Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
XANDER
Iadmit, I miss Montana, and I’ve been calling my dad to check in on him each of the five days we’ve already been here, but being with my team again, living in the penthouse, just enjoying Denver has been nice.
Getting on the ice and feeling like I’m part of the team again is good for my soul. So while it’s getting harder and harder to leave Montana for the long hockey season, I know that I’m not ready to hang up my skates yet.
And the fact that Ivy’s with me is the frosting on the cake.
She’s so great with the other medical staff. I can see that they respect her opinions and they truly listen to her.
I’m proud as fuck.
“Are you ready to head out?” I ask her as I poke my head in our bathroom and frown when I see that she isn’t dressed yet.
She’s in the tank top and shorts she pulls on while she does her hair and makeup.
That’s all done, but she’s just standing there, looking in the mirror. “Hey, what’s wrong? Do you feel okay?”
“Sorry, I was daydreaming,” she replies, forcing a smile as she tosses her makeup in her bag.
I fucking hate that fake smile.
“Try again, Red.”
“I really was. I’ll pull on my clothes, and I’m ready to head out. We’re in the box again tonight, right?”
We’re supposed to be attending the game, but now I’m second-guessing if we should go or if we should stay home and talk about whatever has put that look in her perfect blue eyes.
“Talk to me.”
“What?” She shakes her head and moves to walk around me, not looking me in the eye. “I don’t have anything to talk about.”
“Okay. You’re going to piss me off, Ivy.”
But she doesn’t stop walking. She doesn’t stop to look at me.
And my heart kicks up.
Because what the fuck is this? My girl doesn’t freeze me out. Ever.
“Are you tired?”
“I’m fine,” she calls out from the closet. “Just lost in thought.”
She comes walking out in jeans and a black sweater.
Not my jersey.
We’re going to a motherfucking Flurry game, and she’s not wearing my jersey.
“You’re wearing that to the game?” I lift an eyebrow, and she looks down at herself, and then her eyes widen and she rushes back into the closet.
“Sorry! I swear, my brain isn’t here today.”
She returns in my jersey and does a little spin.
“Better?”
“No. I want to know what’s wrong with you.”
The smile falls from her face. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just having an off day. We all have them. And I have to leave early tomorrow morning so I can get to work, and I’m just thinking about all of that. There’s nothing to worry about. Let’s go.”
I shake my head and reach out to brush my fingers through her soft hair.
“I love you, you know.”
Her eyebrows pull together for just a second, and she’s staring at my chest when she says, “I know. I love you too.”
“But do you trust me?”
That has her eyes darting up to mine and she frowns. “Of course.”
“When you’re ready, I want to know what’s going on in your perfect head. Because I don’t buy for a minute that you’re daydreaming or thinking about work.”
She sighs and shakes her head, and then to my surprise, she leans in and rests her forehead on my chest and her hands on my sides.
“I’m a bad girlfriend.”
“Whoa.” I frown and drag my hands up and down her back. “Not true.”
“Totally true,” she says, still leaning on me. “I forgot to put your jersey on.”
“You remembered.” I kiss the top of her head and then lift her chin so I can look in her eyes, and feel my heart catch when I see tears. “Baby, just tell me what’s wrong.”
Her deep inhale is choppy, and then she swallows thickly.
“I just worry about you, that’s all.”
“About me?” She nods, and I brush my thumb over her gorgeous freckles. “I’m great. I really am, and I wouldn’t bullshit you. The knee is holding up well in practices, and this trip has been great. You’re here with me. It doesn’t get much better than this.”
She nods, watching me closely. “So, you’re happy? This is what you want?”
“It’s exactly what I want,” I assure her and bend down to kiss her plump lips. “Don’t worry about me, Red. I’m fantastic, and if that ever changes, you’ll be the first to know.”
“Okay.” She lets out one more shaky breath and nods. “Let’s go to the game, then.”
“Are you sure you want to go?”
“We have to go. You have interviews lined up, and you said you’d make an appearance in the pregame.”
“We don’t have to do anything, so you tell me the truth. Do you want to go tonight?”
