Chapter 20
The lodge kitchen is too quiet for how many people are staying here – especially when one of those people is JJ, although I don’t suppose she’s had a chance to meet the locals yet.
It is late evening, and pretty much everyone has gone to bed.
I, being the coward that I am, have come down to get myself a drink while Jake is in our bathroom.
Well, he said he would sleep on the floor, on the fur rug, with a pillow and a blanket, and I’m too much of a baby to be in the room while he gets into his makeshift bed.
I guess, I don’t know, maybe I’m worried it will feel awkward, or that I’ll feel bad and insist he gets in bed with me, but me being me, I’ll make it weird.
Best I leave him to make himself comfortable.
That way, when I head back up with my glass of water, I’ll be able to tell if he’s comfortable, if I do need to offer him a space in the bed, because as weird as it would be, I don’t want him messing his back up.
So I head downstairs in my socks, downing the water from my glass so it definitely looks like it needs refilling, only to realise there’s someone in the kitchen.
Cordelia is standing at the far end of the kitchen island, her laptop open in front of her, her phone pressed to her ear. She’s pacing a little, shifting on the spot uncomfortably.
I slow my speed without really thinking about it, hovering just out of sight by the doorway.
‘I just need confirmation,’ Cordelia says quietly, the stress in her voice making her sound like a different person.
‘Yes, I understand timelines, but every time I call you from the UK, there’s the time difference, and it was meant to be finalised weeks ago.
I can’t… no, I won’t… get married… with… ’
She turns slightly, her back to me now, and lowers her voice even further.
‘I don’t care how long it usually takes. I was told it would be done,’ she continues. ‘I’ll check again in the morning but, please, do what you can.’
She ends the call, taps her phone a few times, then snaps the laptop shut with a decisive clack that echoes through the kitchen. As she turns around, I decide to make myself known.
‘Still up too?’ I say lightly.
Cordelia jumps out of her skin.
‘Oh, Whitney, hi, yes, work stuff to wrap up,’ she says. ‘Have you been there long?’
‘I popped down for some water,’ I say, glad to have an empty glass to hold up.
‘Wedding plans too,’ she adds. ‘There’s always so much to sort out.’
‘Oh, I bet,’ I reply, not that I know a thing about that – maybe I need to learn, for my fake engagement. Just enough to make it seem like I am actually planning to get married.
She smiles, but something about her eyes feels distant now, like she’s already halfway somewhere else.
Before I can ask anything – and before I can decide whether I should ask anything – Andy appears, hair damp from the shower.
‘I thought you said you were on your way?’ he says to Cordelia, wrapping his arms around her waist, kissing her on the cheek. ‘Hi, Whit.’
There I am – the afterthought.
‘Just finishing up with something,’ she says, pushing her laptop further away, almost defensively, moving it out of Andy’s reach. ‘And Whit came for water.’
‘Have you asked her yet?’ Andy prompts her.
My eyebrows shoot up.
‘Not yet, Buzz,’ she replies. ‘I guess I could now… Whitney…’
Every internal alarm bell I have starts ringing.
‘I was just thinking… I don’t really have anyone to stand with me, at the wedding,’ she says. ‘I don’t have sisters. My family are all abroad, and we’re not very close. And I’ve never really… had a big group of girlfriends. I’ve travelled so much for work, it’s hard to get that kind of bond.’
The way she says it – offhand, almost embarrassed – takes me aback for a second. I have noticed that everyone here, everyone on the guest list, are either Andy’s people, or people they both know from work.
‘I mean,’ she continues, glancing at Andy, ‘you have so many friends. It feels unbalanced. So I wondered – we wondered – if you might stand with me. As a bridesmaid.’
I stare at her, my brain searching for ways I could have misunderstood what she just said.
Me? A bridesmaid? For her?
‘But… I’m Andy’s sort of best man,’ I reply.
‘It makes sense,’ she says quickly. ‘You’re already so involved. And you’re important to Andy. To us.’
‘I can ask one of the guys to step in as best man,’ Andy says. ‘I can find someone, but, Whit, it would mean a lot to us if you would do this. It’s okay if you don’t want to.’
He tags that bit on to the end in a way that makes me think it might not actually be okay.
I want to say no, of course I do. I don’t even want to be Andy’s best man, but I want to be Cordelia’s bridesmaid even less. Imagine me, standing at the altar with her, gazing over at Andy from her shadow.
I can’t say no, can I? Not without seeming like something is wrong, like I’m not happy for them…
And I do feel sorry for Cordelia. She doesn’t have anyone. No best friend texting. No sister arriving early. No mother in a big hat fussing over the details. But then again, I did just hear her on the phone, and something sus is going on…
‘I’d love to,’ I hear myself say.
