throat, but then I realise Zara is in exactly the same state.
She wants to come for me. She just can’t.
Well, now I know what Grenda’s power is. No wonder she’s such a force to be reckoned with. It’s not like anyone can fight back if they’re frozen in place. It’s magnificent in its deadliness. Even more so when I consider its strength was likely significant enough to hold a jotunn in place.
‘Let’s make no mistake,’ she says, her voice a low grumble. ‘I could drive a sword through both of you before you could even blink. But I’m not going to.’
She looks at Zara first. ‘You want this. You have fought your way to get here, and while I may not agree with the methods you’ve used at times, I understand that fierce drive.
’ She turns her attention to me. ‘I will not lie, I did not expect you to make it this far, but having seen you against the jotunn – not to mention the manner in which you put yourself at risk in the water – I do not doubt that you are deserving. And it has nothing to do with who you choose to share your bed with.’ The belated addition somewhat sours the compliment.
‘I am a woman of honour. Beyond this event, I have never taken a life outside of battle. But make no mistake, I will happily change that if needed. Now, are you two going to play nice?’
I try to respond, but it’s impossible. I guess even my vocal cords are being held by her power, and judging from the silent rage emanating from Zara, she’s in the same situation.
‘Very good,’ Grenda continues. ‘Zara, I’m going to let you go first. And if you don’t walk straight to your carriage, I will take that as a personal insult.’ She pauses. ‘I do not respond well to being insulted.’
Zara is released, still practically foaming at the mouth, and I see her contemplate her options, weighing whether or not to strike.
A large part of me hopes she will, because Grenda will easily take her down.
But she knows it too, so instead she offers one last snarl before walking towards the carriage.
A moment later, I too am free, though unlike Zara, I do not move immediately for the carriages.
‘She will not forget this,’ I warn the old knight. ‘You’ve made yourself a target.’
Grenda smiles softly, and I’m reminded of Dinah. The same gentle calmness of the knight also radiates from the priestess.
A surge of guilt floods through me at the way I whined about not being able to see Kay at the ball. The only moments Grenda has had with her family were before she was snatched away from her son in the forest. And yet I have never heard her offer so much as a single grumble or word of complaint.
‘We all have a target on our backs when it comes to that one.’ She shrugs. ‘It will be Etta’s judgement that decides the rest. I will see you back at the barracks.’
With that, she heads towards her own transport home. I turn to Benny and Jonas. ‘Now that the drama’s over, want to share a carriage?’ I ask.
‘Sure,’ Benny replies. ‘Though this is you we’re talking about, Kultavaris. There’ll always be drama involved.’
I’m surprised that I have it in me to laugh, but a slight chuckle leaves me before my eyes fall on Jonas. There’s not a hint of humour in his expression at all.
‘Actually, I thought I might take one by myself. You know, stretch out, get some sleep. Some of us spent most of the last three days awake. Worrying.’
‘Oh, okay.’ I’m not sure why my chest feels quite so tight. Maybe it’s because this is the start of it. The start of the end. Of each of us looking out for ourselves. Maybe it’s something else. Either way, I step back and turn to Benny.
‘Guess it’s just you and me then.’
I sleep during the carriage ride, but it’s fitful.
My body feels too warm, though I don’t know if it’s the lingering effects of the water or the absence of Kyor.
Maybe it’s the guilt. I killed Oke, I handed Llinos a glass of poison, and now my suggestion got Kyor kicked out of the Retterheld.
Yes, I’ve got more than my fair share of guilt.
My restless state is enough for Benny to notice.
‘You want to bunk in with me tonight?’ he asks as we trundle over rocky terrain.
‘In a purely platonic way, obviously. The last thing this group can deal with is a love triangle becoming a love quadrilateral, and to be fair, you probably wouldn’t be my first choice out of the trio of possibilities. ’
I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but he actually manages to raise a smile on my lips. I thump him lightly on the arm. ‘Yeah, I’ll pass on the love quad, thanks.’
