Chapter 10 #2
“Yeah,” Quinn agreed. “Do you want to go back to the room?”
“I think it’ll be better outside,” Liv said, and she started walking down the path, towards a bench that was set off from the trail. She gestured for Quinn to sit but started pacing in front of her. “You know that I don’t like to talk about my family.”
“I have picked up on that, yes,” Quinn agreed, eyeing her worriedly.
“My mom and dad, they’re busy with my dad’s company,” Liv continued. She took a deep breath and went on. “He works at J&P Industries…”
“The trucking company?” Quinn asked. Liv wasn’t surprised by the question. There was no reason for her to understand the scope of the company, outside of the giant trucks that drove around with the logo.
“It’s actually a massive global logistics company. Hundreds of thousands of employees all over the world,” Liv said, trying not to sound like she was quoting from a company presentation. “My dad, well. He’s the P in J&P…”
Quinn whistled. “Oh, so you’re like, rich rich.”
At that, Liv cracked a smile. “Something like that. My dad, he didn’t come from money.
He went to college with Craig Jamison, the J, and they hit it off.
The Jamisons are wealthy. Like, actually rich rich.
He convinced his parents to give my dad a loan when they graduated college, and my dad started his little logistics company…
Dad had this idea to make exclusivity deals with a few early internet retailers, and it just kind of exploded. ”
“That’s incredible,” Quinn said thoughtfully. “I appreciate you telling me all of this. But I don’t think I understand what it has to do with birth order.”
“Well. Right,” Liv responded. Oh, now she was going to hesitate? After rambling about logistics strategy and internet stores? “My sister was eight years older than me. Her name was Ronnie.”
“You have a sister,” Quinn said reflectively, as if she were trying to wrap her head around the information.
“I had a sister,” Liv corrected. She was tearing up again, but she was going to get through this, despite the tenderness that washed over Quinn’s face as she silently mouthed ‘had.’ “She was not responsible, and I don’t know if she would have thrived in structure because they never gave her any.
Ronnie was…amazing. She was my idol. But she was wild, like…
truly uncontrollable. My parents just kind of stopped trying. ”
“Can I ask what happened?” Quinn said quietly.
“She got drunk and drove her tiny car into a large SUV,” Liv answered, stopping her pacing. This she could talk about, for some reason, the most real part of it. It felt like the memories of her sister would fade, but the knowledge of how she died, that it was awful , would stay with her forever.
“Holy shit, I’m so sorry, Liv,” Quinn replied. “How old were you? ”
“Almost thirteen,” Liv answered. The whole thing had been heartbreaking, but the memory of that birthday was one of Liv’s worst—the day it really hit her that her sister was never coming home.
“So young,” Quinn said, sounding far away, and Liv remembered that her brothers were around that same age.
“Yeah. It was hard,” Liv replied. “And it messed us all up pretty badly, honestly. We’re still learning to deal with it, or…we’re not, but we should be. We lost a huge piece of what made us us . She died and my family is a mess, I’m a mess.”
“Is that why you told me that you’re an only child?” Quinn asked.
“To be fair, I technically didn’t say that,” Liv said.
“You asked me about siblings, and I said my parents get to focus all their attention on me. That part is true. They gave her too much freedom, I think, so…they’re trying the opposite with me, I guess.
But then it was like… I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t explain it to you. ”
“Why not?”
“You have this perfect family…you’re so sweet with your sisters… It’s a lot for me. She was eight years older than me. It’s a similar age gap, but you’re so good with them…but I didn’t mean to lie. I fucked up. I’m fucked up. I’m sorry about that.”
“Liv, you don’t owe me anything,” Quinn replied. “I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself. You went through something terrible. It’s okay to talk about that in your own time.”
“It’s great that I got a psych student for a roommate,” Liv said, attempting to tease her.
“You’re so right about that,” Quinn replied. She shifted in the seat for a second, clearly uncomfortable about something.
“What’s wrong?” Liv asked. She had no idea what Quinn was going to say, but she hoped that she hadn’t ruined anything between them by disclosing so many of her secrets.
“Something just popped into my head, but I don’t want to change the subject. ”
“Please, God, change the subject,” Liv replied, and they both let out a soft laugh, releasing some of the tension of the moment.
“There was a notice on the bulletin board in the dorm. I’ve been meaning to ask you about it,” Quinn said.
And, oh, that. Yeah, Liv knew where this was going.
“About requesting roommate assignments for next year. They’re due by the end of this week.
I was just wondering, like. What are your thoughts on that? ”
Liv bit her lip, quite literally, to keep herself from saying the first thought that crossed her mind at the question, which was that she couldn’t imagine a world in which she’d choose not to be close with Quinn in any way she could.
“What are your thoughts? Especially now that you know I have issues.”
“I already figured you had issues,” Quinn replied, though she softened it with a wink. “I like living with you. I’m in if you are.”
“Scarlet.” It was all she had to say for Quinn to sigh, shrugging.
“She’s not going to like it, but she doesn’t get to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with,” Quinn explained. “I get it, though. It’s okay if you don’t want to deal with the drama.”
“No, I just,” Liv started, but then she stopped, unsure of how she would even finish that sentence. Finally, she just spoke honestly. “I like living with you, too.”
“Yeah,” Quinn replied, a question in her tone, though her grin peeked out.
“Yeah,” Liv confirmed quietly.
“Can I give you a hug?” Quinn asked. “That was a super intense therapy session, and I could sure use one.”
“Of course,” she replied, and Quinn stood from the bench, pulling Liv into her arms.
Liv held on for longer than she should have, but she’d ripped herself open for this conversation, and the way she felt with Quinn in this moment—in the way that she held space for her, the way she expressed sorrow with her, the way she asked questions but didn’t push, but also, yes , simply in the way she held her—it made her feel like Quinn was stitching her back together.
She wasn’t ready to let go, and now that she knew they were living together again, she was overcome with gratitude because it felt like she didn’t have to.