27. McKenna
I’m in so much trouble. Griffin Turner has flipped a switch inside my brain that makes me lose my head when he’s near.
I’m just getting ready to leave my house to meet at the team bus. We’ll ride together to the arena we’re playing at today. The National Championship for volleyball is in St. Paul this year, and we made the final four. We won our game on Thursday afternoon, and today is the championship game.
Griff flew in for today’s game. He has to take a red eye to get back for practice tomorrow, but he showed up for me. My walls are slowly coming down, and I’ve never felt more vulnerable.
Griff just got to my house to spend time with Cadence before they go to the arena we’re playing at.
Instead of shrugging off his jacket when he comes inside, he picks up Cades and asks, “Can Cadence and I drop you off, Mama?”
Holy shit. Never in my life did I think being called Mama would make me so wet I would need to throw out my panties, but here is this sexy-as-sin man calling me Mama in that low, raspy voice of his, and I’m soaked.
As if he knows what calling me that just did to me, he sends me an ovary-bursting smile and accompanies it with a rakish wink.
“That’d be great, thanks.” My voice squeaks. I know it does.
Griff knows I don’t prefer to drive in the city traffic, but I still refuse to take an Uber or rideshare since the accident. We talked about it the other night when he FaceTimed us for Cadence’s bedtime. Once she was asleep, he didn’t rush off the phone. Instead we stayed up talking for almost two hours before I told him I had to finish a project for school.
That’s been happening more and more lately—he and I FaceTiming and texting about more than just Cadence.
“I thought maybe we could take my truck if that’s okay with you?” Griff requests.
“We could, but you don’t have a car seat installed for her,” I regretfully reply. I’m not sure if he didn’t hear me or if he’s choosing to ignore me as he guides me outside to the passenger side of his truck.
“Oh, that. I picked one up when I was in town last time.”
He what?
“What? When?”
“When I came for Thanksgiving, I had Carse help me pick one out and teach me how to install it.”
Griff flashes me that panty-melting smile with his dimples on full display, and I suddenly have this desperate need to feel his lips on mine.
Pulling myself from the lust-filled thoughts, I watch as Griff places Cadence in her car seat with ease. He shuts the rear door of the truck before opening mine.
He runs his hand through his hair, and I’d be surprised if I weren’t literally drooling from how hot he looks doing that.
Get it together.
Clearing my throat, I thank him for opening my door. Once we’re buckled, he backs out of the driveway and heads to campus, where the bus is picking the team up.
“It’s weird seeing you drive something other than your Jeep. Do you still have it?”
He chuckles. “I do. I’m not sure I’ll ever give that beaut up. Maybe it can be Cadence’s first vehicle someday.”
“I’m not sure we want her to have a vehicle with that much . . . legroom in the backseat.” My cheeks flush a deep scarlet red as memories of what we used to do in his Jeep resurface.
Griff throws his head back and does a mix of a sigh and a groan. “Kenna, why? Why did you have to remind me that I’m going to go to jail someday for having a teenage daughter who will be dating little asshole punks?”
I laugh at the fact that he’s just realizing this. “Oh, I’m sorry. Are you just realizing this now?”
“Well, I haven’t really thought beyond the next few years yet.”
I can’t say I’m not curious to know what he’s thought the next few years will look like. Does he hope Cadence and I will move to Colorado after I finish school? We haven’t talked about the future at all, and the fear of the unknown has been weighing on me. I know now isn’t the ideal time to bring it up, but I can’t stop myself from asking, “What do you think the next few years will look like?”
Griff looks over at me before blowing out a deep breath. “I want to have this conversation more than anything, Sunshine, I do. But I don’t think it’s the best timing right before you’re off to play the biggest game of your volleyball career.”
I know he’s right. But I was hoping he would give me something.
He must sense my need for reassurance. “Look, we will be having this discussion soon. Hopefully, next time I’m in town to visit, because I don’t want to talk over the phone.”
I’m glad we didn’t start the conversation now, though, since we turn onto campus only a few moments later.
Once the truck is parked, Griff hustles to my side and opens my door. He wraps me in a tight hug and wishes me good luck. I reluctantly pull away and head into the athletic facility to meet the rest of my team.
It would be so easy to throw caution to the wind and to fall back into the safety of his arms. But I can’t do that. It’s not just about me and what I want for my future. It’s about Cadence and what she needs for her future. She needs two parents to love, support, and adore her. She needs two parents committed to putting her wants and needs before their own. There hasn’t been a day in the past two years that I haven’t desired Griffin. And I doubt I’ll ever go another day in my life not wanting this man. Does that mean I should just give in to my most basic desires and be with him? Yes.
No. Because I can’t afford for this to go wrong again and have Cadence heartbroken if he abandons us again.
During warmups, I look at where my family sits and see Griffin holding Cadence. I can literally feel myself ovulating whenever I see him with her. He’s so attentive and genuinely grateful to be her dad. The way he is with her is such a turn-on. But apparently, I’m not the only one turned on by his devotion to our daughter. I spot two girls a few rows back pointing and taking pictures of Griffin holding Cadence. I shake off the jealous thoughts that begin to cloud my vision.