He chuckles, but it fades quickly. ‘It would probably be best for you to bunk back with me though. With Zara on a rampage against you, you shouldn’t be on your own at night.’
‘It’s fine, honestly. I’ll be safe.’
I think about Kyor’s room. About him and me alone in there.
Will they have made him clear out his belongings, I wonder.
What about his drawings, his charcoal? It’s been four days since he slept there.
Will the scent remain, even if the bedclothes are gone?
Gods, I hope so. A flicker of hope ignites within me.
He’s used the room long before the Retterheld, so maybe, like Caroline, he could sneak in through the library and temple to find me.
But then, the Prince of Morathka is a much more identifiable figure than one stray scribe.
‘Okay, well, stay close, okay?’ Benny breaks my stream of thoughts. ‘You might not have your prince, but I reckon I make a pretty good knight.’
‘You do,’ I agree. ‘And I suspect a pretty good future duke, too. I guess that explains why the others all followed your lead the whole time.’
I lean my head on his shoulder, expecting him to offer some joking remark about his lineage, but instead, he sits upright. ‘Jeez, Rose, you’re freezing.’ He slips off his coat. ‘Put this on.’
I try to shrug it away. ‘Honestly, I don’t need it.’
‘You do. For me? If you get hypothermia, that’ll be the end of the relationship between Wrohelm and the Eastern Isles for good. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, except I’m pretty sure Kyor would come for my head. So please, Rose, take the fur.’
I do as he asks and shift up my own stole so that it sits under my head as a pillow.
At first, I think it’s Kyor gently rocking me awake, ready to bring my body to climax the same way he did last time I woke up. But as the shroud of sleep lifts and I blink open my eyes, I see Benny standing there instead. The memory of what happened hits like a stone dropping in my stomach.
No Kyor. No Llinos. No Kay.
I thought I was motivated before I came into this. It’s nothing compared to now. I am determined to win this. Determined and exhausted. And hungry.
As we climb out of the carriage, we head to the dining hall to see Jonas already leaving, his hands full of baked goods.
‘Are you not going to sit down?’ I ask him, gesturing to our table. It’s stupid that it’s still the only table I want to sit at given that it’s right at the end of the hall and there are so many others completely empty, but I’m not ready to let go of the memories that live with it.
‘No,’ Jonas says stiffly, shaking his head. ‘My legs are soft from sitting so long on the boat, and then in the carriage. I’m going to stretch my legs in the battle yard.’
‘Give me five minutes and I’ll join you,’ Benny replies.
‘No offence, but I could do with a bit of time by myself,’ Jonas says with a flatness that leaves no room for argument. ‘Just … you know, the whole paired thing is over now. We need to focus on solo skills.’
‘Well, that’s me told,’ Benny mutters, rolling his eyes as Jonas begins to walk away.
‘I’ll spar with you later,’ I offer. ‘I’m going to sleep for a bit, and then I need to head to the library.’
‘Really? Why?’ Jonas stops in his tracks six feet away from us and turns back, his eyes fixing on mine.
For a reason I can’t fathom, I feel the cold fill my palms. I assumed the iciness I felt from him earlier was a residual reaction to Kyor and me being together, but now I’m not so sure. ‘What do you need the library for?’
My throat feels as though it’s wedged shut. Still, I try not to show it, speaking as casually as I can. ‘To speak to Caroline,’ I lie. ‘I saw Llinos’s family, remember?’
His eyes linger on mine, his lips twisting as though he’s trying to pull more information out of me by his gaze alone. And then, without warning, he sniffs. ‘Right. Of course. Well, I’ll leave you two to your food,’ he says, then turns around and leaves.
This time, Benny waits until Jonas is fully out of earshot before he speaks. ‘I never realised that being involved in a trial for ultimate power would involve such complex love lives. They kind of left that bit out of the history books, don’t you think?’
This time, when I hit him, I make sure it hurts.