“Yes.” She squares her shoulders and nods. “I want to go.”
I kiss her once more and then lace my fingers through hers and kiss the back of her hand.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
She’s trying too hard.
I don’t know what the fuck is going on with my woman, but something isn’t right. Last night at the game, she kept her smile in place, paid attention to the game, cheered, and gave me a replay in the bathroom of our first time in the box.
That part was fucking awesome.
But I feel the tension. There’s something simmering that has my gut telling me she’s not okay, but no matter how often I ask her, Ivy denies that anything is amiss.
I set my alarm extra early this morning because I want to sink inside my girl and make sure she thinks of me often over the next thirty-six hours that she’ll be gone, but when I roll over, she’s not in bed with me and the sheets are cool.
So, with a frown, I climb out of bed and use the bathroom, then tug on some sweats and pad out to find her sitting at the island in the kitchen, typing away on her laptop.
“Good morning,” she says, flashing me a smile. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“Why are you up?” I walk over and wrap my arms around her from behind and bury my face in her neck. “I was going to make you come at least twice this morning.”
She chuckles and leans back into me. “That sounds amazing, but I have to leave in a few. I have a car coming.”
I scowl down at her.
“You don’t have to be at the airport for another two hours.”
“Traffic’s awful, and this way you don’t have to take me.”
“I want to take you.”
I let go of her and stride around the island so I can lean my hips on the opposite countertop and cross my arms over my chest.
“What the fuck is going on with you, Ivy?”
She shakes her head, and I laugh humorlessly.
“No more fucking lies. Just tell me what’s wrong. You’re making me crazy. I can see it written all over you that you’re not okay, and I can’t do a damn thing to help if you won’t talk to me. This isn’t who we are, baby.”
“I’m—” She blows a raspberry and pushes her hands into her hair. “I’m just worried.”
“About what?”
She nibbles her lip and stares at the countertop.
“You’re happy here,” she says, and when her gaze lifts to me, I nod slowly. “And this is where you’re supposed to be. Anyone can see it. You’re so at home out there with that team, hockey is in your blood.”
What the fuck is this?
Is she trying to break up with me?
My heart has stopped beating.
My mind is spinning.
Women leave. You know better than to get in a motherfucking relationship because your own goddamn mother didn’t stay for you and your siblings. Women aren’t permanent, you idiot.
“You’re so amazing, Xander. But I’m so scared.”
“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. What are you afraid of?”
Christ, I want to touch her. I need to hold her.
But my feet won’t move from this spot.
“You—” Her lips tremble, and she presses them together before continuing. “What if you hurt your head again and you forget me?”
“That won’t happen.” I shake my head. “No, that won’t happen, Ivy.”
“It’s happened twice already!” Her face is stricken as she stares at me.
“Twice. I’m so in love with you, it’ll destroy me if you get hurt again and forget everything we’ve built together.
You want to be here, you want to play. And you should.
But Jesus, Xander, what about us? What if something happens and you forget m-me, and we’re n-not a we anymore? ”
I can’t fucking stand it. I rush around the island and yank her to me, crushing her against me.
“No. You listen to me, that’s not going to happen.”
“But you can’t promise. You can’t promise.” She pulls away and shakes her head. Her phone pings, and when she checks it, her eyes close. “That’s my car.”
“Stay. Don’t go back to Montana. You need to stay here so we can talk this out.”
She shakes her head and reaches for her bag, and the world falls out from under me.
“You’re leaving.”
“I’ll be back in less than two days. I have to go. Because I also have a job that I love and responsibilities back home. I’m coming back.”
I don’t think you are.
I don’t believe her.
“Fine.” I take a breath and step farther away from her. “Go ahead and leave, just like all women do.”
“I’m not leaving you, Xander. I’ll be back the day after tomorrow.”
I don’t reply. I’ve already asked her to stay. I’ve already tried to reassure her.
I’ll be fucking damned if I’ll beg.
“I’ll text you when I get there.”
I lift my chin but don’t say anything.
“I love you.”
Fuck me.
“I love you too, Ivy.”
And with that, the woman I love more than anything in the world walks out of my penthouse and out of my fucking life.