Chapter 21
Knox
As the words to “Happy Birthday” ring through the room, emotions threaten to clog my throat. It’s all fucking Holt’s fault. He cries at every single birthday party for his girls, and for some reason, it’s getting to me this time.
Lauren is eight today, and it’s a reminder that Finn turns seven next month.
Time has absolutely flown, yet every day feels longer than the day before. I wish I understood how that works.
I clear the emotions away. I refuse to cry like a sap at my best friend’s daughter’s birthday party. It’s fucking ridiculous.
Lauren blows out her sparkly pink candles to the cheers of her family. Mr. Basil and Holt work together to cut and pass out slices of chocolate cake. I swear, this is the best dessert Stan makes. It’s one of the few reasons I enjoy attending these big family gatherings.
“How are you, honey?” Mrs. Basil asks softly. Her sparkling gaze might be on everyone around the table, but her full attention is on me. She’s always been good at not putting me on the spot with her questions but making it clear I have her full attention.
“Just fine.”
“Are you still terrorizing our sweet Farrah?”
I whip my gaze toward her.
Muriel’s fighting a smile as she looks up at me. “I know all about the two of you and your blowups. Are you still picking fights like a little boy who doesn’t know how to tell a girl he likes her?”
“I— We— I don’t like her.”
Mrs. Basil raises an eyebrow. “I’d beg to differ. You keep pulling her pigtails like a bully with a crush.”
Scoffing, I roll my eyes. “That’s totally not true. I can’t stand the woman.” The words taste like ash in my mouth. It’s become less and less true these past couple of weeks.
“Hmm. Could have fooled me. You should get out of your own way and tell her how you feel. The two of you have a whole lot more in common than you could ever imagine.”
Mrs. Basil flounces away as if she didn’t just drop a massive bomb. There’s no way she’s right. I don’t have some kind of prepubescent crush on Farrah. The idea is utterly preposterous.
Can I admit that she’s beautiful? Sure. She’s pretty in a fairy princess sort of way. That doesn’t mean I want to date her or spend time with her.
Right?
No, I don’t date anymore. The practice is annoying and only leads to heartbreak. I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime.
Although sitting by the pond with her last week was nice. She didn’t fill the silence with inane chatter like a lot of people would have. It was comfortable, and I don’t think I’ve ever been that relaxed around a woman.
But Mrs. Basil is still wrong. I haven’t been picking on Farrah. I don’t do childish shit like that. I will admit that I pushed her buttons to get a reaction out of her, but it definitely wasn’t because I wanted her attention.
I scan the room for her, needing to prove to myself that I don’t have feelings. She’s not at the table anymore, so I search the kitchen and the living room. I end up outside, where Nix is building the bonfire.
“You seen Farrah?”
He gives me a look. “Why do you want to know?”
“I just need to ask her something.”
“What?”
“It’s not any of your business. Have you seen her or not?”
He gives me a derisive snort. “She went out front to her car.”
I walk away without responding. That asshole better not have a thing for her. He’s not good enough for Farrah. The playboy wouldn’t know what to do with a kind-hearted woman like her.
And you would?
The snarky thought sounds like Grayson, and I hate that the little fucker is in my head. I wouldn’t know what to do with a woman like her. She’s warm and strong and unafraid to stand up for herself when it’s necessary.
When I make it around Stan and Muriel’s house, I stop short. Farrah is standing in the driveway, looking like a moon goddess as she basks in the silver light.
Her face is tilted toward the sky the same way it was by the pond. She looks untouchable and more enticing than I could ever express.
Like a lightning bolt, the realization that I very much have feelings for her strikes me in the gut.
I don’t do feelings. I gave what was left of my heart to my son. There’s nothing else in my chest to offer her.
Why the fuck would she even want someone as broken as me in her life? She’s made it more than clear what she thinks about me. I’m the last person she’d want to have a relationship with.
But seeing her taking in every breath as if she’s lucky to have them stirs something inside me I didn’t think still existed.
Ah. Fuck it.