Andy’s shoulders relax instantly. Cordelia is all smiles.
‘Really?’ she replies.
Oh my gosh, don’t give me a chance to change my mind.
‘Really,’ I confirm, forcing a smile. ‘I’d be honoured.’
She steps forward and hugs me, tight and grateful.
‘Thank you. So much. I mean it,’ she insists.
‘Now can we get to bed, Tink? I’m shattered,’ Andy says.
‘Sure thing, Buzz,’ she replies.
‘Well, I’ve got my water, I’ll head up,’ I tell them. ‘See you guys in the morning.’
‘Yeah, night night, bridesmaid,’ Cordelia calls after me.
The words send a shiver down my spine.
In the bedroom I can see that Jake is already tucked up on the floor, a blanket pulled up around his shoulders, one arm tucked under his head so that his bicep can wave me hello.
‘Hey,’ he says quietly, smiling as he looks up at me.
‘Hello,’ I reply as I kick off my socks.
I sit on the edge of the bed and look down at him.
‘You don’t have to do this, you know,’ I point out.
So much for standing firm on the bed thing.
He shrugs.
‘I don’t mind.’
I hesitate for a second, then slide under the duvet, lying on my back, staring up at the ceiling.
‘Everythin’ okay downstairs?’ he asks, picking up on something.
‘I think so,’ I reply. ‘Cordelia asked me to be her bridesmaid.’
‘That’s great,’ he replies. ‘Right?’
‘Hmm,’ I say thoughtfully.
A few seconds of silence and then…
‘Tell me about your family,’ Jake says.
It catches me off guard.
‘My family?’ I reply.
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Makes sense we get to know one another, in case anyone asks…’
It’s more plausible than them asking if he knows where we keep the towels in my apartment.
‘My parents live in Kent,’ I reply. ‘They’re still together, still annoyingly happy – and by that I mean they’re happy, but they annoy each other. My sister lives nearby with her husband and two kids. I see them all often.’
He listens, genuinely interested.
‘It’s nice that y’all are close,’ he replies.
‘It is,’ I reply. ‘We always make the effort for birthdays, Christmases, Sunday dinners as often as we can. What about you?’
‘My parents split when I was young,’ he replies. ‘My dad’s family are English. He came back here to be near them. My mom stayed in the States. That’s where I grew up, where I’ve lived my entire life.’
‘And now?’
‘My mom passed away a few years ago,’ he says quietly. ‘My dad’s not well. He’s in a nursing home not far from here.’
I feel something ache in my chest.
‘That’s why I’m moving to England,’ he adds after a beat. ‘And why Rosewood. Why I’m doing all of this. So I can be close by for him. Things aren’t great.’
I nod slowly, even though he can’t see, because I don’t know how to say what I want to say. My heart goes out to him.
‘I didn’t realise things were that bad,’ I reply.
‘Most folks don’t lead with the heavy stuff,’ he replies.
‘How is your dad finding it?’ I ask.
‘On good days, he knows exactly who I am. On bad days…’ He exhales. ‘Still, he enjoys spending time together, and it’s good for me, to make up for the lost time. I visited, but my mom needed me on the ranch.’
‘That must be hard,’ I say.
‘It is. But it’s taught me a lot about life, and going for what I want,’ he replies. ‘Makes things real fast and fragile. You stop stressin’ about nonsense.’
I laugh softly.
‘I specialise in nonsense.’
Jake laughs.
I sit up to sip my water, glancing over at him. His face is softer in this light. There’s something open about him now, like he’s taken off his armour. I don’t know why but it feels right to go over to him, to sit down on the floor next to him.
‘I’m really glad you told me,’ I tell him.
He looks up at me.
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah,’ I reply. ‘It… helps. Knowing why this place matters to you.’
‘It matters because it feels like a future I can hold on to, and one that my dad can be a part of. Somethin’ solid.’
‘Well, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you get it,’ I insist.
‘I appreciate that,’ he replies. ‘Same for you, with your book deal. You just say the word and I’m there.’
He reaches out for my hand and gives it a squeeze.
‘This would look very convincing to an audience,’ I murmur, mostly to hide how nice it feels.
‘Maybe,’ he replies. ‘Although the two of us being on the floor might look a little off.’
‘I’d just say it was a sex thing,’ I joke with a shrug. ‘I don’t know how many times I’ve caught JJ doing something odd, or found something weird at her place, and she’s told me it was a sex thing – and all you can really say is: fair enough.’
He laughs.
‘Well, I’ll let you sleep, but thank you for trusting me with your story,’ I reply.
‘Thank you for listenin’,’ he says.
‘What are fake fiancées for?’ I say as I head back to bed.