I watch as Cadence tries to grab Griffin’s hat for the dozenth time. He takes it off and flips it backward. Griff sets Cades in Carson’s lap so he can take off her little jacket then he takes off his own.
Holy shit.
Griffin Turner is wearing matching maroon shirts with our daughter that say “MOMMY’S #1 FANS.”
He grabs Cadence from Carse and then takes her hand in his, and begins waving to me.
I wave back enthusiastically, my heart swelling in my chest. I guess we’re hard launching the fact that we have a daughter together.
Brooke nudges me. “Damn, girl. I feel like I might get pregnant just from witnessing the way he looks at you. He looks like a starved man, and you’re his next five-course meal.”
My face is bright red, and it’s not from sweat or the warmup. “Brooke, don’t,” I warn.
“What? I’m just stating facts. He looks like he wants to make up for lost time later tonight.”
“Well, then it’s a good thing he has a red eye back to Colorado. I told you he and I need to focus on finding a way to co-parent Cadence, not jump into a long-distance relationship.” It doesn’t matter that my body practically sings when he’s near. I know jumping right into bed, or a relationship, or whatever it is Griffin Turner wants from me isn’t a good idea right now.
Speaking of right now, I need to focus on the most important game I’ve ever played in. My team needs me, and I need to perform to the best of my ability to prove to myself that I’m deserving of all the risks my coach took by keeping me on the team.
We’re in the fourth set of the match. Our team is ahead two sets to their one. If we win this set, the match is over, and right now we’re winning twenty-three to twenty-one. The Texas server sends the ball over the net. Brooke is our libero this season—she receives the ball and sends a near-perfect pass to our setter. I call for the set on the outside. The ball is set high to me, giving the double block time to set up. But I don’t let that stop me. I send a punishing hit down the line for a kill. My fortieth kill of the night. I’ve never played this well in my life. Match point.
I can hear Carse and Griff’s voices cheering me on above the rest of the crowd.
It’s my rotation to serve. Standing a few feet behind the service line, I catch the ball one of the ball girls tosses to me, bounce it three times, and take a deep breath as the referee blows her whistle.
I get five seconds to focus on getting my serve over the net, but this is always the moment I take to think of Katie. I can feel her here with me as I toss the ball up and jump-serve it over the net.
The ball hits the tape of the net, and my breath catches in my chest as I watch it land on the opposite side of the court without any of their players touching it.
An ace. Meaning we just won the National Championship. Oh my god.
My teammates swarm where I stand on the court.
Confetti rains down on us from the rafters. This is the most amazing moment of my volleyball career.
After a few minutes of hugging, tears, and screams of celebration, our team breaks apart to shake our opponent’s hands.
I look back to where my family is all standing and cheering for me. My mom and dad are hugging, Carson is clapping his hands with the biggest grin on his face, and Griffin is standing, holding a sleeping Cadence on his shoulder, wearing the sexiest smirk on his face—winking at me when our eyes connect.
By the time I finally break away from the team’s trophy celebration, I run over to my family to thank them for coming.
Dad scoops me in his arms, and I tell him I couldn’t have done it without their support.
Carson squeezes me so tight I think I’ll suffocate. “That’s our first team All-American right there, ladies and gentlemen! You fucking did it, Mack Attack.”
Mom cries tears of pride. When I step out of her embrace, Griffin steps up next in line.
He wraps me in an embrace that threatens to bring me to my knees if he weren’t here to hold me up. Cadence is now awake in his arms—I’m not surprised she was unable to sleep through the chaos of the crowds cheering.
“I’m so proud of you, Sunshine. You were on fire out there,” Griff says before placing a kiss on my sweat-soaked forehead. He’s still got his arms wrapped around me when he adds, “She would be so proud of you too.”
“She is. Katie is always with me. No matter where I go or what I do, I feel her with me everywhere.”
I hear Griff get choked up, so I pull my face away from where it was nuzzled on his chest. He grips my hip to keep me from fully pulling away from his embrace.
I look into his eyes, surprised to see them dry and clear. His face breaks into a dazzling smile. “I feel her here, too.”
Cadence takes that moment to grab Griff’s cheeks and say, “Dada, look, Mama!”
Griff’s eyebrows shoot up to the snapback of his backward hat. “Did she just?”
I nod my head, tears filling my vision. “She did.”
The most radiant, devastating smile spreads across his handsome face. “My sweet, smart Cadeygirl just called me Dada for the first time. And her gorgeous, talented mama just won the National Championship. I think this is cause for celebration. What do you say, Sunshine?”
I hardly remember to breathe when he looks at me like this—like he’s undressing me with his eyes. I’m so entranced that I’m just about to kiss him when a reporter comes up and taps me on the shoulder, asking for an interview.
Barely able to blink out of the haze Griff just put me in, I turn and smile at the reporter. I don’t remember a single word I said during the interview, too distracted by the hum of my body. I’m wound up, not just from the game but from the way only he can make me feel.
My control is hanging by the loosest of threads. I’m so screwed.