I’m moving toward her before I can really think about it. My footsteps make her turn, her shoulders stiffening until she sees it’s me. In stark clarity, I watch her body relax, and a small smile tilts up the corner of her mouth.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask.
She tucks her arms across her chest. “I forgot Lauren’s present in the car, and then I got distracted by the stars.”
I glance up at the sky. The blanket of constellations is comforting and yet so unknowingly vast it’s hard to take it in.
“What are you doing out here?” Farrah’s big brown eyes pierce me with a longing so intense it makes my chest ache.
“I came to find you.”
Her eyebrows wing up her forehead. “Me?”
I nod. With slow movements, I palm her cheek, mentally preparing myself for her to back away from my touch. To my utter shock, she leans into my hand instead. I slide my thumb across her soft cheek, memorizing every inch of her sweet face.
“Tell me to stop.” The demand is almost a plea Farrah doesn’t seem to heed. She lifts her chin in a clear invitation, and I can’t hold myself back any longer. I dip down, pressing a hard kiss to her soft lips.
It’s angry and desperate. This woman has tied me up in so many knots that the only way I’ll ever unravel them will be to light a match to everything I’ve ever known before.
I spear my fingers into her silky hair in an effort to hold on to some form of control.
It doesn’t work. She moans into my mouth, spurring me on.
I slowly walk her backward until she’s pressed against her car.
Fire burns through my veins with every tease and lick of her tongue against mine.
I’m going to overheat out here, and it will be her fault.
She breaks the kiss, tilting her head back to breathe. I take advantage of the space, kissing across her jaw and down the long column of her neck. Fuck, she tastes good. I want to devour every fucking inch of her body.
I want to learn what makes her gasp and moan. Does she like it hard and fast or slow and deep?
“Knox,” she moans. It sends a shiver down my spine, and I pull away, needing to calm my pounding pulse. Farrah’s hands are fisted in my shirt. I can’t tell if she’s pulling me closer or trying to push me away.
We stare at each other for a long moment as we try to catch our breath.
“What was that for?” she whispers.
“Because I needed to know.”
“Know what?”
“If everything in my life has led me to this point for a reason. It’s been over seven years since I was this close to a woman, Farrah.
I never want to go through what I went through with Finn’s mother again.
I was determined to shove all those emotions to the back of my mind and pretend like I didn’t need anyone in my life.
“But then you showed up, with your gentle smiles and kind words, and reflected everything I thought I’d had before but was so wrong about.
I wanted to hate you for holding a mirror up to my scars and showing me everything I lacked in my life.
I spewed every hateful thing I could come up with because I didn’t want to acknowledge that you were everything I ever wanted. ”
I palm her cheeks, swiping away the stray tear rolling down her face with my thumb. “I’m sorry I took my problems out on you, Farrah. You never deserved that.”
“I wasn’t very nice to you either.”
I smirk at her. “You were about as vicious as a kitten.”
Her eyes narrow. “Hey, my barbs were sharp.”
“Okay, Princess.” Leaning in, I press a light kiss to her plump lips. A quick jab to my solar plexus makes me bark out a laugh.
She grins, a spark of mischief in her eyes. But then her smile dims a little. “What happens now?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Whatever we want, I guess. It’s been a long time since I dated. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“So we’re dating now?”
“If you want.”
“How about you take me out first, and then I’ll decide.”
“You playing hard to get?”
She shakes her head. “I’m playing cautiously. Your apology went a long way with me, Knox, but I can’t do this hot and cold thing you’re so good at. I spent enough of my life dealing with men who made me feel crazy. I won’t do it anymore.”
I file that tidbit of information away, knowing now isn’t the time to ask who hurt her and where they live. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, I nod. “I’m still a grumpy bastard, but I can promise I won’t take that out on you anymore, okay?”
“I don’t want you to be anyone other than yourself.”
I seal my promise with a kiss to her forehead. I have no idea what I’m doing, but for the first time in years, I feel like I’m finally where I was always meant to be.